mr_iceman Reviews

The Beekeeper (2024)

The TimeWaster

[4/10 · 3 February 2024]

You can skip this movie and watch Equaliser, replace Denzel as a retired marine with Jason as a beekeeper.

You can also watch John Wick, same deal.

I mean this script where a retired super powerful ex-government enforcer now living a timid life tending to a garden of flowers suddenly called out of retirement has been done to death.

They basically even copied the script word for word with the cliched sample of "we can't find a anything about him, never flown a plane, and has no address or credit cards'

Were also presented with sheer stupidity of the actors when they ask things like "what's a beekeeper" , only for the other person to spurt out the zinger of "he protects the bees".

Retribution (I) (2023)

Liam needs to put the phone down, permanently

[3/10 · 17 September 2023]

Once again, Liam receives an ominous phone call and spends the entirety of the film on the phone pulling silly faces.

15 years ago Liam successfully attempted this sequence in the movie Taken, however in this film he really struggles to convince us that the guy on the other end of the line is a credible threat.

His teenage kids had the acting capacity of a turtle. They're advised that the car is rigged with explosives yet their immediate reaction was like someone losing a car spot.

Throughout the whole movie their existence seems purely to annoy the father, from yelling over him, to screaming useless advice such as 'hang up the phone' or 'call the cops'.

At one point the villain is threatening to detonate the car if they don't hand over their phones in 10 secs, and they both banter and refuse for over 30 secs. Make of that what you will.

Despite the villain claiming to have all eyes on Liam whilst driving, he seems to forget to tell Liam NOT to enter the tunnel with no reception, so Liam enters and whimsically discovers that he's completely out of reach from the villain.

A top-cop woman casually approaches his car at the same time a man in a bomb-proof suit does so, she seems to be quite immune from explosives, nonetheless she speaks with eloquence and calm, this is despite half the city being destroyed.

Mercedes seems to have paid a large budget for this film, the GLS car just keeps going and survives multiple close bomb explosions and even drives fine with the doors blown away.

The Northman (2022)

A mythical fantasy that needs no-doze

[3/10 · 25 June 2023]

Take a boring Viking movie, add a whole heap of mythical elements that make Harry Potter look like a non-fiction, some terrible English accents, and you get The Northman. The movie lacks a decent plot, and a soundtrack, besides the Northern backdrop, you really have nothing to watch for 2 hours. The movie is extremely predictable, and disengaging, on multiple occasions we were tempted to turn it off but we kept it running given the total votes suggested this is a 7/10. Not entirely sure how this movie got 7/10, I certainly don't think it's anywhere near that rank. Watch it if you're a die-hard Viking else skip.

Sisu (2022)

Makes John Wick look like a AutoBiography

[1/10 · 20 June 2023]

Please save yourself the time, I suffered through this in the hopes that someone else's 1.5hrs can be spared. This movie is complete and utter make-believe, you'd probably find a story like The Little Mermaid or Rapunzel to be more realistic. In fact if you combined the sci-fi scene of Rambo, John Wick and Delta Force, you may be able to come close to the gaping hole in reality that this movie presents. Basically if Superman was in this movie, he'd most likely have died through what the protagonist went through, in fact none of the Marvel Superheroes nor DC Universe can survive 5mins in this movie. You get the drift. Now please move on from the Propaganda Movie, it's virtue signalling is obnoxious at best.

Guy Ritchie's the Covenant (I) (2023)

Another Rambo Propaganda Movie

[5/10 · 20 May 2023]

This movie was nothing but a virtue signalling slugfest of the US military's ethics, power and valor.

Guy Ritchie starts off with a pre-opening text that the USA went to Afghanistan after the events of 9/11. This is the only factual element of the movie, a 3-second credit opening of text. This was meant to set people's perspective of the movie as based on true and factual accounts, however the movie itself was as believable as The Predator. In fact, it had the most outrageous and hypothetical scenarios that Rambo 3 is now retrospectively looking like Schindlers List.

All I can say is that they can play this movie for Teenagers that are thinking about joining the army, and they will recruit a lot more people than their current advertising campaigns.

MK Ultra (2022)

Sadistic and boring.

[3/10 · 13 January 2023]

Started off good, then sadly dived into a similar turf to canninbal holocaust showing us grim sexual, physical and mental torture.

You'd be better off reading Wikipedia to get the jist of the illegal program of MK Ultra than watch this boring, cult-like movie. The movie jumps around in places from 1 scene to another, then quickly snaps back to another torture type scene.

The psychiatrist appears to be shocked and bewildered the entire movie which is really irksome.

I wouldn't waste 90mins watching this movie, as I mentioned, there are plenty of sources on what MK Ultra achieved and conducted.

The Pale Blue Eye (2022)

Predictable and slow

[5/10 · 11 January 2023]

Its the 18th Century, and an alcoholic retired detective is summoned by the military to investigate the hanging of a Cadet. The premise is good, the film exposure, background and fog make it scary and goth-like. Except for one issue, there aren't enough characters in the film to throw you off twist.

Your first impression on who may be somewhat connected to the murders is most likely accurate.

Acting is poor for the majority of the actors, except for Christian Bale and Toby who pull the line. The rest just struggle to put on the 1800s accent and character, particularly the 2 military captains, Superintendent Thayar (Timothy Spall) whom carried a stupid looking angry-smirk the entire length of the movie.

Ranveer vs. Wild with Bear Grylls (2022)

A bollywood flop

[1/10 · 25 December 2022]

I loved every Celebrity and Fan Vs Wild that Bear did, including the one with PM Modi, however this one was a total cringe-fest.

Ranveer is in a perpetual cycle of boring dad jokes and cliche statements of love and strength.

He continuously looks into the camera and blurts out nonsensical commentary, you'd wish you can use the remote to select a 'Shut Up Ranveer' option, but this wasn't available, I sure do hope Netflix provides this option in the future.

The entire documentary just felt like a C-Grade Bollywood movie that was canned and someone picked up and decided to continue filming till the end.

There's almost 0 relevance to escaping in the wild.

What Is a Woman? (2022)

Louis Theroux on steroids!

[10/10 · 4 October 2022]

Matt is a genius, a man out to legitimately obtain the truth of what a woman is in today's society. I never new this question was so profound until he questioned many people of various academic and political backgrounds, none of which from the woke village were able to provide. I've been an all time favourite fan of Louis Theroux's TV shows and the way he goes out to conducts his research and interviews. Matt does it in a similar and more powerful method which makes you really Appreciate his approach, demeanour, and intelligence at getting to the bottom of this social issue were facing in the new millennia.

Prey (I) (2022)

Good, But Too Woke

[5/10 · 16 August 2022]

Welcome to 2022+ a year where Hollywood is trying to squeeze in female warriors as protagonists, from the failed Batwoman to SuperWoman.

Sadly, this movie could have been alot better if it wasn't for the titular innocent, cute native girl quickly upskilling to face the most advanced hunter in the world.

What we saw with Arnie in Predator and his weeks and weeks of preparation, this woman achieved overnight.

Meanwhile, all other men in this movie quite easily under perform in all areas of their hunting.

Welcome to woke 2022.

Yellowstone (2018– )

A good potential ruined by Kelly Reilly's character

[3/10 · 3 March 2022]

The show had good prospects, it showed us the Dutton family and their cowboys going through the ups and downs of life on the ranch.

However one person stood out beyond the realms of a joke. Kelly Reilly, as Beth Dutton, was the SuperWoman; untouchable, fearsome, and infallible. Her script must have been ripped off from a SuperWoman Movie script and injected into this show resulting in a mess.

Most of her actions were unbelievable, you'd sit scratching your head at the things she pulls off sometimes overtaking Denzel Washington's Equalizer character. Throughout all 4 shows we were subjected to this overzealous and femme-fatale character destroying whatever lies in her path, both emotionally and physically.

If you want to watch a woman with super powers, try SuperWoman or BatWoman.

Ozark: Fire Pink (2020) Season 3, Episode 9

Outstanding performance from All!!

[10/10 · 25 July 2021]

Marty, Helen, Wendy, and Ben 10/10, I've never seen such performance in a TV show since True Detective.

Honest Thief (2020)

Enough is enough

[5/10 · 16 December 2020]

Look i'm one of the biggest Liam fans, but enough of this genre of movies where Liam is some Ex-Marine/Ex-Special Forces caught up in a cross-fire and here to save the day. We've seen this many times, the phone conversations, verbal threats and his ability to evade FBI/Mafia/Police whilst disarming gin-wielding folk. It's time for Liam to sign up for a different movie plot otherwise it's groundhog day

Abominable (2019)

Chinese Propoganda

[1/10 · 16 December 2019]

This movie is full of passive Chinese propaganda, even if they want to make a movie they decide to place political facts in the movie brain-washing kids' minds, boycott movies like this

The Combination: Redemption (2019)

Id like to interview those that gave this 9/10

[3/10 · 10 July 2019]

The story has merit with some potential, however the acting is terrible, the entire cast needs to head over to their nearest drama school and get some lessons, I've seen Vlogs with better acting skills than this.

Escape Room (I) (2019)

Total abject failure of movies of this kind!

[1/10 · 13 April 2019]

I can't believe I was enticed to see this movie on the premise of: "If you liked Saw, you will like this".

The actors/actresses can't be bothered acting, none of them had a gram of believable impression on their face. Cliché after cliché, everything seems to be falling apart in terms of their last 10secs until someone mistakenly trips over something, or throws something which uncovers the key to exit. At best, you'd get someone with an epiphany at the final 15secs which recalls a word in his memory that unlocks the puzzle. Meanwhile, you had an idiot 'nerd' that seems to think a room gradually warming up to 400F was "just a game" and in fact "thrilling".

The other 2 actresses had the acting capacity of a 5 year old, the Iraq veteran constantly yelling at the cameras that the joke is over and wish to exit (thinking it's big brother), the other black woman having the token role of a Quantum Physics student who loses it and starts to bash a concrete wall with a metal object out of frustration.

Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)

Paying to watch SiliconValley advertisement

[1/10 · 2 January 2019]

This is one of the worst kids animations out there, Ralph returns as the usual goof that tries to talk sense into people by waving his enormous hands around the entire time. Meanwhile you are subjected to a deluge of Silicon company advertisement from Google, FB, Twitter, Amazon, etc. The entire movie isn't even fit for children as it talks about Internet usage, DDOS attacks and Firewalls.

The Equalizer 2 (2018)

Not like the first

[4/10 · 3 November 2018]

I'm a big fan of Denzel's movies however this movie was all over the place, I totally get he's a free-roaming, former marine equaliser that's helping the misfortunate but he seems to get away with murder and battery with too much ease. The entire movie of bashing people and shooting doesn't involve a single run-in with the police. Part one was a little more realistic

The Predator (2018)

Corny, Tacky, an insult to the original

[5/10 · 22 September 2018]

Let me get right into it, the original Predator really had us craving to get a glimpse of the Alien monster that rarely appears and kills right behind you before you could turn around and say 'Corn'. In this movie, the 1st predator to appear is a cocky Predator that walks like a human and even has a sense of humor (seriously). Meanwhile there is an autistic child which much like the movie The Accountant, the producer seemed to make him into a super-brain. We then move on to the Super-Predator and this is when things go from bad to worse, this Super-Predator doesn't even know what cloaking is until 90% into the movie, he walks like Goldberg in WWE not giving a toss on whether people on the road have seen him or not, much to my surprise, most people didn't think much of seeing Predators around the suburbs. Even the token scientist was super glad to see one up close, her expressions was like watching a poodle from a window on-sale. If that wasn't enough corn to start a taco business, we're also introduced to a bunch of scumbags with several disabilities, both mental or physical that throw around Y-Mamma-Type jokes which had the cinema full of sad people bursting laughs.

Sicario: Day of the Soldado (2018)

Cringeworthy, Islamophobic Movie

[1/10 · 17 September 2018]

This movie makes Zero Dark Thirty and American Sniper look like Lion of the Desert. So the trash-fest begins by random scenes of Muslims blowing up in random places such as Sahara Desert and Walmart. The genius Producer also had to add the cliched (whispers of prayers) before the button is pressed to add originality. Cut a few more useless scenes and we're now introduced to a bearded, and rough American who's ready to setup a fight between 2 warring cartels, the aim? Kidnap the daughter and blame it on the other group lol. Fast forward 30 more boring minutes, again, Mr Genius Director uses the cliché: "We're pulling the plug on the mission" "No way, how could you! Fine, I will do it alone!" At this point I turned off the movie, sorry folks I saved 55mins of my time.

A Prayer Before Dawn (2017)

Those that gave it an 8+ must be on medication..

[1/10 · 13 August 2018]

Ever wanted to see a Prison-version of Blaire Which Project? Do you miss the 500 different camera angles that get switched back & forth for no apparent reason? Do you long for the slow and degrading movie to just end for the sake of humanity? Well this one is here for you, it's a cash cow for the original story-teller whose written and book and decided to go presto on a feature film.

As if something so boring deserves a feature film? So the summary of this blockbuster goes like this; Man gets locked up in notorious prison, he sticks out like dog's balls due to his skin colour and gets picked up. He musters his ability to fight back the scum of the earth while keeping his pride as a Boxer, because being a boxer can really help ward off a gang of 15 thugs of any kind. Hell if Tyson gets attacked by 18 teenagers he'd have trouble warding them off. Add a brutal rape scene (yes just for originality) and you have yourself a movie that's scored 8+.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

An abomination to the Jurassic Park franchise

[2/10 · 13 August 2018]

This movie reminded me of the many sequels that were complete trash-fests, a waste of 120mins which could have been better spent watching something more stimulating like Meet the Kardashians.

Firstly the Dinosaurs now all have a quirky persona, they're no longer the ancient reptile similar to your modern Nile Crocodile or Komodo Dragon, these guys jump in for a fight to help you and show love, affection and anger. Secondly, I couldn't bare the site of seeing men armed with MP5 and Colt Rifles enter in a location teaming with beasts the size of buildings, like a Colt Rifle is going to stop a charging 16-Tonne Tyrannosaurus Rex. 3rd and finally, the actors were as wooden as a picket-fence, none can even be bothered faking the look of seeing a real dinosaur, i'm done here...

Traffik (2018)

Pauala Patton wrecked a potential

[3/10 · 28 July 2018]

Where do I start, Paula was struggling to pull a genuine face out of the 100 stupid expressions that she did throughout the movie. It seemed as the whole movie was centered around her personal needs whilst flaunting her body at every possible line in the script. Whilst the plot had some credibility given it's centered around true events, the actors were wooden and unbelievable. They didn't have what it takes to pull a 'human traffic ring' gang, instead they looked like bums that hang out near a donut shop at midnight. Perhaps the director should've looked at the acting requirements for such roles in the movie Taken, at least the Albanians there had what it takes.

Tomb Raider (2018)

A terrible movie to say the least

[3/10 · 25 June 2018]

Where do I begin? the crappy acting or the unbelievable sequences that make the movie XXX and Mission Impossible look like Hamlet? The movie starts of terrible and ends worse, I would like to add a lot more here but many people have already taken what I wanted to write, just stay away.

Game Night (I) (2018)

A Trashfest

[2/10 · 12 May 2018]

The fact that this movie got 7/10 is clearly indicating a significant amount of people are in dire need of a (cheap) laugh. The movie is impractical, full of fiction and clichéd jokes, I actually switched it off at ~45mins.