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swedzin

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Religulous (2008)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Funny, informative, poignant… good work, Bill!, 6 November 2013
8/10

I am not a big fan of Bill Maher, but I do enjoy his work and I love the way he mocks religions. Constantly making jokes and pushing it on his "Real Time" show. And I have to admit, he is doing a great work, but with this film, he decided to bite the big one. And to be honest… he made it, successfully.

Now, for starters, Bill said, that when it comes to God, Devil, miracles, etc… those kind of things, you know, supernatural. He's keep saying "I don't know" (more like an agnostic) but from this documentary's point of view, he did it more in atheistic way. He was all over the world, asking questions to bunch of religious people, from different cultures. Bill Maher, with his comedy style, starts asking poignant questions, to corner theists in a very skilled, witty way.

Here, Bill travels around the world (from US, to Israel, and some countries in Europe and so on) and bravely mocks and questions some monotheistic religions and some minor cults, he even visits the Vatican. Some did not recognize him, some did, and that was little troubling. I really loved Bill's way of asking questions and watching him affront of these crazy, uneducated, disgusting people who spews their crap at people, it's somewhat sad. But, thanks to Bill it was really funny.

So, in conclusion. This documentary is excellent. A real hard hit to the religion's nuts. Bill gives an excellent one on the end of the film. I'll try to give my own. This world is tough enough without religions, but religions are here even today to make things hard. It is just sick to think that people are giving money to them… just to spread their poison all over the world. OK, today is little different, reason rules today. Reasoning, logic, reality and critical thinking. If you want to discover something, if you want to know things, how something works, or exists, then consult with the science. We are better and upgraded thanks to the science. But, if you are a religious man who denies science, than you are fuc*ed. Because religions are primitive products designed to control and manipulate people, let's call them the first attempt in politics… well you needed something to control naive, dumb people from that time. But when religious people saw the extremely large edge they have in their religious principles, they decided to take the entire world and to rule it. You know why? Because most people would do the same. When you have power, when you have a powerful position in society and you have money… what do you want? You want more power and more money to yourself and only to yourself. We are in 21st century, if you say that you are religious today and that you believe in God, that he created heaven, hell, humans, animals etc… you look like a retard, honestly, please don't get insulted, but you do… no, really, no pun intend, but… there's no proof for any of those things, there was never proof of God, or his existence, today people could easily say that there is no God at all, but, that would be harsh, it would be a pretty strong kick in religions people's balls. But, if there is a good, physical, strong evidence for God, then we will listen. But, please, no more empty stories about someone else's experience about God, or werewolves, or vampires… just give us a physical proof, but if you say that God can't be proved, than you are a dumb, brainwashed child that arrogantly won't accept the fact of reality. I like to communicate with religious people, not debating them, just talk, asking questions, and I was fortunate to talk with really decent and polite religious people. That I can appreciate. I can appreciate religious people who can keep their religion to themselves. Keep it to yourself, practice it in the church, or in your home. Nobody! And I mean nobody, will take that away from you. Keep your believes from state institutions, because you need to respect secular country. But, most of religions don't appreciate that. And who knows how long will religion exist in this world. But… not for long I think… It is over. Take a book, read it, be polite, inform yourself, think critically, question everything, accept and respect other people's rights and differences and… don't be a jerk.

Great work, Bill Maher… great work… this documentary should be an imperative in the world all over.

A little bit better than the second one., 2 October 2013
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have to admit, this film is giving more serious story and more serious characters, more than the second one. Well, actually, the movie itself is nothing that special, but it has some good stuff. It is a pretty unnecessary film. The story is nothing new, two characters stranded in the desert, they are captured by a cannibalistic family, nothing new, of course. Our main character is Michelle, played by Kate Hodge, she was solid, a scream queen that has some balls to give a good punch back to her opponents, we also have Ken Foree, a well known zombie slayer, here as a supporting character and a sidekick to Michelle. Leatherface was played by R.A. Mihailoff, well, he adds pretty good to a large, heavy-set frame of Leatherface… and that's all we got. They didn't put any effort to this new Leatherface. Why new? I'll explain later in spoiler part. Other actors did a pretty good job, but some of them were predictable, just like the story itself. But, seeing Viggo Mortensen here… damn that was interesting. Viggo was easily the best actor in the film. Give this guy an Oscar! Viggo was great. Music score, editing… those were good.

SPOILERS HERE:

Now, there are some flaws in this film… if you have seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), you know that the entire Sawyer family is dead. Including Leatherface. So this means that the family, including Leatherface is pretty new. That's the major flaw here, because, who are these people? Is the plot really settled in Texas? It looks more like Nevada. There's no explanation about this "new" family and their Leatherface. Who are they? Are they copycats? Maybe a fans of Sawyer family. We get no explanation for that… They are just cannibals and they accidentally have Leatherface and chainsaw in their house. Oh, well… the possibilities of cinema… It is interesting that the family also have an extremely ancient grandfather in wheelchairs… who is he? Did they stole him from that circus meat house from the second film? Now, these flaws makes film this very, very weak. And one more thing… I just saw all Texas Chainsaw Films, including the last one, the 3D one… and something puzzles me… In the opening of the film, which review you are currently reading, if you are reading spoilers. In the opening, it says that the main character from the 1974 original, Sally Hardesty died in the asylum. Now, if you didn't saw the 3D Texas Chainsaw… take a look at it… and see what I am talking about.

SPOILER ENDS!

A dumb madness…, 2 October 2013
4/10

I don't get it. I just don't get it. What happened? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) is a really good horror film, and it is considered by many as one of the best horror films ever. I mean, it's right there at the top ten horror films, if not even top five horror films. And this kind of film deserves a decent and worthy sequel. And we got this. It's just a bad idea. It's badly written, with dumb, annoying, one-dimensional characters and the movie itself doesn't try to scare us, but rather to make us all go nuts from the sheer annoyance. And the thing that it hurts the most is the fact that it was directed by Tobe Hopper, the director of the original. Really? What happened? Tobe, alongside the writer L.M. Kit Carson ruined the original… just like that.

Take a lot at the plot, a radio DJ Vanita aka 'Stretch' (played by Caroline Williams. Caroline was pretty good at her "screamy, scared girl element", though I think she was also pretty hot there), accidentally record the murder of two hoodlums, by Leatherface. And then, there's a former sheriff played by Denis Hopper (OK, Hopper is a great actor, but I don't understand how the hell he ended up here. He was good, no argue there, but I think that this film was a waste of his talents), who is interested for Vanita's audio murder tape. Also, he is uncle of Sally Hardesty and Franklin Hardesty (the original film characters) and he demands a revenge. And from the moment when the murderous family finds Vanita, therefore begins a dumb, annoying madness, that simply makes you wanna tear your TV apart, asking yourself what a hell is going on with this film? It's loud, it's over the top, while in the original, we have the same thing happening, but the amount and style of madness in the original was good, it was scary and insane, makes you want to be scare some more… but here… it just repels you. The other things as musical score, editing… they were solid, in their own horror element. Other actors as Jim Siedow (another actor from the original film, the older brother of the family, who now runs a successful business with the hamburgers, made from human flesh… bad idea, if you ask me). Siedow's performance was annoying and cartoonish here. I expected, when I first saw him, to be more darker, more developed. But no, this guy was straight from the cartoon. And as I recall, he was far more convincing in the first film, here he decided not to give a damn, although he gave us an solid amount of insanity performance. Bill Moseley plays Chop-Top Sawyer, an extremely insane and annoying character. No development, nothing scary about him, he is Joker wanna-be. Bill is a good actor, but damn… here he was just badly written. I have this little theory. I think that the character of Chop-Top is actually the hitchhiker from the original film, because there was no mention of him before. Or, he just jumped as the new "Sawyer family" character out of nowhere… This is what I don't understand, who the hell is he? Where did he come from? Nothing is explained. And we have Leatherface (played by Bill Johnson). The only developed character in the film. The actor Bill Johnson fitted pretty well in the costume and in the trademark mask, giving his imposing height and mass, although constant mumbled yelling irritated me pretty much. Here we see Leatherface has developed an emotional love response to our leading lady. Well, that is interesting difference.

HERE COMES SPOILERS:

I think that there are some dumb stuff that I just can't… I just can't resist not to tell you about it. Vanita and sheriff Lefty (Hopper) made a deal for Vanita to play the murder audio tape to attract the killers. And he would come to rescue her, armed with chainsaws… yep that's another thing, Hopper is armed with three chainsaws, one big, two smaller ones. Only to have an epic duel with Leatherface. Why he just didn't go on with his Frank Booth performance? That would scare Sawyer family. Now, about that idea, about playing the murder audio tape… that was the dumbest idea ever. And if you are thinking right now, "what would your idea would be?". I don't know, I really don't know. But that idea almost killed Vanita and she could also get fired for that… damn man. Tobe Hopper could figure out something better to lure the killers out. And the ending… the ending is so without climax, it's truly disappointing. I will not spoil for you more… but you just get really no informed about the ending.

SPOILDER ENDS

Don't watch this film. Only if you want to link the original and other films, go ahead. But mind you, you'll be very irritated after this ordeal.

We are thrown to an unexplained plot…, 2 October 2013
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

What a hell? What happened? Is there no way to create something new to a TCM story? Instead, we got young Renne Zellweger and young Matthew McConaughey (yep, even before his funny psycho role of Tip Tucker in Larger than Life 1996). The story hold no originality at all, damn it… it's the same as the third film, only mixed with the irritating insanity of the second one. Matthew's character Vilmer (which Matthew did pretty solid, but, you just can't tell if he is a handsome psycho, or just a psycho…), Renne didn't do much with her character, I bet she was bored during filming. Leatherface was played by Robert Jacks… another tall, large guy who fits good into a leatherface make up and costumes, this time in more… feminine costumes. Nothing is developed again with Leatherface. The film is just insanity, dumb insanity, there are random characters that comes out of nowhere and there is no explanation for them! This family of cannibals, lead by McConaughey, is… noting special, and there's no explanation for them too. Are they just a copycats of original Sawyer family? Are they connected? What, movie? What?! It's just dumb and no explanation! The entire film simply bores you with irritating insanity and the end disappoints you even more. Avoid this!

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
It is so bad, it will change your life…, 2 October 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

And it happened. It really happened. There is, in fact, the movie that tops The Room (2003), maybe. And it's called "Birdemic"… what to say about this, this… horrendous, depraved, garbled and extremely awful gem of today's cinema? This cinematic piece of movie perversion just shows us that today's films have no limits. Everybody can be a director, everyone can make their own movie, and everyone can express themselves… well, not this film, oh, no. I just don't know where to start first? Well, let's start with the director and the writer – James Nguyen. I really don't know… is this guy serious? No, really, is this guy serious? Is he even aware of the film that he made? Did he even watched it? Well, of course he have, silly me. I saw him in some interviews, where he talked about the film, and it is official… this guy is not serious, he is unbelievable! He had no training in making films, he has no talent… I think he is just a Vietnamese Tommy Wiseau, who came to Hollywood to make people dumber. He stated few times, that his movie is a hit… well, hardly, it's more… a failure. Does this guy realize that his movie is laughable? Does this guy realize that people everywhere are making fun of his film? And he also stated that he is a master in 3D CGI… oh really? Well, if he is… then I am a best internet reviewer ever…! And I am not. Well, this guy is just bad and I think that he should be just… removed from the movie world, that would be a noble thing for humanity.

So let's start with the film, we will concentrate on the actors and characters from now on, but first let's discus screenplay, plot, camera work, music score, editing and CGI. The film opens with the slowest credit ever and slowest driving ever, our leading character is so careful. It says Moviehead pictures. What kind of name is that for a production studio? They just give strange, awful names for every newborn production house. Like… Braincell pictures, Glowing Ear Jam pictures, Green Tooth pictures, Granny Tit Pictures, Wiseau Films… Nguyen said that this is a romantic/horror film, so I am already shocked by that statement. Well all from the above… is just bad. What to say about screenplay? It's simply amateurish. Music score is boring and silly. I usually love musical scores in so many films, even in the bad ones, but here… it's just boring, and it doesn't even fit to a scene properly. When it comes to camera work and editing… I really don't know, maybe even from the first few scenes, I don't know what am I watching? A documentary? Or a porn film? And for fu*k sakes… what the hell is wrong with audio? It's not even properly rendered to a scene, it's like Nguyen was filming himself as a stalker right on the spot and then went home to his creepy basement and do his poor editing. CGI is definitely… I just can't find words to describe this kind of CGI… well compared to this… old 70s and 80s low budget special effects from monster films are all Kubrick films compared to this devil's testicle.

Now, characters and actors… Characters are badly written, lifeless and dumb. There's nothing else to say about them. You just need to watch the film. Our leading romantic hero is Rod, played by Alan Bagh. He is just Rod. And that's it. A good name for a porn star. Alan is probably the most wooden… no, scratch that, he is "The Actor of Steel"! His performance is so steel like, that is so cold, that doesn't even move. Yep, that's a real Bronze Age performance here ladies and gentleman… this guy is a robot, but I think Nguyen digitally removed antenna from the top of his head. Alan's character Rod is actually, not that far from him, it's the same stuff. Our leading lady is Nathalie, played by Whitney Moore. This girl's performance was plastic, although her body was not, well that's refreshing… but this girl can't do more than just waving head and hands and do a few silly grins on her face, I don't consider her acting porn-like, but she just didn't do anything, she was just… there. Other actors for example… Nathalie's mom… a sweet woman who did her role… I don't know… if that was acting or what the hell was it, it was more like an interview for a job, or maybe that was her audition for the role. She likes to travel and to watch TV, she loves her retirement… Rod's friend Tony… a mumbled, horny retard that loves to hump chairs… nuff said. Other actors were not that special, but I will say something about few of them more. Those rescued kids… lifeless, spoiled little brats that wants happy meal. It's birdemic, you'll eat your own sh*t if you have to, you little toe-sucker! And that guy Ramsey, an US soldier who was in Iraq, so lazy and uninterested. And that… guy who wants to buy a gasoline so much… oh my… and two more and I promise, I'll wrap it up. The doctor from the bridge… and the creepy naturalist/tree hugger. The doctor from the bridge is actually a scientist who says that global warming is fault for everything that is happening around us. The same is uttered by that tree hugger, the guy was so creepy, he looked like a lazy version of Crispin Glover. Yep, the movie has an environment issues. It send us an environmental message… oh for fu*k's sake… Don't worry environmentalists, the planet doesn't going anywhere… you are. And that's "Birdemic", An awful film that sends a bad and lazy environmental message… Remember, kids… that happens when you live in a dumb fantasy…

0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
What the…?, 2 October 2013
3/10

What a hell? What a hell? What tha f**k?! OK, no sense to ask these redundant questions… let's skip to the movie… Well, first of all, I'll try, because… it hurts badly. Really this film manifest such a bad felling that thrust trough your eyes and then to your brain, and both hurts badly!

The first Mortal Kombat (1995) is not the best film in the world, it's actually a pretty crappy film, but decent with some pretty cool and fair stuff, but compared to "Annihilation"… it's a freaking brilliant film. So, the story goes right where the first movie ended, which means that is generally based upon "Mortal Kombat 2" game, but they also put some characters from "Mortal Kombat 3" to make it more cool… but it does not work. So, Shao Khan, the great emperor of the Outworld and one of the toughest fighter ever, being almost a god-like creature, comes to the earth to stop mortals to enjoy their brief moment of rest and victory… what a prick. And, so… what else do you expect?! Our mortal good guys join their forces again to defeat Shao Khan. Otherwise… we wouldn't have the plot.

Let's check out the acting/fighting/stuntman crew: Robin Shou returns to reprise the role of Liu Kang, he was pretty decent in the first film, although he can't act worth a sh*t… this film ultimately buried his career, just that he can end up later in other crap film "Street Fighter – Legend of Chun Li"… poor guy. Raiden is played by… by… what a? Who? Where is Christopher Lambert? Yeah… Lambert choose to do Beowulf (1999) instead, which was also a crappy film! Why, Christopher… Annihilation and Beowulf are crap films… but why did you pick the other one. I say this because he was good as Raiden, even with his wooden acting… but enough of this… stick to the film, stick to the review… you see? You see what happens? So, Raiden is played by James Remar, well Remar is not a bad actor… but the role of Raiden did not suited him, he was so uninterested with his role, he tries to look wise, but he all he does is walking around, staring at some little dot on the wall and deliver the lines without any emotions… damn… Oh, we got Sonya Blade here… played by… um… Sandra Hess? Well, to be honest… Hess was better than Bridgette Willson, she performed her own fights and stunts, being athletic and all, and even more hotter… but don't expect any acting from her at all. Johnny Cage is here too… played by… Chris Conrad? What the? OK… Now… the movie didn't even begin properly and they presented different actors who are playing two important characters in the story. Bridgette Willson and Linden Ashby were original actors to play Sonya and Cage, and they did it decently… but, now… you just have to, psychologically, get use to the new actors… that was unbearable. Well, at least they kept Talisa Soto as Kitana… but… she was even worse than in the first film. Delivering the lines, without any life in you doesn't make you interesting. Then, we have Shao Khan, played by Brian Thompson. Honestly… not a bad choice, he is pretty hulking, menacing, he has that deep, booming voice, and he also knows martial arts in real life, but… he can't act properly. In my opinion, he tried to deliver lines like a classically trained actor, but failed because of his retarded, silly tone. His fight scenes were decent, though. We also have Jax, played by Lynn Red Williams (a former American gladiator), who was used in the film as a comic relief to replace Johnny Cage… but no luck. Sindel is played by Musetta Vander, which delivers the most silliest lines in the film, combined to terrible acting… fail guaranteed. We also have Shinnok, played by Reiner Schoene… now that was the most unusual thing in the film… Shinnok sounded too German. Well, no wonder, the actor is German, but that was too… unusual, to silly, here comes Shinnok and I think "I expect him to talk in some deep, powerful voice… " but, remember the DVD, or VHS cover that says "Destroy all Expectations", that's the scene… after 10-15 minutes into the film… where my expectations were totally annihilated… for f**k sake… Then, we have Sheeva, played by Marjean Holden. Marjean looks pretty interesting in that bad suit, but her character was too much. We have Motaro played by Deron McBee, my Lord… have they ever seen Motaro? He is a lot bigger and more powerful than that… he was terrible. Irina Pantaeva played Jade. Irina is hot supermodel… but… isn't jade a black girl? While Irina is Eskimo? And her acting? Don't ask me… And finally, we have a brief appearance of Nightwolf… played by Litefoot, a terrible actor, they took him because he has Indian heritage… and he did poorly… although make up and costume department made him to look like Nightwolf as much as they can. And of course… we have Scorpion, Sub Zero, Reptile (again), Ermac and Rain as the new one and Noob Saibot for short moment also Smoke and Cyrax… martial artists who played these guys did a pretty good job, although their costumes were horrible. And Scorpion? What a hell, he appears, fights a little bit, than grabs Kitana and yells "suckers" and then disappears… what an a-hole. Sub Zero… well, that's not him… that was his brother… in the first film… well no matter. That's a big ninja clan, full of brothers and sisters… that's pretty much in the film…which makes no sense at all, and makes story look more dumb.

So… the entire movie is freakishly bad… you don't want to have anything with it… trust me. You can watch it with your friends and laugh your butts off…

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Kills everything about the original source…, 2 October 2013
2/10

And I mean every single thing from the original video games, and even in anime cartoons! And I'm ready to spill it all out, everything toxic about this piece of crap. First of all, Steven E. de Souza… kill yourself. Really, kill yourself. You, you monster! You ruined the good old Japanese stuff! There's a new rule! Americans are not allowed to touch anything Japanese and turn it to a film! Nothing! Got that?! Based upon the popular Japanese arcade fighting games, of course, it's impossible for this game to run away from Hollywood. I hate when that happens. This movie is definitely one of the biggest failures ever. Bad writing, bad directing, I mean everything…

OK, let's start… CURSES!!! Hollywood changed characters names, to be a little more easier for American audience to pronounce, or to read it… and during the process they mispronounce Ryu's name every single time. OK, I can understand that name change thing, but as we move on… more crap is about to come. Not just names… even their characters are ruined! Because it's an American film… we must have an American character as a leading guy, well of course… who else wants an Asian guy to be a leading guy… a little racism, I feel…

Let's review the characters: Ummm, forget it. There are just too many of them! And they are all badly written. They are totally opposite from the original, in kinda childish way… You need to check the film out, to see what a hell I am talking about. I'll mention only this example, well, I mentioned it before… Col. Guile (Van Damme) is a leading man, instead of Ryu (Byron Mann)… and that's unacceptable! I give it up…

For the end, Raul Julia… OK… Julia was the best actor in the film. No more, no less. From his theatrical background he brought us a different kind of M. Bison. By the original, Bison is dark, calm and super evil. Here, he is cheerful, evil but extremely over the top. Thanks to Julia and his enormous acting talent and unmistakable charisma, his Bison is marvelous. Every word he says, every move he makes, we are watching him, he knows how to attract attention. Raul Julia stated that he starred in the film because of his sons, who loved the video games. So, just for his kids, well fathers are real heroes in real life. But, when the film was nearly over, he died from cancer and the movie was dedicated to him. That's noble… but is it really noble to dedicate this piece of crap? I would spin in my grave. I would give a posthumous Oscar to Raul. He did a magnificent job. Just like Frank Langella did a good work with Skeletor in Masters of the Universe (1987). Great actors can't save the crappy films, but they can make them more interesting and fun to watch.

Overall… don't watch this film, you have something better to do. Stick to the games and anime. It's far more better and more faithful to the spirit of the original.

Ninja (2009)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Cool and simple., 3 September 2013
6/10

It has been a long time since I saw some really cool ninja film. Then I saw a title… "Ninja" (2009)… sounds simple… Scott Adkins? Yuri Boyka himself? Well, why the hell not? After hour and a half… wow… I was very delighted and satisfied by this film. I wasn't that much in awe, I was just very delighted. I haven't seen a movie like this in a long time. After all of these old Michael Dudikoff and David Bradley ninja films, finally something new this way comes.

Now, I like this movie because it's cool and simple. Why is that? It's simple because it's not complicated, too much mystical or anything, it just tells you a simple story, a simple story in this low budget action film, there isn't anything special to fulfill you with awesomeness, but I think there's a decent amount of cool action, fighting scenes. And that's what's matter. It's cool because… for example, the ninja costumes. Actually the movie has two costumes, an upgraded, modern day stealth/combat suit, wore by our leading villain Masazuka. And, there's an old school ninja suit, which is the main element in the plot. But that suit was very impressive, good work! Now, let's see… being an low budget action film, don't expect some super script, super plot, or good acting at all. We have Scott Adkins as our hero Casey, who was just great at kicking some ass, Mika Hijii as Namiko, the Casey's love interest and daughter of Casey's dojo master. Tsuyoshi Ihara plays Masazuka. Well, Ihara didn't leave some good impression as a villain… he is just jealous for being expelled from dojo, because he wanted to become a master and best ninja around, but circumstances brought him to the mercenary world. He just… didn't convince me much as a villain, he looked more like a model walking around in cool clothes. We also have Todd Jansen, well known in low budget films. We also have a subplot in the film, it was probably designed for Casey to have something to beat the living daylights out. The subplot is about a small sect leaded by guy named Temple, played by Miles Anderson, who is probably one of the worst actors in the film. I know he is pretty respectable theater actor, but… he is just not convincing. Well, maybe in theaters. The other interesting things are camera work, filming sets, I like the dojo very much, although it's not a real ninjutsu dojo, because, seems to me, that that dojo have more martial arts than one, if you look at the styles, there are definitely Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Aikido, etc.

So, overall, I recommend this decent stuff, it's good for action fans and for martial arts movie fans.

3 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
This movie hurts you so much… physically and mentally, 3 September 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

If you really, really want to get hurt yourself, without using anything sharp, without spilling any drop of blood on your precious sofa, or carpet, than I have this misfortune to recommend this… this… I actually don't have any words to describe this animated feature. Actually, even better, don't watch it. This film is easily one of the most offensive, disgusting, disturbing, dull, irritating, unexplained piece of human creations ever to appear in the world of animated cinema... Why all these words, you may ask?

Why offensive, disgusting and disturbing? Because this film gives you (allegedly) a story about "a real story" of the Titanic tragedy. And the "real story" is that nobody died. And I mean nobody. Because they wanted to present this film to children and the attention was to cut out all of those scary and disturbing content which is actually - a reality! They made a kids film about Titanic! You just can do that, it's a tragedy! Not a story about merry oceanic liner ship that goes over the Atlantic ocean so happy to arrive to America! But, to late… the deed has been done, and this is a big, shameful slap to 1517 victims who died that night in cold dark water… And what else we have here? Besides that, the movie sends a dumb, and very unsubtle message against – whaling! Are you kidding me? What does the tragedy of Titanic and whaling have in common? What is that have to do with everything that happened 100 years ago? Whaling? OK, I am not a fan of whaling too, but you just cannot save whales by showing this film to a kids and tell them lies! That's inhuman and sick. Why dull, unexplained and irritating? Well, the voice acting was extremely irritating, for example… the characters were dull, already seen and copied from Cameron's Titanic (1997), except for mices. Yep, we have mices, so does this reminds you of The American Tail (1986)? Every scene is annoying, every part of it… without anything developed between people on the ship… it's blunt and goes nowhere… now… why unexplained… the magic moonbeams… what is that? I don't know, but it gives you ability to communicate with animals! It so happens with our leading lady Elisabeth when she shed a tear on dolphin's snout… all of a sudden, the motherfuc**ng dolphin spoke! And that remained unexplained. Which is exactly why I consider Elisabeth as a crazy person. And her… future lover Don Juan… oh… I guess that Edward the Vampire is a little bit better than this guy… this guy, Juan sniffs Elisabeth's mitten like there's no tomorrow… sick bastard. And we have a villain Maltravers who is a classic villain only because he has an eye patch… how original. And we have a bunch of mices, some of them having cheese names… ah, those proud mice parents… souds like cannibal mices to me. And what to say about sharks that have that good old prison stripes on them and about giant octopus Tentacles? Yep, an octopus large as the ship herself… who launches (by mistake) an iceberg on Titanic's path… so it's Tentacles fault is it? Actually, sharks fooled him to do it… And so the ship sinks, nobody died… well Tentacles and one mouse with the moustaches died, but they come back at the end of the film, just to give us the most dumbest ending ever. And then, at the end, our leading hero, who is actually a mouse… who was telling the story the whole time… said that whales are still hunted today. Well, if that's true, then… WHY THE FU^K DID YOU MADE THIS MOVIE?!

Orlando Corradi and Kim J OK… I don't know who you are, but I hope that these two people will get arrested eventually for committing this horrendous crime against victims of the Titanic and their families. And the writer Cleila Castaldo… you too… I hope you'll all rot somewhere in dark, cold, moist prison… equivalent to the bottom of the Titanic's whereabouts… I am not proud of what I just said… but, I just couldn't resist it… and how could you? The only thing I like about this film is animation. Go and f&&k yourself, movie!

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
So bad that is simply… bad., 3 September 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I kind of enjoy these low budget monster movies, but this one, I didn't find very enjoyable. As per usual… a few scientist found a cave near The Crater Lake (that doesn't even look like crater lake, it doesn't even resemble to any of them). There they saw a caveman paintings, that presents a tribe fighting a dinosaur (sounds like a creationist wet dream if you ask me…). During their research, a meteor fell into a lake, and… nothing special happened about it… it was forgotten during the movie course. Just to make room for a Plesiosaur like monster to come out of the lake and start terrorizing people all over the small county. So… the meteor is forgotten, and no one is asking questions about it? OK, move on. Obviously, the director of the film William Stromberg and the writer/leading actor Richard Cardella were inspired by Loch Ness monster. Yep, it's one of 'those' movies.

Let's start with the plot/script: It's pretty lame, very limp story, just an excuse to see a large stop-motion monster eating people alive. The characters are so weak, they are not properly developed, they are just moving around and you can just easily guess who is next for dinner. Actors are bad, so uninterested in their performance, or the film, just talking feebly and watching the floor… they were just pathetic meat sacks that talked, no emotions, noting. The monster effects were… well, stop motion was pretty much solid, while from close, the big toy head was used, and that was so fake. The monster sound effects were also pretty solid. The music score was nothing special, it's just funnily intense, I remember an intense piano, like some drunken cat is jumping on the keyboards… Richard Cardella plays the sheriff, with that lame performance, he looks like he doesn't give a damn about his little mountain town.

HERE COMES SPOILERS:

There are few scenes… and I just can't resist to tell you about them. First of all, the film suddenly jumps from it's main plot to a totally different subplot. It's about some ugly, mustache hobo, who robbed the store and than headed to a crater lake, just to get eaten by a monster. Karma's a bitch, right? And that's the moment where sheriff started to suspect about something weird in the lake. The next scene is just there to give us a rush towards the end of the film, it's about sheriff returning to the lake, on the same location where that ugly hobo was eaten, just to suddenly confront a monster. And the last one is a… let's call it a dramatic duel between a sheriff and a monster. While sheriff is driving a big heavy equipment vehicle, he use it to defeat the monster. And, I could easily say that this is perhaps a first time, maybe, a first time to see main star using a large machine to defeat a large monster. Just like in Aliens (1986) and a shameless Aliens rip off Carnosaur 2 (1995). Maybe I'm wrong…

SPOILER ENDS.

So, don't come near this film, it's bad, boring, lame, it doesn't apply to your mind, it just repel off your head. Nothing special happens… just boring, boring stuff. Skip this one, and find something more interesting, or more ridiculous.


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