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If anybody finds what I wrote in any way trying to shove my opinion down your throat or telling people they're crazy for not liking a movie or crazy for loving it then just remember I was 13 when I started my account and I have changed a lot since then, my opinion may not but my tolerance in tastes has improved dramatically.
Poets Of The Fall
Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko (entire series)
FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME
FAVOURITE TV SHOW
OTHER WEBSITE REGISTRATIONS
Oh and the reason why I might give the movies higher ratings in my reviews then placement on this list (or the opposite) is probably because of a couple of factors. Namely that the sequels may do what the original does and more, or if the sequel disconnects in tone it might be difficult to judge if the original was good in tone. So why Terminator 2 gets a lower place then Spider-Man 2 is because that Spider-Man did everything the first movie did right and more while Terminator 2 changes from being a "Run from the bad guy" suspense/thriller to being a "Run from the bad guy, have protector kick bad guy's ass" action movie and it's difficult to place in that regard.
A rekindled memory from my childhood that only showed how much time I wasted back then
I remember as a kid not playing Grand Theft Auto despite me loving the idea of an open-world game. I didn't play it because it took my parents 5 minutes before turning it off and so I had to seek out a game that was tamer aside from The Simpsons Hit and Run and by god! I chose this... Probably the least functional open world game I have played. Bear in mind that since I started playing it and now I have only finished the tutorial and the first 30 seconds of the first actual level but I feel that is MORE than enough to do a review for this game.
First of all, the driving controls suck in Driver. I legitimately tried at one point to drive normally... I seriously challenge anyone to try the simple act of turning the car in this game without crashing into something, careening to the other side of the road, going onto the footpath and other such things. Namely the controls make me feel like this should have been called "Drunk Driv3r" because there have been things like the simple act of turning made me crash into something that destroyed my back windshield. I can't overtake cars even without careening into another lane and even then adjusting the car swerves it around. Being that the first real mission of the game is trying to keep up with someone, something I can do in any other open world game, I challenge you to last more than 30 seconds without failing. The added bonus to not wanting to drive in this game is the sound design is awful.
There's also the added bonus that I have found no way to stop cops other than turning the option off in the menu for free roam. It's like "A cop saw you swerve and crash a parking ticket post? DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm not kidding either. When you swim your health deteriorates for no reason (you can't swim down!) Trying to drive a boat if you didn't pre-select it results in the game freezing.
Oh but I am STILL not done with the controls. The camera is so stiff gunplay doesn't work without slowly moving the camera to where you want to shoot. It's the most desensitized camera I have ever seen. I also have not found a way to conceal guns in case cops alarms are raised. I'd also say the graphics... The in-game graphics look like an N64 game and the pre-rendered cut-scenes are put to shame by Final Fantasy VII.
So just a recap, this is a game called Driver where the driving sucks, there are no ways to hide from cops in an open-world game, the camera is so stiff I could declare it clinically dead, you can't go onto boats without the game freezing, you can't swim, the missions are too precise for controls this bad, the sound design is bad, the gunplay is almost non-functional, the camera almost has you feel like a malfunctioning robot and the graphics are beaten wholeheartedly by games that came out on the previous generation of consoles... Did they get ONE thing right?! Aside from walking in a straight line I couldn't find a damn thing.
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)
Actually a pretty good swashbuckling movie
Errol Flynn's Robin Hood is probably a contender for the most iconic (even if the best Sheriff of Nottingham is Alan Rickman... Sorry he just made Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves worth watching) and there are pretty good reasons to see why. He's charismatic and while he can get cocky he does still maintain a likable persona all round.
The plot of this movie is that Prince John is ruling in the absence of King Richard while on crusades and gets everyone to rally behind him instead of Richard for a possible taking of the throne and imposing unjust rules onto the common folk. Robin Of Loxley is the one defiant person and begins recruiting to overthrow Prince John for the time until King Richard returns. Stealing from the rich to give to the poor, that kind of thing.
Okay while I enjoy Flynn's characterization of Robin Hood (mainly because the 2 others I've seen are Kevin Costner and Russel Crowe and... Flynn's the only one I like) I'll also say I enjoyed Maid Marion's spy for Robin characterization and even outdoes the Merry Men in the sense of plans when it comes to breaking Robin Hood out of jail.
I think the cinematography was pretty good for it's day and it does do a pretty good job in most departments. I'd say this does get kind of corny but then again it's a swashbuckling movie made in the 1930's and that is kind of a given. I'd say it is worth watching if you're looking for a mindless watch that still holds up today for the most part.
You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
The only other Stanley Kubrick movie I've seen is A Clockwork Orange and I quite liked it. I will eventually see more of his movies because this does take a while to get going (mainly for the reason of describing the plot really doesn't sound like the plot to a comedy) it does get insane with it's humour and it never stops. The plot is... Well I warned you this doesn't sound like a comedy - A General paranoid with fear and Xenophobia as to what The Russians are doing launches the emergency plan to nuke hot-spots and eventually start World War III, not content with just that he also locks down his own base telling his men to shoot everyone on sight if they aren't known to the soldiers personally. While this is going on American politicians and other such people that supervise war are scrambling to make sure World War III doesn't happen. We also see a fighter jet that gets the crazy General's message. As I said for a comedy this has probably one of the gloomiest plot lines in existence. Somehow they made it insane such as people prioritizing shooting a Coca-Cola vending machine over trying to call the President on a payphone or saying that the Russian President has a doomsday weapon capable of destroying the world will be revealed soon because "He likes surprises"... That sums up the tone for this movie better than any description of the plot can ever do. I'll also say the cinematography is quite good too and the acting is suitably over the top. I'd say watch it but as I may have said earlier it does take a while to get into, at least for me anyway.
The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)
Aside from Bowie's performance, the cinematography and the make-up it's not that good.
I quite like David Bowie. I enjoy his music and to me made the best transition between singer and actor, even if people remember him more for his singing. I decided to watch this mainly because... It's the closest thing we'll ever get to a movie of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars (I know it's based on a separate novel but it really is still the closest thing). My problem is that the plot has no focus, as a result it REALLY drags. What should be a movie about Bowie trying to get water to his planet isn't revealed for a while and even then the downfalls of him falling to addiction doesn't really happen and it's more enterprising, love interests and weird sequences. I expected Bowie to be weird but I really don't want to see that going in. As I may have pointed out Bowie does do a good performance (everyone else is serviceable), the cinematography at times can get really striking and outright beautiful and the old man make-up on Rip Torn at the end is like looking at him today. I'd say maybe someone would like this but it really is not for me.
I haven't seen anything from the DCCU before this. I may have caught a bit of Man Of Steel but it's really not enough to do a review. However I decided to watch this anyway even if Zack Snyder to me is... shaky as a director in terms of quality. Well, afterwards my opinion hasn't changed because shaky is probably the best word to describe this understandably polarizing experience.
The plot is that now that Superman has saved Metropolis and the world in the first movie people are now beginning to question that being that there's no way of oversight, apprehension or control over an invulnerable, super fast, super strong, flying judge and jury to the planet well... how safe are they, really? One of the people questioning this is The Dark Knight himself, especially considering people died and were crippled in the Wayne Enterprises office in Metropolis as collateral damage. When they meet up at a party hosted by Lex Luthor's son (I'll get back to that later) Clark Kent doesn't like the idea of Batman... for some reason... I will say the plot is very convoluted so I'll say they fight but even then there's about a million other things thrown at the viewer so to not risk breaking the 1000 word limit I'll stop here.
I've already addressed the plotting of this movie, but that really is the source of pretty much all of my problems with the movie. Batman goes from hating Superman to teaming up and vise versa so fast and stupidly I was literally joking about it for the rest of the movie. While the prospect of seeing Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman all on screen in live action may sound awesome Wonder Woman is brushed aside until about a half hour from the end, I really don't see why they'd bother having her in the movie at all (or for that matter any of the superheroes that get cameos) if everything she does can be summed up with "She helps them out a little when fighting Doomsday". Oh and in short Alexander Luthor's plan makes no sense whatsoever and also probably one of the worst things in this movie next to "Martha!".
But I'm dancing around massive spoilers. Superman dies... I know Doomsday kills him in the comics too but here's the difference, in comic form - by then Superman was around for about 50 years or more and nobody saw that coming or that he'd be resurrected. It's clear to anyone with eyes they're trying to make a franchise out of these movies and they wouldn't kill off one of their flagship characters when it's just starting. Oh and Clark Kent was also reported to just-so-happened to have died on the same day with the same wound How many people make the connection? Nobody... No, I'm serious.
Okay, onto what I liked. Mainly with the exception of Jesse Eisenberg the performances are pretty good. I also quite liked Ben Afleck as Batman. The action is also quite good even if there's no substance behind it. To me this tried to be The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Returns, The Death of Superman, Man Of Steel and The MCU all in one and under the pressure of trying to be all of these things at once the movie collapsed in on itself. To me, this should have been much simpler than it is. There are good moments here and there but ultimately there's no attachment in the end.
Michael Jackson: Thriller (1983)
I'm not a Michael Jackson fan. I'll clear that up now, There's nothing wrong with his music and his dance moves were very good. I did think this song was okay so I'll give it credit but I will say there was a synth solo while Michael and the other zombies dance that to me just went on a bit too long. The plot is that Michael and Janet Jackson fall into the usual horror movie trope of they're in the middle of nowhere and the car's out of gas. As they're walking and talking soon Michael turns into a werecat, only to be watched in a theater by Michael and Janet Jackson. Janet leaves and Michael follows but on the way home they're intercepted by zombies, made by the awesomeness of Vincent Price monologues. They dance with Michael and Janet runs away to an abandoned house and the zombies break in like they're in Escape From New York only to find out that didn't really happen at all. This is iconic and it does start out pretty good with the verses and the Vincent Price monologue. I'll say it might go on a bit too long. It takes about 5 minutes for the video to start and even then there's more dialogue before it starts and also with the ending. I mean yes, I like the cinematography and even stuff like the set design of the graveyard is appropriately B-Movie-ish. There is a lot that this music video does right. In my personal opinion the only thing really wrong with it is that it's a little bit longer than I would've liked.
Pink Floyd The Wall (1982)
I feel as though there's something missing
I'm not a Pink Floyd fan, I never really listened to their music. However I think the idea of a concept album is an intriguing one and I've heard that The Wall is the best one and there's a movie adaption. I picked that up for 2 reasons, one was it was cheaper and the other is I'm more familiar with movie storytelling rather than a series of songs telling a story. But I watched it and what transpires is probably the best band movie ever made.
The plot. Pink is a rock star who has walled himself in as he recollects his childhood with a father who died in WWII, a mother who ranges from overbearing to negligent, teachers who shoot down his dreams to adulthood where his wife has an affair while on tour. Soon this causes a mental breakdown and he... becomes a Neo Nazi.
What's good here? The cinematography is amazingly good, I love the use of set design, lighting and other such things. It also dives into animated segments where we see what's going on in his mind and these are trippy but never in a way that you don't get the symbolism. I think the movie made Pink without a single line of dialogue... sympathetic. I also think the music, whether you're a fan of Pink Floyd or otherwise balances extremely well with the movie telling the story. I may buy the whole album though because it feels as though some songs last about a minute and none of them are bad in my opinion.
I think this maybe the best band movie with the competition being Imaginaerum and Yellow Submarine and I'll tell you why this is better than both. Imaginaerum did tell a good story with good cinematography and acting on an obviously tight budget but that didn't have any of the music from the band. Yellow Submarine fares better in terms of the band's music but the story gets a little off kilter. I would say whether or not you'll like this is entirely dependant on your feelings towards the band's music and art-house storytelling. If you don't like either you'll probably hate this but if you don't have feelings one way or the other towards either like I do then you'll probably like this.
Almost the perfect weird film
This is an odd movie. It's clear right from the start that this is not a logical story and almost never for a second tries to tell you otherwise. With that said, while this might put people off... I quite enjoyed it. A theater is acting out the adventures of a Baron that... To say they're exaggerated looks to be an understatement and the real Baron walks in to correct it by making the stories even weirder. However Turks invade the town and he, along with the help of the theater manager's daughter try to get his old team back (each with unexplained super speed, strength and marksmanship) and defeat them, mainly because the baron had all his treasure after a bet. The Set design, the special effects... Wow! They really stand out as being pretty good. I have seen Sarah Polley in a few things and in here she's actually quite good. The entire cast is as well (with the kookiest performance being Robin Williams who's different levels of crazy depending on whether his head's attached). As an illogical story, this did suck me in quite a lot. If I was to name a complaint it would be around the end where they cut back to the theater, literally from that point on I was taken out of the story and never quite got back to it. The best way I can describe this is if you like stories like Alice In Wonderland or The Wizard Of Oz (I'll say specifically the book, considering it's weirder than the movie but I'll say the movie may apply as well) then this is that kind of a story.
Jack of All Trades (2000)
Just about the most perfect execution to ever give a show like this
I didn't really hear about this show but I did find the opening and it kind of sucked me in but above all else the premise did as well (namely, it's an excuse for Bruce Campbell to give one-liners as a Zorro-type figure) and... I seriously recommend the show if that sounds like your thing. The plot is that Jack Styles is an American spy who must go undercover during the Napoleonic wars to an island where Napoleon's brother is the Governor there and he must work with British Agent Emilia, whom he frequently butts heads with. He takes on the disguise of The Daring Dragoon so he can walk around as normal and it was basically improvised at the time. For me personally the best Episode is X Marquis The Spot, the premise alone is hilarious and it delivers. Bruce Campbell and Angela Dotchin are great together, the entire cast are pretty much spot on. I would really love a continuation of the show, I personally think it's a huge tragedy that the show got cancelled after 2 seasons. I'm not kidding when I say when it comes to American comedic shows, this is probably one of the, if not the best I've seen.
A very strange movie
I really don't know why I watched this movie but the result is a bizarre and strange product that I can't help but scratch my head at. The plot is that Ringo-caveman has no chance with a cave woman who's with the leader of the tribe. One thing leads to another and Ringo is banished but he finds other people to set up his own tribe, this time favoring intelligence over brute strength. However he is still after the cave woman and hijinx ensues as the tribes rival and a god-awful love triangle happens. The movie never really cracks a laugh. The humour is rather bizarre with stuff like animals sounding like other animals, getting dinosaurs high and other such things but also has toilet humour as well such as lighting farts and stepping in crap. The dialogue is also a strange concoction, mainly because the dialogue is a whole other language with no subtitles. This is best put as a bizarre transfix with the hope in mind that it actually gets funny and it never does.