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Worst Movie Ever?
I can't believe this movie has the following it has. Shame on the world. I don't care what age you are-no one should stand for this insult to the medium of film. The human race has hit a new low. The special FX, the dialog, the characters, the goth hipster look that all the characters sport, Pattinson's syrupy pillow talk, Stewarts' total lack of acting chops-it all adds up to a stinking piece of feces. I might gouge my eyes out after I write this review actually. Actors used to be my heroes. Not anymore. Forget all those self-serving prima-donnas. The razzies were sooooo right on this one. Facinelli noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sheen no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Am I the only person who hated this movie? Am I the only one that noticed the horrible script, the tired clichés, the bad acting, ridiculous plot (even for a comic book film), the extras laughing in the middle of massive battle scenes??????? I noticed that the IMDb rating is a 9.2 cumulative. Are you people smoking crack???? Nothing happens for the first 2 hours!!!! Sooooo boring! If the script was good or if the movie had great ideas, I wouldn't mind at all. I am no slave to action. I loved Inception and Memento. It's the little things that killed this movie. Michael Caine uses a cockney accent that is a complete departure from his accent in the first 2 films. It was painfully apparent that Hathaway/Catwoman is only in the film to get women in the theaters. Bane cries at the end??? Are you kidding me? I could go on and on. Bane's voice is way too loud even though Tom Hardy does a great job. Gordon-Levitt has nothing to work with script wise. Bale looks tired and bored. Just like me after I had to endure this gruelingly boring 3 hour piece of crap.
Where do I begin? The awful casting? (Fassbender is the lone exception) Horrible script? Muddled plot? A myriad of Clichés? No I think I'll start with the concept-which makes absolutely no sense. Riddle me this-If Ridley Scott didn't want to make another Alien movie, then why connect it to Alien at all? Either give us Aliens or give us an original film. I would be equally excited about either possibility. Why tell an origin story if you are going to make it line up only on certain points but not all? The Alien from the original film holds no bearing whatsoever on the plot and its' execution. So why include it???? Money? I can't think of any other reason. Back to the top. The casting is awful. Rapace, while looking strangely similar to Sigourney, has nothing to work with I'll admit (horrible script), but she didn't help by turning in a very average performance. I didn't care about her character at all. The script is rife with clichés and where is the hard science??? Nothing brought up in the 1st half of the film is resolved by the end either. What we get is a muddled mess of a film that has no real substance. I laughed when I saw the worst film mistake of all time repeated again and again by hundreds of film-makers-you know, where some giant thing is falling on the actors and all they have to do is run right or left to avoid death but they keep running straight along the objects' path? Grrrrrrrr...this is elementary stuff. Horrible film mistake #2-Characters committing suicide without a thought and with a smile on their face. I just don't get this movie cliché'. (See Michelle Rodriguez' death in Avatar). Despite mind-blowing set pieces and an epic turn by Fassbender, this film disappoints beyond belief. I couldn't care less if they made a sequel. Oh yes, and there is zero character development. Rapace is the only one who gets 5 minutes of a past to add weight to her character. And look, I don't want to hear that "an artist doesn't have to spoon-feed the audience" crap. You can only get away with that type of story telling if the characters have meat. I say again where is the hard science??? You want to claim you made a sophisticated film but you keep it dumbed down??? I'm so confused. And don't you dare compare this to Blade Runner. The characters in that film are fully developed, and there is a clear direction to the plot. Not so here. Epic, epic fail.
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011)
an amazing effort completely wasted by 2 huge mistakes
My Lord this COULD have been the greatest RPG ever but two things ruin it all. Number 1, the hand to hand combat is atrociously bad on all levels. Clumsy, slow, and predictable, you will feel a total lack of control over whatever fight you are in. What's the use of having created this beautiful, massive world to frolic in if the most basic element of action games-combat-is a failure? It's like building the Sistine Chapel and putting in a dirt floor.
Problem 2-You will die a lot and quite quickly at that. I had been playing for ten days-some 30-40 hours and I would get killed by anything stronger than a wolf. The amount of health you get is insanely minuscule. I upgraded my health every time I leveled up and it doesn't do squat. My giant barbarian with a War Axe apparently can't take down a simple troll even after 40 hours of play and numerous level-ups. The other problem is obtaining health vials-there are never enough to realistically get you through a fight. The shop keepers are one of the only ways to get these vials. You go to buy some and they never have more than 2 or 3. And, guess what? Two or three might as well be zero. You need 10 at least to get through many fights. Problem is, I have never been able to gather more than 6 or 7 at a time. What this leads to of course, is that you die ALL THE TIME.
It's too bad these 2 problems soil what is an amazing construct.
Best ending ever
This is one of those films that somehow falls through the cracks when people consider the best films of its' time. Perhaps because at the time (late 60's), sequels were less common, and considered "beneath" serious film. How sad this is because "Beneath" is a great ending to a mind blowing journey started in the first film. Arthur P. Jacobs should have stopped making Apes movies after this one. "Beneath" gives supreme closure to an enthralling story. Ted Post inherits the directing duties from the legendary Franklin Shaffner-no easy task considering the ground broken by Pt.1-and he fills in admirably, giving us an even darker and more violent film than the 1st. The ending is pure brilliance. Brutal, bloody and final, your jaw will be on the floor as the end credits roll. You won't ever in your life be able to wrap your head around the fact that this movie was rated "G"!!!!! Hands down this is the most violent and bloody "G" rated movie ever!!! While made for less money, which is apparent at times, the performances from James Franciscus and Maurice Evans, as well as the strong story telling skills of Post, make up for the cost cutting. This movie should be thought of as a companion piece to the Original and the subsequent 3 Apes films should be considered a completely separate canon. If you liked the original I implore you take one step further and see this conclusion to the odyssey began by Charlton Heston in the brilliant 1st installment.
Escape from New York (1981)
One of a kind
Let me say that I did not see this movie as a child, therefore there is no nostalgia factor influencing my review. I saw this in my 20's and it quickly became one of my all time top ten favorites. This is a truly unique film. It is pure popcorn fantasy and not to be taken too seriously, yet it has an undeniable edge. John Carpenter does not try to make the best action film ever here, but he gives us a solid film that copies no others. This movie is Kurt Russell's finest hour. He gives us an immortal character-Snake Plissken. One of the best anti-heroes to grace the screen, Snake is shrewd, tough, independent, and quite simply bad-ass to the nth degree. Two words-eye patch. His mission? To save the President, whose airplane has crashed in Manhattan which is now a Prison. Should I even have to tell you more? With a premise this ridiculous you know that it's got to be good, especially considering John Carpenter's talents. So, suspend all disbelief and just enjoy! Keep an eye out for a great turn by Lee Van Cleef and some character shadings from the always dependable Harry Dean Stanton. Adrienne Barbeau, Ernest Borgnine, Isaac Hayes and Donald Pleasance round out the rest of the cast nicely. This film was made between Halloween and The Thing, which puts it in Carpenter's master canon of films-his Golden period if you will-and his use of music, sets, and mood is excellent here. If you want to see a guy with an eye patch searching for the President in a burned out New York war-zone then this is the movie for you! A true cult classic!!!
Kung Fu Panda (2008)
A paper thin and clichéd plot/script saved by superior animation
I watched this movie on the recommendation of a good friend. He absolutely loved this movie and as he hasn't steered me wrong before, I took his word for it and watched it. Boy did he let me down on this one. I will state the films' positives first.
The animation is gorgeous. It is a visual gold mine and on every level the movie looks FANTASTIC. Here endeth the positives.
And now for the negatives-
EVERYTHING ELSE about the film. Where do I start? How about Jack Black's character stumbling or falling down every two minutes of the film. This gimmick is so tired in children's films. The goofy, ugly duckling character bumping into a table and then starting a chain reaction of things falling apart around him and then he falls on his ass and something lands on his head has been used ad nauseum in most films like this. The plot, the script, and the characters are so thin that there is zero emotional impact when the villain and Kung Fu Panda meet in the finale. There is no sense of danger whatsoever in regard to the villain. WARNING HERE BE SPOILERS All of the characters are freaking out all through the movie that the villain (a completely wasted effort from the fantastic Ian McShane) is going to kill everybody. He kills no one and Kung Fu Panda dispatches him easily in the end. Which, considering that KFP has zero Karate skill until a montage gives it to him is laughable. Every Disney cliché you can think of is on display here-from the Ugly Duckling to the goofy supporting characters to the "Just believe in yourself" pep talks from the wiser older characters. Basically the film feels like all the money went into the animation and not the script and plot. This is a shame because there is no solid foundation for the films' breath-taking visuals to rest on. There is just no meat to this movie. Take away the visual side and you have a completely un-imaginative film that teaches the viewer nothing and elicits zero emotional response.
Gods and Generals (2003)
Ted Turner's Halloween Party 2001
All I should have to tell you about this film is that Ted Turner plays George Patton's grandfather. If that doesn't raise some flags I don't know what would. The problems this film has are myriad. For one, all the foot soldiers are old men who are so obviously re-enacters that the action scenes have no weight. I don't recall seeing one fit, young man among the foot soldiers. When a group of people who are obviously senior citizens are "Charging" (more like hobbling) into the breach well...let's just say it doesn't float. Because of a lackluster, sappy, script and horrible editing, this film wastes an absolutely top notch performance by Stephen Lang as Stonewall Jackson. As a historian I was constantly baffled by how little military strategy is a part of the film. Major engagements are quickly glossed over with little explanation. How you could make a movie about the greatest tactician of the War and not examine his strategies in depth is a mystery to me. This is just a Ted Turner vanity project that should have been made for TV. If you ask me, you're better off watching documentaries about the civil war.
A Superior Anime Film
I am not a card carrying anime fan but I like the best of what all genres of film have to offer. Ghost 2 is a mesmerizing visual feast garnished with the best dialog I have ever witnessed in anime. The beauty of this movie is that it does not spoon-feed anything to the viewer. The plot is complicated but can be followed effortlessly. I saw a review that said the plot was murky. I don't understand why a viewer thinks they have to know everything about the plot. Does the director have to reveal all and make it easy to understand? Good art, in my opinion, is not easily understood. If it were easy to understand, it would require less thought. Less discoveries would be made about the artist and ourselves.
The makers of this film have proved that it is possible to make an intelligent film with action. I was entranced by the mood and tone of the film. I found myself wishing I was in the world I was watching on the screen. I wanted to be there with the characters and walk the dark streets with them. It is a detective story AND an exercise in Philosophy, which, though a strange pairing, works beautifully here. The main characters wander through a hauntingly beautiful and dark future world seeking knowledge of themselves while they do battle with the evil men of their future. The dialog is peppered with philosophical and literary references that span the length of history and are not confined to the Eastern schools. Our heroes are never melodramatic or cheesy while bouncing philosophical quotes off of each other. This movie is pure poetry while maintaining a sharp edge. Hard to pull off.
The Ghost in the Shell films are asking us, the viewers, a question. What is life? What are the differences between Man and Machine and what are the similarities? Where does meaning in our lives come from? Are we human because we feel, or are we more human when we sacrifice our feelings for the greater good? Which is superior? Man or machine? The fact that the director is challenging us to answer these questions for ourselves shows the mark of a true artist. Throw in the absolutely gorgeous visual side to the film, and its' mind-blowing action scenes, and you have a masterpiece of thought provoking entertainment. I would highly recommend only watching this at night or on a rainy day as it can only lend to the captivating mood of this movie. Quite simply it is one of the finest films I have ever seen- anime or otherwise.
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
An absolute embarrassment to the medium of film. One of the worst movies I have ever seen.
Let me say that I am not a snooty film buff and that I love mindless action movies. That being said, I cannot believe how awful this movie was. I kept looking for some reason-any- to like this movie and I found not one thing. I'll break it down-
Script: Laughable; Seems to have been written by a third grader
Acting: Some of the worst I have ever seen. Further insult is added given that there are some great actors in this film. Dom West, Ray Stevenson and Doug Hutchinson are normally excellent, but in this one, all 3 of them bring screen acting to a new low. Dash Mihok should quit acting forever out of pure guilt for his performance. All of the characters that have accents (and there are many) perform so badly that I found myself laughing at how preposterous the accents sounded. A black guy with an Irish accent? WTF? Oh and Julie Benz was just terrible.
Direction: If I invested in this film and the director screened this for me I would punch him in the face. Sloppy, awkward, amateurish and clichéd-the directing is like the script- seemingly performed by a 3rd grader. I can't believe this movie got decent distribution. This is straight to video material all the way.
Effects/Action: I thought that at the very least I would enjoy seeing Ray pop caps in people's asses but every action scene in the film has been done before. Most are lifted shot for shot from other movies. The action felt tired, predictable and un-imaginative. Every cliché you could possibly think of is on display here.
In all, I just remember feeling embarrassed for the medium of film, Comic Book Movies, the actors, and the Punisher himself. Everyone involved in this film should be punished!!!!
Sorry I couldn't resist