Winter...get it? Actually more along the lines of teeth, and nervous smiling. The teeth are great so - - 2 stars. Unfortunately great teeth don't make good acting, unless stuck in a toothpaste advert. In fact this whole movie feels like it only has 60 seconds, so I do feel for the actors when rushed. When they were dancing the director was still shooting close ups and cutting to each actor for every line. Let them dance! So many problems here. Oh yes, that flat soundtrack just drones on and on dragging this into Christmas movieland. Not hard rock /rap music, but something with some romantic feeling like Latin jazz or Bossa Nova/Samba to end the serious yak yak, at least the smiles are gone... It elevated them a few years above high school.
Reviews
55 Reviews
The Conqueror
(1956)
Great move with great reviews
2 January 2024
Man the reviews here are something to behold. What is with people? When your culture is so subverted by the many gross perversions of modern Hollywood films and the horrendous subversion pornhub, horror genres, to the abstract dull mindless hum of endless brain dead TV, will you find this movie bad. It's a great film folks and I found myself very emotionally drawn to the STORY; something so alien to modernity and American audiences that I really worry if they will ever "get it" the 15 second attention spans bode ill for people today. Perhaps if they went back and read the reviewers that rate it highly and acknowledged their reports to its closeness to history. Perhaps it only a Google/Facebook "facthack" that matters. We already know John Wayne was never a Shakespearean actor: nobody expects classical prose to fall out of his lips...nor from the great Khan. Stick to reality TV... The great unclean masses always tell you what happened to them, but they never say why.
Christmas Icetastrophe
(2014 TV Movie)
Cute Blondes...hate Christmas
24 December 2023
So tired of these movies that us Christmas as the do to convenience for their hate crime. If I made a movie where people are killed, tortured, freeze-died - - whatever, and used any other religious holiday as my backdrop I'd be in prison for racism, career over, time to leave down and serve Chicken McNuggets...but this is Hollywood. I'm glad computer graphics have killed Hollywood. Even cute screaming blonds and intelligent college grads leave you cold. This is a whole new kind of meteor... MERRY Christmas. Sorry honey wrong kind of movie for those screams - - Scott's a bit frozen. No blue pills under the tree this year.
The Shape of Things to Come
(1979)
Lightyears ahead of Lawnmower Man2
18 December 2023
A spinning Jack Palace in the SKY?! Come on people; this rocks 10x more than the Netflix rubbish today, and you idiots pay for it. The knobs and gadgets go so far back in time they look space age! The Lost In Space Robots will never die!! Trouble today, people just want blood, guts, gore and women tied to chairs, endlessly tortured, even if they do escape to cut the perps genitalia off and consume it for supper (in a sequel no doubt), I'm ashamed to say nobody has a sense of humour anymore, nor any empathy. I cried when Barry Morse died and half expected The Fugitive to show up with a smile. Carol rocks as does her co-star hair for my time and robots with rocks rock - - I already said something to that effect...so it get a #9 for making Battlestar Galactica look like a Sunday picnic. Predicts Covid and people complain - - can't win in Hollywood.
Changed Spain
8 December 2023
Like an Italian film. So honest and great to watch. I'm watching it in Spanish without subtitles. How Spanish culture has changed. This is supposed to be radical 60s. Even the Spanish sounds different to my ear. The directing is so honest, even the edits that misfire are great. So nice see a movie that was made to show some honest people. Always hot under the collar - - Spanish love... Lol. Always having to stop somebody from hitting somebody. Also, keeps cutting between 3 even four mini plots going on at the same time. Interesting approach. One of the girls attacks the priest with a brick after the mass (implied) attack on the show Girls by about 10 men. They even use a 57 chevy wagon for an ambulance... Nice touch. A lot in this movie. Watch it in Spanish.
A Mermaid for Christmas
(2019 TV Movie)
American Acting
27 October 2023
... American cannot act anymore. Valley girl accents haunt every picture. Perhaps they could act if they had the right Director; or actors from Montana? Or a director that cuts all the superficial rubbish, superfluous facial gestures, endless non-essential body movements, etc., etc. I know people thrive on "feelgood" but does it have be this dystopian? I don't expect Shakespeare but is there any middle ground? If the problem is having a writer as director I understand, but it just seems like Splash 2 is going to break out and that sickening sound effect from Darrell Hannah will be replaced as whale suffering death throws of pleasure or pain...perhaps both. Ooppsies out takes at the end just increases the dysfunctional feel of: "when it will all end"?? I love Christmas and being away from Hollyweed I realise how huge the Christmas film bonanza is. Only satisfied if it tortures the Christmas haters. Try getting a mermaid tail that does not expose your feet even if you're in the waves.
Ambush at Tomahawk Gap
(1953)
Honestly Depicts West
7 October 2023
Snowflakes - - there was a war. Both sides fought. Kill or be killed. Nobody looks at who produced the film. Today there is a silly excuse about these films reflecting the cultural heritage of the time of filming. Total crock of BS. One review is even racist. I didn't report it because I believe in free speech. Of course all the other ethnicities needn't worry; they're protected. One of the best "arrow in ma back" scenes in the business - - but oh, forget that, Indians never exact any retribution. On with the film without a spoiler. Direction is excellent. Has anyone noticed how much a young John Derek looks like Orlando Bloom? Script here is excellent and so is Ray Teal and the Indian girl: Academy Award winning performance. If only the AMPA&S was not fake. We're looking at the GOOD GUYS here...you're welcome. Hurtie feelings? Stay with the hideously modern horror films with their sick violence and porn and keep promoting (and buying) modern Hollywood.
Asteroid-a-Geddon
(2020)
Hunter Biden
10 September 2023
Yes this is the most diabolical film ever made - - for so many reason, So why give it a 10/10...?? Because the CIA and their advance mask technologies: That is Hunter Biden as sure as I LIVE and cough Covid. Of course the clone technology is never 100% but this one 99%.
As for the movie...all the slackers play video games, blog and pump selfies on Instagram with millions in tow as major influencers right, oh...and show up for Hollyweed auditions for the bucks dude; who needs this? Understood. The machines and hard women will save us, and the bent love interests. "You go girl". Smell the American burn...somebody please write and request subtitles.
As for the movie...all the slackers play video games, blog and pump selfies on Instagram with millions in tow as major influencers right, oh...and show up for Hollyweed auditions for the bucks dude; who needs this? Understood. The machines and hard women will save us, and the bent love interests. "You go girl". Smell the American burn...somebody please write and request subtitles.
The Mole People
(1956)
Ishtar... The Light
7 August 2023
The light of Ishtar!! How can you go wrong? Seriously great movie on so many fronts. Even the bits they cut back on rock. The only thing missing is the Beaver (always great with kids) or how about borrowing Robin from Batman? It would work. Why? Because this movie is not perfect but that's the point - - it doesn't matter, it just adds to the atmosphere. When a guy can rule with a flashlight his Eveready batteries are Godlike. Some flashes of brilliantly done scripting here. The fake famine, staged genocidal maniacs falling into place as if it were WEF /Klaus Schwab's Great Reset - - Just substitute mushrooms for "ze bugs"...ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. Patricia ia a very fine actress and plays a mean Shamsin - - a knock out in Japan. Inspiration was the missing Stockton expedition.
You Thought Ishtar Was Bad...
5 April 2023
I avoided this film for years when I first heard about "Giraffe-o-vision" . The inevitable hour struck... caught up with me (like a disease) and low and behold the film was on my local Horror Channel. What possessed them to run it I can only guess. They have a good sense of humour so I believe they like testing this. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to unfold on the screen. I think I can put my finger on it: It just keeps on delivering. Thank Matt Frewer for this (typical) - - I'm used to his antics (believe me) but this does far and beyond the kind of abuse you can expect when the "Ego Has LANDED". What is it about Matt Frewer? He seems to curse everything he touches, ie, New Coke and so much more and the Fez Brothers were no exception. Its heartening to know I no longer suffer alone no longer... these reviews attest to and are 100% proof enough. A film that finds itself on the bottom rung of the worst 100 films on IMDB deserves to out an actors scant few months of prancing around on stage at the Old Vic in London after welding a Hockey stick in Canada: a classical actor it doth not make. I lay all blame for this debacle in art on the diabolic deception of ""classical training" - - hockey pucks never substitute for good prose.
Nomads
(1986)
Century City
26 March 2023
Nice LA views and I like the stuff shot in Santa Monica Park...these American horror fims are just such hokum... I would love to give it one star but viva Santa Monica. Seems to be zero story here. Maybe the book/ script is great and it's some director problem - - who knows? Diection seems so aimless. For me so many American films are just zzzzzz. I'm glad Pierce got the Bond gig as they probably like the way he moved, even with the beard. Big problem here just too much hysterical screaming - - it never ends. Cant imagine watching in a theatre but J never go to the movies. I'm seeing this for the first time and it was 1986. Think of all the money saved. Avain Bond is a njce little earner and being an actor mean getting paid (most of the time) instead of being ripped off by unscrupulous managers in the music biz. Viva alphabetical cast lists if your name is Adam Ant. I get it.
UFOs Declassified
(2015)
Tedious Fame.
23 March 2023
So many good honest people try to report their experiences but have to cut through the hype and dross of showbiz UFO presenters career building in this field. I know people have to work but too much Schmaltz. On UFO Declassified too... same tired voice whipping up military hysteria with the "threats to National Security*... They know who they are. I'd just like to put a cork in it. We dont need some comic book expose when we get that every day in the news with terrestrial fake wars whilst the populace starves. On the one hand the criminal military conveniently makes Trillions vanish into thin air (Sec. DEFENSE DONALD Rumsfeld on September10, 2001) that we should all mount up and sit tall in the saddle to protect our patrotic duty. Total hokum. NASA = 100% LIES oh, and don't forget the $55million a day expenditure for noting. NASA Engineering Today: "I'd go to the moon in a nanosecond except the technology was destroyed". LMAO.
The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch
(2020– )
Such Promise
25 February 2023
... Started out so well and yes the ranch is everything the Indians say it is. The showbiz "textperts" really put you on a nice collision course with reality. Put this on now when induced sleep is needed, especially with 25 commercials in-between.
There were credible moments that made me laugh. Like when she asked, "you put the Alpacas out there to coax a response?? ... Or something to that effect, and they respond with a yes! You have to laugh when the vet is stitching them up and wiping all that blood...the look on her face!
Lets get down to brass tacks. Linda Molton Howe and other UFO experts should be invited out as well as Indian Elders and paranormal researchers...not Travis, and other pseudo science charletons - - shown them door immediately : "there it is again!!" is about as annoying as it gets. I gave it a 5 rating... so many love the show and so many hate it. Blame the producers for just dragging Skinwalker into the mud. "For the 1000 time, do not dig; when is that heavy equipment due??". People can only watch so many radiation /EMF meter readings before heading hitting the red, er...bed. I still fail to ascertain the relevance of a Rabbi, Judaism has nothing to do with UTAH.
There were credible moments that made me laugh. Like when she asked, "you put the Alpacas out there to coax a response?? ... Or something to that effect, and they respond with a yes! You have to laugh when the vet is stitching them up and wiping all that blood...the look on her face!
Lets get down to brass tacks. Linda Molton Howe and other UFO experts should be invited out as well as Indian Elders and paranormal researchers...not Travis, and other pseudo science charletons - - shown them door immediately : "there it is again!!" is about as annoying as it gets. I gave it a 5 rating... so many love the show and so many hate it. Blame the producers for just dragging Skinwalker into the mud. "For the 1000 time, do not dig; when is that heavy equipment due??". People can only watch so many radiation /EMF meter readings before heading hitting the red, er...bed. I still fail to ascertain the relevance of a Rabbi, Judaism has nothing to do with UTAH.
Mr. Sardonicus
(1961)
Am I sick?
12 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I love the leeches! Terrific plot and academy award winning performances from all the actors. This script is a fantastic, well written piece of literary genius, so realistic and true to life.. Perhaps people will laugh at this but, the storyline follows all the emotions of the human heart, not the creepy horrid blood fest horror films of today's sick minds. Cardboard cutouts and as sadistic as it gets. I don't wish to spoil the ending but I better put a warning up anyway. Not being able to open your mouth, has to be the ultimate in a slow death. What I really want to commend the writers on is being way ahead of their time in their prediction of Botox. Sure they called it with a different ingredient but the idea is there, as well as direct injection to the face for paralysis of the face muscles.
Habit
(1995)
Hollyweird Mafiosi
23 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Sociology - the strange scientific researching into trying to finding answers to and the root causes of societies problems and, etc., etc., without ever looking (rarely) at a film that shows more blood than the Hollywood & NYC blood banks put together, sexual orgies of naked actors (I can just envisage the casting sessions) while the director tries to find the best angles of 50 male/female it, naked bodies swimming and writhing in blood. Does the plot really matter at this point. Nothing like traveling as far away from the original Dracula as possible - - Vlad the Impaler, protecting his country against invaders by running pike sticks and poles up their backsides. No that might offend the woke mob...far better to stick with this angle to promote a thousand social ills. Parasites.
Prince of Darkness
(1987)
Endless Laughs
2 November 2022
Not a John Carpenter fan; The Thing is one of the best Sci-fi horror movies ever made, real gold standard when the genre died a many moons ago.. I will review that, but back to this. First time to see this, funny how many similar aspects to Hellraiser there are. I couldn't remember exactly what year, and looked it up to see who robbed whom - - same year, 1987!! All I can say is somebody went to somebody's screening first. Love vein right. Only saw Hellraiser last year first (I hate Hollywood) but they keep running it over and over and its grown on me even though it is a pmentally deranged and not for kids. I am a fan of evil being destroyed.
I love the idea of moving around a lot and shooting multi - layers of plot simultaneously; this film just never quits cutting away to about 14 things. Hellraiser does the same but on a bigger budget, here it's all in one building. There is no end to the actors digging through the walls. Lol. Conveniently placed foam bricks come in real handy beating on the back of a Chinese Zombie. Lol. Must be some effort for humour when the kung-fu master skewered the zombie in the face with a chopstick. Lol. Back to the wall because it is still digging time and the hole is about 4 feet in diameter, but no deeper. 19 nervous breakdowns later the hole is breached and all in the nick of time it took two Zombie birds to come through a flimsy wooden door.
Excellent crashing through window scenes - - on the par with the exceptional Exorcist (I finally saw for first time last week) window scene..and when they duck the zombie that goes out the window - - real slapstick. So much I could go on and on, (sticks) but, special merit should go to the originality of the Zombie slime hosepipe in their mouths and the excess smoke in their mouths when they die. Pure genius and way ahead of its time to predict the combining VAPE craze, decades in advance! Well done Johnny!
I love the idea of moving around a lot and shooting multi - layers of plot simultaneously; this film just never quits cutting away to about 14 things. Hellraiser does the same but on a bigger budget, here it's all in one building. There is no end to the actors digging through the walls. Lol. Conveniently placed foam bricks come in real handy beating on the back of a Chinese Zombie. Lol. Must be some effort for humour when the kung-fu master skewered the zombie in the face with a chopstick. Lol. Back to the wall because it is still digging time and the hole is about 4 feet in diameter, but no deeper. 19 nervous breakdowns later the hole is breached and all in the nick of time it took two Zombie birds to come through a flimsy wooden door.
Excellent crashing through window scenes - - on the par with the exceptional Exorcist (I finally saw for first time last week) window scene..and when they duck the zombie that goes out the window - - real slapstick. So much I could go on and on, (sticks) but, special merit should go to the originality of the Zombie slime hosepipe in their mouths and the excess smoke in their mouths when they die. Pure genius and way ahead of its time to predict the combining VAPE craze, decades in advance! Well done Johnny!
Excellent Episode
18 August 2022
House of Usher
(1960)
Top of the Heap- King of the Hill
11 August 2022
I watched this again after some years and was spellbound. Edgar Allen Pie understood death as much as he appreciated life - - and understood pain.
Richard Matheson take a bow; you have created a masterpiece. Roger Corman (I assume) let him get on with his version, and it is really one of his best.
As a kid I grew up with Vincent Price. You have to admire his work ethic. No need for a holiday when you are #1 American actor. One of those bricks from England must of hopped on the truck from Stratford. He is in total command with the right scope. His command of dialogue is stunning.
The paintings, the set, (good one this time; art direction oozes gothic) the character actors and Richards depictions of the evil antecedents so lovingly well crafted by Richard Matheson again - - riviting and sinks to my soul, with convulsions and outrage at the human condition - - same people we see today, child traffickers, drug dealers, slave traders like the Epstein/Maxwell clique and WEF bankers.
The mood and colour settings are so organised and inspired. Could you doubt the curse? Even Roderick Usher's Lute playing hits the mark: a collection of nightmarish plucked Tri-tone intervals.
Finally...I'm in love with Miss Fahey again and again... well done on this casting and her Prince Charming, Damon - - score a perfect 10. Why is she not a huge superstar? Perhaps in life the short glimpses we add up are worthy of much more than the Shlock relics collecting dust on shelves in every Hollywood studio.
Finally, I met Roger Corman in his office in Venice around 1980... for a casting call on a film I have forgotten. He was polite and helpful and very quick. I didn't get the impression he was very happy. No surprise in Tin Towne.
Richard Matheson take a bow; you have created a masterpiece. Roger Corman (I assume) let him get on with his version, and it is really one of his best.
As a kid I grew up with Vincent Price. You have to admire his work ethic. No need for a holiday when you are #1 American actor. One of those bricks from England must of hopped on the truck from Stratford. He is in total command with the right scope. His command of dialogue is stunning.
The paintings, the set, (good one this time; art direction oozes gothic) the character actors and Richards depictions of the evil antecedents so lovingly well crafted by Richard Matheson again - - riviting and sinks to my soul, with convulsions and outrage at the human condition - - same people we see today, child traffickers, drug dealers, slave traders like the Epstein/Maxwell clique and WEF bankers.
The mood and colour settings are so organised and inspired. Could you doubt the curse? Even Roderick Usher's Lute playing hits the mark: a collection of nightmarish plucked Tri-tone intervals.
Finally...I'm in love with Miss Fahey again and again... well done on this casting and her Prince Charming, Damon - - score a perfect 10. Why is she not a huge superstar? Perhaps in life the short glimpses we add up are worthy of much more than the Shlock relics collecting dust on shelves in every Hollywood studio.
Finally, I met Roger Corman in his office in Venice around 1980... for a casting call on a film I have forgotten. He was polite and helpful and very quick. I didn't get the impression he was very happy. No surprise in Tin Towne.
Demon Eye
(2019)
5 minutes
3 June 2022
To be fair I only caught the last five minutes turning over to it on TV. I hate cable and would never give Netflix a dime, but with lockdown I bought a TV and it has a horror channel so I drop in on occasions like this.
I don't think it's a spoiler to say I didn't understand anythingbut since I missed the film that is understandable. What it did do is give me a very good laugh. I mean I dropped in just as the two demons were closing in and the look on her face was pure LOVE Island or Ibiza show- - take your pick. For the Yanks I will explain that it really is the worst in British TV. But then again 99.9 % British Television is just full of clangers - - I can't stand more than two minutes of anything - - the preening by self-indulgent luuvies who do endless game/quiz shows that are supposed to be funny and the canned audience (and leftest dullards) just laugh at themselves endlessly as if arching their necks and egos into a frenzy of self-delight "as if every word is just too funny" MODE. Either that or; over sexed, hormonal early 20 somethings told to argue and then make up and screw later if you haven't died of boredom by then. Hard to believe in the land of Monte Python how far it has gone down. Mixed with miles of adverts selling PC.
Her face had that Google box look, and then suddenly, as if by magic and as quickly - - she is clutching her eyes. Wtf?? Go figure. Did I miss it? The monsters looked cool then she's screaming. I was impressed: they muted the screams (those films are best on low volume - - tell the director(s) sound men, editors, sound editors, producers- - the louder the screams, does not increase the scare factor.
Suddenly she is at a table looking like she just got back from A&E Eye hospital...lol, more laughs. When the bloke says, "You're gonna need the cash to fix your eyes"... I nearly fell out of my chair. That's the NHS for you.
I don't think it's a spoiler to say I didn't understand anythingbut since I missed the film that is understandable. What it did do is give me a very good laugh. I mean I dropped in just as the two demons were closing in and the look on her face was pure LOVE Island or Ibiza show- - take your pick. For the Yanks I will explain that it really is the worst in British TV. But then again 99.9 % British Television is just full of clangers - - I can't stand more than two minutes of anything - - the preening by self-indulgent luuvies who do endless game/quiz shows that are supposed to be funny and the canned audience (and leftest dullards) just laugh at themselves endlessly as if arching their necks and egos into a frenzy of self-delight "as if every word is just too funny" MODE. Either that or; over sexed, hormonal early 20 somethings told to argue and then make up and screw later if you haven't died of boredom by then. Hard to believe in the land of Monte Python how far it has gone down. Mixed with miles of adverts selling PC.
Her face had that Google box look, and then suddenly, as if by magic and as quickly - - she is clutching her eyes. Wtf?? Go figure. Did I miss it? The monsters looked cool then she's screaming. I was impressed: they muted the screams (those films are best on low volume - - tell the director(s) sound men, editors, sound editors, producers- - the louder the screams, does not increase the scare factor.
Suddenly she is at a table looking like she just got back from A&E Eye hospital...lol, more laughs. When the bloke says, "You're gonna need the cash to fix your eyes"... I nearly fell out of my chair. That's the NHS for you.
The Huntsman: Winter's War
(2016)
The Worst Film... ever
3 April 2022
A psychotic mix of incomprehensible (wannabe Shakespearean prose) seeped through American psycho babble, dialogue and special effects so bad that it beggars the question: How long will Hollywood survive on this rubbish? Imagine people/kids sitting through this (wrestling fans?)... violence even a vampire after black blood wouldn't buy; bad to the last drop as the ending rap/electronic music film (score?) attests. A Roth Film. Figures. "You can't defeat me Huntsman". Sounds suitably implausible.
Burning
(2018)
Hollywood Slapped
3 April 2022
Korean life really is like this. Of course they chill sometimes but like Japan, you never waste time and you can wonder why the Chinese do what they do with their money. Btw/ they (Chinese) don't throw throw their money at people because they hate money - - they hate people. Communism bites hard.
Justice
(1971–1974)
Goodbye LA Law
24 March 2022
Dynamic legal series that most Yankees won't begin to understand since it contains dialogue with substance, not superficial psycho-babble...it is cultural, but brainwashing is the chief culprit. In case this offends the UK is a Marxist cesspit today.
Evil Dead II
(1987)
They like it
17 March 2022
Blood that is. I often wonder why the producers, directors, financiers of this filth don't just go out tomorrow and book jobs at the local abattoir - - they could cut real flesh, but then that's real work. I stopped watching this rubbish years ago but now since the Covid-1984 lockdown I bought a TV after 20 years and have the horror channel. Sure they are sensitive to the criticism - - it's why they run retro TV from the 1960s, I'm grateful but unforgiving because kids can see the blood. You are the ones that must answer to a higher power when your time comes. Even drinking Adrenachrome a life is still short. Only one thing can save you and you'll never find it.
If you must watch this rubbish, do it on mute unless you like non-stop blood-curdling screams; oh... all in good fun, real life is never like that . Do I feel sorry for this actor? Just think, you could have been Orlando Bloom.
If you must watch this rubbish, do it on mute unless you like non-stop blood-curdling screams; oh... all in good fun, real life is never like that . Do I feel sorry for this actor? Just think, you could have been Orlando Bloom.
A Fair Hearing
18 February 2022
This episode: solid gold example of creeping Cultural Marxism in American TV. Not able to push too hard at this point, the elite have their cadre of writers breaking out the thumb screws for perceived injustices (which bank owns this lemon Grove? You guess)... The sadistic farm owners exploiting the poor workers and the inevitable retribution that follows, the typical all American mom typecast with the uber dark past. A meta verse of blame game by the fifth column has begun - - ripe as 2000 year old lemons.
Covid-1984 storyline
16 February 2022
... Came true. Corrupt doctors now rule as dictators in 2022. I watched this a few years ago marvelling in the creative script and thinking we were heading for disaster (I don't buy the nukes hoax) but that there might be a bit more time before the Stasi police arrived at the door. Here they are. Brilliant oracles of the 1960s.
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