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The Vampire Diaries (2009)
The Vampire Diarrhea
This is like watching a train smash in slow motion. You know exactly what is going to happen, because this train is running on big strong tracks, with scheduled stops, and no unexpected deviations.
The characters are "teenagers" ... that interact with an impeccable middle aged rebellion. Perfectly premeditated dialog, illogical, witty, sarcastic, yet politically correct, emancipated, well adjusted, mature, innocent, naive, but profoundly wise, teenagers.
The dialog is expositional and rhetorical. In other words its a continuous and contrived data dump, which often concentrates on describing what is happening or has just happened. As a result it lacks authenticity.
These "teenagers" party hard & drink excessively ... without getting drunk ... only to engage in a life threatening well coordinated fist fight, and an apex of exchanging heartfelt declarations of love and bedtime cuddles. The characters all have an unlimited capacity for gullibility in addition to unlimited funds for new cars.
It's cliché. In every sense. Contrived, coincidental and uninspired. Like elevator music.
I have NEVER watched a TV series with so many personal apologies, and absolution of fault. This is the most common dialog pattern. "I ... I, can't do it because I am confused ... I am so sorry. I am a bad person", "Don't say that. It wasn't your fault, you mustn't blame your self. You did it because you really care.", "But I'm such a loner, and nobody understands me", "Whatever, like, maybe you are ... sorry I'm a douche", "It wasn't your fault ..." (step and repeat x 22 episodes x 45 minutes x 5 seasons)
If you want to watch original ideas for this genre here are some of my favourites: LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008 Swedish) THIRST (2009), 30 DAYS of NIGHT (2007), NOSFERATU (1922)