Reviews written by registered user
joe-elliott2

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15 reviews in total 
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Dead Space (2008) (VG)
8 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Stunning! Words cannot describe this game!, 4 April 2009
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

But I'll do my best... First off, you can tell Dead Space is going to be something else, for years the survival-horror genre has been ruled by Resident Evil, but now it has competition, SERIOUS competition. From the moment the game begins, you know its going to be scary, the dark rooms, the sounds that you recognise but still get you. Savour the lights of the sun and the entry lounge, there'll be few others from now in. You immediately get the feeling of terrible isolation due to the change from the traditional HUD layout (now built into your suit) and the nerve-shredding audio and gruesome visuals lock you into a horrific floating haunted house... It is clear that serious work has gone into this game, it is evident through every media that something SERIOUSLY bad has happened. Think mass infection and mutation followed by a systematic slaughterhouse on a gigantic spaceship.Voices scream from the shadows with gruesome messages scrawled onto the walls. And then there's the Necromorphs... I cannot think of a scarier and more disturbing game villain and the strategic dismemberment is a stroke of genius. And they're clever too. That's the scary part, the AI is incredible, the basic Necromorph can follow you, ambushing you through the vent system, and occasionally side-step bullets, impersonate corpses only to leap out and grab you, oh and still keep coming with no legs, head and only a single arm.

Everything about this game is incredible, the audio, the visuals, the monsters, the story, the gameplay, everything... Buy it. Buy it now! 10/10

Predator (1987)
7 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
The Essential Action Movie!, 21 January 2009
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Having not being born when Predator came out, the first I heard about any sort of Predator was the Alien vs. Predator franchise. Therefore I was never too bothered about seeing this movie. And what I was missing out on! I want to start by saying that this is, alongside The Terminator (also staring Ah-nuld Schwazenegger) this is probably the action movie of the eighties. Nothing comes close to the suspense and pure brilliance of this film. The Predator and the lack of it visually creates a genuinely terrifying antagonist who ruthlessly butchers his way through Ah-nuld's elite squad. Ah-nuld himself is brilliant as Dutch, the ripped leader in a film strewn with brilliant one-liners (knock knock!), Ah-nuld was perfect for the role as someone fighting on the side of good rather than the evil monster-type role. Everyone else has a great part and the characters are developed well in the opening scenes, before they're mercilessly butchered. Overall, the action movie to see. Predator-10/10

Borat: Cultural Confusion in U S and A make glorious laughter for us, 23 December 2008
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I can think of nothing not to like about Borat. THis isn't some weak comedy held together by a central character, this is a GREAT comedy held together by a central character, and the best comedians of them all, the unsuspecting public... Every set piece from the Kazakh village to the glorious sunshine of California produces non-stop laughs and some of the most horrifically graphic VISUAL jokes (in the hotel(s)) I have ever had the fortunate to see in a hilarious film. I say this not as some sort of paedophile but as a comedy lover who truly fell over laughing at the innocent antics of the lovable Borat Sagdiyev (Kazakhstan's fourth most popular celebrity and don'you forget it!) COngrats to Sacha BAron Cohen(oh by the way, how can you be so racist to JEws, being one yourself. I'm not religious, its just y'know. I dunno if I could do that.) Still, a brilliant film 10/10!

1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Meh, I say, MEH!, 19 December 2008
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

First off, I have not seen the original. On a unbiased opinion I thought that this film merited a meh, I've seen better. For a 'Hollywood Blockbuster', I thought this film was flat. Klaatu couldn't work out if he was good or bad (killing a guy then bringing him back to life merely to announce he was going to destroy the whole human race), and Helen something who had a more important role in her family than stopping Klaatu. I couldn't understand the moans about the lack of 'Gort'. From what I can tell, he appeared after Klaatu was shot, was restrained, he destroyed missiles and smashed planes and tanks. Then he is taken away, they try to kill him and he dissipates into lethal dust and begins killing everyone and everything. GOrt did plenty and was well on his way to committing genocide. To that I will hear no moans of 'where's Gort????' OK. The plot was a bit thin, and some of the acting was odd (particularly, deadpan-and-beginning-to-rot Keanu) but I didn't think the film deserved the bad press. Sure its not a 'classic' but it deserves higher recommendation. Meh, I say, MEH!

0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Absolutely Awful, 30 November 2008
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I am a big fan of the Alex Rider books and was so excited when this came out. I never had time to watch it at the cinema so I borrowed it from a friend and watched it. Oh my God. What had happened to the slick action scenes, the witty one-liners, the grudging personality. It was all replaced by utter tripe. I have to say that this is probably the most DISAPPOINTING film I have ever seen. The characters were completely re-invented, the tense moments were removed, the whole ending was redone, the film had nothing on the book. No car chase, no mine swimming, no witty remarks nothing. I was amazed to see that Anthony Horowitz had written the screenplay, it was awful. Try harder in future, guys I mean come on. It was a joke! 2/10. I'm being generous here.

9 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Absolutely F***king Terrifying!, 21 November 2008
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have to say, Steven Moffat has got to be the best writer Doctor Who has ever had! His stories always stand out head and shoulders in any series, sometimes even eclipsing the finale! And Blink is no exception if anything, its his best yet! The plot, while incredibly complicated, is brilliantly acted and well told. The monsters in the form of scary statues were the scariest f***king things ever in fact the whole story even when the Angels weren't around was menacing with the knowledge that the creatures can shoot around in the BLINK of an eye. Best of Series 3, if not every series so far. 10/10 never more deserved, a chilling story that should be a movie with an at least 15 certificate!

7 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Disgusting, vulgar, adult, Random, BRILLIANT, 20 November 2008
10/10

This is a brilliant series along the same lines of Simpsons. Following a family as they go through life and problems etc. Slightly less realistic than Simpsons, talking baby and dog anyone? Family Guy goes where SImpsons or Futurama dares not, reaching past into the sicker jokes and more racy gags. And believe me, it works! Almost all the gags hit the mark and they'll have you in stitches(especially the random, frequent flashbacks!) When my brother first showed me this I wasn't hooked but after a few episodes I was hooked. You will be 2. 10/10 for a truly brilliant show. COngrats to Seth Macfarlane for bringing this show to life. :)

3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Wreckage of what should have been a great idea., 20 November 2008
1/10

This show may have started off half decent but it ages badly and got old quickly. It seems to just be a stage for some truly vile people who now seem to be the average Joe. The worst part of this show is that it COULD have been so good. I mean think about, people under surveillance 24/7. See the average people put in odd situations and locked away from the world. But sadly it was ruined when every chav, tart and odd mental patient signed up. And in an attempt to be 'ground-breaking' the producers picked them. Learn from your mistakes. Stop making this tripe.

I mean did the celebrity version not make enough people vomit for the producers to be satisfied?????

1/10 all the way... PS. If you want to see these people getting what we're begging for, then watch Dead Set by Charlie Brooker. Stress-relief...

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Charming coming-of-age film, 6 November 2008
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

'Stand By Me' is the story of four kids who set out to find the body of a friend, they learn about each other and their friendship grows. Stand By Me is a fantastic film, a kind of guilty pleasure.

The story is simple, four kids look for a body, see? simple. I was expecting more blood or gore from Steven King but it is very restrained and there is very little violence etc. for a 15 (at the time i guess, and it is a Steven King). The other, older gang is pretty tough and happy to speak and act in all kinds of outrageous ways, talking about progress with girlfriends or carving words or pictures into their arms with a knife. Believe me, this is shown pretty graphically in the film. The acting is top-notch, all the boys are portrayed well by brilliant actors, the late River Pheonix gives an especially great performance. Overall, a simple, but charming coming-of-age film. 8/10, a great film that rightly deserves its place in the top 250, if not the top 100. Star Wars? Move over!

Incredible! Best superhero movie EVER!, 5 November 2008
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I know it sounds lame but the Incredibles is a masterpiece of movie-making. OK so the Spidermans, Batman, Iron Man etc. are thrilling and epic and so on, but The Incredibles looks at the superhero genre from a different angle, superheroes are outlawed and forced to live normal lives. This is where the whole Incredible family comes in. They are 'accidently on purpose' called in to stop a crisis on an island somewhere that spread to, uhhh, a city somewhere. I forget where. The film is fantastic, 'acting' great, the plot to eliminate all 'supers' works well and every character is great. Watch out for Edna, a great character they should have developed more. Overall, a resounding 10 out of 10 Incredible!


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