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Turbo Kid (2015)
Turbo Kid nails it/cuts it/slices it.
If your primary movie-going experience is watching Hollywood blockbusters with vin diesel, this may not be your cup of tea, but for everyone else, this film destroys it.
This film is pure gold, 80's indulgent, brain melting gore, a love story, and even somewhat artistic at times.
I won't drone on, but this film i destined to be a staple in horror/art house/comedy cinema.
It is fast-paced, adorable, hilarious, brutal, and has a charm that only filmmakers in love with their genres can produce. This is not Hollywood, but you wouldn't know it. Often times I can either purchase a film to see it, or watch it streaming but, it's a rare occasion when i see a film and have to instantly purchase it.
no script to this COULROphobia joke.
This was pretty terrible. Acting was sub-high school drama student. Gore was unimpressive. Basically a lot of teens yelling at each other louder and louder.
In the making of, the director to admits she only got a couple decent actors and filled the cast with whomever wanted in.
She also said THERE WAS NO SCRIPT.
I had high hopes. I thought maybe the idiotically incorrect title, which sounds more like the fear of being in closed spaces WITH clowns. The quote on the box IS FROM THE DIRECTOR.
Even for b movie standards, this was awful. It had a few funny moments with the terrible acting and sometimes how non threatening the clown was. If you must see every clown movie in existence, I guess its not as bad as fear of clowns and Mr chuckles.
The Haunted Trailer (2014)
Not funny, not clever, not cool
These 2 high ratings are undoubtedly from the creators. I have the highest tolerance of B movies of anyone i know, and this was easily the worst film i've seen in 10 years. I love thankskilling, I love almost anything troma, lionsgate and fullmoon produce. I am not hard to please in this department. So in case you think i'm being lofty, im not. I'm well familiar with schlock. Up until this "Hellroller" was the worst film i'd seen, and that film has almost unwatchable film and audio quality that you can barely see faces on screen. This film has more turd jokes than the infinitely better "Monsturd" film. That's saying a lot.
I can honestly say you will not enjoy this film at all. This one is one of the few bad films I can say was a complete waste of time.
There seems to be no script, it tries hard to be funny, but fails on ALL attempts. There are 2 redneck brothers who repeatedly make the dumbest gay jokes, and utter "momma owww" repeatedly, in addition to talking about their asses, nuts, junk repeatedly, and oddly not in a way that becomes entertaining. It's like a bizarre mix of three stooges comedy and spraying feces gags. The Momma character repeats her "God Dammit..." catchphrase and does nothing other than, woo look! a man in drag! Aren't we funny? If you were to describe the film, it might sound decent, which is so surprising why it fails on all accounts.
Seriously, most pornos have better plots.
I like to offer films to people I know which I consider "challenging", films that we hate each other for, and for that, it's perfect. I can see how these actors had a lot of fun doing this, but unfortunately it appears there was no structure to hold any of it together. Script, editing, or otherwise.
This film at best will disappoint, at worst make you angry.
It's not clever, not well done, has wasted cg effects, and ron adds nothing to this (and he usually does). It's not violent, it's not sexy, it's not funny, it's not unique. It's just a waste of time and I'm not sure i'd wish it on my worst enemies.
If you want to challenge your capability to finish any film, check this out. You've been warned.
If you watch this, expect a strong feeling of loss and regret
This movie deserves no rating, and it's not for the reasons you'd think. It is a complete failure, but mostly because it got past common sense, Hollywood budgets, and directing standards.
All because I believe Shaq threw enormous piles of money at it, and no one wanted to tell him this was the worst possible movie idea.
Also take note that Shaq raises his eyebrows every other word he speaks.
Some moments are only mildly painful, while others are clench your teeth, eye-squinting travesties. Most notably, the rap battle between the boy and Shaq, where they repeat "We ain't men, we genie."
* Scowling at a piece of toast. * A boom box that shoots a shower of sparks * A grown man showering in front of a child * A rapping genie, that despite boasting his lyrical skills, always starts every rhyme with "I am Kazaam" * More than an hour of your life wasted
These are what you have to look forward to in watching this.
I'm troubled that anyone thought this would make money, or legitimize Shaq's rapping career in the minds of children.
If you have a choice between sitting in gridlock traffic for 9 hours, 10 straight hours of oral surgery or watching Kazaam, Kazaam wins by a slight margin. There's no more positive endorsement I can give.
ThanksKilling 3 (2012)
"...your fingers are too big to close my eyelids for no reason"
Puppets, violence, gags, and of course our beloved crass Turkie. Everything in this film is much bigger. The sets, the lighting, the special effects, the songs and score.
Decidedly less human actors, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Almost every style of animation is present, save for claymation.
I'd recommend going into Thankskilling 3 with an open mind, and not expecting to see an exact clone of the original. It has HILARIOUS parody songs, sight gags, and lots of hidden little nuggets to be discovered.
All in all it was a very enjoyable film. It is definitely a proud addition to the collection. It took a little bit of a deviation from the first, but thats why its the 3rd installment right?
The only drawback was there could have been more violence. If the entire reason you loved the original was the violence, you may be left wanting more.
I personally would have a better time selling this film to regular movie watchers, and maybe a harder time of those who's normal viewing experience to be the scenes of torture and extreme that occupy todays horror cinema.