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Alone in the Dark (2005)
It Could of Been Worse...We Could of Seen Christian Slater Take Off All His Clothes
I would like to start out by explaining a little about the plot, but I doubt that's possible; because there doesn't seem to be any in this movie. Christian Slater, along with Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff (who gets hardly any time in the movie) walk around shedding their clothes left and right and attempting to act in front of the camera in this wreck of 96 minutes of what a b-movie fanatic might just call a "movie." For everybody else, Alone in the Dark may be that one crapfest out there with enough bad editing, bad dialogue, bad direction, and bad acting to beat Plan 9 From Outer Space's record for worst movie of all time.
Dr. Uwe Boll finally proves to us that he is helpless, and even though God himself won't stop him from making movies, he is going to keep making clunkers till somebody shoots him in the head. The problem with him is that he has no taste in film; he thinks everything goes good with Matrix special effects. Someone should tell him that Matrix special effects belong in the Matrix movies, and not in horror video game adaptations. You will constantly see slow moving bullets and time slowing down as people jump through windows and swing punches during fight scenes. These effects cause a lot of money to film. Dr. Boll actually spent more money to lower the quality of his movie. Only he is capable of doing that. And on top of that, the overall creature effects looked like something out my Playstaion 1. The man intentionally made it to seem that way, and further lowered the quality of the movie, of what might of been a good movie if executed properly.
Brendan Fletcher, of Freddy vs. Jason fame, shows up in the movie and impresses the audience with his short but powerful performance as the surfing tax driver. Since when do surfers drive taxi cabs? In Alone in the Dark, they do.
I can go on about how bad this movie is, but I would be just repeating what the other two thousand negative reviews have been saying about this movie. You know, I'm a very optimistic guy. If one of my professors told me I only had a ten percent chance of passing the class, I would stick in there and hope for the best. As for Dr. Boll, I had the same optimism and for his other turkey, House of the Dead. Now this is no HotD review, but the movie was awful, and perhaps it was not his fault. Something could of gone wrong during filming, and maybe--just maybe--Dr. Boll isn't that bad. So I had some hopes for Alone in the Dark, but I now know since I have seen his latest film, I am positve: Dr. Uwe Boll cannot make a good movie if his life depended on it, and with the way his career is going now, I won't be surprised if something happens to him. Especially with all this anti-Boll messages popping all over the web.
Nothing special here
I heard about this movie in a another movie called Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. A hilarious b movie featured on MST3K. Anyway, I noticed Casablanca was on tv and decided to watch it. it was...BORING! There was nothing special about it. It had nothing! I cannot believe it is like the 5th best movie on this web site. Its a decent film, yes. But it does not deserve to be hailed as the best and recognized as it is today.
Con Air (1997)
Good action packed film with high body count, but some bad editing...
I've seen Con Air a couple of times, and enjoy the movie. Its just a fun movie meant for guys. The action never stops, and like 20 people die every 5 minutes. The movie is crazy. But what's up with Cage's accent? Its not like him, and he didn't do a good job. I think its because everyone is used to his acting style and he can't really go far out of his way now. Other then that, the editing was bad. Sometimes it did not seem to match the music score. Overall, the movie rocked!
Yûsei ôji (1959)
This movie? I LIKE IT VERY MUCH!
Let us see...None of the aliens seem to be wearing any underwear. All Prince of Space does is say how none of Krankor's weapons work on him, and all Krankor does is laugh. HA HA HA HA HA. And then we have those three kids with dubbed annoyingly. Well, not so annoying because I laughed my face off when this film or whatever you want to call it was featured on MST3K. It would be relitevly unknown if it wasn't for Mikey and the Bots.
But really, is this a film? Is it entertainment? Hell yeah! But I'm not sure if it is a film. Acctually, I heard it was two episodes from a Japanese show that was cancelled to low ratings or something, and later edited into a movie for America. Who knows?
I'm confused if I should give this movie a 10 or a 1. The MST3K version deserves a 10 but on its own this "movie" deserves crap. But I gave it a 10 since I'm such a nice guy.
Dragon Fighter (2003)
Better then REIGN OF FIRE!
I remember coming out of "Reign of Fire" disappointed. And I really didn't expect much from this movie, especially with a title like "Dragon Fighter," and that it was a tv movie. But I was some what impressed. The camera views and tricks were interesting. And the movie was entertaining to watch all the way through. The only down side is that the CGI dragon looked horrid, and I think they used the same CGI shot about 10 times. The part where its walking down the corridor, in the facility. And another thing, why are all these films taking place in some high-tech research facility? And the opening scene in the cave, is clearly the same set for the opening for Pythons 2. And the facility itself looked the same as in Boa. Strange. Doesn't matter. I enjoyed this film, and there is a good chance that "sci-fi" B movie fans will too.
The darkest dinosaur film I've ever seen!
So much more horror then any Jurassic Park movie! Carnosaur is one of the only films that the genre falls into "horror" and "dinosaurs." From beginning to end it's a true cult-classic for a those few die hard fans that are out there. But let's hope they don't go extinct. The #1 complaint has been that the special effects suck. Okay, the T-Rex was too fake for me but the little green raptor really rocks. Like when it takes down those idiotic kids in their jeep to when it takes down those chained environmentalists. And I loved how the writer named all the major characters after birds. What an irony! And for the novel, every dino fan should read Harry Adam Knight's Carnosaur! I own the novel on paperback and it is no longer in print from what I've heard so run and find a copy from a used shop or the web. And I really thought it was funny how some of the characters would be eating chicken like Clint Howard and then get taken down by the dinosaur. How ironic! I would have given this movie a perfect 10 if it only if they had dropped the concept about "women giving birth to dinosaurs"! But a movie like this is so rare to find and so fun to watch. And you'll never look at chickens the same way again!
A cool B sci-fi film! (contains spoilers)
Watching this on TV I must say it was done fairly well. Good acting, average special effects with explosions, and a semi-storyline taken from other movies. The lead monster of the film looks okay. Some of the shots done in costume were below average while some of the CGI done at night were passable. The acting was good and made you feel the characters. I was surprised the writer killed off the lead child in the story. But on the down note the movie did rip-off a lot from other films. The African American computer expert is like the clone of Samuel L. Jackson from Jurassic Park. Wearing the same clothing and even has a cigarette in his mouth all the time. And the ending was the same as Predator. The monster is a mixture of a Xenomorph and a Predator. And the helicopter crash was VERY fake. But I enjoyed the movie. A plus is how the script didn't go dull like in Boa and Arachnid. It capitalized off other movies.
The bottom line. DNA may not be a masterpiece, and may not work out for everyone but for a late night movie it is more then some may need. 6/10