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Art School Confidential (2006)
Cliché, Cliché, Cliché, Crap Crap Crap
I guess Angelica Houston and John Malkovich must have both been strung- out living in the same crack house and so desperate for work that they had no other choice but to agreed to do this piece of s_ _ _ film. I can't think of any other reasons why such talented Artist would waste their time on such a poorly written/directed/produced/acted project.
Everything one is taught not to do in screen writing classes, workshops, books, etc is done in this one. Every single character was a clichéé, a joke, a fool, not to mention some of the worst acting since Plan Nine from Outer Space.
My girl friend kept asking, "why are you still watching it?" as I moaned and groaned constantly. "Because I'm hoping that John Malkovich will do something interesting. I have never seen him play a boring role, something has got to happen." Shows you what I know.
This is Malkovich's worst job. I hope he didn't get paid. And what about Steve Beushime. Let's see, maybe they should have had him say "Fuck" a few times, that would have made his miserable, rude, uninteresting character interesting. Let's not forget the forgettable role that the talented Mz. Houston played. Oh wait, what was it she did in this movie? How did she propel the story? What wisdom did she share with the student body or the oh-so unbelievable protagonist? Oh yea, Nothing, nada, not a damn thing. That role could have been played by Jan Doe. Speaking of the Does, the so called, drawing instructor should have been played by Jan's husband.
I went to art school. The instructors actually gave instructors. They didn't call for the model, walk away and yap on a cell phone. Oh yea, and since when is smoking allowed in any school in the United states of America.
Ah, the protagonist; lets see, I'm trying to find one single quality that was attractive, interesting, challenging...darn it! Nothing. Oh yea, he did do like so many art students/Artist, hang another Artist's work and call it his own. I remember me and my classmates doing that all the time. I mean don't all Artist do that? Or, is that something you get expelled for, just like a student who turns in a term paper written by someone not himself. Yea they got a name for the losers in the world, they call cheating/lying, Plagiarism. But, writer Daniel Clowes (don't get me started on what I think his real name is)and director/producer Terry Zwigoff obviously think the audience is so stupid that none of us would question why a student would hang someone else work and call it his own.
I just noticed that below is a statement which reminds those of us who write a review/comment, "Your submission must be your own original work." How ironic.
If I recall, there isn't a street in Manhattan that looks like the one the drunk painter lived on. Not since the 70s have the streets of NYC looked like that.
But at least the words for and the actors that played the cops were believable. NOT! Look, I'm the last guy to champion a law enforcer, but hey, they made these guys into clowns (oops, there's that word I was thinking about before). And of course, we believe, that based upon the vast-solid evidence that cop-turned-Artist had, "he told me he use to go into the city all the time", they had ample cause to arrest the kid-for murder. And that he'd never even ask why he was arrested. I guess the writer and director figured we were (once again) so stupid we'd never question this.
I was totally insulted by the writer, director/producer. This film is a perfect example of why (especially neophyte and bad) directors need a good producer(I see Malkovic got a producer credit also. I have to assume he was a "paper" producer) You can't have a blind man leading a blind man, especially if that blind man is the same blind man leading himself. when worlds collide like that, you wind up with, well, a film called Art School Confidential. And man oh man, what a brilliant title that would be for a film.
So lets recap, clichéé dialogue, clichéé characters, bad acting, cliché directing, boring character, waste of talent, waste of time (for the viewer) total disrespect for the audience, Artist/art schools and art students.
In closing, I will never, ever use Ebert & Rpoer as barometers for a good film again. Wait! There is something good about this DVD, you can use it as a knife to cut garlic when you wind up in prison for plagiarism.