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63 reviews in total 
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2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Could Brent have stopped Taylor?, 27 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

We see Brent ( James Franciscus) getting shot and sliding down the wall at the end but we never truly know if he survived his injuries or not.

Do you think he was still alive when Taylor (Charlton Heston) activated the bomb? If so, how come he didn't attempt to stop Taylor?

There was plenty of time for Brent to crawl to Taylor and stop him detonating the bomb. Even though he had a few minor bullet grazes, Brent could have dragged himself toward Taylor.

Was Brent being selfish by remaining where he was shot? Was he frightened of receiving some more minor bullet grazes?

Should he have shouted 'Stop!' to Taylor?

Alien³ (1992)
3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
The bald men should have worn wigs so the alien would not know it was them., 25 March 2014

The bald men should have worn wigs so the alien would not know it was them. I can't believe that they did not think of this. If there were a stock of wigs this could have all been avoided. There would have been no needless deaths because the alien would not know it was them because they would all be wearing a wigs.

If they encountered the alien - it would not recognize them because they are not bald anymore. The bald men should have worn wigs so the alien would not know it was them. The bald men should have worn wigs so the alien would not know it was them. The bald men should have worn wigs so the alien would not know it was them.

Jaws (1975)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Quint - The odd one out, 10 March 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

If we reconsider this three man crew. - we can come to the conclusion that Quint, even though he was the owner of the boat, was the man who stuck out like a sore thumb on board.

Brody and Hooper both wore glasses and Quint did not.

Do you think that they should have taken advantage of their position and overpowered him? Strength through unity? One man without glasses would not be much of a problem for two men in glasses.

These observations can be extended further if one looks close enough.

Hooper had a full beard Quint just had a moustache Brody had neither. But he did have glasses.

The amount of facial hair decreases from Hooper down to Brody. Or if we look at it the other way - the facial hair increases if we go from Brody, through Quint up to Hooper.

5 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Excuse me while I gather myself., 2 March 2014

I just watched Godfather Part II and now I must take a moment to gather myself. It's all too much. My mind and body have entered what seems to be a state of shock and awe. I feel like just collapsing into a chair and staring into blank space. A blank stare of contemplation: Much like Michael did throughout the whole three hour duration of the movie.

If you'll excuse me I have to go now. I need to get a grip on the life shatteringly staggering events that I have just witnessed. I really need to lie down. I must recuperate. You see, my knees have turned to jelly. I may have to support them with my plastic kneecap.

Movies this powerful should be banned.

Avatar (2009)
10 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
Another lame offering from James 'Goodness Me!' Cameron., 20 February 2011

Goodness me! Once again James Cameron takes mediocrity to new heights. He places the mediocrity in a box made of gold and elevates the box onto a platform with spotlights pointing at it. Goodness me! He destroyed the Alien franchise with his trashy and brash sequel and then he turned a real sea tragedy into a cliché ridden, money spinning bore fest(Titanic). Goodness me! It seems that any project with his name attached is bound for sure fire success because it's James 'Goodness Me' Cameron and we must, by law, consider his works genius. (Goodness me).

Avatar is a computer game. Nothing more. I want to see a MOVIE when I go to the cinema, thank you very much and a big Goodness Me!

I shall now declare a national holiday. I shall call it 'Goodness Me Day' in honour of James Cameron.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Your momma's loins., 13 February 2011

This is probably the best of the weak trilogy of cow pie and car movies. Burt Eastwood opted out of this one, leaving it up to Jackie Gleason to travel cross country with his imbecilic son, Junior, for no good reason. Junior slips on a banana skin and farts. Gleason shout " Your momma!" at him. Junior then sticks his ass out of the car window accidentally, offending a bus full of pensioners. Gleason shouts " Your momma!" at him. This carries on for an hour and a half until we are finally treated to the final scene of Junior farting and Gleason shouting "Your momma!" at him in a shock twist.

I found this to be the most entertaining of the trilogy. There were more fart jokes this time round, which shows the writers had really put more thought into the script at last.

Funny shiit. I am laughing as I write this. In fact, I think I've just split my pant. I must control my laughter. Excuse me a moment while I gather myself.

6 out of 45 people found the following review useful:
Dirk Vader And Luke Shytalker Battle It Out With Their 'Life Savers'., 13 February 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This middle oddity is a very laborious experience indeed. It's all 'life saver' battles with an added dose of averageness thrown in to pad it out a bit. Dirk Vader is seeking Luke Shytalker (or whatever his name is - it's something along those lines, anyway) because he wants to cut him down with a swift blow from his 'life saver' if he does not join him in wanting to rule the galaxy as Dull and Duller: maniacal space duo. Anyway, it all ends with Dirk confronting Shytalker in a 'life saver' battle to the death. Dirk swings his 'life saver' at Shytalker. Shytalker swings his 'life saver' back at Dirk. This goes on until either Shytalker gets his hand cut off or the audience don't care anymore. That's about it, really. Not much here for real fans. Empire is nowhere near as good as it's predecessor or indeed it's sequel, Jedi, both of which are truly engaging. This one is not.

Get Carter (1971)
1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Saw this on a double feature with Mary Poppins, 7 February 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This excellent family movie features a deliciously lightweight, almost camply humorous performance from Michael Caine as Carter. In this one he plays a gangster who is addicted to shooting people in the head from a vantage point (preferably on a beach). Anyway, Carter decides to have an enjoyable day with his rifle at the beach. He walks along the shore, throws his rifle into the water, swims out to retrieve the rifle, then throws it back in the water again for no apparent reason. He spends most of the afternoon retrieving his rifle from the seafront.

As the film draws to a close, we see Carter buying an ice cream, trying to assemble a wooden deck chair (a hilarious scene - the deck chair keeps collapsing every time he sits on it) and finally being shot in the head by a random lunatic.

This early 70's gangster comedy is still one of the finest in the genre, even outdoing The Godfather in the laughter stakes.

Piranha 3D (2010)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
A Portion Of Fish And Tits, Please., 24 November 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Fish. Tits. Fish. Tits. Fish. Ass. Fish. Tits. Fish. Ass. Fishy ass. Fishy tits. Fishy ass...

That about sums it up really. Richard Dreyfus flashes his ass and then his tits. Christopher Lloyd then flashes his tits and ass. Then Kelly Brook flashes her penis which is eaten by a fish.

At this point, I was wondering how much more ass and tits I could take.

The cinema audience was also full of 'asses' and 'tits.' All of these people loving every minute of this garbage. What a shocking and disgraceful waste of film this atrocity is. Appealing only to the base members of society, this film gives them an orgasm of low, low entertainment.

" Duh, look at that fishy thing, Bert!" " Duh, look at that ass, Fred". " Duh, look at those tits, Ernie." " Duh, look at that floating penis, Chris."

11 out of 27 people found the following review useful:
Chopping Onions Makes You Cry Also And Is Slightly More Enjoyable., 27 September 2010

I require a new sick bucket. My old metal sick bucket has eroded after just one showing of this saccharine shite. I loved my old sick bucket. It had withstood many sugary sweet abominations over the years such as 'Mrs.Doubtfire' and 'Lassie Come Home You Little Bast*rd', but E.T finally eroded the metal.

There were only so many insultingly manipulative swelling orchestral strings that the metal could take. I noticed the first crack in the sick bucket appear around that scene where everybody acts downtrodden and likable. Oh, hang on, that's every scene then.

Look closely at the moon as Elliot's bike fly's past. I swear you can see the man in the moon gagging and vomiting all over his cheese covered surface.

Even as a child I was not particularly fond of this slow, slow movie. Spielberg should make a movie about a man suffering from severe hemorrhoids and get John Williams to coat it in sugar. It could be quite effective.

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