Reviews written by registered user
Hoohahmoron

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6 reviews in total 
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1 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
What is wrong with you people?, 17 April 2004

If you like watching really bad movies, that's the only way I could possibly recommend this to anyone other than my worst enemy. Now, let me explain why this film is God-awful in 4 easy steps:

1 - The actual plot is revealed with roughly 5 minutes left in the film. I don't want to give anything away (because I'm sure there are some people who will see this film despite my warnings), but I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the end of the movie. You watch the entirety of this film wondering exactly what on Earth is happening UNTIL 5 minutes left. If that doesn't make you hate this film, then, with any luck, some of these other reasons will.

2 - Is there even acting in this film? I don't even know how to describe the "technical" aspects of this movie. It really looks as if the people who shot and wrote this film had no experience and no expertise whatsoever. Lo and behold! The writer has never done anything else (despite having starred in this atrocity), the director has done NOTHING of worth whatsoever, and the cinematographer has not done a single film that is even decent, especially in terms of visual quality. These is not even a single "film" aspect that is decently done in this nightmare...

3 - This is not funny. If you really want to watch films that are so bad they make you laugh, there are dozens upon dozens of better choices. Nothing happens for 75% of this film, and the plot is actually nonexistant. I mean, if you really actually like this film, I pity your soul.

4 - I don't need another reason. This film is utter garbage.

There, read those and live by them. If you disagree with any of these points, you are wrong.

4 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
This...is...God...awful, 4 April 2004

Sometimes I read reviews and comments on IMDB, and though I disagree with them, I can find some reason why the person writing might think what they do.

This is not the case, however, with "The Greenskeeper". Nearly every IMDB review of this "film" praises it despite the fact that it is completely void of any positive quality whatsoever. This harsh truth (that IMDB users find a way to praise the unpraise-able) reaches a disturbing level with regards to "The Greenskeeper".

Likening this to "Caddyshack" or "Friday the 13th" should be considered a crime against humanity. These two films are a comedy classic and a horror gem (respectively) while "The Greenskeeper" shares nothing in common with those films other than the fact that it is a movie. "The Greenskeeper" has sorry acting, terrible characters, a lame killer, and an over-done plot. I wouldn't be surprised to see reviews praising this film for "originality" simply because it takes place on a freaking golf course.

But the biggest misconception about this movie is not regarding its quality, but regarding its genre and intent. This film is NOT a spoof. It is NOT a farce. It is not a parody or a satire. This is not a comedy, and it is NOT FUNNY IN ANY WAY! The attempts at humor are ill-placed, poorly conceived and just plain awful. This film is NOT an entry in the "Horror-Comedy" genre alongside films like "Scary Movie".

This movie does not take itself completely seriously (and anyone can realize that), but that does not change the fact that the VERY obvious intent was to make a slasher movie, not a laugh-out-loud horror spoof. I fail to see the aspect of this "film" that makes IMDB reviewers consider it a "spoof".

This movie is redeemed (somewhat) by the fact that it is so bad it can garner a chuckle, but that's hardly done on purpose. If you like to watch movies and make comments in a Mystery Science Theatre-type atmosphere, then this would possibly be a good selection for you. If you are watching this to find a quality film, you should (and will) be disappointed on every front.

Slash (2002)
2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Think this is good? You are wrong., 26 March 2004

Other people on imdb have praised this film for its "slasher originality". Are you kidding me? Nearly every scene in this movie is ripped from something else! I could name at least 15 scenes that are ripped from films in the "Friday the 13th" series, "Halloween" series, and "Children of the Corn" series alone...

But lack of originality alone does not make a film bad. Let's break it down:

Acting - There is not even a semi-decent performance in this entire film. Every character is shallow and the actors portray them as such. Who could you possibly praise in this movie in terms of acting? I honestly don't know what to say when I read people praising the acting in this "film"....

Editing - There were at least 30 scenes with horrible goofs. THIS IS WHAT EDITING IS FOR! For the love of God, people, just re-shoot a scene! There were so many scenes that should have been left on the cutting room floor that I cannot even count them....

Writing - Awful. Terrible. Garbage. Every character is stupid and annoying. The plot is stale (despite what the other people on imdb say) and several of the lines and scenes are ripped almost word-for-word from other movies. Is it a surprise that both of the writers only wrote garbage and the director has only directed garbage? Please people, watch a good movie and then watch this....

Honestly, tell me how this film has one ounce of originality. The horrible scene-stealing alone, look at the huge group of scarecrow movies that have come out in the last 2 years. This movie tried to be scary and failed. It tried to be funny and failed. This movie took itself seriously and failed miserably.

What's the tell-tale sign of a really awful modern horror movie? When they feel that they can make fun of good, legitimate horror movies. Honestly, that's like a guy driving a Pinto making fun of a guy driving a Ferarri because his car is good and fast.

Don't watch this. If you watch this and think it is good, you are wrong. WRONG!

6 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Arguably the worst film ever, 22 March 2004
1/10

I've seen hundreds of poor films. My friends and I often watch films in a "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" setting: watching the worst movies we can find and make fun of them for the purpose of entertainment. That being said, it is safe to assume that I have seen terrible films such as "Shrunken Heads", "Doctor Gore", "Night of the Scarecrow", and "Miner's Massacre".

This "film", however, is absolutely terrible from start to finish. I was somewhat put at ease at the beginning of the film when it became obvious that this film did not take itself seriously (which CANNOT be said for most bad movies). However, this film instead tries to be a spoof (of many things) and fails at every single attempt. As a film, a 5 year old could create a movie with better technical value. The sound, film quality, acting, and dialogue are bottom-of-the-barrel bad. I did not rent this movie thinking that it would be "Citizen Kane", but the problems with this film go FAR beyond the lack of ANY technique. This film tries to make several types of jokes (situation jokes, juvenile jokes, etc), and fails every single time. I cannot imagine anyone in the universe laughing at ANYTHING in this movie.

Basically, if you rent this, I hope God has mercy on your soul. Odds are you will not survive "Cheerleader Ninjas", which could very well be the worst film ever created.

22 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
This WAS a brilliant vision......., 3 September 2002

I wholeheartedly agree with the other comments. This film was BRILLIANT! The combination of Anthony Montgomery (Postmaster P), Rashaan Nall (Stray Bullet), and Red Grant (Butch) is stunning! I had no problem believing they were rappers on the brink of making it big. And how great was it to see such a message of positivity? I'll never know why the academy screwed Ice-T out of an Oscar for his performance as Mack Daddy. We shouldn't even mention the magnificent Warwick Davis returning to his role as the Leprechaun. His work was so stunning in this film, I was reduced to tears. In what other movie can you see an evil Leprechaun rap while being surrounded by his green zombie minions? While he was a "Lep in the Hood, come to do no good", this film was far from bad. Okay, I can't do that any more. Want to see a movie so bad you can feel your soul being polluted? Watch Leprechaun in the Hood. If you need a reason to hate yourself, a reason to want to do yourself bodily harm, or a reason to go completely insane with no hope of recovery, watch Leprechaun in the Hood. You'll be a much worse person for it. Believe me.

2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
This is one of the worst movies of all time, 1 September 2002
1/10

I am appalled to see that so many people have given positive reviews for this "film". This movie has no redeeming factors. The music is not good, the acting is pathetic, I have a difficult time understanding how someone could enjoy this movie, let alone sing its "praises". The idea is horrible, certain scenes linked to the plot (such as the continued love story even though the male romantic interest is a SHRUNKEN HEAD) are so bad that I wanted to do myself bodily harm while watching them. The fact that there is scene in which a shrunken head flies under a girls' shirt so he can "feel her up" AND she likes it is reason enough for everyone associated with this film to perish. The link to West Side Story can only be a mockery, since to reference such a great movie in such a horrible one is grounds alone to destroy all copies of this movie. To make a long story short, this film is horrible in every way. And if I had my way, everyone who likes it should go straight to hell....