Mash-the-stampede Reviews

Vikings: Lost Souls (2020) Season 6, Episode 14

The most boring episode in the entire series.

[4/10 · 22 April 2022]

What a snore fest this episode is.

Honestly, this final season is a big dissapointment compared to the previous seasons.

I can see why this was the final season.

Birds of Prey (2020)

HARLEY QUINN... Featuring The Birds of Prey

[6/10 · 30 September 2021]

Yes, the film isn't perfect by any means - most of the other reviews here will go into more detail on that... But I think the biggest issue with this film is it's title.... its ridiculous!

Make no mistake - this is a Harley Quinn movie! The couple other characters from the Birds of prey comics are support characters at best.

Kind of odd they chose to name this film the way they did, but oh well.... Hollywood, right?! I avoided this movie at release but decided to give it a go as I enjoyed the latest SS film, so watched this on Netflix.

It was entertaining for the most part but ultimately nothing special.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

"Boredom Wins. Flawless Victory. MEDIOCRITALITY!"

[5/10 · 28 April 2021]

I will start with the positive. The opening and closing scenes of this film are excellent!

Focusing on Scorpion and Sub-zero's story was a solid high point that showcased the best this film had to offer as far as acting performances, fight choreography and interesting plot premise.

Unfortunately, the 90+ minutes that occur between these 2 scenes are dull in comparison!

Immediately after the exhilarating opening scene, we get introduced to brand new character; Cole Young.

As a character, Cole is just blah! Boring. Un-interesting. A down-and-out underdog with no real purpose other than functioning as a major buzz-kill everytime he's on screen.

Basically - Cole sucks!!!

If the writers wanted to add a new character - at least make him interesting so the audience gives a s*!t about him!

I would love to say that Cole is the worst thing about this film but unfortunately the "bad" doesn't end with him.

Other MK faves are pointlessly inserted throughout the film just so the audience can say "hey, it's Kabal - there he is" or "ooh, no! Here comes Goro" but serve no real purpose outside of this!

Rayden and Shang Tsung literally could have been played by anyone!

They had NO personality whatsoever!

Rayden could barely speak english and delivered his dialogue like it was a dress rehearsal for an amature theatre production.

Shang Tsung was a generic TV villain straight out of Power Rangers!

No black contact lenses could make up for the lack of "menace" about him.

This film desperately needed Cary Tagawa back in the role of Shang Tsung - his charisma and menacing grimace was a stand-out of the 1995 original film.

Heck - his performance was so good that they bought him back for MK11!

Why not this film?!

Outside of Sub-zero and Scorpion - the only likeable character in this film is Kano!

He gets the best dialogue of all characters (I suspect much of it is improvised), had he not been in the film - that 90 minutes between the intro and ending would have been an absolute snore-fest!

I realise I'm sounding overly harsh here but the thing is - Im a long time MK fan.

I grew up with the original game trilogy, read the comics and watched the film's.

I'm an MK fan for life and this film was an insult to MK fans everywhere!

People say we need to turn our brain's off to enjoy these types of film's - but there's a difference between turning off your brain and having to get a labotomy to enjoy a movie!

Very dissapointing.

I hope that a sequel brings in a new team of (creative) writers, a more competent Director and that they kill off Cole within Act 1 as it would be a huge disservice having a non-canon plank of wood win the tournament!

Alita: Battle Angel (2019)

Just wasted 2 hours of my life...

[4/10 · 12 April 2021]

Being a big Anime fan back in the day and owning the original Anime film on Vhs (I still regret selling all my Anime vids), when they announced they were making a live-action adaption of 'Alita' - my expectations were not of the high variety.

Then the trailers came out which again - did nothing to convince me otherwise.

So long story short, 2 years after the films release - Im browsing "Star" on Disney+ and stumble upon this film.

I thought I would give it a chance....could it really be as bad as I imagined?... Nope.

It was worse!

I've said it before and I will say it again: Anime will never work as big budget Hollywood blockbusters! No matter how much money is thrown at it or who is directing, producing, or starring in it!

The fact this film has both Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron attached to it and it still managed to suck - is proof of my statement!

Those of you who have seen the original Anime film will know that it is dark, bleak, depressing as hell and very R-rated!

So what does Hollywood do? Slap a PG13 on it and make it a love story, ffs! 🤦 Please Hollywood - leave ANIME alone!

You butchered Deathnote. You butchered Alita Battle Angel.

Please don't bother even attempting Akira!!!

God knows you'll cast Tom Hardly and have Michael Bay direct it 🤣😂

Fractured (I) (2019)

This movie is duuuuuuumb

[1/10 · 12 December 2019]

If bad acting, predictable plot, several plot-holes and wooden perfomances are your thing then congratulations - Fracture is for you! For everyone else - skip this one. Trust me. The only shocking plot twist in all this is how this film manages to have an Imdb rating over 6!!!

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

11 years, 22 Films, The ending we all deserve!

[10/10 · 24 April 2019]

I'm going to try and keep this short and to the point as I have a tendency to get carried away when I'm excited...

.....no Spoiler's here.

To sum 'End Game' up in one word, I will say - EPIC! And I really mean epic in every sense of the word. This. Film. Is. EPIC!!! The Russo brothers have succeeded in delivering an ending that feels deserved. It seriously pays off. There are so many references and call-backs to the films that have now spand 10+ years that show these two film maker's are trully passionate about these character's and telling their stories in the most satisfying ways. Trying not to sound cliche here - the film really IS a love letter to the fans. End Game is an epic (I know I've said "epic" a lot), engrossing, superhero extravaganza that will go down in film history as a masterpiece! I can confidently say that this is the best superhero film ever made! Not sure if Marvel can or will ever reach these heights again but one thing is certain - I will still be around for the ride ;)

Welcome to the Jungle (I) (2013)

Van-Damme makes this film watchable

[7/10 · 12 February 2014]

I'm not going to get into any plot or detailed film descriptions in this review (if you can call it that). All I'm am going to write is what I did and did not enjoy about this film.

Firstly, the bad parts - the thing that really let's the film down is the writing - basically the majority of the actors just aren't given enough to play with. They all try really hard to get laughs, whether it be by forcing out swear words or resorting to penis and boob jokes that come across more than a little forced. The characters for the most part are likable enough but the comedic actors/actresses like Kristen Schaal are not used to their full comedic potential and it is disappointing to say the least.

TV actors Adam Brody and Megan boon are good on their roles and do their best at trying to keep the viewer from nodding off into a dull boredom coma.

So why give what really is just another average comedy film that would otherwise deserve only a 5 out of ten, a 7?

Well, the answer is obvious - Jean-Claude Van Damme! Not only does he save this film from being shelved completely - he manages to make it really enjoyable and worth watching and he really is hilarious!

I have always been a massive Van Damme fan ( or "Fan a Damme" as I like to put it) but that being said, I think comedy is really a route he should explore on a more regular basis. Every scene Van Damme appears in - he steals completely and the only laugh-out-loud scenes in the film are they ones with him in them! Clearly he is enjoying himself and it really shows on screen. Whether he is stealing the other actors lines or just making fun of himself - JCVD is the one and only reason you should watch this film and I give the extra 2 stars to this films rating due to his brilliant, comedic performance.

Hopefully this film is the comedic stepping-stone Van Damme uses to land a comedy role in a big-budget comedy film and to give him the big mainstream hit he really deserves :)

You are and always will be the man, Van Damme!!!

The Expendables (2010)

Big action balls!!!

[7/10 · 14 September 2010]

So I guess with any film review - it's all about the answers to the important questions. So let's get them out of the way first shall we?

Q) Is the plot descent, with a substantial storyline including dramatic arcs, twists and/or turns?

A) Not particularly.

Q) Are there character arcs and meaningful character developments?

A) A little.

Q) Is there romance?

A) Next question, please.

Q) Is the overall film original?

A) Not at all.

Q) Is it a likely Oscar nomination contender?

A) Hell no!

Q) Is it still awesome?

A) HELL YES!!!!!

Critics should be banned from reviewing films such as these. Anyone with half a brain can tell exactly what kind of film this is and what they're in for purely by the film's trailer alone.

This is a film made for action movie fans and not just regular action movies - I mean REAL action films in the style of the classic 80's action movies where plot and substantial character developments and dialogue took a backseat to intense over-the-top violence, explosions, car chases, sex scenes and catchy, memorable one liners!

The 80's action hero (and villain) breed was a rare phenomenon which will likely die with those very actors who gave them life. No 90's or new millennium "action" movie star will ever come close to being anywhere near as genuinely tough and just plain bad-arse as their 80's predecessor's! Even now with the main 'Expendables' cast pushing 60 +, you know that they would snap Matt Damon's spine in 2 with one hand tied behind their backs!

The 'Expendables' cast consists of Sly Stallone as the fearless leader of the team, Jason (Basketball stabber) Statham as the trusty knife-throwing sidekick, Dolph Lundgren as the treacherous giant one, Jet-Li as the small one, Terry Chews as Wesley Snipes, Mickey Rourke as the tattoo/previous knife-throwing sidekick and Randy Couter as the "who the hell is this guy, oh he's a UFC fighter" guy.

I still can't believe the unbelievable shape these guys are in! They're giants (exception for Jet-li of course).

Still, despite it's 80's throw-back appeal - the film isn't all action. Believe it or not there are slow parts. Mostly unnecessary filler between the action scenes. However the third act of the film makes up for the lack of action and then some!

It's when this third act commences when the true action film we've been waiting to see kicks in and steps up several notches to become the manliest most testosterone-fueled film since the last 'Rambo'!

It's funny, it's loud, it's un-relentlessly violent, an action-packed no-brainer of a film! An 80's action movie fan's wet-dream!!!

Bring on the sequel/s and bring on Jean-Claude Van Damme so he can give Statham the butt-kicking he so desperately deserves!!!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

"Vegon! Be gone!!!"

[7/10 · 17 August 2010]

"Scott pilgrim vs The World"...or more suitably "Scott Pilgrim vs The 7 super-powered evil Ex's" (doesn't quite have the same ring to it) is a hyper-active action comedy extravaganza perfect for today's A.D.D. generation of short attention spans! The fast-paced action-packed visual style of the film and it's humorous, witty and catchy one-liner dialogue will keep anyone with a Goldfish's attention span up-right in their seats, drool leaking from their mouths and eyes firmly planted on the screen for the full duration of the film!

Geeks, nerds or just anyone with too much time on their hands and lack of social-life will delight in the many video game and pop-culture references spliced throughout the film. The films slick editing and cartoon/comic book visual style is superbly executed and despite the film being outlandishly random, it all seems to make perfect sense in the fictional world it is weaved in.

Michael Cera plays a slight variant on his "Arrested Development" persona as the title character, Scott Pilgrim - a nerdy, awkward bass player and video game enthusiast who's had his fair share of bad luck with the ladies. Yet the real star of the film has to be Kieran Culkin as 'Wallace Wells', Scott's gay room-mate. He is hilarious and gets all the films best lines. I couldn't help think throughout the film just how much he resembles Mike Patton! If they ever do a film on 'FNM' - they should most definitely cast Kieran as Patton!!! The music is also pretty good and all the tracks performed by Scott's band; "Sex Bob-Omb" were suitably composed and arranged by the genre bending artist 'Beck'.

Though it may not be everyone's cup of tea (herbal/green/sleep, etc) - the film never ceases to entertain and it's humour, stylised visuals and fight scenes pack more punch than most films out this year (excluding 'Expendables' which I have not yet seen). There are also some amusing cameos thrown in as a bonus in an amusing scene involving 'Vegans'!

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)

"Dear God! What ARE you doing to the furniture?!"

[7/10 · 9 August 2010]

I remember being an 11 year old boy in stitches with laughter when I first viewed this film on new release VCR (yeah, video - old school)!

Having just watched this film again recently I have to say that it's still just as funny as it was as a child. The film of course is a parody on the 'Dracula" mythos and the jokes and gags are much better understood if you've watched films such as "Bram Stoker's: Dracula" which I can't watch seriously anymore cos' I constantly think of this film in certain scenes and start laughing!

The cast is brilliant in their roles especially Leslie Neilsen as "Dracula" and his brain-washed slave "Renfield" (Peter MacNicol) portraying an insane, insect eating madman extraordinarily well!

The humour is all in the typical Mel Brooks 'tongue-in-cheek' style and also quite reminiscent of Monty Python in parts, the over-the-top British accents may attribute to that part.

The final film directed by Mel Brooks, "Dracula Dead and Loving It" is very entertaining and the mindless humour make for a very enjoyable spoof movie!

Highly recommended : )

Green Lantern: First Flight (2009 Video)

One of D.C.'s worst films....

[5/10 · 3 August 2010]

OK, well I've never been the biggest of G.L. fans - I still couldn't help but be disappointed with this film. My expectations were never really that high to begin with but so far the DC animated films have been so good that I couldn't help think this film could have been great if not better than it was.

I'll be quick:

The animation is OK. Not great. Not horrible. Lacks the detail that other DC films have and relies a little too much on very average CGI effects.

The story is similar to the comic but adds in silly rip-offs from better science fiction films such as "Star Wars" and "The Fifth Element".

The action scenes are few and nothing special.

Voice acting is fine.

All up, worth a watch if you like G.L. but honestly - he is portrayed better in the 'Justice League' series and films.

Not up to standard of some of DC's previous works.

Inception (2010)

"Don't think about Elephants"

[8/10 · 27 July 2010]

What are dreams? How do our minds construct alternate realities? What is an idea? Can the seeds of an idea be planted in our minds?

If we could construct our own dreams....how will that effect our own reality?

'Inception' is a spectacular, psychological, thriller so complex in nature it has to be experienced on a personal level to be appreciated. No review or recommendation can justify how good or bad this film is. It's all in the eye and mind of the viewer and how it is personally perceived. I can explain the whole plot to you right now and it still won't spoil the film as Inception - like a dream really needs to be experienced.

'Inception' is not just a compelling psychological thriller, but also a vast exploration and study of dreams and the dream state and what they are to each individual. There are some brilliant insights into dreams and the construction of dreams and the effects they have on our minds and personalities which just adds to the films unique authenticity. The terminology used is also excellent and makes a lot of sense such as "the kick", that falling sensation that jolts us awake.

The cast is perfect. Leo Di Caprio has once again proved that he is truly a remarkable actor and a legend of this day and age. Ellen Page sheds her "Juno" persona and adds some weight to her character, proving that there is more to her talent than just young girly film roles.

So why not a perfect score? Well, Inception is not without it's flaws. The story in parts is quite convoluted and some key plot points are not properly explained or explained at all - they just happen. The amount of attention required to properly understand the film is vast and if you are prone to "zoning" you'll miss key plot points and no doubt be confused by the end. Although the special effects are spectacular - there is still nothing truly ground-breaking in that respect and some scenes in particular were reminiscent of fight scenes from "The Matrix" franchise which, if done 10 years ago - would have been more spectacular.

Still - 'Inception' is without a doubt, Christopher Nolan's finest film to date and a revelation that there are still some original ideas floating around Hollywood.

Idle Hands (1999)

"Go! Go! Buffalo!"

[7/10 · 26 July 2010]

"Idle Hands" is a classic 90's comedy/horror flick which although swooped a little under the radar - it is still a must-see film for fans of horrors such as the "Evil Dead" series (especially army of darkness) and/or teen comedies like "American Pie".

"Idle Hands" works well by striking the perfect balance between comedy and horror and this works extremely well. The cast are brilliant especially Seth Green who is always great to watch in comedic roles. Reletavely unknown actor Devon Sawa plays the lead character 'Anton', who's hand gets possessed by an evil entity and goes on a murderous rampage! Though I have never seen Devon Sawa in any films prior or since "Idle Hands" - he is excellent in his role and the way he makes his hand move wildly and mis-behave really makes it look like it is not controlled by himself! In fact, one of the funniest scenes is a make-out scene between 'Anton' and 'Molly' (Alba) in when his hand keeps trying to strangle her! It's hilarious!!!

American skate-punk band, 'The Offspring' also make an amusing cameo in the film and also play a tune "off with her head" from their debut self-titled album which was a bonus! I won't give away what happens to singer Dexter Holland but it is pretty amusing!

In conclusion, "Idle hands" is a great late 90's comedy/horror flick which should have been bigger than it was.

Most definitely worth a watch!

Predators (2010)

Predators: Big ones, small ones - some as big as your head!

[6/10 · 20 July 2010]

Now let's just get this out of the way before I get into any details for the film:

'Predators' is NOT better than the original 'Predator' film. It might be better than 'Predator 2' as I haven't watched that in a long time but remember not thinking that much of it when I was 12 so I would imagine I probably won't think any more of it now.

'Predators' with the "clever" "S" on the end making it a plural as apposed to a numbered sequel which would be 'Predator 3' or 'Predator 5' depending on whether you count the god awful 'AVP' films as anything - still suffers from everything sequels suffer from.

Mainly lack of originality. O.k. yes it's a sequel so it can't be as original as the original film is but it can still get by on adding it's own new original merits to the mythos can it not? Well....yeah, sorta. But instead - what we get is pretty much a carbon copy of the first film with many unnecessary 'copied' scenes!

Example: so we're back to jungle settings now. Congrates to the film makers for that as the "concrete jungle" for Predator 2 just wasn't scary in the slightest. There's a bunch of soldiers/mercenaries/murderer/tough guys with personalities which resemble that of the tough guys in the original film who this time make their way through the jungle whilst the 'Predator/s' watch from the trees learning there movements and speech phrases also like in the original. A few action scenes; "oh no! we're on another planet etc." some running from aliens which consist of some giant predators for some reason. Now this is where the film makers really break into their own originality: instead of just ONE person falling down a water-fall - we'll have the WHOLE CAST fall down it instead!!!! O.k. I accept that. Moving on.

Laurence fishburne's character is introduced into the film. Finally the film gets interesting. Fishburnes character is the best in the film. Sadly, we can say bye to Fishburne 15 minutes later and go back to running from all sorts of different colour/sized Predators who in this film don't seem to mind attacking un-armed individuals.

So far - there has been zero suspense in the film and besides a few mediocre action sequences and some not-THAT-gory murders, the third act of the film is upon us.

Now we can look forward to a ridiculous sword fighting sequence which was not even well shot or choreographed and looked like it was done in one take. It was just bad and completely irrelevant.

Anyway, final act comes. Some plot "twist" thrown in to make things interesting. Brody and giant Predator face-off Arnie-styles, mud and all! Brody wins. Grabs the girl. "Let's get the hell off this planet!" hint at inevidable sequel happens. Little Richard sings us the credits. The end.

'Predators' ultimate downfall is the typical Hollywood idea that "Bigger is better"! Adding too many things and expanding on already existing themes makes the film too muddled and just silly in parts. It takes away from the suspense the film should have but loses due to too many changes and silly alterations made to the Predators themselves. There does not need to be more than one type of predator. Why do the big predators hunt the little ones??? Why do they all look different, we don't need to decipher between any of them - they have no personalities!

Besides all my complaints, I did still enjoy the film. It's hard as a male not to enjoy pointless carnage at the hands of mutated alien man-hunters on another planet.

It just lacks suspense and has a few too many "Hollywood" moments in it for my liking.

Could have been better.

Could have been worse too......'AVP' worse!!!

The Book of Eli (2010)

Mad Eli

[7/10 · 8 July 2010]

At first glance - 'The Book of Eli' may look like another typical post-apocalyptic film in the style of such classics as the 'Mad Max' saga and the excellent anime feature "Fist of the North star" and in some ways it is similar in nature. The deserted open desert style landscapes, the leather-clad fashion accessories and lack of technology/resources are all present - but what really sets 'The Book of Eli' apart from those other films is it's story.

If you have not yet seen this film, I suggest you stop reading this review right now as i am about to go into plot details and touch on the "twist" so uh; "SPOILER ALERT":

'The Book of Eli' is essentially about a blind (that's the "twist" part) man who wonders the plains of a post-apocalyptic (possible result of a nuclear war as briefly mentioned in the film) landscape by himself with a single book in his possession. The "book" of Eli turns out to be none other than The Good Book - as in 'The Bible'. Not only is it 'The Bible', it also happens to be the very last 'Bible' on earth!

Eli's 'mission' given to him direct from the voice of God is to take the book West, so the film focus's on Eli's journey and the characters he meets/confronts throughout.

Denzel is good in the title role and brings enough overall substance to his character to make him believable and never over does or over acts any of his lines. I've also read he did all his own stunts and fight scenes for the film which scores extra points in my book!

Gary Oldman plays the lead villain role and his purpose is to take the book (Bible) from Eli and use it for his own personal methods of control. Gary is born to play villains so you can imagine that he is also superbly cast in his role.

Mila Kunis provides eye-candy and gives a very testosterone fueled film a very much needed female injection. I must say for someone who doesn't bathe (with soap at least) or wear any make-up in this post-apocalyptic future - she looks pretty fine to me!!!

Overall the films pace plays out well and there is enough plot, dialogue and action sequences to please most people who would bother seeing a film such as this one.

Now as for the "twist": So it turns out Eli is blind and the Bible is written in brail. This is only revealed to the viewer at the end of the film. However, there are many hints to Eli's blindness scattered throughout the film and off the top of my head - having seen this film only once, I can think of the following:

* When Eli first encounters the bandits at the start of the film, he lures them into the shadows to fight them indicating that he does not need sight to take out his opponents and that they will be at a dis-advantage in the dark. * Eli's sense of smell and hearing is re-remarkably good and obviously heightened as he smells the bandits when they are hiding and often sounds are louder in particular scenes indicating that this is how he hears things. * Though Eli wears sunglasses through the majority of the film, the bright desert sunlight does not seem to effect him as in one scene - he walks out of a darkened area into the sunlight and does not put his glasses on straight away. * Eli is mistaken for being asleep by Solara (Kunis) when he in fact he is not.

I'm sure there are more clues than that which will be easily identified on a second viewing when the viewer is looking for them.

All up, a very entertaining film with a decent plot and solid acting from the cast.

A must-see for fans of post-apocalyptic films!

Defendor (2009)

"Guns are for cowards!"

[8/10 · 5 July 2010]

If you've seen the trailer for this film, you would more than likely be expecting another typical Superhero comedy spoof in the likes of "Kick-ass" and "Mystery Men". Fortunetly (or unfortunately depending on which type of film you want to watch), the trailer is actually very misleading as in I myself thought I was going to be watching a funny superhero spoof starring the very talented Woody Harrelson as a vigilante hero known as "Defendor" which I was totally o.k. with.

What I actually got was a brilliant and compelling story about a simple man (Woody) who's lack of intelligence and grip on reality result in him suiting-up in a homemade superhero outfit, arming himself with lethal weapons such as marbles and angry wasps and taking to the streets to fight crime! More often than none, he ends up getting the cr*p beaten out of him by petty thugs and nearly killed several times in the film as you can imagine.

Sounds funny, right? And for the most part - it is. There are some genuinely funny parts (granted the humour is a little dark) in "Defendor" yet the overall story is actually quite moving and somewhat heart-warming.

The main ingredient which makes this film work on this level is the brilliant performance given by Woody Harrelson. He breathes so much life into a character that could have so easily been portrayed as silly and slap-stick-ish but instead, you really end up feeling for the guy. Here is a man who is brutally honest, extremely child-like in his behaviour and naivety, he doesn't have many friends, who really is just trying to make the world a better place by removing the scumbags! Whether it be the humorous one-liner superhero babble "Defendor" spews from his mouth or the quieter, more subtle honest lines - Woody delivers with such conviction it's hard not to love this character.

"Defendor" is definitely a character driven film. Everything else from the story to the action scenes to the comedy are secondary features to a fascinating character study of human behaviour and morals.

Along with "Zombieland" (also filmed 2009), Woody Harrelson is fast becoming a household name again and if he keeps it up - he'll no doubt be up there with Depp and Downey Jr in a quirky character league of his own!

I highly recommend "Defendor" to anyone who enjoys films that are a little different and who enjoy memorable character stories.

Just don't be fooled by the trailer!!!

The A-Team (2010)

A+Team

[7/10 · 21 June 2010]

Being a fan of the 80's television series as a child, naturally I was pretty excited 3 or 4 years ago when i heard about a possible 'A-Team' feature film. Back then, I believe the rumoured cast included Bruce Willis and possibly Jim Carrey??? The years went by until about a year ago I saw a picture of the current A-team cast in "EMPIRE" magazine....what - no Mr T????? OUTRAGE!!!

I was disappointed in the least and my eagerness and enthusiasm for an "up-dated' version of a beloved classic jumped out the window and died! Then, 2010 roles upon us and the trailers for the film hit the internet and cinemas but still - it didn't grab me. It looked tacky, un-original(well it's Hollywood and a re-make so it still kind of is), with totally over-the-top and overblown Micheal Bay-style action sequences and not a single trace of any whit or plot visible!

If it was not for my Dad (also an avid fan of the show) offering to pay for me, I probably would not have bothered seeing the film. Well...not at the cinemas anyway.

We watched the film last night and i have to say, it was definitely better than I was expecting. It was actually and surprisingly very good! I was fearing all my fond memories of my favourite characters such as 'B.A. Barachus' and 'Mad Murdoch' would be spat on and watered-down into ironic cliché versions of what they originally were - instead, I was treated to a clever and accurate modernisation of one of the best T.V. shows of the 80's!

The main concept for A-team to work is all about a successful interpretation of the characters. If the characters aren't right - the film will fall flat and will only be branded as A-team by name alone, nothing more than a cash-in on the name. Fortunetly the characters, although played by different actors - are successfully updated and portrayed and still somehow feel the same as the originals with the humour and witty dialogue still there in spades!

The cast did a fine job in their respective roles especially South African actor Sharlto Copley as 'Howling mad Murdoch'! He was hilarious and out of all the cast - resembled his 80's counterpart most accurately in his appearance. Quinton Jackson, although not quite Mr T - still managed to portray a descent portrayal of 'B.A' and although I don't recall him saying his famous catch-phrase more than once, he made up for it with his witty tattoos! I thoroughly enjoyed the back-story to his fear of flying!!!

The action scenes (as obvious from the trailers) are pretty big and impressive which is normal by today's standards. Lot's of explosions, gun/fist fights and airplane chases a-plenty fill the plot (yes...there is actually a plot) in nicely. None of the action sequences are drawn out too long and although some of the scenes suffer a bit from a little too much CGI, shaky-cam and quick cuts making visibility difficult and a bit muddled, still doesn't take away from the film's overall entertainment value.

The plot is not overly complicated but it IS there and it is not completely dumbed-down and insulting to the viewers intellect. A perfect balance of action, story and humour make A-team a brilliant and successful up-dated film adaption that successfully brings The A-team into the new millennium yet doesn't tread over the original.

Thankfully the best bits aren't shown in the trailers and the film is most deserving of at least one more sequel!

I pity the fool who doesn't enjoy this film!

Mortal Kombat: Rebirth (2010 Video)

Moooortal Kombaaaaaaaat???

[7/10 · 17 June 2010]

A some-what original spin on the "Mortal Kombat" mythos. This "teaser" is more grounded in reality than the video game and previous films. Which is good in some ways but also not so good in others. For example (spoiler alert); the characters of 'Reptile' and 'Baraka' are no longer strange mutants from 'Outworld' but psychotic humans who engineer their own deformities i.e. piercing the face and attaching blades to the arms....which is cool and different, yes - but it's not as cool as the whole "outworld" mythology of a whole other race of humanoid/mutant types. Shang Tsung is no longer an evil sorcerer but an evil mob boss??? Um....no!

The whole "grounded in reality" pitch is interesting at best but it just does not work for Mortal Kombat which is supposed to be as far away from reality as possible! Punching people across a room whilst they spew litres upon litres of blood only to get up and retaliate by punching the opponent's head clean-off is common Mortal Kombat fodder, as is shooting ice/lightning/crazy spears from your hands, shooting lasers from your eyes, knocking people from one arena to another, turning opponent's into babies and performing gory and over-the-top finishing moves known as Fatalities! Realism out the window and all the better for it!!! Call me a purist or whatever you want but that's what made Mortal kombat so great and original in the first place.

That's not to say that this 'teaser' trailer/short film isn't any good. It's shot surprisingly well and has a pretty good cast including Michael Jai White as 'Jax'!!! Obviously a bit of money was spent and it is very polished in it's appearance. The action sequences are good but not amazing and it's definitely nothing we've never seen before! It works fine as a stand alone feature but I personally hope the next Mortal Kombat film isn't like this one. Cast Michael Jai White by all means but add some fantasy back into it.

All up it is still worth a watch especially if you're a fan of Mortal Kombat and let's face it....it could have been worse....it could have been "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation"!!!

The Wolfman (2010)

American Wolfman in London

[7/10 · 10 June 2010]

Having being fooled by "IMDB's" low average rating for this film and several complaints from friends who had seen it, it was safe to say my expectations going into this film were pretty low. Which is a good thing, because I actually quite enjoyed this film.

"Wolfman" is a Gothic horror fantasy film which is a re-make/re-imagine of a classic of which I haven't seen so I am un-able to make any comparisons which may also account to many other peoples disappointment with this adaption as it may not be as good as the original it is based on.

But that's not to say it doesn't work as a stand alone feature, because it really does. The film is extremely dark in appearance and it reminded me of other films such as "Bram Stokers: Dracula" and "Sleepy Hollow". Having Danny Elfman do the music for the film helps a lot in that respect.

I heard a lot of complaints that the film is slow and lacked action....what??? There is plenty of extremely violent scenes in this film that consist of limbs being torn from torso's and guts and head's ripped out/off! Lack of action? Maybe compared to the usual Hollywood Michael Bay style; "let's have an action scene continuously for 2 and a half hours and shake the camera lot's so no one can see what's actually happening!"

Um...no.

I've also read complaints regarding Anthony Hopkins performance. I thought he was really good. He was scary as hell which i think was aided by his aged appearance as in the older he gets the scarier he looks! Benecio Deltoro was also good as Laurence the man who becomes the Wolfman. Also noted is Hugo Weaving's performance which was quite amusing and actually quite funny (though not sure that was intentional) but the only thing is every time I see him on screen, I'm waiting for him to say "Mr Anderson"!

That being said, the film is no masterpiece and I reckon lot's of people had very high expectations for this film due to the Oscar nominated cast members. The film is not scary and there is little suspense in the slower build-up scenes. The make-up effects are not the best either, as The Wolfman/men did look a little Wookie-ish which is probably due to the fact part of the effects budget was unfortunately spent on unnecessary CGI animals!

Shame really, as it does bring the film down a few notches.

All up a good, solid Gothic horror flick which is worth a watch especially if you enjoyed 'Dracula' and 'Sleepy Hollow'.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

Bizarre

[7/10 · 9 June 2010]

To sum this film up in one term, i would have to say; "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" is a very BIZARRE film. No surprises there as it is written and Directed by Monty Python's own crazy genius, Terry Gilliam.

The film is dark yet funny at the same time. The story is fairly simple and the special effects, though not exactly mind blowing are feeling decent as well. The imaginarium scenes are very dream-like and I think if terry Gilliam accomplished anything from this film - it is surely the perfect bizarre atmosphere and feelings of dreams or in other cases, nightmares.

Most of the cast is great including the late, great Heath Ledger (though not his best role) as the main character of Tony. The other versions of Tony most notably Depp, were sufficient (though not brilliant) in their own portrayals of the imaginarium versions of Heath Ledger's character. Same can't be said however for Colin Farrell's portrayal as to put it as nicely as i can, was just out of place! He doesn't look anything like the other Tony's and he seemed like a completely different character which is a shame as he is the last version of Tony to appear in the film and made me feel quite detached from the original character. Not sure if this was Terry's intention but then again - the whole film changed drastically after the unfortunate demise of Heath Ledger.

The rest of the cast were also very good especially Verne Troyer as the fiesty Percy and Christopher Plummer as the title character, Doctor Parnassus.

But the real star of the show who completely owned every scene he was in, has to be Tom Waits as The devil. He was so un-believable evil without coming across as menacing or scary. He was more of a trickster. More mischievous and delivered all of his dialogue superbly with just the right amount of humour and sincerity needed to pull off a Devilish portrayal that seemed so natural, almost as if he actually IS the Devil!

Perfect casting!!!

All up, an entertainingly strange film that works better if you have an imagination!

Event Horizon (1997)

"Save yourself...from hell"

[9/10 · 2 June 2010]

To this day, "Event Horizon" is THE scariest horror science fiction film i have ever witnessed!

I was 14 years old when I first watched this film on video and to put it lightly...it scared the shiz out of me! I loved it!!! Now 12 years later a finally purchase the film on DVD (ordered from the states as I can't find it anywhere in New Zealand) and I watched it with a couple friends who have never seen it before. Suddenly I was 14 again! A scared child, too frightened to look away from the screen. Caught in an icy grip of fear and excitement! A feeling I haven't felt since the first viewing of 'Event Horizon'. Brilliant! I jumped in all the same scenes I jumped in 12 years ago and i was so absolutely absorbed in this film. My friends felt the same way i did and we all sat on the same couch with the lights off while this film quietly terrified us!

Now I'm not exactly a huge horror movie enthusiast as i find most horror films to be stupid, cheesy and just not scary in the slightest. Horror films now are especially ridiculous as that "Saw" series (when will it end?) is just silly and repetitive which is a shame as the first film is a pretty descent thriller, which seems to be another problem for horror films is that there are too many sequels with each film becoming further and further detached from the original making the whole premise and idea of the film pointless and boring.

Which is exactly the reason "Event Horizon" works. It is a stand-alone film. No sequels. No actual killer as such...it is the presence of an unseen evil which corrupts the characters into becoming warped and ultimately the cause of their own demise. For a horror film the kill count is surprisingly low and no one actually dies during the first hour of the film. It's the suspense of the film and the actual idea behind it which is so un-believable frightening that you find yourself absorbed and un-able to look away from the screen....gripped in fear. That's why this film is so brilliant. The cast is great. It's not overly convoluted. It's scary beyond belief. The story is good enough to keep the viewers attention and adrenaline pumping and the special effects have held up surprisingly well for a film that was filmed back in 1997.

I really wish there was a Director's cut edition of this film.

If you've seen this film and you were not frightened...you are either really warped, lying, or talked all the way through it. i suggest a re-watch by yourself with the lights off and all other distractions (laptop, cellphone) switched off as well and just sit and watch...I guarantee fear will gnaw at you eventually.

And if you enjoyed this film, you should also check out "Pandorum" as it is also fairly good, though not quite in the same league as "Event Horizon".

"Liberate tutame...ex inferis."

In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

In the mouth of Badness

[1/10 · 18 May 2010]

I really can't believe or understand why this film has an "IMDB" average rating of 7 out of 10??? This film was rubbish! easily one of the worst films i have ever seen and I have seen some crackers!!! There was nothing good about the film. The acting was bad. the story was bad. the effects were terrible and the whole film wasn't scary in the slightest. i was laughing in all the "scary" scenes and i'm sorry but puppets and rubbery monster suits don't particularly strike fear into me. I actually have nothing more to say about this horrible film but unfortunately "IMDB" instructs me to write at least ten lines about the film. Bugger!

A lame film. Avoid.

Judge Dredd (1995)

"I am the Lawww!"

[6/10 · 17 May 2010]

OK, OK so Judge Dredd is not in any way a great film - but that's not to say it's horrible or doesn't have anything going for it. On the contrary, it's actually very entertaining on several factors. 1) Sylvester is in full "over-the-top" (no pun intended) over-acting mode in this film and he delivers his lines with so much cheese and enthusiasm that it's hard not to love him! 2) Rob Schneider contributes a healthy dose of mediocre comic relief which for the most part is a little annoying. It's Dredd's reactions to him which are the funny part and offer the punch line to many of the gags. 3) The action scenes aren't too shab. There are enough explosions and gun-fights to keep any 13 year old boy with A.D.D.'s attention from whaning! 4) The whole look of the film is quite bleak and dark and the picture it portrays of the future is reminiscent of films like "Total recall" and "Highlander 2"....heck even "Star Wars"!!! 5) The special effects and CGI aren't half bad for 1995. Granted it's no Matrix but I've honestly seen worse special effects in movies this year than in Judge Dredd! 6) Diane lane as 'Judge Hershey' is nice to look at. 7) the film is not too long, as if it were made today - it would surely be 2 and a half hours in length as most Hollywood blockbusters which is too long. It's also not too short either. Just the right length to hold your attention. I'm sure there's other reasons why this film is enjoyable and I'm sure there's just as much if not more reasons than this not to enjoy it but honestly...it's a 1995 action flick starring Sylvester Stallone, what more could you expect? Demolition man????

Appaloosa (2008)

A Western with Heart

[7/10 · 17 May 2010]

Appaloosa is a great classic western tale of friendship, love, trust and politics in the Wild West. There is a good story in Appaloosa and it doesn't just involve fast lines and faster guns like most westerns. In fact, there is little gun-slinging at all and the few fight sequences are short and more realistic than you would find in your typical Hollywood film of late which may turn off some viewers. Fortunetly, this film is more about the characters and the journey that they take in knowing each other and themselves and who is trust worthy and who is not. The cast is great for the most part especially Viggo Mortensen as the silent but deadly comrade to Ed Harris's character. The interaction between these two alone makes the film worth watching. My only real disappointment with this film was the casting of Renee Zelweger as she is a terrible actress and bought nothing to this film except annoyance. I didn't care in the slightest for her character and there were many times I was hoping someone would shoot her and be done with all the trouble! Besides that factor, Appaloosa is a solid western and an enjoyable film that should be watched for the story - not the gun-slinging.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

"I am Iron Man..........2"

[8/10 · 4 May 2010]

Now first let's just get one thing out of the way, 'Iron man 2' is NOT as good as 'Iron Man'. That's not to say that 'Iron man 2' is not a good film...in fact - it's a very good film. There's a lot to enjoy about Iron man 2, there's enough action scenes (though some suffer from the blurry/shaky cam syndrome), there's a fairly consistent storyline separating those action scenes (some might find the film a little slow, I personally enjoyed all the talking), there's a great cast including returning cast members Downey Jr, Paltrow and Favreou (this time with a little more screen time) and new cast members including the legendary Mickey Rourke (Whip-lash) and the ultra sexy Scarlette Johanson (Black Widow) and then replacement cast member Don Cheadle (war-machine) stepping in for the absence of Terrance Howard. As usual, Robert Downey Jr was brilliant and his portrayal of Tony Stark is just as good in this film as it was in the first. It's obvious throughout the film that he is enjoying himself and he's truly amusing to watch and helps keep the film humorous. Don Cheadle did a fine job of taking over from Terrance Howard, though I don't think he was any better in the role of Rhodey/War-machine than Terrance in the first film. The best part about Iron man 2 is the casting of Mickey Rourke as the villain Ivan/whiplash as he is a great actor and truly lit up nearly every scene he was in. That been said I believe his part was a little under-written but I will get to that in a minute. Scarlette Johanson wasn't given much in the way of substance but it must be said that this is truly the most beautiful I have seen her look in any film! Red hair definitely works for her and she is ultra sexy when she's kickin' butt in her skin tight black spandex outfit! Ryan Reynold's is a lucky man!

Great cast, great action sequences and a descant sprinkling of humour make Iron man 2 a worthy sequel and if you enjoyed the first film then you should for the most part enjoy this one as well.

Here's the down side, I feel this film lacked the intensity of the first film. There were no real edge of your seat nail-biting scenes like the escape from the terrorists scene of the first film. The climactic scenes were not built up enough and many of the scenes ended abruptly and humorously as apposed to dramatically. An example of this was in the anti-climactic final battle in the film, it had all the potential in the world to be dramatic, you have Mickey Rourke who is a brilliant dramatic actor who hates Tony Stark with a passion and you have Robert Downey Junior an all-round brilliant actor and there was no drama! It was resolved so quickly! It was nowhere near as dramatic as the climactic final battle in the first film which is a real shame because it makes the whole threat of Ivan (Rourke) seem empty and harmless and the whole film suffers for it as the lead up for this final confrontation should have ended more explosively. Blame that on the writers!

Lack of drama aside, 'Iron man 2' is still a good film and another worthy MARVEL sequel.

So like the film I'm going to end on a light note, some people want to be Iron man, some just want to be Tony Stark, me? I want to be that figure-hugging black suit that Scarlett Johanson wears!!!