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Dark Side of Heaven (2008)
Not sure if this is the same movie, or not
Either the Plot Summary is wrong, or this movie went through a whoole lot of editing before being released.
Anyway, I downloaded a movie with the title "Dark Side of Heaven" from Amazon. The movie I saw had four main characters, boarding an huge, abandoned spaceship, planning to take it back to earth(?) for salvage. Once all four are on board, the find a swimming pool, so they decide to strip to their underwear and take a swim. After they swim a while, a glowing asteroid (or moon) (or something) buzzes the skylight over the pool, so they all quick get dressed. Next they find a church, so they stop there for a while, and the captain goes up into the pulpit to give a sermon about how there is no god. Then they all leave the church.
I could go on, but most of the movie is like that. Something happens, every one reacts, then everyone just forgets about it. Eventually, the crew figures out that as soon as they were aboard, the autopilot on the ship took off for the other side of the universe, maybe. Why the ship needed people on board before leaving the solar system is never mentioned. The people had no control of the ship, and for the most part have no meaningful interaction with the ship.
Under other conditions, I would guess this was a student film, but I would like to think a movie has to have a bit more to recommend it than an A from film school to make it to Amazon Instant Video.
PS: I'm not sure who to blame, but the copy I watched was all but unintelligible in a lot of places. After a while, I just quit trying to understand what the cleaning robots were trying to say.
The trailers and previews imply this is a true story, even to the point of giving the lead character the same name as the actress playing the role. A lot of the movie is filmed as if it was a real video log, complete with the shaky, slightly out of focus recording.
It isn't, and they give up on the pretense quickly.
Minimal sex, minimal nudity, which seems odd for a porn star. Minimal blood, and a low body count, so you can't even watch it as a slasher movie.
Little more to say. I can't even rate it as a guilty pleasure.
If you really, really, really love Brooke Marks, rent it. If you have a buddy who loves Brooke Marks, buy him a copy. If you're wondering why I bothered to add this to the end of the review, it is because there is a ten line minimum on reviews, and I was done with this epic after only seven lines.
Adding that will probably get this review discarded by The Powers That Be, but I really didn't have anything else the least bit useful to add.
I suppose I could have recapped the plot of the movie, but if you watched the trailer, you already know pretty much everything I could tell you without spoiling what few surprises this movie has.
Ghost Ship (2002)
Did you ever wonder what the Friday the Thirteenth movies would have been like if Jason had decided to attack middle aged men instead of hormone addled teenagers?
Did you ever wonder what would have happened if Kubrick had decided to place "The Shining" on an abandoned luxury ocean liner rather than a luxury hotel closed for the winter
Me neither. But if you did, you'd probably like "Ghost Ship".
The plot is pretty simple. Julianna Margulies and a bunch of guys named joe are a salvage crew, with casting straight out of a Coke commercial. One woman. One black man. One Latino man. One older man. etc... The standard issue mysterious stranger offers them a chance to recover a long lost ocean liner, worth millions.
Once they board the ship, weird things start happening. If you've watched more than about three slasher movies you could probably fill in the rest of the plot yourself. By the second death my only real question was whether the survivors would be Julianna Margulies and one of the men, or just Julianna Margulies. I won't tell you, for fear of having it labeled a spoiler, but it really wasn't much of a surprise.
Decent, if your first choice is unavailable for some reason, but not really worth much of an effort to find and see.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Wasn't expecting much. Blew me away!
Every so often TiVo offers 'cheap' (usually $0.99 or $1.99) movie rentals for download. I had downloaded a couple others, and was debating whether or not 'Sucker Punch' was worth the effort. It was.
If logic and continuity are really important to you, you'll hate it.
If you can just lean back, and let the images wash over you, you'll love it.
Most of the movie is a fantasy, imagined by one of the characters. The fight scenes are kind of a combination of steam punk, and sword and sorcery, with a twist of kung fu martial arts. I saw a couple places (at least) where they were quoting from other movies, include one moment that was straight out of the ending of 'King Kong'. (The only things missing were the building and the ape) (trust me on that, it'll make sense)
For the first time in a long time, I've found a movie I might be willing to buy, not rent.