Reviews written by registered user
|27 reviews in total|
This movie was fair; even though it did not have as much skin involved as I expected. Most of the time Joan Severance and three other detectives were trying to find a way to arrest a man of killing a woman, and suspecting that he had killed four other women. Her three partners were: a black fag - a fouled mouthed Latino - and a toothpick munching white dude. I hate those toothpick munchers. Eventually Joan gets sexually involved with the suspect and thinks that one of his ex-girlfriends did the current murder; but the toothpick'er keeps driving at arresting the rich guy (who is also the son of a senator). Overall, it's a watchable movie; mainly because Joan looks fantastic - that is, if you like mature sexy women instead of watching some blonde bimbo from down the street: that those Hollywood executives are casting as main actresses nowadays.
I liked the ice road truckers season three, and some of season four -
the India trucking was okay, too (being Deadliest Roads Season One): so
I had high expectations for better entertainment with the deadliest
roads series for season two, filmed in South America.
But I was wrong.
I was wrong not really because of the location, and the different towns and cities, nor the different culture: I was wrong because of the crew that the production used as drivers - in particular: the two bozo idiot rookies! Those two guys were imbeciles! And they had no right to be criticizing anybody on how a road is to be driven: as with the episode when they scolded a veteran driver on how he should drive after they themselves only drove the road once.
And to top it off: Lisa Kelly: the semi-cutie female from Alaska, turned out to be a real conceded bitch. Lisa's head swelled even more than the rookies after she managed to get through the route. At first she was soooo scarred - then she became gods' greatest gift to trucking after a successful drive.
Okay ... Bolivia and Peru were interesting; but give me the crew from Alaska to watch - or some guys worth liking: without anybody quitting after the second episode like Rick and Dave.
But Hugh Rawlins was great.
Was this program real, or did they become actors, using a script from writers: because it sure seemed like an insane asylum to have to put up with the attitudes of those truckers? I think that some of what goes on is scripted; including drivers quitting or getting fired in order to hype up somebody or a situation. I guess that had to be done, because of what they hauled; stupid things, like: ceramics, plaster dinosaurs, cases of beer (why can't a remote city make their own beer?), real live Llamas (why can't remote communities breed their own livestock?); and then they hauled some normal things, like: cement and metal pipes. BUT ... there are large helicopters that can carry a tank, so why can't it carry those pitiful loads that the trucks had? It would be a lot faster and safer.
Well ... what the hell: the program was still better to watch then 90% of everything else on the tube. Maybe Lisa will try mooning on one of the episodes?
Everyone should have listened to Phil (Mortensen), who was undoubtedly the smartest of them all. Phil only wanted to have a nice day of boating, but a fire upon another boat ruins the day because he's urged to rescue two distressed passengers in need of assistance: one who is an illegal female immigrant, and the other being a sweetie-pie Shemale. But things go wrong for the crew - the sweetie-pie Shemale turns into a gun-totting Shemale, and hijacks the boat because he/she desperately wants to get to a rendezvous point to meet his male lover. Along with the hijacking: the story includes how the crew reacts to their own emotions concerning their life, so other occurrences take place as they argue among themselves about their personal problems. Bill gets drastic because of his frustrations concerning his sorry ass, and cheating wife, and turns his back on his relatives to help the hijackers against his brother-in-law (Mortensen); and from there Phil pits himself against the assholes who are ruining the day by attempting to regain control of his precious boat - which he does do, with a result that creates more of an ordeal. Good movie; it had tension!
Mary Hartman was definitely the main attraction - other than her weird dialog, she would often wipe the front of her teeth to give them a quick cleaning, and sit on the couch to open and close her legs in moment of anxiety, giving the viewers a blue pantie-shot. Mary's mom and dad were good, too: with the dad needing to sit on an air dough nut for his hemorrhoids while he stated the need to hire F. Lee Bailey as his attorney to settle a legal matter. Mary's sister, Debra Lee Scott, did well as a sexy slut. This program gave Mary Kay Place notoriety; who, in this program was a terrible singer, and married to an ugly goof who lost his balls - he often talked about his awaiting operation to obtain a pair of dog gonads as a replacement. This program was so crazy you had to watch it.
Kit Gerardo (Hayden) has a strong motive to get revenge over his
mother's death, carrying the quest for twenty years against Captain
Luis Del Toro; but when an opportunity arises, instead of killing the
man, he collects a ransom from a prisoner he holds, which happens to be
Del Toro's fiancée. He also battles other foes, some of which were on
land while riding horses after getting commissioned by a French leader
to destroy the Spanish settlements - in return he and his men can be
rewarded with land to settle on.
Rhonda Fleming was Captain Rouge, and she was a pirate; but this was not discovered until after the first 30 minutes. Now that delay had some circumstances for her, and would have been okay if she still would have maintained her Captain's status, giving off vibrations that definitely could put a man in erection city; but she soon ends up back on her plantation, becoming a victim to Kit Gerardo's men who are on that mission to destroy settlements stoking her hatred of men.
Part of Hayden's character was to be a lover, and he passes the test since he does not overdo any charming routine. His success with women sure does take a nose dive, though; he finds that the fiancée and Captain Rouge are women who sure are fickle: one minute they want Kit Gerardo dead, and the next minute they want his loins all this in the midst of a twist in the story.
There were believable characters, authentic clothes, villages good fighting scenes, and beautiful mature women - a pretty good swashbuckler for only half of the movie being filmed at sea. The reason I gave it a 7 instead of an 8 was because of Rhonda's character not staying in her pirate's mode.
I've liked Rhona Mitra since I first saw her in Get Carter; and I liked seeing her in this movie, even though she was not right for the part. Like all too often, producers and directors miscast the films they make: in this one they should have chosen a bigger woman than Rhona. She did look like she had been pumping some iron, though, which was good to see: the arms and shoulders looked good; but in no way could a woman like her be able to kill the people she killed. (Where are today's Brigitte Nielsen and Cory Everson?). Kurt Russell got away with winning against bigger opponents in Escape from New York; but little Rhona is just 5 foot 4, and beating the guts out of 6 foot 8 inch barbarians. Then we have a girl who had never seen a car before, and low and behold: she and some other dude end up being the quickest pit crew in the history of gassing a vehicle (in order to get away from her daddies barbaric henchmen). Although, in summing it up, I'd have to say: Nevertheless, despite all, this was somewhat entertaining.
I am tired of seeing cutie-pie-guys who never comb their hair and have
a see-thru beard. Matthew Settle (leading actor): of course is also a
slob: with a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and who drinks instant
coffee. But the teenyboppers will love him.
Now you've got to amplify his character by making him a loser (and with bad dialogue; trying to make good on sentences like: puke on the floor, and, hole in the head). He's a goof who has previously expressed to people that he desires to be a writer, but when his past friends inquire about his progress, (6 years later), he covers up about still being on page one.
Yes page one is revealed by a former girlfriend, now extramarital affair partner, making this viewer wonder if he is who knows maybe a chronic masturbator because of his lack of writing?
This movie could be considered as a learning film for the young just to show them an imbecile adult. With a good example being when he destroys valuable glass figurines from a mantle in a playful way; probably in order to put the blame on someone else for his own ineptness. Although he does accept blame when he and his former girlfriend talk about the abortion that he failed to do correctly several years before, resulting in her inability to have children in future attempts. Nevertheless, they deem their screw-ups as minor compared to the millionaire husband, who gets condemned for just making some illegal business ventures, and for slapping his unfaithful conniving wife.
So now we've got an immature woman involved, only caring about money, revenge, and participating in the two (yes two) affairs she's involved with. And you will see Mr. Inept parking right in front of the house he wants to enter to commit murder, along with seeing him mosey to an entrance while security guards are patrolling the grounds.
Lots more take place; which includes detectives: one of which is an old buddy of the inept writer, and who has a great deal of problems himself. That detective (Patrik Ersgard) was sort of okay. I did like the millionaire, Currie Graham. And if you can manage to gruel out Mr. inept writer's disposition, you can actually see a decent story take place - WITH A FEW UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS.
The treasure part of this movie is stupid, because diamonds don't emerge naturally from ground level. There is some gold finding, too - that separate escapade is done by a Nazi and a topless native woman (who is actually Latino instead of Amazonian). But I have to admit that that woman looked good. The Nazi (Pleasance) is okay, and I found myself on his side while searching for treasure in order to build a better world - (what the hell) - Though opponents to that have their way. There is a need to mention that there is a goof who is searching for oil; and he is, by far, one of the worst actors in history. The goof's girlfriend isn't too bad looking though; but miss goody two-shoes eventually shows her devious side. The main characters are the diamond getters: performed by Whitman and his two nagging companions, who travel through the jungle yelling and pointing guns at each other. Fortunately they are given the greater majority of film time, making the story passable: with the scenery and Whitman making the highlights.
A whole lotta naked going on, going on, going on, going on!
There's so much nakedness that inserts of horses dumping manure would be welcomed as an alternative.
What you see here are imbecile women who need to be gagged: all the time they are yapping away like kindergarten children - frolicking outside in the courtyard and in the shower - not shutting up even when they're in their cells.
The guards are always finding an extraordinary amount of weapons in the prisoner's bodies. When discipline is implemented: beatings don't seem to change the convicts attitudes; which maybe because they know that their bodies will endure the punishment, and not give any part of them (especially their clean shaved legs) any bruising.
The guards and warden are probably better looking if you (like me) prefer mature women. The warden: a blonde, (above and below) shedding her clothes several times like the prisoners.
Drama and a plot Sorry, I missed any particular reason; although, the prisoners relentless show of defiance might be the story. They do come up with an idea to escape, and when some get away; those women turn out to be scumbag killers instead of imbeciles. They each find a man to hideout with, and that's when mild nudity turns into some hardcore action. But their stupidity takes over when it comes to managing their freedom.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Musetta Vander a sexy b*tch, given the right circumstances. Early in this movie she did not display her sexiness; her character's education (as a scientist) showed a too conservative appearance. True, some educated women can be sexy, but Musetta needed to let her hair down, and to have worn some black-rimmed glasses. While she was working, a convict who was scheming to voluntarily give his services as a subject for a reduced sentence, made an escape attempt. He was successful, but not without consequences, because damaged containers in the laboratory (the section he fled to - the section with Musetta) infected him with toxins. Musetta received a smaller portion of the toxin, and the convict got the brunt of the mess; which soon changed him into a mosquito. Then the hunt was on, and Musetta's boyfriend (conveniently being a detective) was on the case. While Musetta was back working on her project she then let her hair down; and also began experiencing problems with her health. She was undergoing changes into her own mosquito mutation; eventually getting feverish, which fortunately showed a scene where she was wearing red bra and panties - sweating - looking good in that situation. But she did not mutate fully and begin seeking out some mansquito wanger; she only had had a smaller infection compared to the ridiculously powerful mansquito. Big as it was, bullets still should have killed it; but not only did it deflect bullets, it was able to survive a blast that knocked out a hospital floor. Nevertheless, the detective eventually jumped onto the mansquito's back and started to zap it with his stun gun, with the image in mind of his backyard bug killer device. But that did give Musetta (now showing more signs of mutation) an idea, and that lead to the destruction of the pesky bug. Hey, there are a thousand worse movies, so this is okay; and better still, if you're in an alcoholic state and seeing it without commercials.
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