Reviews written by
bio_cloner

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55 reviews in total 
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2 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
patronizing formulaic travesty, 26 July 2005
2/10

I *despise* movies that try to engage the viewer's emotions by depicting senseless bloodshed of the most unjust kind. Extra special "boo!" for showing dead children strung up upside down. This movie has scenery, a cuckold's wife that merrily 'puts out' for the underdog, and a cruel enemy that executes children for the crime of having dreams and aspirations. If you're a brain-dead pig that gets happily brainwashed by gutter-grade psychology then you will love this movie. It's like a Spielberg re-imagining of Damnation Alley meets Mad Max. About the only thing they didn't do is drag the holocaust into this, but man just barely, you can tell the little guttersnipes really wanted to by depicting the bad guys as racially-motivated whites, which I am really *sick of* being bludgeoned with in every movie the little pigs release. Plenty of stupid parts where Costner undoes whatever little good that he did in the beginning, to the deadly detriment of others, leading to cruel deaths of innocents that we are supposed to favorably attribute to justifiable 'higher principles'. And yet the makers of this trash still expect us to regard him as the 'hero'. Watch this movie if you're a sicko that's tittilated by the prospect of people being murdered for the crime of having morals or ethics or higher aspirations.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
"Who could have known that Humans, even in their larval state, could be so vile?", 12 February 2005

Best episode was the one where the aliens found themselves in possession of a human baby and didn't know it needed to be changed regularly! It gets progressively more foul smelling, culminating in a scene where the only solution is to fire the little stinker into space! Seeing the aliens in gas masks with large floor fans blowing the smell away was hilarious! Another funny episode was the one where Etno spies on the circus clowns as they remove their makeup and concludes from the plastic noses and other synthetic body parts that they must be highly evolved cyborgs! Each episode consists of someone new moving into the big house the aliens are hiding in, and their attempts to understand the type of human they're observing. A key prop is a machine they use to transform their appearance to fit in among humans either as one of them or some inanimate object with humorous results. I really miss this cartoon!

5 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
How can any Con O'Sewer not love this, 20 December 2004

You'll see them blither about 'giant robots' and then dismiss the whole film. What 'giant robots'??? There is not one single 'giant' robot in the whole film. The robot is no bigger than a man, and unconvincingly represents a whole invading army. My guess is that they watch until the giant SHADOW of a robot is projected onto the building for dramatic shock effect, then they turn it off and come to the internet to share their 'expert' whiz-dumb pretending they know everything about it.

This is a perfectly cool black and white twilight zone style lamer-fest perfect for anyone that likes apocalyptic movies in which the survivors get to break into abandoned businesses and help themselves to the abandoned amenities. Don't pretend you never dreamed about it. These old movies rely on character studies on characters you would happily kill yourself if the movie's only prop didn't crash the party and do it for you.

But the idea of five survivors holing up in a fancy hotel, eating resort food, drinking rare expensive wine, hiding from killer robots that patrol the city? Where else can you get this in stark and shocking black and white? Next best bet is 1986's "Chopping Mall" which features teens that hide out in a shopping mall until the security robots come out to kill them.

Serve's 'em right.

They should have watched this one to see what awaited them.

The Rift (1990)
6 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
What a cool little movie, and not widely known., 10 September 2004

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is one of those movies that starts out serious for a long time before it turns into a monster movie, always the best way. It starts out with the feel of a military movie. There are interpersonal conflicts, rivalries, power struggles, the military's way vs. the will of the inventor sort of thing.

*** SPOILERS ***

Experimental submarine sets off in search of the previous sub's fate, and finds an underwater installation concealing an out of control secret project that has been mutating sea life into rubber monsters of all different shapes and sizes. Why this unique movie gets so many bad reviews is a mystery to me, because this is a perfectly reasonable direct-to-video sci fi story and it doesn't have that tiresome CGI look.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
If religion interests you, this will too., 25 July 2004

They'll tell you it's another "Omen". So? So what? How many years has it been since they made an Omen sequel, about twenty? So if you want that type of movie, then this is that type of movie, enjoy. This time it's told in flashbacks from the mother's point of view from her hospital bed, and the mother is played by that naked alien chick that was in THE FACULTY. They'll compare it to Rosemary's Baby and The Shining, but it doesn't compare to Rosemary's Baby or The Shining, because those movies both sucked and are overrated. I didn't like Rosemary's Baby and The Shining, too much ugliness. But I do like this movie and the naked alien chick from THE FACULTY. I especially liked the religion angle, the idea that the anti-christ would undergo satanic counterparts to baptism, crucifixion, resurrection, etc. This hasn't been explored in other films and that's why this one deserves to be seen. The role of the cab driver with all the crucifix's was a memorable surprise when it was revealed, as was the coffin scene, but again you have to have an interest in religion to appreciate the horror of it, that's probably why so many reviews here sound like the reviewer simply did not get it.

3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Unexpectedly Worthwhile, 9 May 2003

Randy Quaid really gives this movie an extra edge by playing it straight faced even though he knows it's a "monster movie". That seriousness toward his craft deserves recognition. But what I really like is the way you go through the whole movie thinking you've got all the answers, and then you find out that you had no clue what was really going on after all, and that the "stern parent" was right to act as he did all along. No wonder all the teenagers are giving it crappy reviews!!!

Dagon (2001)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
"You will not see my face again, but I will see yours", 9 May 2003

Profoundly atmospheric, you can really feel the Lovecraft in this one, and it will grow on you eerily for days after you've seen it. Basic theme is the horrifying penalty exacted upon an entire village for renouncing the true God for another "god" from the sea, and his gifts of gold that they can never spend because of that penalty. "For what doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world yet lose his soul?" This movie illustrates it graphically!

Disappearance (2002) (TV)
8 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
*** spoilers*** I blame Steven King's influence!, 1 May 2003

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This one follows Steven King's standard formula for tv movies: Generate gripping suspense in the beginning with lots of plot elements that will ultimately have nothing to do with anything, then be too stupid to come up with an ending for your own story. Then throw in an evil crow at the end, so your viewers will think they just didn't "get" it. This strategy works well on television where the entire goal is to get everyone that saw the first part to tune in for the conclusion also, and nothing extra is gained by additional effort to make the ending meaningful. So I suspect that there really is no "secret meaning" to discover as other reviewers have posted, but like them, I loved this movie and will try to guess what it could possibly have meant by watching it a second time anyway! One point I haven't seen anyone comment on is the fact that the stolen cars were arranged in the shape of the symbol that was on the skin that was nailed to the wall. It suggests that the pattern is meant to be seen from the air. And regarding the nature of the lurking menace, the towns folk all seem to be aware of it, though some will warn outsiders to stay clear, while others seem agreeable towards it, like the old man that smiled contentedly when the dust cloud it raised was approaching. And the Sheriff knew how to summon it to apparently exchange his prisoner for the missing boy, yet his prisoner was not clear on what exactly it is, even though he knew what it was about to do to him, and thus asked to be killed first. Then the whole question of whether it was really a bomb blast or a ufo crash, whether the lurking menace is an alien or a radiation mutant, etc. I've considered the idea that the inhabitants of Weaver were not in fact given the chance to evacuate at all, and their vengeful spirits are the culprit, needing fresh bodies to live in periodically. Perhaps the people that detonated the bomb are among them, being their first victims, explaining why some town folk warn outsiders while others impede them, and why no one will admit Weaver ever existed, some feeling guilt for what they did to it's inhabitants, others being the inhabitants, depending on the cover-up for their own survival through new victims periodically. The prisoner also suggests that "normal" people live among the others, but are prevented from ever leaving, possibly so their bodies can be used in the future as the need arises. A finite number of bodies must be needed, otherwise the Sherrif could not have made the trade; they would have kept him and the boy both. Also not explained is the significance of the small plane that crashed or the bird symbol on it; perhaps it's occupant lives on in that crow, supervising from the air as he was doing the day of the test, not knowing the blast would reach him, just as no one thought it would reach the town of Weaver. Hmmmm...

If anyone has further insight and wants to discuss this movie, please feel free to email me, seriously.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Finally, a fun movie in the style of "Creepshow"., 5 October 2002

This is one of those horror movies comprised of three or four short stories that all come together in the end. It's easy to find fault with the production values once it's over, but it will hold your attention while you're still watching it. "Ranger Bill" left me hoping for a sequel, but they really should have worked one or two more stories into this one before they concluded it. Lyrics in the song at the end speak of Aliens among us, an interpretation I did not get from watching the stories themselves.

The Nest (1988)
6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
If you're only going to watch one killer insect movie, this should be it., 5 October 2002

A movie about killer roaches with overtones of "The Thing" and maybe "Mimic". No computer-generated effects and all the actors play their parts with a straight face, so it's creepier and more believable than you'd expect. Too bad it had to be roaches instead of some other bug. Nobody wants to look at roaches, so a truly worthwhile shocker remains largely unknown.


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