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DrJOnes666

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11 reviews in total 
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60 out of 81 people found the following review useful:
How to butcher a horror movie icon, 30 April 2010
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Let me start right off the bat by saying: yes, I was a big fan of NOES in the 80s, I cherish fond memories of watching the first one on VHS when I was 11, saw NOES 4 in theater and every sequel after that. No, I'm not against movie remakes; I actually look forward to them and enjoyed many of them. And even though I love horror films, I'm not a purist (yes, I loved Halloween III- there, I said it!).

But come on! It doesn't take a horror fan boy to realize this NOES remake is simply a horrible, horrible experiment gone bad, and NOT in a good way! I can only imagine the brainstorm they must have had when deciding to remake NOES. "People, what can we do to butcher ---- hrrrr ---- redo NOES"? *********** SPOILERS ************* JOE: Oh I know! Let's re-use key scenes from the original film, but with cheesier effects! Better yet, let's just do them with poor CGI instead.

DAN: You know, we should do something about replacing the original actor the fans loved so much. Let's use a shorter guy instead, and... oh, while we're at it: make him look like a melted weazle, and feed him cheesy dialogue lines.

MARC: Dan, you can't stop there! You know what we should do to make sure the fans really dislike him? Make him a pedophile.

DAN: Are you sure Marc? I mean, this is a drastic change... In the original, Freddy was like the image of the boogieman... He killed those kids because he was evil. But there is nothing about ped...

MARC: I'm telling you Dan! This will be killer! The crowd will turn cold.

JOE: I buy that! Greaaaaaaat idea! Let's push that idea throughout the story. It'll teach them to root for Freddy in the other versions! OK, what else? MARC: Let's use deep and low post-processed digital audio to change Freddy's voice. Oh, and LOTs of reverb. LOOOOOTS of it! Because, it's dreams, you know. Scaaaaaaryyyy! JOE: Awesome! Here's one: the teens should be played by adults.

DAN: Wasn't that a complaint from the teens in horror films of the 80s? JOE: You're right. Well, it's like they say: if it ain't broken, don't fix it! ------------------ OK.... all in all, I think you get the drift.

Really, I didn't think it was possible to butcher one of the greatest horror icon of the 80s/90s. But they surely succeeded to kill the spirit of Freddy in this version of NOES.

Robert, we miss you dearly.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Top quality Van Damme and overall action film, 10 July 2009
8/10

I recently saw the film "JCVD" on DVD, which I loved from start to finish. In the Van Damme universe, I am what I would call from the "Bloodsport generation". I saw Bloodsport when I was 17, which was of course the first Van Damme film I've seen. I had seen a few more films from him, but it's only after seeing JCVD I realized how little films I had actually seen from his impressive library. A quick visit to his IMDb page confirmed that although I knew very well who JCVD was, I knew actually very little of him. And so I decided to remedy to that situation by actually watching all of his films in the order they were made.

This JCVD pilgrimage had me discover little gems I didn't know at all, such as his fantastic performance in No Retreat, No Surrender (1986), the classic "Bloodsport" energy of Kickboxer (1989), the surprisingly good (and similar story) The Quest (1996), and what I consider to be the most underrated Van Damme film to date Nowhere to Run (1993). At the other end of the spectrum, the very awful and chaotic film Knock Off (1998), the dreadful Universal Soldier: The Return (1999), the deadening The Order (2001), and the total insult to JCVD the action icon Derailed (2002).

And so, after such bad films in a row, it was a fantastic breath of fresh air to actually see a film made from real professionals who actually care for the action genre, and for stars like Van Damme who invest their lives in making such films. Wake of Death (2004) was an excellent action-drama, with as deep character development you can get in a revenge flick, more than enough to make you care for the characters throughout the story. Van Damme's performance is top notch, thanks to director Martinez who actually had the good sense to give him TIME to act. The pristine editing supported the overall dark tone of the film "a la" Max Payne (the video games). The action sequences are very entertaining, some of them very brutal and bloody, and the acting of all supporting characters was flawless.

Wake of Death is a dark, emotionally charged action revenge film. It's too bad it never received the theatrical run it so well deserved.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Real fun ride!, 19 January 2009
9/10

Before I start this review, I have to say: I'm almost 40, I've been a horror genre fan all my life, and I don't mind remakes that much as long as they actually work to make the film work by respecting genre fans. Oh, and I went to see the NOTLD 3D remake, which is probably the most insulting remake ever made! Which, fortunately, is so far from what My Bloody Valentine 3-D is...

My Bloody Valentine 3-D is a true gem of a remake. It takes the original idea of the 80s version, and really remakes it into its own living thing. The story is still basically the same, but they really pushed the envelope further to tell the story in a different way and with much more fun factor to it. Gone are the endless dialogues and boring moments. The film's rhythm is really where they improved a lot on and they were able to surprise the audience at moments when you'd never expect it.

Gore?: Plentyful and very well done! Killer?: An awesome killer, and so well played! Acting?: Yes, they were really good! Nudity?: Absolutely, AND it was done in a very original and fun way!

The 3D effect were very well done and original and only added to the pop-corn feel of this film. Really, MBV3D is a film destined to become a long time classic in the horror genre, and hopefully will start a new trend of 3D horror films with actual fun content.

Delightful!, 15 November 2008
8/10

I have been following Miss Beauchamp's career for a while now and have always loved her photography. I am amazed at her various styles. I decided to purchase her new film recently and after seeing the rating here in IMDb, I felt obliged to come and add my two cents on this film. I mean, to me, it doesn't make any sense that this film would be rated anything but at least over a healthy 7/10. And here's why: this film is entertaining from start to finish, charming, amusing, very sexy, and done with such good taste for the fetish scene I am surprised only 29 people rated it and a few commented on it. I would imagine the fetish scene crowd would be very proud to see themselves represented in such a glamorous and respectful way. All Access 2 features Bianca and her friends, in this case her best friend and hair stylist The Richard which turns out to be quite the funny rock on guy, Jean Bardot which everyone knows in the fetish scene for her films, and Rubberdoll which I must admit I didn't know before viewing this film but after online searches I discovered a lot more about her stage performances (she is also very funny in the movie!). This film was fast paced, never lets you be bored. I was surprised at how much detail is going on in each scene. My only complaint is that the DVD does not contain any extra footage and I would have loved to see more about the making of this film. A commentary would also have been nice as I was left wanting to know more about these people. But overall a strong film I think anyone curious about the latex scene, and curious about one of the pioneer that brought latex fetish to the mainstream, to give this film a try. Now bring on All Access 3!

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Awesome!, 7 November 2008
9/10

This film was a total surprise to me tonight. I saw this DVD at the videostore and thought I'd give the rental a try after seeing its rating on IMDb. I was not disappointed at all. Sure, it's a low budget film, but honestly there are plenty of higher budget film that don't even compare in terms of quality of directing and editing. Plus, I thought the cast did an amazing job and were all very good. The film obviously borrow from such classics as Night of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Return of The Living Dead, a touch of Back to The Future (Oh come on, you didn't catch that one?) and dare I say even a wink at The Simpsons (Power Plants anyone?). But really, this film stands on its own. I think films like this should get a wider release and more support from distributors. It was fun, excellently paced, superbly edited, the zombies looked cool, the lighting was spot on. Really, a work clearly done by pros who are fans of the genre. 9/10 (now bring on the sequel, and fast!)

Inside (2007)
2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
A shocking and well crafted film, 9 October 2008
9/10

À L'INTÉRIEUR is one of the best horror films I have seen in years. And let's make this clear: it IS a real horror movie! It's refreshing to see at last a horror film not directed for teenagers. Films in the likes of Prom Night (remake) are staining the Horror Genre, calling themselves horror films. But back to INSIDE: the tempo of the film (fantastic directing) and the strong performances by the leading ladies (on a superbly written cript) make this film a horror classic. Yes, there is a LOT of blood and gore. And the film is extremely violent in its core (a pregnant woman being stalked by a killer who wants her baby!). But in the end, the violence only serves the story, and in return it all boils down to scaring people. It shows the director wanted to scare its audience, and he chose a path people would relate to. It is difficult nowadays to really scare the audience. People have seen everything on the big screen and at home on DVDs. People are desensitized to violence in general. But À L'INTÉRIEUR's subject hits so close to our roots as human beings (we wouldn't hurt a pregnant woman!), the film is like a curve ball that hits you in the face. It is so well executed, this film certainly deserves no less than a 9.

Death Note (2006)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One of the most refreshing film I've seen in years!, 9 October 2008
10/10

Death Note has to be one of the most refreshing film I have seen in years. My wife have always loved sci-fi and horror films, although Death Note doesn't really fall in each of these categories, it certainly borrows from them and there are a lot of elements from the Fantastic Genre. It is hard to talk about Death Note without revealing too much, and since many have already talked about the storyline, I'll restrain from doing so. Personally, I was able to watch Death Note (and soon after the sequel) without knowing what Death Note was about. I was blown away by the story. It is so well written, and all of the actors are dead on in their acting. I must admit, at first we thought the CGI of the Reaper looked "out of place" and too "cartoonish". But we soon got used to it because it became very apparent this look was very deliberate. I rarely give a 10, but this film certainly deserves this high mark, especially in today's cinema world where we are bombarded with tons of new not so original film. Last bu not least, Death Note is the best of the trilogy. Death Note 2 was certainly not as well written and the plot is less engaging. The third film (L Change The World, a spin off from the series) is excellent because of the L character, but certainly far from being as engaging as the first Death Note. You have to watch this!

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
From one Bruce fan to another: AVOID like the pest, 8 December 2005
3/10

I'm 35. Bruce was THE man in Evil Dead, and I still love to watch ED1 and ED2. It was cool also to see him as The King two or three years ago in Bubba Ho Tep in which he showed versatility and great acting talent. But this Screaming Brain adventure is certainly not for Bruce's early fans. Either I'm getting too old for this sh17, or I'm just not part of Bruce's target audience anymore. I'm positive kids age 9 to 13 will love this film. But this over extended matinée sci-fi comedy contains about 5 minutes total of interesting moments, and the rest is cheap kids slapstick humor. Campbell better talk seriously with Sam Raimi and get their brains screaming together for a last Evil Dead reunion picture to get back my interest. At least there would be a good director behind the camera... Sorry Bruce, this just doesn't cut it for me. Take care.

126 out of 177 people found the following review useful:
The Alternate Ending on the DVD is well worth it!, 16 January 2005
8/10

Instead of going into a detailed review of this movie, I would just like to point out that the DVD of The Forgotten offers the possibility to view the Theatrical Release or the Extended Version which contains an alternate ending.

The Extended Version runs 8 minutes longer than the Theatrical version. Basically, the changes consist of 2 scenes that were cut off the Theatrical Release + the alternate ending. If you have not seen this movie yet, GIVE YOURSELF A FAVOR and watch the EXTENDED VERSION. The alternate ending is TOTALLY DIFFERENT and in my humble opinion a lot more in tune with the rest of the movie. I have not seen this movie in theaters and I decided to watch the Extended Version first. I'm glad I did! After the viewing, I decided to check the Theatrical Ending and I can totally understand why many people have talked negatively about the "Hollywood Ending" of The Forgotten. The Extended Version fixes that very well. I cannot understand why this was not the version showed in theaters.

All in all: good acting, good story - 8/10.

Jason X (2001)
Jason in Space? Come on!, 28 May 2002
1/10

Bring Jason back to the basics: in the woods. He doesn't belong in space, especially not with stupid characters that deliver the worst dialogues ever. I am a big fan of Horror Movies and have always supported the genre in theaters, even with films like Freddy 5. So I was there to see Jason X and support the franchise. I was there!! So can someone please explain to me WHY and HOW New Line Cinema allowed to make SUCH A BAD Jason film that will surely KILL THE FRANCHISE forever out of theaters?!! I'm sorry, but I can't give it more than 1/10. It's really THAT awful.


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