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Dorothy: I swear to you that I thought I was setting the parking brake.
Gardner: Report back to me...I don't know...when it makes sense.
Scarecrow: Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent. Penrose!
Barney Fife: I don't know what he did but it must have been holding up the whole shebang. It began to creak and rumble and then (blows a raspberry.)
Nurse Diesel: Give me a cookie.
Blanche: If this isn't it I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.
Father Mulcahy: My cassock is getting a little tight in the vestibule.
Willy Wonka: There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be.
Fabienne: It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same.
Ralph: Oh, what, do you think I'm going up and introducing myself to every cop in the pueblo?
John Bigboote: BigbooTAY! TAY! TAY!
Igor: Walk this way.
Savannah: If you're ugly on the inside you're ugly on the outside.
Scar: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
Gloria: Wimp. Wimp. Loser. Loser. Major loser. Too angry. Too vague. Too desperate. God, too happy. Look at this guy. Mr. Mondo Dizmo. I actually used to date him. Total sleaze bucket. Wait a minute. Hold everything. Get a load of this character. Now what about him?
Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen... Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
Dean Charles Stanforth: We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.
Vince Fontaine: It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's what you do with your dancin' shoes.
Col. Potter: You're probably the one guy with enough mileage to understand my problem.
Leo the Scorpion: The rules are... there ain't no rules!
Cleopatra: I will not be told where I can go and where I cannot go!
Principal McGee: If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Lloyd Fredericks: It was a setup, and I want a polygraph!
Sergeant Brad Navarro: You shut your mouth, or you're gonna need Poly-Grip!
Nick: Wise up, folks. We're all alone out there and tomorrow we're going out there again.
Chris Adams: I have been offered a lot for my work, but never everything.
Senex: A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse.
Col. Klink: No sir, not Klunk, Klink.
Maude: Play as well as you can.
B.J.: All we've got is the possibility of a firm maybe.
Dorothy: Can't you get a refund?
Blanche: Well, no, I paid with nature's credit card.
Bernice: Harry is full of lemon drops.
Blanche: If you really want to do something for the act have one of those two left feet made into a right one.
Maj. Winchester: I proffered an olive branch and was soundly thrashed with it.
Nurse Diesel: Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.
Dolly Fletcher: Oh, Willy, when you're 21 and you look like Rose, you don't have to ride with Lew and Maynard.
Frankie: Baby, I think we associate with a very unstable group.
Marion Crane: These extended lunch hours give my boss excess acid.
Kirk: We'll need all the power you can muster, mister.
Scotty: Don't you worry, Captain. We'll beat those Klingon devils, even if I have to get out and push.
Kirk: I hope it won't come to that, Mr. Scott.
Kirk: Oh, him? He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.
The Kid: That ain't Lake Minnetonka.
Mother: I refuse to speak of disgusting things because they disgust me.
Glenn Tyler: All these things that are yours; I can see a whole life in them.
Steve Grayson: Your time hasn't come yet baby. You got a lot of dreams to go.
Sophia: Too bad there wasn't a Viking around when Stanley knocked you up.
Gabrielle: I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.
Dorothy: Maestro, how about something with a little octane?
Lt. Col. Blake: I left a going practice and a wife with a fistful of credit cards.
Kate: You're wearing sunglasses!
Joey Santino: They're subscription!
Kate: It's prescription, you idiot!
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled Chicks and Dudes, you are out of your mind.
Sophia: Well don't stand there like a bump on a pickle, give the man a quarter.
Danny Kohana: Sometimes saying you're married is better than insect repellant.
Big Daddy: The Pit. Bring me my pendulum kiddies, I feel like swinging.
Gabrielle: We used to have help. Now we are the help.
Mr. Singerman: I'm fine, I'm fine, except for the fact that you're standing on my foot.
Sophia: You got a marzipan bar in your ear? I told you I have a date with...you know who.
Paden: You're wearing my hat.
Rose: Give me the old days when you could go to mass and not think about a blessed thing.
Michelle: Everything in life has limitations.
Barbara: I know, I know, but I want to pick my own.
Dr. John Carpenter: We're born with a magic key. It opens the door to miracles of spring. It takes you to wishing wells, to ice cream and carousels. Let your address be Sunshine Place.
Stella: The world is what you make of it friend. If it doesn't fit you make alterations.
Morris Day: Do y'all want to learn a new dance? Are you qualified to learn one? This dance ain't for everybody, just the sexy people.
Miles: Rose, I've never met anyone like you.
Sophia: Check the corn field on Hee Haw.
Armand: I'm sweating like some sort of farm animal.
Sophia: I have to Dorothy. At my age, if you don't say it it can back up on you and come out some other way.
Tom Wilson: Easy Street is my favorite avenue.
Dr. Zachary Smith: I feel icky.
Mrs. Doubtfire: It was a run-by fruiting.
Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Mike McCoy: I go for all the belles; except the wedding kind.
James T. Kirk: There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere...
Elvis: This suit is hot I'm telling you.
Mother Superior: Doesn't anyone live in New Mexico?
Blanche: I just wish Sophia was my Mother. Then I could put her in Shady Pines.
Sophia: Start the engine and open the door. I'll jump in at the bottom of the driveway.
Dorothy: I'm sorry Rose. I left my flamethrower in my other purse.
Rose: He's more than frugal. He's frickenfrugal.
Sophia: Fasten your seatbelt slut puppy. This ain't gonna be no cake walk.
Barry: Pretty tough words for somebody buying eclairs.
Julien: When a man says no to champagne, he says no to life.
Dawson: Mind? You brought a posse to my best hideout and you ask me if I mind? Mister, I don't know any of those names. You're about to die.
Gang Member: I say we stomp him, then we tattoo him, then we hang him, then we kill him.
Floyd: Wretch. Wretch. Deceitful wretch.
Judge Joe Brown: You better un-attitude yourself.
Tulsa McLean: He wouldn't care if she was bald as long as she wiggles.
Ross Carpenter: Well, either you marry me or live with me in sin.
Laurel Dodge: Couldn't I have a little bit of both?
Andre: And the plumbing. The plumbing defies description.
Puss: I have shamed myself.
Capt. Jack Sparrow: There will be no knowing here.
Ann Alden: I never want to see another ruin as long as I live.
Mrs. Clairmont: I hate to say it but you make me want to commit suicide. Although at the rate I'm going, you understand, I might as well let it happen naturally.
Abby Reed: Well, the best presents are the ones you like yourself.
Fred Mertz: If Route 66 was downhill I could roll you back home.
Ethel Mertz: Common sense has nothing to do with it. When I say he's wrong, he's wrong.
Queenie: We're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are?
Mr. Daws: Did I ever tell you I was struck by lightning seven times?
Neville Bell: OOOOh, God, I hate the bush.
Aunt Bee: Nice people don't spill at all.
Bandit: After we broke up where did you go?
Carrie: To pieces, then I went to New York.
Cholla: It was one old lady who nearly ruinated all of you.
Philo: He's already got enough gas to get to north Denver and he's never seen a bean in his life.
Black Widow Member: The last time I saw you you were dirt diving in an alfalfa patch.
Sister Mary Clarence: I am not, nor have I ever been, a Las Vegas showgirl. I am a headliner!
Dorothy: Officer, shoot these people.
Officer: I can only shoot looters.
Dorothy: Stan, pick up the TV on your way out will you.
Judge Karen: When a man treats you like that you do not take him out for lobster.
Gen. Burkhalter: Physical fitness is one thing. Mental fitness is another.
Sophia (wielding a pan): We call this Sicilian Sominex.
Floyd: I can spot an amateur head a mile off.
Judge Joe Brown: If he can't pay, stay away.
Miles: Evil took over my lips.
Steve McGarrett: Be there. Aloha.
Assistant: Your son Rip is on line toot.
Sheriff Andy Taylor: We'll make some accommodations. Barney, lock her up and buy her some pink towels.
Troy: The day a door is closed the echoes fill your soul. I want my own dream so bad I'm gonna scream.
Buford T. Justice: That's an attention getter.
Blanche: We're here collecting lingerie for needy, sexy people.
Col. Hogan: Why is it you can only trust short, dumpy spies?
Sophia: Being a respectful, married woman, I cop a few good feels...