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17 reviews in total 
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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Uhm... right., 4 October 2003

Not to sound like a groupie or anything, but Johnny Depp really is the only entertaining aspect of this movie. Plus, there wasn't close to enough Salma Hayek in the film to keep the drooling males happy. What the hell?

The director could have saved a LOT of money, and time, but just saying "Aw, hell, phuk the plot." There would be a close-up of Antonio Banderas, then an explosion. Cut to a close-up of Antonio. Cut to a close-up of an explosion. (Are you ready for the element of surprise?) Cut to a close-up of Willem Dafoe. (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) Back to an explosion. And there's a close-up of Antonio, again. And then the movie ends.

Sound good? >_<

See this only if you have a good deal of patience, a GREAT sense of humor concerning bad movies, and only if you don't mind explosions. Or close-ups of Antonio Banderas being pensive. There are a LOT of those.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Um... pass., 19 September 2003

I cannot stand this movie. Absolutely hated it. By the end, I wanted to gouge my eyes out with gummi bears. And I don't say that very often.

Usually not judgmental about films, I had to give it a chance to work itself out in the end, but WHAT A JOKE. This has some of the poorest editing and plot configuration I have ever seen. And I hate knocking the director, but she was very forgettable. I wonder if Christina Ricci even read the script for this movie before she signed on.

One good thing I do have to say about The Man Who Cried -- gorgeous music. Very pretty, very sad Italian opera and gypsy melodies. The soundtrack would probably be better worth your time than the film.

In short... by the end, you just have a headache, and are befuddled at how even Johnny Depp's hotness couldn't save this movie.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Worthwhile film, 30 April 2003

This was an interesting movie. The top-rate cinematography made every frame interesting. If the script hadn't been peppered with humor, the film might have been in danger of being a bit too dark, and hard to swallow. The comedy is good, when it happens, and the dramatic bits are good, when they happen. A couple of scenes, in particular, might have you holding your breath. The cast is a good group of actors, who are recognizable, but probably not well-known. They really made the film complete. They managed to be believable, in parts that are in turns a little bit fantastic, and a little bit uncomfortabley believable.

Definately worth a look. 9/10.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Too... bad.... for...... words..... O_o, 30 April 2003

Oh god... this movie is so bad. I love Alan Rickman to bits, but OOOHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDDD. This has got to be one of the most boring, pointless, confusing, badly edited, badly scripted movies of all time.

Alan Rickman has an accent issue in this movie, which was really disapointing, because we all know how delicious his normal accent is. It was this... American thing. It wasn't quite American, but it wasn't British. WHAT WAS THAT ACCENT?!!

Unless you have a mad desire to see Alan Rickman and Reedus share a kiss, (which might actually be enough to get people to rent this movie,) oh please... save your sanity... and skip this one.

Watch Bridget Jones Diary, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Fight Club, The English Patient, Amadeus... ANYTHING ELSE!!

Crossroads (2002/I)
4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Like, OMG! OMG! EEEEEEE! Like, no way!, 3 March 2003

Ohmigod, I had to comment. Like, ohmigod. I'm commenting! Like OMG ~!! EEEEEEEEEEE!! Ohmigod, wow.

Okay, finished with the ditzy thing now.

This movie was HILARIOUS. And NOT in the good way. My friend and I were getting over being sick, so we rented a movie to make us laugh. THIS WAS FUNNY. I loved the part at the end, when she's singing on stage, and her sleeves are like 12 feet long, flapping around everywhere... I thought my friend was going to hyperventilate laughing so hard. Me, I was laughing myself to tears. We were also probably really doped up on decongestants, but it was still REALLY funny.

Check it out for a good laugh. And sorry all you guys, there are no Britney-dancing-wildly-topless scenes... *snort*

I'm not even going to bother rating this. Seriously. That bad.

(BTW... what the hell was Dan Akroyd doing in this movie?! Dan, you put classic SNL to shame!!)

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
80's Classic, 3 March 2003

As a child of the 80's, I was terrified to learn of the remaking of this movie. The original is a classic movie which I grew up with, and just watching it again brings tears to my eyes. Molly Grue, saying "What have you done? What have you done?!" Whew. Gets me every time.

And ignore that the villan creature is called the "Red Bull". The energy drink came over a decade AFTER the movie. O_o

This is a great movie, truly a classic, with a true-blue 80's soundtrack, bound to snag all hearts, young and old.

9/10 (if only for the pure nostalgia)

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Gag me with a pitchfork. (Not really.), 18 November 2002

This movie gave me a migraine.

And don't go saying I'm biased against period films, because I'm definitely not. I just don't like this one.

I don't recommend this movie, and it's not only because Dan Akroyd is in a PERIOD FILM... which should NEVER HAPPEN... it's also that it just really sucks. And the costumes are pretty, but as a friend of mine once said, "Pretty package, no contents. Good acting, bad script. A puke-green Pinto with a four-cylinder engine." So if that doesn't make my point, what possibly can?

Go rent Snatch. That's definitely a good movie.

But this is not a good movie. So I'm going to be nice and give it 3/10. Just because Dan Akroyd was so friggin funny with a fake accent. O_o

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Seriously. How could you not love Bridget?, 18 November 2002

This movie... it's fab. Brill. Lovely. Wicked funny. *Add your own British slang here*

The number one reason to see this movie? It's not reindeer jumpers, or the gherkins, or the lots and lots of vodka. It's... Colin Firth. Two simple, yet lovely words. Colin Firth. He loves Bridget just the way she is... and any woman in her right mind would LOVE to hear that, right? It's soooooo sweeeeeeeeeeet!

Hugh Grant plays a good a**hole. (As usual.) His hair is as floppy as ever, and he says lots of bad words. Every jerk's hero! Woot!

Who can't relate to Bridget? I mean, seriously. Who hasn't burned vodka bottles and self-help books in a tin trash can? Who hasn't had two British men fighting over them in the street, with "It's Raining Men" playing perfectly in the background? ("It's a fight! It's a REAL LIVE FIGHT!") Who hasn't dressed up in a Playboy bunny suit and paraded around a stuff British garden party? I mean, c'mon. We've all been there. ... right?

ANYWAYS... this is a good movie! And it's not just a chick flick... it's a chick flick where guys get to see, um... booze, fighting, cleavage and... Bridget's ass while she's sliding down the fireman's pole! And while your girlfriend might not appreciate the staring and drooling, they will find a new respect for you, because they'll think that you like them enough to watch a chick flick with them. (And then when it's over, you can go back to your house and rent Fight Club, and watch it alone with a bowl of popcorn and your pitbull.)

9/10 ^_^ Don't miss it, it's brill. Fab. Lovely. Etc... etc... etc...

Snatch. (2000)
Fabulously addictive, 15 November 2002

The way this movie was billed, I really kinda expected it to be laugh-out-loud funny. And while there are definatley those moments, this is more of a black comedy than a... well... laughing-out-loud comedy. So if you go into it expecting it to be witty, dark, and funny in that sort of way... this movie turns out to be hilarious.

Did that make any sense? lol

Vinnie Jones was my favorite part of this movie, as Bullet Tooth Tony. And Brad Pitt's Mickey comes in a close second. Every time they're on the screen, all attention is on them. What a great cast, as a whole. Guy Ritchie even keeps his old favorite around, from Lock Stock - Jason Stratham, Jason Flemyng, Vinnie Jones, etc.

And another thing: this movie has GREAT music. A real fun, eccentric, quirky soundtrack that helps make the movie what it is. I've never heard the soundtrack by itself, but I have no doubt that it could stand very well on it's own.

Of course, it's been said before, and I'll say it again; if you've seen Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and liked it, you will definatley like this movie. As for if you'll like it better... that's all a matter of individual opinion, now isn't it? :)

This is a good movie. Great, reasonabley complicated plot. Fast-paced and funny. Lots of British accents.

On the whole, it's a jolly good time. I gave it a 9/10.

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
What a fantastic movie., 15 November 2002

I could go on about this movie forever, so I'll try to keep it simple.

This is a fantastic movie.

Now, purists will complain about the historical accuracy, because they are more concerned with history than the making of a good movie. So ignore them. :) For the most part, the history is accurate. And the things that were given up for the sake of good filmmaking and plot, you wouldn't even notice.

Above all else, this is a BEAUTIFUL film. My brother commented once that 70% of the movie was the scenery. It's just breathtaking. The colors and the mist, and the cliffs... accompanied by an also breathtaking soundtrack, it's just beautiful. This has been the only movie that I've ever seen, where ever time I hear the soundtrack, I want to see the movie again, right that moment. By the end of the movie, a simple violin tune is enough to evoke some pretty strong emotions from you. It's incredible. (I also recommend the soundtrack, btw.)

Daniel Day-Lewis conquered his British accent pretty damn well, to adopt his english indian one. And his eyes just dance throughout the whole thing. And besides a few mildly funny instances where his long hair whaps him in the face while he's running... he really does a great job. Madeline Stowe is a beautiful woman, and made a great Cora. What happens to her, her sister, and her family... 'heartwrenching' wouldn't do it justice. It makes you hold your breath.

I'm going on and on... but yes. A beautiful film, rightly in the top 100 greatest movies ever made. I gave it 9/10.

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