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Pineapple Express (2008)
A Movie for Morons
Oh wow! A movie for Druggies. Not quite, Morons will probably get a kick out of it. But you would need to have no brain, to laugh at this piece of garbage. The acting makes one long for Plan 9 from outer space. I have seen better movies starring Hulk Hogan and Paris Hilton. That's how bad this is. Critics like to jump on the bandwagon and claim oh it's great to try to look hip. When really they are well past there sell by date and so is this movie.
There are far better movies in theatres, avoid this movie like the plague.
1 out of 10, but truly it deserves a minus.
Or Resident Evil The Remake
Well i have played various versions of the game and none of them seem to resemble anything that appears in this movie. Well apart from a scene shot in the first person. In fact this appears to be a clone of the first Resident Evil movie. Except nowhere near as good. The movie is mostly in the dark, so why it needed a $70 million budget is beyond me. The Rock is fine as the SGT. And Rosamund Pike is an appealing scientist. But Karl Urban lacks any kind of charisma, to be effective in the main role. Maybe thats due to The Rock being just about the most charismatic action star around.
However the movie is full of zombies disposed of in the usual way. So the movie is full of clichés and has no identity of it's own. Maybe it would be better to make original films, instead of from computer games. Doom was never anything more than a shoot em up in hell. Hell does not appear, which is very strange. Even the creatures are poor. This lacklustre movie gets a 3 out of 10 A Total Waste of Money and Time
Superman Returns (2006)
Surely at a estimated cost of $270 million, there should be more action. The action when it arrives is a lot less exciting than what was on display in Superman II. Yes the sets are huge, but huge offices, how boring. They should of done a reboot, this is supposed to be a sequel to Superman II. Set five years later, yet the Clark and Lois look younger. Superman looks like a boy and Lois looks like she should be in High School. Kevin Spacey is good as Lex Luthor, but he's given little to do. His plan to make money, is pathetic. Superman is hardly in this movie, and when he does appear he mainly broods over Lois or takes her for a flight. The script steals lines from previous Superman movies. I just cannot believe a movie with so little action can cost so much. Xmen 3 was a far better movie. Even Fantastic Four was far better than this travesty. If there is a sequel, i feel a change of director is required. If Warner wanted a romantic drama, why did it cost so much to make.
Imagine the most boring bits of Spiderman and Spiderman 2 put together and squeezed out for 2 hours, played by two bland actors.
Even Superman III and IV had more fun that this. Supergirl had more action.
Kids will hate this bore, and so will adults. 2 out of 10.
Il ritmo del silenzio (1993)
Two Hot Babes One Scorcher of a Movie
Traci Lords (Cry Baby plus various adult movies) and Denise Crosby (Star Trek TNG) star in this highly sexually charged thriller. This is a tale of innocent people being caught up in a gang war between two rival mafia families.
Crosby wins on the acting front, and in the hottie department. She gets the majority of the highly charged erotic scenes. Though Lords certainly gives her a run for her money in the hot babe stakes.
It's a great sexy thriller that contains plenty of action, So all in all a perfect movie for the boys. The girlfriend didn't like it, so i watched it again without her 10 out of 10
Steam up your Glasses, Pammies Best Movie
To be honest i was not expecting much from this movie.
However, This is a first rate adult thriller, that makes Basic Instinct look tame in comparison. Pamela Anderson has never looked as hot as this. OK so her acting is a bit poor. Well it was her first movie.
But who cares when you can feast your eyes on such a beautiful actress in all her glory. She features in many nude scenes during the running time, it truly steamed up my glasses. The storyline is first rate and the supporting cast are excellent. Chelsea Field and Steven Bauer work up the tension to a memorable climax. A Fantastic Erotic Thriller. 10 out of 10
Alien Autopsy (2006)
There have been many movies made by TV Stars wanting to become Movie Stars. But none have truly failed quite as badly as this movie. The stars of the film fail miserably. While there acting style may of been OK for children's TV, on the big screen there lack of acting talent shows when playing up against true character actors like Bill Pullman and Harry Dean Stanton. In fact Stanton and Pullman are really slumming to be in this shameful Turkey. Ant & Dec host a show called I'm a celebrity get me out of here. Well this could be called I'm a Cinemagoer, get me out of here! Or I'd sooner be in the jungle than watching the worst movie of 2006. Don't Waste Your Money, wait for it to appear on ITV. Then you can change the channel. 1 Out Of 10 but only because i cannot give it a zero.
This is an awful movie, that should never of been made. None of the character's feel real. The acting is very poor, none sound like the average West Ham fan. Why did they have a German director, This comes across as blatant racism against the English football nation. Green Street failed miserably to reflect the multicultural Society that is truly a part of the real Green Steet. This is tabloid exploitation film-making at it's worst. They should not of set this in a real football club. This Rubbish just typecast's all English football fans as hooligans. Hopefully this movie will fail at the box office, both I.D and The Football Factory were miles better than this. Which proves just how terrible this is. 1 out of 10 but only because i couldn't give it zero.
Good Bad and Dull
Possible Spoiler's. The good point's of this movie are Frank Langella, he make's a wonderful Dracula. Laurence Olivier make's Van Helsing real. Jan Francis is a Great Mina, her Vampire make up is great in the only scary scene. And John Williams has a fantastic score for the movie. The bad points, It's just a shame this big budget movie is so dull. And for a horror tale it's just not scary. Hammer did this so much better, while this plods along at a crawl. Trevor Eve and Kate Nelligan are so dull, you feel nothing towards there characters.
The ending suggest's a sequel, that of course never came. Which is just as well. Tame & Dull
Bride & Prejudice (2004)
First off i want to say i did not expect to like the movie, even though i quite liked the trailer. This is basically a musical version of Pride and Prejudice. Most of the songs are in English though i doubt any would be a top 10 hit. The cast are mostly good, though the bland American and the awful villain who yet again is English spoil the movie to a point. I think these characters would of been better portrayed by the Asian community. It's bad enough when Hollywood keep bringing out the English bad guy. But a UK financed movie, surely the American could of been the bad guy for once, or were the investors worried about the lucrative U.S market. Although i liked the movie, i can not see this being a hit. Though that Asian guy with the glasses was funny, stealing every scene he was in. He reminded me of Peter Sellars. 6 out of 10
Man on Fire (2004)
Man On Slow Motion
Simply put it's just too long. Nearly two and a half hours for a movie that Bronson used to knock off in 90 minutes. OK so the acting is good, the script is better. But you know as soon as you hear music that's similar to Gladiator, what the outcome might be. The relationship with Creasy and Peta is excellent, the little girl is a fine actress. But it's when things turn nasty. There's little action and we have seen this all before in movies like Payback (fingers instead of toes) Eye of the tiger (explosives where the sun does not shine). The jerky camera annoys rather than entertains. And there's a lack of humour, which makes things grim and to be honest rather dull. Hard to believe that the director of Last boy scout and True romance could deliver this overblown thriller thats far too long. Saying that i thinks it's a 6 out of 10 thanks to a great cast.