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Rivan_42

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Vampiyaz (2004) (V)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
you tellin me you don't want no paper for your bum ass pockets?, 18 July 2007
10/10

What. This movie is the greatest movie ever made. Why? Because no movie has ever made me projectile vomit during every scene. And by projectile vomit, I mean, I kept falling asleep and when I woke up I hadn't missed any of the plot. In fact, so many lines and scenes were repeated that this 3 hour movie could have easily been edited down to about 20 minutes of fake vampire attacking scenes. This movie caused me to ponder the important questions about life. Such as 1.) Why was some dude wearing a bunny suit to bed? 2.) Why didn't Jakeem/Richard want to put some money in his bum ass pockets? 3.) How could this movie have beaten The Gingerdead Man, Ice Queen, and Troll 2 as the worst horror movie ever made? In conclusion, it will be quite a while before I decide to become a professional lock pick thief. This movie taught me tons of moral values like that. Like for example, you don't always have to bang prostitutes. Sometimes you can just ask them to hold you. Deep stuff. I can't wait for Vampiyaz 2, which can be expected to come out soon based on the intense cliffhanger ending we were left with at the end of the first one.