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Hall Pass (2011)
Why all the haters?
I don't understand all the haters on here about this movie? I thought it was funny and laughed all the way through, and so did my wife. It is a lot funnier than Little Fockers was, and that is not saying much. It is a great movie to go and watch and just sit back and laugh and forget your troubles. What is wrong with some crude humor? I guess since I am in my 40s, and have friends that talk and act like the ones in the movie, it just was funnier to me...who knows....
I guess to each their own......
For me, I wish they would put out more funny movies like this. I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time....
If Gary Coleman was subjected to Gamma Radiation...........
I was expecting some movie that would engulf me for hours....all I got was a movie that put me to sleep....it literally took me 4 viewings to get through it. I was either laughing or snoozing through this mess, and I am sure that was not the makers intended............
This was a movie full of overacting (Mo'Nique), underacting (Mariah Carey), cardboard acting (Gabey Whatever her name is), stupid dialog, and an unrealistic plot. Throw in some very stupid dream sequences, and you have 'Precious". How this movie is getting any hype and award consideration is baffling.....
I can see why this was only out a week at the theaters. The only highlight of the film was getting to watch a 600 lb black woman run down the street devouring a bucket of stolen chicken....I can see this scene replayed in the next Wayans Brothers "whatever" movie (which btw are a lot better than "precious")...
Precious does answer one very important question.....what would it look like if Gary Coleman turned into the Incredible Hulk ?
Day of the Dead (2008)
Those expecting a remake of the original will be greatly disappointed.....like me
***SPOILERS AHEAD**** Why was this named Day of the Dead other than to cash in on the history of the original? It has no resemblance (other than character names) to the original and comes across as a 28 Days Later ripoff rather than a Day of the Dead remake/homage.....Let me break it down.
In the original Day of the Dead, the zombie epidemic was in full force, in this "remake", the "zombie" epidemic/virus outbreak is just starting. (?).....In the original, the characters spent the majority of the movie in an army bunker, in this they spend 5 minutes at the end of the movie in some sort of lab in the woods. (?) In the original, the zombies are slow (from decay, etc.), in this, they are superfast and can run on the ceiling (but can't jump up to a ventilation vent cover?).........In the original, the zombies are killed by a shot to the head, in this they can be killed by heating them up like popcorn until they explode. Maybe the "rage virus" does this to you.
The characters had no resemblance whatsoever to their original counterparts.....since everyhting else had changed, why even use the original names. The character of Bud was totally misused and quite frankly stupid in this movie (vegeterian zombie wont eat meat or the women he loves, yet a mom zombie tries to eat her children)....no consistency whatsoever.
I guess since Rhodes was a racist in the original, they had to make him a black man to be politically correct in this one.......dumb, dumb, dumb.
Acting was sub par (Nick Cannon acting like a bad ass is a joke, looked like Urkel with a gun) and the effects were Sci Fi channel at best (high budget sci fi channel movie)......
On its own, and by a different name, this would have been in the top 30% of the slew of direct to video zombie flix hitting the market, but as a DOD remake, it does not even come close to filling those shoes.....it doesn't even try them on.
The Invisible (2007)
Cliché's within cliché's - NOTE: SPOILERS
**** SPOILERS AHEAD ***** Man, this movie was one big cliché after another. This could have been so much better if they would have dropped the "must get a PG-13 rating" mentality and actually made it the way it needed to be made. Regardless, they put it out the way they did and here is my summary...
There once was a rich boy with a head too big for his body and an infatuation for wearing girls jeans and trendy slogan t-shirts. He writes crappy poetry and thinks he is better than everyone else. His mommy wont let him go to a poetry writers school in England, so he pouts around his birthday party and house, and saves up money to go by himself by writing French papers for dumb jocks.
His friend, a nerd, borrows money from the school heavies, which consists of two 120 pound males and a chick with a lock blade knife. They cut the nerds finger and he goes crying to the rich boy with the over-sized head. The rich boy confronts the knife carrying chick, who is 95 pounds, with 75 pounds being her hair tucked into a toboggan, making her appear like a cone head from SNL. The 95 pound chick beats his a$$.
The cone head chick steals cars and expensive jewelry by night, and makes it to school by first bell the next morning. Just like any normal crook would do, she hides the stolen jewelry in her locker. The cone head chix bfriend betrays her, the nerd boy betrays rich boy, and viola, the chick kicks rich boys a$$ again, this time with a karate kick levitating him 10 feet off of th ground. At this point, I started to realized that not only is the rich boy invisible, he is invincible, since he falls ten feet head first onto some rocks after getting k-kicked by the cone head, gets dumped shortly after head first about 15 feet into a storm drain, and then later in the movie gets dumped onto a bunch of rocks (probably head first). Maybe this is why his head is so overly huge for his body.
So, rich boy wanders the earth, invisible to all, except pigeons and the cone head chick. HE can throw stuff, break stuff, etc., but they go right back to normal. But, he can command pigeons to fly, and that is visible to everyone. Dr. Doolittle in chick pants.
After removing her toboggan, and skank dancing in slow-mo, the cone head chick tries to save the rich emo boy, and gets shot in the stomach. We now learn that she is nearly invincible also. With a bleeding profusely stomach wound, she outruns police during a high speed chase, breaks into a hospital, holds a conversation with big head boys mom, and climbs into bed with a hairy chested emo boy, who she tried to kill, and then dies.
There, the cliff notes version for this turd.
Oh well, the DVD cover looked good....then it went downhill from there.
Annoying main character, unbelievable plot, stupid cameos to try and get people to actually watch the movie, stupid characters, and on and on and on.
People who compare this to other serial murderer classics are on crack. The director must have been too.
The gore was okay, but nothing revolutionary. Definitely not the "most visceral movie ever made".
If you like watching a muscle car drive around every five minutes, this movie is for you. If you like quality film making, then skip this turd.
The sound quality is crap, but the soundtrack is cool.
Banlieue 13 (2004)
Escape From Paris
Before I start, I am just going to say I like this movie, it was well made, and blows most current action flicks away. That being said, I have a few problems with the flick. 9 outta 10 for action.
1. I am not going to call this a total rip-off because there are extreme differences, but whoever wrote this had to have watched Escape From New York about 100 times before they took pen to paper. While watching, I just kept having this feeling that I have been there and seen that. Maybe it was intentional. Just my opinion. 2. I wish I would have watched this movie with subtitles because the overdubbing was not that great. 3. They have a porno actress in the movie and she stays fully clothed. 4. The police officer/stunt coordinator did a great job, but to me, he looked way to flamboyant through most of the movie. Maybe it is a French thing. Made me dislike him slightly.
Those are the only flaws I could find with the movie. Maybe others will not feel the same. Just my 2 cents worth.
Hillside Cannibals (2006)
Man, oh man.....what a joke of a movie. Was this supposed to be taken seriously (well, as serious as a movie about cannibalism can be taken)? The gore was there, but done by what I would believe to be the bottom tier of the SFX profession. The acting blew....Z list actors and actresses reading cue cards.
The "cannibals" looked like (to steal from another poster) rejects from Gilligans Island. White frat guys and sorority girls, dressed in grass skirts and rolled in dirt. This is the "horrible cannibalistic family". Ooooooooooooooooh, scary. They live in a cave in the desert and play with dolls. Oh, THE TERROR!!! They talk in their own language, which goes something like this, "ooga booga", "ugh", "woomba", "blah blah blah". The Chills are running up my spine! Yet, another turd in the toilet bowl from Asylum.....
3 out of 10, and that is being generous due to the laugh-ability factor.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
Rocky road.....baby ruth.......
Spoilers AHEAD! Okay, this was a good movie. I liked it as much, and in a different way than the original.........I only have 2 complaints about this movie......
1. The mutants reminded me of characters from other movies (maybe this was intentional)....the one looked like Sloth from the Goonies (even acted like him sortof), the one in the wheelchair reminded me of the one alien jedi from the star wars movies, the bald lady looked like the body Swartzeneger was disguised in in Total Recall.....Maybe it is just me....I found it amusing and could not take the movies as seriously (although movies like this cannot be taken seriously) 2. Everything was predictable if you have seen the first....I kinda wish it would have veered more from the original, but, hey, I guess it is a remake.........
The characters did stupid things...but, that happens in every horror movie, so I cannot complain, I guess.
Worth the watch....8 outta 10.
The Dawn (2006)
This is a horror movie?
To be fair, I only watched an hour of this flick. To really be fair, whoever made this piece of camcorder crap should refund my money I paid Blockbuster. I should charge them for having to sit through an hour of this "horror movie".....
Well, in the hour I did see......there was a scene in a classroom, with all of the students being 20 something Z list actors. The dialogue was laughable.....then there was a scene where they find a dead body in the school (everyone screams and then walks away).....then they decide to go to the teachers house so they can perform a sacrifice (?)...they get to the house....the lesbians get undressed and lay around on their bed.....one gets dream raped by the teacher (?)....two go into the woods to smoke pot....that was about it for me......Just a bunch of crappy dialogue you cannot hear half of the time and crappy rap music with mexicans screaming/chanting over it........
Maybe the last 15 minutes or so that I did not see were kick ass.......Seriously doubt it.....AVOID AVOID AVOID......makes the acting in Children of the Living Dead seem like Oscar worthy performances.
Zombie Night (2003)
I've seen worse...but not much worse.......
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***** The good news for this film is that I have seen worse....Children of the Dead always come to mind when trying to pinpoint the worst in the genre. The bad news, I have seen much better zombie movies which were made on the same or less of a budget than this acting mess....Meat Market, for example.
The thing that kills this movie is not the budget (well maybe it played a part), but the terrible acting and editing. They seem to think it is okay (or that people will not notice) that the actors are constantly screwing up their lines, forgetting their lines, etc. These scenes are left in and not edited. The editing is so bad, I thought I was dozing off and missing pieces of the movie. For example, characters keep popping up from scene to scene, and all the other characters know their names, and are like long lost friends. These are main characters, I might add. There is no explanation of where these characters came from, how they know them, etc.
The plot had good intentions, but was laughable for the most part. One of the most laughable parts of the movie was when they were held up in an abandoned building. The main alpha male told everyone that if they saw someone who was bitten or infected to raise their hand. Their was one guy standing around with half of his forearm bitten out. Huh, no one seemed to notice this when they let him in. There are so many scenes like this that I could write for days and not hint on them all.
It appears that the director lost his wife, sister, or relative during the making of this movie. My heart goes out for his loss, but I cannot see that as an excuse to put out such a crappy and poorly made movie.
I see that Zombie Night 2 is coming soon. Hopefully they learned their lessons making this one and will improve. I hate to say it, but I will probably rent the 2nd one. I can' help it, I am a living dead head....