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bonzophuebes1

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32 reviews in total 
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"Helix" (2014)
Entertaining Garbage full of illogical questions and actions, 6 April 2015
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This show gets a 6. What starts out as a promising find the cure show that delivers on chills, scares and genuine huh? It quickly turns into a zombie show that is neither written with care or logic. A lead scientist that at every turns, up until the end of season one can't tell the truth, even in the face of his own family being killed. A protagonist that is too human to be real, that in the face of adversity all he wants to do is think rational when it is more rational to think irrational. His character is not even likable because his actions are so predictable. A show that at every moment reveals that everyone is on on the cover up accept our moronic protagonist, even his own brother and ex-wife. HUH?

The basic logic question is, if these 500 people can live forever, what do they care about creating an illness to kill people? They are already obviously super rich, so what the heck do they care about doing this? Is it to thin out the population, reduce so that there is more food and death for them? Lame, they can buy whatever it is that they need.

Not to mention, the our logic of how you would act, thrown into that environment where your job is to find a cure and yet that is the last thing you are really doing there.

Also, this place has the top minds from around the world in every department of science and they need some CDC Doctor to come up there? He is not the end all be all in genetic and DNA coding? Logic all the way around…

AND YET, I find it entertaining. Stupid entertainment…

Parallels (2015)
Umm, 15 March 2015
5/10

I have to give this a 5 because it is unfinished. Apparently it was suppose to be a TV show but didn't get picked up so they made a stand alone movie.. Well, I guess the pilot episode was turned into a movie and of course it has no closure, it just ends. No questions were answered that it poses which is a shame because it was a pretty decent flick accept for a few performance issues and some pretty cheesy dialogue. Other than that, the premise was good, inventive and much darker than Sliders. ohh well. I wondering if anyone will pick up the rest of it and I am just writing more cause it says I have to have 10 lines of review and I don't have that much cause it just ends.

Nymph (2014)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Where is the Mermaid?, 9 February 2015
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

If you write a film called Killer Mermaid and 8 people die but only 1 and half due to a mermaid and you see the mermaid for LITERALLY 3 minutes of the film (no lie) you better show LOTS OF BOOBS. This film does neither.

It starts off promising with a great shot of a couple getting ready to do it. Boobs flying.. Great B move stuff. Then, No boobs or mermaid until the very end of the film and that is not even the central ending. Its a B story ending. That is why this film sucks. Like Godzilla, if you calla film by a type of creature and don't ever put the creature in the film, its gonna suck unless you have boobs. Godzilla sucked, this film sucks.

18 out of 29 people found the following review useful:
The lowest expectations were not even met, 7 February 2015
2/10

WoW! I went in only wanting some really good original scifi and this didn't even come close to meeting that low expectation. There had already been rumors that the cast hated the film, Kunis already said she thought is was terrible. The reviews have ALL been bad, but I hate reviews.

Rarely are the critics right. This film has NO story, It is so convoluted and filled egocentric directing. Clearly the Wachowski brother and sister team are just living off the Matrix. There is no chemistry to the main characters and the acting is MONOTONED throughout. There are so many plot holes which all movies of this nature have, but so many that it is no longer even followable, if that is a word. i won't give spoilers but, lets just say that there is not one shred of continuity within the story that makes it make sense. The characters, especially Tatums was not ever challenged, never did I say he won't make it, or get there or do this or that, you just knew he would and it was ALWAYS easy. Kunis as well as the rest of the cast looked like cardboard cutouts, for a moment I though George Lucas directed it..

Its just bad.

Horns (2013)
2 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Something Different, 1 November 2014
7/10

This film takes murder mystery and adds bizarre and fantasy together. I have read some moronic posts about this film, about character identification and boring and slow; well, let me tell you, I laughed a lot, the script is well written and funny. The look and feel of the film was somewhat noir in tone as if Guillermo Del Toro did a Hitchcock film. Don't get me wrong, this film is not GREAT by any means, I pretty much knew who the real culprit was from the get go, it did not hide it at all. However, with the writing and the off beat characters throughout this film, something tells me that they really didn't try to hide the who, its about the journey the character takes to find out who and why? Therefore I really enjoyed it, it is something different than whats out there. If you want the normal paranormal captivity, Saw, Comic book movies than go right ahead, but if you want something inventive, something out there, than check it out.

3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Considering……..?, 21 June 2014
4/10

Considering this film is clearly influenced by John Carpenters The Thing, I mean, the sound design and score were basically remixed to create the mood for this film. Its actually decent and I will tell you why. Some jokes out there never look at the production design of a film, they say things like, Typical Slasher flick or some nonsense. When in truth, they don't know what they are talking about.

This film has plenty to like, the effects are actually pretty decent, and a few OMG parts. Does it look like Peter Jacksons BAD TASTE at times with the rubber head exploding, sure, but any good fun loving horror fan will get a kick out of the splatter. Also, its rare to see a slasher flick be an alien flick. Usually its some deranged guy killing folk, so to see its an alien is refreshing. Its clearly a film that does not take itself to serious and therefore you are aloud to have some fun and say "seriously, that is so cliché" but a part of me things that the writer director did this on purpose, or at least I hope so. The whole production design is wonderful, it takes place in Maine and you clearly get that you are in Maine, I have been to Maine, so I know this to be true. From the clothes to the locations. Well done.

you might be asking, if I liked it so much, why only a 4…..? Well, Acting and Dialogue. The acting all around stinks, it looks like this guy got everyone he knew, friends and family and just put them in the film. Would be 10 times better with better performances, I did not buy any of them. Also, because its an Alien film, you can get away with no nudity, and we only get one quick boob shot. Could be more considering what happens… (watch to find out) Then, dialogue - it is terrible, unbelievable and un-natural. new film makers always suffer from the same thing, too much dialogue, when film making is show me, not tell me. The interacting between the characters with words is forced exposition, and usually tells us what we already know, there is not much suspense to the film. Its a get some beer, popcorn and watch the blood flow sorta film. I got what I was expecting, so I had fun with it. Its worth it if your bored.

Now, if you still nee more convincing, these are the films that it clearly resembles and even took ideas from - The Thing, Alien, Fire in the Sky and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Some of the same effects, ideas, sound and score were duplicated but with a lower budget. Considering the low budget, it is why I enjoyed it.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Uggg, 20 March 2014
1/10

So, um, yeah.. What good can be said of this movie? I am going with nothing. The film is so predictable and terrifyingly bad, it makes me wonder who the heck produces this garbage. Lets start with the story, or lack thereof. A bunch of kids get taken and put into some contraptions where they can talk to each other and try to figure out who and why they are there. One by one they die in the most boring way imaginable. The reason they are there is OBVIOUS and the bad guy is so OBVIOUS because the amount of attention put to the guy they want you to believe is the bad guy is so over blown you know it is not him. The little boxes they are put in are so ridiculously flimsy that only a moron can't get out of them. The acting - ugh, some of the worst since watching Kristen Stewart stare her way through Twilight.. The found footage follow me videotape this whole thing as we are earthing for our friends is never a good idea because in that situation, who would really take the time to video themselves searching for their friends? Not to mention all the little static transition scenes that only take away from the building up tension. This film is to be missed at all costs..

Rabid Love (2013)
2 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Above average for what it is., 4 March 2014
7/10

Listen,

There are a ton of horror films out there nowadays, but what separated this from the new age of mostly junk is the obvious throw back to the time when horror was great, the 80s. I don't think this film was meant to surprise you with something you have never seen, but rather introduce the younger crowd to a time when horror films were fun, enticing and interesting. The performances were pretty darn good, the story is a simple story that is not out to confuse you and take you away from the overall experience of watching a horror film. The few small issues are special effects which with a low budget you can oversee cause the story is fun and the lack of nudity in such films. You put a bunch of hot girls in a horror film and not show the goods, sorta a bummer. However, these small problems are insignificant to the amount of fun you will have watching this.

Again, considering the junk flowing around out there now, Paul Porter and his crew stumbled on to the right mix of humor, horror and 80s that is missing from horror fins today..

Bwahahah, 23 February 2014
1/10

ha, Holy crud. I remember auditioning for the role of Tee for this film under the title Delta Knights. I remember butchering it so bad. Then a year later, I saw it in the video store and rented it and thanked God I didn't get the part. …. The dialogue was so terrible and in the audition they had me pretend I am looking at a mountain wall looking for a cave or something. I tried to speak with a British accent and failed terribly. Ha. I remember watching and thinking to myself that I cannot believe films this bad get funding. Not to mention a few known actors. but a paycheck is a paycheck. But the director went on to produce Chronicle. some years later.

RoboCop (2014)
37 out of 67 people found the following review useful:
Robocop Fails Everywhere..., 16 February 2014
3/10

Let me start by saying I was apprehensive of a reboot, remake whatever since the original is still amazing today. However, the trailer looked good and I liked that they had maintained the look of the original. Soooooo

That is where the similarities stop. This new Robocop starts out promising, building up who is who and though I think they spent WAY to long on that part, I didn't mind until…….. The way Murphy get hurt.. HUH! How boring, lame, and unrealized. Not violent, not even exciting. Stupid comes to mind. We spent 20 minutes building up the characters, a bit long but knowing the action will come I am still alright, then Murphy goes down in the weakest, most pathetic way. OK, its over, move on, make Robocop and then let him kick arse. Now, we spend the next hour and 15 minutes in a political drama about robots in our community and training Robocop. Nothing of note happens here. NOTHING. So now, we have watched one hour and 35 minutes and still NO ACTION. Just a couple of bad guys get caught very boring like.

Then, Robocop goes after the guy that put him down originally. The most ANTICLIMACTIC SCENE in the history of revenge scenes. WAIT FOR IT.. Were not done. Robocop learns that some cops are bad, which of course we knew from the opening scene of the movie. So he goes after them, captures them without a fight.

WAIT FOR IT - we learn there is a higher cop calling some shots… Again, no fight, captured..

WAIT FOR IT - now, the company wants to terminate Robocop cause he has human within him.. So he goes after the heads of the company, again, NO ACTION… Its over..

This film was only good looking visually, but there is barely ANY ACTION.. Its a SNOOZE FEST… Bring your girl and make out in the back during this film.. That is all it is good for.


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