Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Snakehead Terror (2004)
Lame underwater killer goldfish run amok!
No way, a small seaside resort, some lethal murder fish killing innocent campers, fishers and tourists, an old sheriff and lots of underwater hassle... no, not Jaws, Part 26 again, but Snakehead, a new kind of killer fish, is striking this time.
The monster is a bunch of chemically mutilated shellfish with Piranha teeth that can also live underwater as creeping on land and kills everything from dogs to curious campers or stupid, drunken teenagers during their funny beach parties... and now it's Sheriff Bruce Boxleitner's turn to fight the creeping death and a skeptical mayor, accompanied by beautiful Carol Alt.
Okay, there are some really thrilling and shocking moments, but also too many fish horror standards from classics like Jaws up to contemporary copies like Lake Placid (such as point-of-view cameras and even a rip-off of John Williams' Jaws theme). Some moments are even too ridiculous and over the top and would rather fit into a Scary Movie comedy, just like a bunch of killer fish (that sometimes look like snakes or mini alligators) attacking the driver of a car or some girls in a block house by eating wholes into the wood. But if you are out for some simple underwater horror action, this flick is for you.
Slow train to nowhere!
Okay, all-time b-movie action hero Richard Grieco (remember Booker and 20 Jump Street?) meets up with some rich European and American people on a luxury train for a New Year's Eve trip across Europe, and of course a bunch of Islamic terrorists takes the train and blackmails the poor Western citizens... and of course it's Grieco's and some well-looking model's turn to find some bombs on the train and fight the foreign terrorist power...
It's sometimes impressing how the casting people decide for a film's actors. This time, German non-actor Christoph Waltz, notorious for his never-moving face expressions, plays an Islamic terrorist leader. Grieco rather looks like an early nineties' Seattle grunge guitarist and is really misplaced on a high-society luxury train, and the rest of the actors... well, after the film is over, you're lucky that you have survived the big express to boredom. Nor a highlight amongst the terrorists on a train movies, neither an entertaining action flick really... skip it!
Once there was a time - in the nineties of the last century - when a supernatural fighter, armed with a sword and long hair and played by Adrian Paul - took the heritage of "Highlander" Christopher Lambert and fought supernatural enemies on earth in a TV Series of the same name.
Ten years later on, the same actor, this time with short hair and without the sword, has to track down more supernatural enemies again on TV. This time, he's the "Tracker", comes from another time and space again, and has a super brain, super weapons and super power and tracks down several gangsters and killers with the same attributes all over the country... again, he's accompanied by some good-looking earthy Blondes and has to face the weirdest enemies in hard-fought fights after 45 minutes.
While the "Highlander" TV series was a big hit in Germany and was broadcast on RTL Television at prime time, "Tracker" runs on a smaller station early in the morning at 5am. It looks like a sci-fi remix of "Highlander" with some elements of "The X-Files", "Profiler", "Quantum Leap" and also with some "Star Trek" and cyberspace utopia. But all in all, it's a nice and entertaining series with some good ideas and a relaxed and cool Adrian Paul, whose biggest success will always be the long-haired man with the sword from the hills...
Bad Day on the Block (1997)
Very scary suburban psycho-drama
A white middle-class family, married, two kids, and living in a beautiful house in an apparently perfect suburb you already know from several Steven Spielberg and Wes Craven movies. A sinister neighbor and violent fireman, played by real-time psyche Charlie Sheen, watching and threatening the perfect picture family. And of course it won't take long until hell breaks loose...
Nothing new really, but well done. The family actors are doing a fine job, but the credits go to Charlie Sheen this time who plays the psycho neighbor not as an over-the-top weirdo killer, but in a rather silent and retarded way and increasing the thrills of the story by his outstanding performance.
No stupid dialogue and exaggerated over-acting, but just a man sitting in his dark and lonely house and watching old family pictures and his neighborer before his violent feelings are erupting like a volcano. A good thriller, recommended especially for Sheen's disturbing performance.
Moving Target (2000)
Stupid actors in a stupid story in a beautiful country!
If you've ever been to Ireland you will never forget it. The wide and green landscapes, the beautiful coasts and mountains, the friendly people, the traditional pubs and places... and there have been many good film coming from or being located in Ireland. So one might wonder why this stupid action movies has been filmed and produced in Ireland? No word about the story, but as martial arts b-movie fighter Don "The Dragon" Wilson - not the youngest actor anymore - gets into a stupid plot with mafia clans, FBI agents, martial arts gangsters and hostages, you really wonder why it didn't take place in L.A. or other well-known American action movie settings.
The locations are the only outstanding facts about this film. Whenever one of the stupidly acting muscle fighters appears, you just wish them away and would like to see more of the lovely harbors and landscapes and sheep... and when the film is over, you wonder why they haven't shown more of the beautiful sites of Ireland and just haven't erased the whole plot and actors from the film... the whole film could have been a really nice holiday documentary.
My suggestion - skip this movie and get a more interesting documentary about Ireland from your video store. You won't regret it.
A really weird Greek trash fantasy
No way, what do you expect from a self-declared trash-b-movie from Greece that is called "The Attack of the Killer Moussaka"? If you're not aware what a Moussaka is just ask the next Greek around, and he will tell you - it's a very spicy meat dish with lots of vegetable.
It's very big in Greece, and even bigger in this very strange movie, as a big Moussaka is blown up to a 20 feet tall monster meal that develops a life on its own and raids the city of Athens by killing several people with it's deadly, spicy ingredients.
Now it's the turn of several strange people such as some gays, several drag queen and transsexuals, an female reporter and a bunch of stupidly acting Playboy bunnies from outer space to fight the spicy power...
This film is really weird, has a really stupid plot, no acting at all and is completely non-thrilling, but it's fun to watch if you're into John Water, Russ Meyer, Ed Wood or Roger Corman movies. The film doesn't take itself seriously at all, and the wooden actors have really fun playing their roles.
Next to the legendary "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", there are some nice references to the mentioned trash movie icons, too. The fat transvestite looks like Divine in his/her John Waters comedies and some nice boobs in white bras are shown very Russ-Meyer-like style. The attacking moussaka monster is pasted into the picture like the monsters in an old Jack Arnold or Ray Harryhausen monster movie, and there even a funny reminiscence to Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Don't expect too much from this movie, except for lots of fun and a healthy appetite for a tasty Greek moussaka afterward.
Who's afraid of the big, bad paper tooth tiger?
No way, this is a really bad movie... just like a millennium version of Roger Corman's, Samuel Z. Arkoff's or Ed Wood's monster oddities from the Fifties and Sixties... a bunch of scientists are fighting a genetic built sabretooth tiger on a lonely island... yawn, another Jurassic Park rip-off, but really, really bad this time.
The story is dull, the actors seem to be cast from the spot with no acting experiences at all, although movie veteran David Keith has the "honor" to play the big hunter here... his girlfriend, the mad female scientist, is played by Vanessa Angel, who tries to threaten the monster tiger with words like "Piss off!" and has offending silicon lips that make even Ann Nicole Smith look naturally. There's another young couple with a sweet blonde who looks a bit like Poppy Montgomery and wears sexy shorts all the time, but that's not scaring the evil tiger, too.
The worst thing about this movie is the really badly animated sabretooth tiger that looks like an early computer draft of an update for the Jungle Book's Balu or like an early nineties' video game animation or Kyoto Date internet avatar... every movement of this paper tiger looks so artificial and ridiculous that you expected our frightened heroes to burst out in laughter every second of the film...
In the end of the movie... well, I guess you know what happens, but after having watched this nonsense you'd certainly like to see that fifty-year old monster highlights of Jack Arnold like "Tarantula" or "The Creature of the Black Lagoon" again that have much more thrills and better special effects than everything in this c-movie. Recommended for a good laugh only!
Last Run (2001)
Thrilling post cold war action
Although Last Run is just another spy/secret agent/cold war movie, it's working pretty well. A team of American and Russian agents try to bring a Russian agent over the borders of the east into the West... of course the Iron Wall doesn't exist anymore in 2001, and Americans and Russians work together, so there are lots of more Gangsters and double agents kicking the butts of our heroes...
The film is thrilling, and the action scenes (lots of great shoot outs) are photographed very well. The score reminds me a lot of John Barry's old James Bond movie soundtracks and adds a certain sixties' feeling to the film. The locations are also unusual, being filmed in the Czech Republic, Hungary, Austria and Germany, mostly on the beautiful countryside.
The actors are also well chosen. Instead of taking dumb non-actors like Michael Dudikoff, Dolph Lundgren or Jean-Claude Van Damme for this movie, the director and producers chose mature actors like Armande Assante, Ornela Muti and Juergen Prochnow of "Das Boot" fame as main actors. Assante plays the cool and disillusioned U.S. agent very convincing, and pretty Ornela Muti looks like a stunning, red-haired version of The Avenger's Diana Rigg.
A good secret agent thriller in the wake of Ian Fleming's, Frederik Forsythe's and Colin Forbes' political thrillers that proves that cold war plots are still worth a good movie in the new millennium.
Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! (1998)
A home-made Formicula rip-off
I really like animal horror movies, even nonsense like this one. Marabunta, as it was titled on German T.V., tells us something about the silent invasion of a big wave of Brazilian killer ants(!) in a small town in Alaska(!!), and of course it's the same bunch of people since "Jaws" who are fighting the menace - a hard-edged sheriff (played by X-Files' Mitch Pileggi), a well-looking L.A. insect scientist (Eric Lutes) and a scream-queen teacher (Julia Campbell) who falls in love with the latter...
Of course it starts slowly with some killed animals, but after the first human corpses appear, our heroes know that something wicked this way comes... and it's the start of a tour de force of some thrilling action moments and lots of bad special effects like close-ups of burning wood or ants with cheap dramatic library music and a stupidly-looking main actress ...
All in all it's not a masterpiece at all like other ants dramas like the far better Formicula or Phase IV, but it's a nice filler for two hours of cheap T.V. thrills and laughs. And please, serve Julia Campbell some boiled Brazilian ants for her next meal!
Cold emotions, frozen story, icy actors
Nothing really new and spectacular in this British-American 2001 co-production. A bunch of gangsters are robbing a bank, but during their escape they have got a fatal car accident, only a few survive. Later on, they find together again and are planning their next coup... and all those things are gonna happen that you except from such a standard gangster coup movie - brothers in arms, a blonde femme fatale, a groovy sex scene, a well-planned coup with too many people involved, some more gangsters and shootings lots of revenge, of course...
At least "Cold Revenge", as the movie was titled on German TV, avoids copying the fake coolness and hipness of many post Tarantino gangster movies of the last ten years, and Peter Weller and Bryan Brown are doing a fine job, too, but the director fails to find an own, individual style for his gangster drama. There are some nice camera ankles and a thrilling bank robbery in the beginning of the movie, but later on, it all becomes boring and standard in this movie... and just like the tired Weller and Brown, who had their best points of their careers in the late eighties when they starred in the successful "Robocop" and "FX" movies, you are losing interest during this movie... and even Weller's cool Robocop sunglasses can't change that. A missed opportunity.