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40 reviews in total 
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1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
A Family Film for Psychos and Liars, 15 August 2013

Three people intentionally rob a house. A murder occurs during the robbery. Tons of money is stolen. One of the three later dies, and the other two deny responsibility.

One of the remaining two decides to dig up the stolen money, all the while denying any responsibility. Even after confessing to his daughter, he continues to deny. Luckily, his daughter is also psycho, and she joins in with the denial.

For no apparent reason, the underage actors get nekkid in various scenes.

Along the way, the innocent murderer encounters people who are much worse than he is. You know they are worse then him because they also want the money that he got from his robbery/murder.

Eventually, the innocent murderer becomes a grave robber because way back when he didn't do anything wrong, he hid the money in a casket.

Overall, a heartwarming story of innocent people who aren't responsible for the murders, death, robberies and other crimes that they committed.

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Not the Horror Story That You Expect, 16 July 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Brutally killing and eating an expectant mom and her unborn children would make a great scene in any horror flick. I'll bet Rob Zombie wishes he had done that in The Devil's Rejects.

Disney starts the movie with this bloodbath.

Later, there is the psycho who alternates from nice guy to berserk killer. Zombie had that guy too, but you always knew that Zombie wanted you to see him as psycho. In this Disney movie, the guy who wants to eat you isn't psycho. He's just a silly silly guy.

The final scene shows a half-dozen fish trapped and slowly dying of suffocation. That's a good alternate to the standard wiggling on spikes.

Like all actors in horror movies, the fish don't even know that they are going to die.

If they do more movies like this, the phrase "don't go in the plastic bag" could become as common as "don't take a shower" or "don't go in the basement." I give it three stars for the body count. But this is supposed to be a comedy. It doesn't have Leatherface's sight gags, Chuckie's one-liners, or even Pinhead's biting sarcasm. It just has a lot of death.

You want funny? Try Jason X. Almost everybody dies, and a couple of them die more than one time.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Review Wars over Pat Paulsen?, 26 June 2013

I remember Pat Paulsen fondly. He was one of the better parts of the Tommy and Dickie show. His popularity was at least as great as the Smothers Brothers during the run of their show. That however is not high praise. They were wildly popular for 15 minutes and then shunned by the public from that point forward. None of them were ever stars again.

Following the demise of the Smothers Brothers Show, Paulsen had his own short, failed TV series (which I loved) and a never-ending string of low-budget bombs. At all times, he played the same character. Most of the time, his credits were way down towards the bottom, below such powerhouses as unknown child actors and Playboy Bunnies.

As it turns out, speaking in a monotone voice is neither a skill nor an attraction. Much like Foster Brooks, if Paulsen was on the screen for a short time, he was hilarious; but if he was a major character, his delivery became grating.

If you want a complete understanding of Paulsen, just watch any of his work. His performance is always the same. The only reason to point out specific roles would be for the jokes, not the performance.

Paulsen's strength was his writing. His delivery, in my opinion, was a mistake. Despite great material and a very unusual delivery very few remember him. With a more normal delivery, he could easily have been the Seinfeld of his time.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
A Bad 70s Movie on a Par with the Unknown Comic; but I Would See it Again for One Reason, 18 May 2013

I saw this in a small theater in Germany while in the Service. Liebman looked and acted like a porn star. He had the better lines. Bridges was a Caspar Milquetoast character. He let the other characters get him into situations.

I remember just two scenes. One was a scene where Liebman acted outraged because a clerk would not help him. Another reviewer said it was an S&H Green Stamps office. I would have said unemployment office. Liebman stood in a crowded room and berated the clerk. When he finished, the others in the room cheered him. But his speech was dreck. He was wrong in what he wanted. His speech was meant to show that he was the champion of the downtrodden, but it came off very poorly.

The other scene was set in the morning after a party. A gorgeous woman is pulling on her very tight jeans. After that excellent shot, she approaches Bridges, kisses him, and then leaves. Bridges turns to Liebman and asks, "Did I sleep with her?" Liebman replies, "No. Yes. I don't know." Liebman was great in that scene.

I'm off to YouTube to see if they have that scene. She has to be in her 60s now, but I wouldn't mind seeing those jeans again.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Not a Good Movie, 25 March 2013

Some guy spends his time destroying the career of a cop by playing practical jokes on him. So some guy's sister says let's drive out in the desert. Then they sleep in the desert for no good reason. The next day they drive to a gas station and then a town. Maybe it's illegal to drive in a desert at night in Australia.

Along the way, they meet a lot of people who want the sister to lip sync some music, and some guy makes a lot of silly "inventions" that do not work except for the miracle of modern editing. When some guy isn't messing with the cop, he screws with other people's lives.

They're rich people who are on the run because a cop with no proof is mad at one of them for a minor offense; so naturally part of the movie is about them looking for permanent jobs. In the end, nobody kills some guy, but that's why they make sequels.

2 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
A good movie to sleep through, 17 October 2012

A girl gets knocked up, and an old dude hangs himself. In between, there is a lot of talking in a language very similar to English.

Eventually, in a furious spate of action, the old guy digs up a purse, two ladies babble at him, and he unlocks a door.

I especially liked the scenes where everyone wandered around with no obvious purpose. I'm glad that they included so many of them. When they combined the lack of movement with the lack of dialog, it really made the movie a masterpiece.

This is a movie for anyone who likes kitchens.

One star for making a perfect movie for that tough 3 a.m. time slot.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Alice White Rocks!!, 2 August 2012

I won't get into the plot. Almost all the other reviewers thought it necessary to ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it.

I won't get into whether Myrna Loy was hot or was good actress. Plenty of other reviewers thought she was the star of this show, and they spent way too much time on a third-billed starlet with a throwaway role. Remove her role, and the movie marches on. No script changes would be needed besides removing her few forgettable lines.

I will talk about Alice White. This is a woman who in real life or in almost all of her movies was the ultimate vamp. I wouldn't trust her to take out the trash, but good golly, is she ever a "Naughty Flirt." This is a movie that I would like to see every couple of years. Ms. White is quite an unusual actress. She had more talent than most actresses. She could have been a star in many different fields of entertainment. She chose movies, and she chose to be the woman who destroyed marriages and men.

Myrna, as popular as she was, had very little talent compared to Alice. People remember Myrna, but it's mostly due to the movies she was cast in. And everybody has forgotten Alice for basically the same reason. In this movie, Myrna is a quite distasteful person, but still, some reviewers somehow find her attractive and her acting compelling. I don't know what they were watching. She was simply a word that begins with B and rhymes with "witch." Not a stretch for her.

My one and only criticism of this delightful romp is that I absolutely hate how Hollywood of the '30s kept representing the common man as outrageously rich and decadent. None of the characters in this movie had a clue about the horrible despair permeating America due to the Crash of '29.

The Shooter (1997/I)
3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Whores Got It Rough in the Old West, 9 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A whore is being whipped to death, so a guy rides up and kills everybody. Then there is more killing. And then a whore gets whipped to death. Then Randy Travis says a lot of stuff that nobody cares about. Then there is more killing. Then Travis tries simultaneously to kill a whore and have a shootout, but he talks too much. Then the good guy rides away with the last whore.

The only question that remains is why do all the men, good or bad, want to kill the whores? I think the word "whore" was uttered more in this movie than at my cousin's wedding.

I give it three stars because, in the middle of the movie for some unknown reason,they turned it into a porno. Boobies on screen; butt-licking off of it. But then they killed that whore. Killed her dead.

War Arrow (1953)
2 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Not as Good as Most Movies with a Talentless Leading Lady, 16 June 2012

You can always tell a bad Maureen O'Hara movie. If she is top billed, it's P U Stinky. Her main acting skills involve a mane of red hair and large bosoms.

In this movie, O'Hara, once again, plays a fiery redhead who likes to tell the man she loves that she wants nothing to do with him. This was her sole role in movies until she got too old. Then she just got cranky with everybody.

Jeff Chandler was second billed. The movie revolves around his character. He gets more screen time and all the action, but he is sadly lacking in the mammary department.

They have plenty of Indians in this movie. Too many perhaps. It looks like they didn't all get outfitted in the same wardrobe department. Perhaps some of them simply wandered over from another movie.

The plot is solid as a rock. There are a bunch of Indians who always attack in small groups. And there is another bunch that are peaceful. So the Army teaches the peaceful bunch how to fight in small groups like the other bunch. And then there is a big battle where everybody forgets their roles and just attacks everybody else en masse.

And finally Maureen O'Hara gets to model a cool outfit.

The end.

This movie gets two stars: One for Ms. O'Hara's physical qualities, and one for her lack of screen time.

I almost deducted a star for Dennis Weaver's portrayal of an Indian, but it was a relief to see the man walk around without a stick tied to his leg.

0 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Stinky Baby Diarhea in Incredible Proportions, 14 June 2012

It's a sad reality that people look at this wandering collage of unrelated scenes and declare it a great movie.

The actors are pretty good, but they are not given any lines worth a darn.

The director apparently went to the one-trick pony school of cinema. He likes to present cool things even if there is no reason for them to appear. I can imagine him on the set repeating over and over, the heck with reality; I'm creating a movie for 13-year-old boys.

There is virtually no reason to like any of the characters. All of them, even the cops, are as immoral and decadent as possible. They say absolutely stupid things that seem to have no relation to the movie itself.

When the good guys win, you are left with the questions of what did they win, and how did they win. There really isn't any sense in it at all.

Pitiful waste of time.

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