Reviews written by registered user
alistairc_2000

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78 reviews in total 
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Dreadful, 13 October 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It is quite some time since I have seen a movie that is so inept as this one.

The Story. The cheesy story. The Nazis are experimenting with the occult to make zombie soldiers. Obviously the director had never seen the far superior shock waves. Will they succeed? In the event it is more who cares and why is this movie so bad that you will be thinking.

Effects.

Dreadful throughout. Some of the worst cgi I have seen in years.

The movie starts in a forest. 50 minutes later they are still in the forest. So the movie never really starts.

Overall, totally pathetic attempt to make a movie. Do yourself a favour do not even watch this on pirate. I bought this for a £1 but I know this trash is going to end up in someone's Christmas stocking.

13 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
Great, 1 July 2015
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Well as a civil servant of 23 years I can tell you this is just what it is like. The blind leading the sighted. The great idea of decentralising to odd locations and filling them with clueless dullards.

Pilot Episode plot. A woman is being divorced by her husband. She thinks life cannot get any worse. Then she finds she is being moved out into the sticks (Apologies to people from Northampton). She get there and nothing works. He ex junior is now running things. He spends his time getting drunk and playing games. Can she work out what is going on and save the day? Well I am sure we shall find out in future episodes.

This is a dystopian version of the future which brings to mind Philip K Dicks Flow my tears. As we are all now trapped in this nightmare future of normalcy where nothing is normal any more.

I was laughing all the way through it. It is well worth a watch.

0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Jaw droppingly bad reasoning., 11 April 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie had everything. A great cast a great plot and a great soundtrack so why have I given it one star? I love these principle movies. You have to stand by what you believe in. That in itself is worth making a movie.

So the movie strings you along with strong performances that really have you feeling for the character. I had read all the other reviews saying how great this was. I see their reasoning but it is flawed.

Slight spoiler

The ending of this movie killed it and made no sense whatsoever. Really if the source was who it pertains to be then she would have had no problem giving out their name.

End of spoiler.

I can see why this movie sank without a trace at the box office.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Thunderbird non starter., 26 March 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Now I know they are making a new Thunderbirds series so I just thought I would jot down a quick review describing what I thought of this monstrosity.

This is a movie that deserves a big fat zero. I wanted to go and see it. So I asked my mum even though I was in my 40s to take me. She has a pained look on her face and said do I have to? I said yes. I looked in the papers and it had only lasted a day.

A couple of weeks later it was out on VHS and I bought it. Wow was I in for a shock. I have seen some bad movies but this one must rank as one of the lowest. I loved TB as child. Loved the music and the rockets.

In this one it is a lame kids movie. Aimed at under 4s.

If you know someone and want to get them a present which will make them hate you this is it! Truly and complete. The worst ever. Hang your head in shame Frakes.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Excellent Halo fan short., 13 March 2015
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Great fan movie. It tells the tail of the ODST, which for those of you do not know are the heroes of new Mumbassa. Yeah they came in and saved the planet.

This is an earlier version. How do you get to be an Obrital Drop Shock Trooper? Watch this short and find out. It is on you tube.

Pros

Great plot. Good acting. Good effects.

Cons

No enough money to do the story justice.

I had the misfortune of watching Halo Nightfall and happened on this on you tube. Dan Wang should be given a chance to make a Halo movie. Give him 12 million and I am sure he could produce a classic.

16 out of 31 people found the following review useful:
Good netflix Series, 12 March 2015
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Okay this is the same series they have been putting out for the last 10 or 15 years. I happen to really enjoy it. Everyone else seems to think that it was terrible.

I have not seen the French series so this is my first bite of the apple and yeah I was impressed.

The age old question of where have they been surfaces yet again. Some people are in a bus that crashes and others just return. A bit like in Surface and a host of other returned type shows.

The characters and actors are very good. It is well shot and looks great in HD. Of course I was hoping for something like Twin Peaks but the 4400 well that is a good second choice.

Though if they had a flying dog in it I would give it a 10. Nothing to do with the review but I do not have enough lines so I thought I would use the lines from Paradise theatre by Styx. The line as sure as dogs can fly. Now I bet I have the right amount of lines.

Well I enjoyed the show.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Watch Atari Game over instead., 10 February 2015
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is a movie that attempts to explain why video games are so successful. I watched it after the far superior Atari Game over (which you can watch for free if you are on xbox live(at the current time)). Really what irked me about this was that the guy was not there at the time so had no idea what caused the video game crash. Being a huge Atari 2600 fan I can say ET is a good game. The only people who say it is the worst game in history have not played the game.

Atari lost a court case to activision. This meant that they could produce games for the 2600 without any interaction with Atari. Yeah Atari had put out loads of poor games but most of them had been withdrawn as programmers understood how to make games for the 2600. So probably the worst game of all time was Starship (you play for about 3 minutes then it is game over (a poor man's star raiders). Though companies like Bomb, Xonox and Data age released games which were for the most part poor. Then other companies like US games came to the fore. They produced games of such poor quality but they were released for the same price as Atari games. This is what contributed to the crash. This and everyone putting out substandard computers in a way of getting some market footprint into a steadily shrinking market. I think of (in the UK) Memotek, Dragon 32, Oric Atmos as being the main culprits. Substandard pcs that did nothing to advance the games market. In America you had junk like the Coleco Adam (it came with a daisy wheel printer!) and fitted into your cbs colecovision (a very good console). Also the Mattel Aquarius which was junk and the Texas TA. I could go on but you get the picture.

For the film maker to single out one games and attribute that as causing the crash shows this person knows nothing about video games and just relied on a few old myths.

Perhaps he was too broad in his subject view and should just have concentrated on video games from the PS1. Then he would have been okay. For old gamers like me this movie is an insult. It is available on netflix.

Lucy (2014/I)
2 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Sexist BS fromTransporter producer, 20 September 2014
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Lucy The new movie by Luc Besson. Luc is both good and bad as a writer/director. He has made many fine movies in the form of Leon, the fifth element and Nikita. In his career he has made well over 10 movies but has wrote and produced far more. Taken was great but Taken 2 was just a watered down version of the first movie. Lucy is the same Nikita plot item reworked yet again but as this is now an SF movie can he do it justice?

No. It certainly looks the part and it has Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett gets to wear an adorable black dress and that for me was the highlight of the movie. The problem is the plot and the way it needs certain characters to drive the plot. Scarlett is a dizzy blonde who gets sucker punched into delivering some drugs to cartel. She later wakes to find them sown into her. After she is brutalised further by her captors the drugs leak out and she becomes a super woman. So what does Scarlett do? She goes back and bumps off the underlings of the cartel but leaves the really evil ring leader alive. Is this an intelligent move? No but it is needed to give this creaky plot a driver. Scarlett knows she is going to become the star child (out of 2001), the zenith of the human race. She will be at once the most intelligent woman on the planet and perhaps the stupidest. Well this bosh was written by a man. What do you expect?

So she is going to have a brain the size of a planet (and in Marvin the paranoid android territory) what does she do with it? Very little really. She is going to evolve in 24 hours and she needs all the drugs sent from cartel to evolve to the 100 percent mark. She devises a cunning plan and gets every guy she speaks to to do her bidding no questions asked. Though they are French so this might explain it. She arranges for the drugs to get sent to Paris but they are taken to the most unsecured hospital known to man. So when a load of Chinese rejects from Reservoir dogs turn up no one bats an eyelid. Lucy gets to the airport and then has to drive quickly to hospital. Cue the total unnecessary car chase through Paris. We have seen the Bourne Identity so we know how to get it right. Also Luc has tried the endless car chases with his turgid Taxi and Transporter series. Now there could be some sly digs at women being useless drivers in this part. She drives down all the one way streets. Causes loads of crashes.

Then we get to the part of the movie she is going to ascend but wait what is this the ring leader of the bad guys has got to Paris first? Wow. He is going to get Scarlett one way or another. Blah blah evil terrorist blah blah. This bit of the plot is telegraphs right from the start of the movie. Scarlett aka Lucy turns into various things but ultimately wants to help the human race. If it was my last 24 hours on the planet and I was going to ascend I would get Christopher Lee to get all the great heavy metal bands on the planet to play for me whilst he narrated over it. It is a better ending than this tosh.

In conclusion this is a Luc Besson movie in the vein of his opus Transporter. Trashy, cheap and ultimately very UN fulfilling.

4 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Dougay Scott Duffer, 20 September 2014
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Scott is no stranger to absolutely atrocious acting performances and here shows why is he is getting close to Danny Dire's crown as the worst actor of his generation. Okay I have a confession to make I have disliked him ever since he did the day of the triffids rehash some years back. Also I watched a bit of Aeon Flux last night.

So what of this movie. I was hoping for an unofficial update of Dr Terror's House of Horrors. Freddie Francis's masterpiece from the sixties. No such luck I got to see some turgid nonsense about six passengers on a train but wait, some train driver has decided to go on the rampage.. with six passengers. Another reviewer poured scorn over the train details (agut-65-912139) and I am pouring scorn over the plot and the acting performances.

This movie is supposed to be a thriller the first half an hour is trying and failing to show that the characters are human. This section is boring. Then after which a person with a motor cyclist helmet obviously the evil one. Then they are preparing to got to Tunbridge and the train goes through. After which sheer boredom reigns. I have seen speed.

Really I could not work out why what should have been such a taught thriller was so boring, then I remembered that I do not like Scott. Well this movie has not convinced that he can act after he hammed it up so much.

Blackwood (2014)
18 out of 18 people found the following review useful:
British ghost story., 6 August 2014
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is the type of movie that feels like it was written by James Herbert in his Ash the ghost investigator series. If you think of Haunted or Ghosts of Sleath you will get the right idea.

This movie starts so slowly you just keep thinking I wish it would hurry up. A guy is haunted by ghostly goings on in the middle of the night. He is convinced the previous owners of and that they did some nasty things. Basically it turns into a sort of who done it. Then in the last 20 minutes the movie comes alive and explains itself.

Is it worth the wait? This reminded me a lot of Brian Clements 70s series Thriller. 50 minutes of build up then the explanation.

This movie was good but could have been better.


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