Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
This movie confused the f-ck out of me
This movie was extremely confusing from start to finish. I saw it in theaters, and right from the start, I was confused. The first thing that happened was that I walked into the wrong theater. The theater told me it was playing at 5:30 pm, but what I didn't know was that was EST, and I live in California. The other thing that confused me was all the random shots of Helen Hunt's ass every 5 minutes. And what was up with the flying pig on fire? And why did George Clooney spend 5 minutes shopping for a black Barbie in the middle of the movie? It was well cast except for Roseanne Barr who played Morgan Freeman's father. And what was Alan Alda doing eating pho in the background of every scene? I don't know, I guess I'm just not smart enough to get this film.
George Lucas was coked up when he made this movie
I was actually a key grip for this movie. Let me tell you the things I saw working on set were criminal. We began shooting with absolutely no script. Everyday George Lucas would arrive on set high on methamphetamines and Red Bull. He would write the day's script on a cocktail napkin and handed it to the actors to read. He would fire people spontaneously for no reason. He fired a guy for being an Eskimo even though he was a Korean guy. Steven Spielberg literally phoned it in for this film. He was banging Barbra Streisand and wanted to insert her into as many scenes as possible. Harrison Ford, being nearly 70, began to show symptoms of Alzheimers and would often wander off set and be found sleeping at a local Starbucks.
Is this a movie? Yes it is, and it is much more
Once in a generation, a movie will come along that will change your life. Such a movie is Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Based on the 15th century novella by Shakespeare entitled "Boobs Boobs Everywhere", this is the kind of timeless classic that will define our generation. Men of the last 1000 years? How about Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Ghandi, Jesus, and Larry The Cable Guy. This Larry guy is the kind of slack-jawed, fresh-faced, young upstart that will likely attract hordes of fans. He has that kind of hip-hop urban appeal that African American males will love. His smart, campy humor has become the voice of a generation. I submit that we rename December 25th "Larry The Cable Guy Day". Move over Jesus, your ass is getting kicked to the curb. What have you done for us lately? It is the age of Larry now.
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
This movie will change your life
This is probably the greatest movie I have ever seen. Intelligent, profound, anachronistic, this is the kind of timeless classic that defines a generation and lets us know, as human beings, where exactly we are in the universe. Not only that, but the bright neon colors and happy noises amuse my little brother, who unfortunately has an IQ of 70. Julie Brown should have won an Emmy, a Grammy, a Tony, an Oscar, and a Peabody for her performance. What I like about this movie is that it is not dated at all. Big hair, late 1980s music, and Geena Davis are always in style, no matter if its the 1790s or the 2050s. The only thing that troubles me is, if Geena Davis is so smart, how come she can't pick good movies to be in anymore?
The title was misleading
First of all, with a name like Titanic, you would expect there to be a lot of titties. But there were only about 3 or 4! And we're talking about a 3 hour movie. So 1 tittie per hour is not good. I don't know what this movie was about...maybe a ship or something. But if this movie was about a ship that sank, why didn't they just call this movie "The Ship that Sank and caused Everybody To Drown or Get Frozen" Titanic? This movie should have been called "Titless-anic!" If I wanted to see a religious film, I would just go fall asleep at church like I usually do! The only good part was that very feminine lady actress who played Jack Dawson.
This movie ruined my life. I took my family to see this movie back when it came out. It was so traumatizingly bad, that my daughter had to turn to heroin to cope. She would cook her breakfast up in a spoon every morning to try and kill the images in her head that were the movie "Armageddon". This movie also turned my son gay. A week later, he contracted AIDS and died suddenly. We took our cat to see the movie too. Our cat later hanged herself. My wife became lesbian. So that actually was the only good thing that came of this movie. As for myself, I now eat my own feces. Thanks a lot, Michael Bay, for making me eat my own feces. I really needed that.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
About Pearl Harbor
This is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. If I had taken lemon juice and poured it in my eyes while a horse kicked me in the balls, that would have been a better experience than watching "Pearl Harbor". The part with the space aliens was a little over the top. James Brown was horribly miscast as the Japanese admiral. Blink-182 doing the soundtrack was highly inappropriate. The musical sequence that included the 1970s funk-soul hit "You Dropped A Bomb on Me" by the Gap Band seems a little too silly. But it was nice to see Henry Winkler resurrecting his role as Arthur Fonzarelli for the film. Is this a film? Yes it is.