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tenthousandtattoos

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95 reviews in total 
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And the air is just right for drinking!, 15 April 2010
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A guilty pleasure if ever there was one, Men at Work sees Carl (Charlie Sheen) and James (Emilio Estevez) as two no hoper surfers/garbage men who pipe dream about opening their own surf shop. Carl has a slightly disturbed habit of spying on his neighbors with binoculars and "seriously aggravating situations without changing the course of history" by occasionally shooting them with a pellet gun.

After an evening of beer and Trivial Pursuit, Carl and James witness City Councilman Jack Berger (Darrell Larson) seemingly assaulting his campaign manager Susan Wilkins (Leslie Hope) in her apartment across the street. As she runs out Carl shoots Berger with the pellet gun. He and James miss two men then strangle Berger and leave with his body. The following day they happen across Berger's discarded corpse on their garbage route, and, fearing they may be implicated in the murder, hide the body. Madcap antics ensure as they try to figure out who killed Berger and why.

There's lots to like in this silly comedy, from the inept hit men whose car bears the licence plates: HIT MEN, to the recurring joke of the misplaced tape (work it, work it), and the great chemistry between the two leads. But the highlight is Keith David as Louis, Carl and James' boss' brother in law who rides along with them in the garbage truck as an observer (as they are known troublemakers and on probation at work) and becomes mixed up in the movie's ensuing chaos. David is perfect as the unhinged Vietnam veteran, and from the sight gag of him doodling a helicopter firing missiles at innocent families on a boardwalk, to the infamous "another man's fries" line, to the hilarious kidnapping of the pizza boy "he was provokin me!" the character is a constant source of laughs.

Leave your brain at the door and enjoy.

R.O.T.O.R. (1987)
3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Ten things I'd rather do than have to sit through ROTOR again, 15 January 2009
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

1. Get smashed on the back of the head with a folding chair.

2. Drag my tongue along the entire length of a men's room floor.

3. Have someone nail my hand to a length of 2x4.

4. Drink a whole bottle of nail polish remover.

5. Staple my lower lip to a corkboard.

6. Eat a bowl of nails.

7. Repeatedly smash my forehead against a concrete pylon.

8. Belly flop off a 10-meter tower into an empty swimming pool.

9. Wrap a piece of string around my index finger til it falls off.

10. Get air-dropped into the middle of the Sahara desert with no supplies and wearing only silk boxer shorts.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Ow my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!, 6 November 2008
10/10

I remember first sitting down to watch the Simpsons when it came to Australia. I was about 12 or 13. Hooked from the get-go, I have been a devoted fan ever since. It's true the latest seasons haven't been nearly as bust-a-gut funny as the earlier ones, but there's enough humour and social commentary to keep me hanging on and eagerly awaiting that new episode each week. The Simpsons has become such an integral part of my life that I think I have a Simpsons quote for every situation I find myself in, and more than once I've found myself thinking, "what would Homer do?" The DVD sets are great, packing in the extras to breaking point. The commentaries are especially great, often almost as funny as the episodes themselves. But I have to say, the packaging for Season 11 is AWFUL. What were they thinking? Not only are the four DVDs in tight, coarse little cardboard sleeves, there are glue spots sticking them together right in line with where you pull the disc out! What the hell? Be very cautious pulling the DVDs out for the first time. I've actually abandoned the cover and put the discs in their own jewel cases to avoid scratching them in future. As Comic Book Guy would say: "Worst...packaging...ever."

Will Smith's got one heck of an immune system..., 7 May 2008
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Note: This is a review of the original theatrical version, not the one with the alternate ending, available on the special edition DVD.

The title is from a novel, not a quote from Will Smith when asked to describe himself in three words or less. Also, I don't know what disturbed me more, seeing a desolate, uninhabited New York City or the fact that Robert Neville (Will Smith) chose to alleviate boredom by watching endless repeats of Shrek. And despite the obligatory "I'm pushing 40 but I'm still ripped" half-naked workout scene, it's an entertaining movie.

I was surprised at how simple this movie was, and also at how drastically it changed as soon as the other two survivors came along to rescue the "I've given up all hope" Neville. What was a riveting, intense character piece touching on issues of loneliness, humanity, isolation and grief, becomes a no-holds-barred fight to the death against infected mutants, then wham! the end clicks back into "thoughtful" mode…I was more than a little jarred. But despite this, I still found the movie very enjoyable.

I was also surprised at how similar to I, Robot it is, and not just coz of the workout scene. There is a blatant (borderline advertisement) product placement moment at the start. Neville is seen cruising around in a swanky, tricked out Ford Mustang, which strangely disappears for the rest of the film. Converse All-Stars, anyone? If he had of skidded to a halt and said, "a thing of beauty", I would have been lunging for the STOP button. Aha, one of the writers wrote I, Robot, and a 150 million dollar budget…I guess they needed a boost. Anyway, it's forgivable because it's, well…forgettable.

I Am Legend is more a (although I shudder to use the term) "re-imagining" of 1971's "The Omega Man" than it is an adaptation of Richard Matheson's novella, however viewed as a standalone piece it still works, so forget all the naysayers on here who stupidly feel the need to pick apart every single movie they see. If you think this is your kind of flick, it probably is. If, like me, you really dig "end of the world" type movies, you'll get more than a few kicks out of this one. Not least of which is the empty, barren, lifeless New York City. It looks, in a single word, awesome.

Far from being crap, the screenplay and/or film appears to have been "sliced and diced" to achieve a round 100 minute running time, as certain issues are raised and not followed through, other things appear to just skim the surface rather than diving in, and the ending is a little deus ex machina, but I still liked it.

Okay, summing up, I like apocalyptic end of world movies, so thought I'd dig this one. I hired it, was pleasantly surprised, slept on it, then decided the next day to buy the speccy edition DVD because a) I'll watch it again, more than once, and b) I wanted to see the alternate ending. So, if you're anything like me (check out my other reviews to get a random idea of flicks I love/hate) you'll probably dig it too. Have fun!

Cobra (1986)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Corn-Cobra, 12 February 2008
5/10

Los Angeles, 1986. A band of killers is stalking randoms on the mean streets of the City of Angels. The by-the-book, Malibu-livin, Lexus-drivin cops are clueless. Meet John Rambo, um, I mean…Marion Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone), a street tough cop with an attitude.

What I find hard to believe is that this cheesy piece of cinema was actually based on a novel. What I find EASY to believe is that Stallone wrote the screenplay. This was 1986 – back when Stallone was still regularly receiving blows to the head. And it shows. This was also during the time when Stallone and Schwarzenegger had a weird "who's the biggest tough guy" run of movies. By and large, Arnie's hold up better these days, but that's not to say Stallone was not also capable of delivering some fun.

The fun begins with the infamous supermarket hold up. Forget the goofs, this is a great scene! The dumb—ass cops outside simply surround the place and try to negotiate. Pfft! Then "the Cobra" shows up, and just wades on in. Innocent bystanders? Please. I love the end, where he helps a woman to her feet. Notice she's a pretty girl – forget helping the poor old guy huddled in his wheelchair or the pregnant mom cowering over in frozen goods, no, Sly reaches out to the only attractive woman in the place. That's my boy.

Then he goes home to his beachfront apartment where he snacks on a frozen piece of pizza (I swear he takes it out of the freezer not the fridge) while he cleans his gun and watches the news. This is a complicated individual we're dealing with here.

I love bad guys in these 80's actioners. They are just totally dedicated to being bad guys! These aren't complicated units were dealing with here. These guys are from the old bad-guy school - they don't have lives, wives, kids or personal affairs, nor do they have complicated reasons for why they were forced into lives of crime...no, in their spare time they sit around in warehouses playing with knives. They gather in abandoned buildings, where they stand in line dancing rows clapping shiny new axes together in a weird bad-guy symphony. Whatever. Anyway, I love that they appear to be a cross-section of society (we see suits alongside leathers at the axe-dance) united in wanting to start a new world order by killing off "the weak"...exactly what they plan to do once they've finished with the weak is left to your imagination.

And the cops! Stupid liberal tree-huggers! Sly knows that to really deal out some serious justice, all you need is some tight jeans, a big gun, an even bigger car, and of course, an Attitude. And Sly's got that in spades. He wades through this role in his leathers and sunnies, chewing on a match and spouting grumbly threats and grievances in between capping off bad guys left right and centre. He even finds time to crack onto a witness he's protecting, his then-wife Brigitte Nielsen of all people. Hence the strange montage early in the film that has her inexplicably dancing around a bunch of prop robots in a swimsuit. O…kay… And speaking of Brigitte Nielsen… Good God...she's not "eye candy" she's goddamned eye beef-jerky...how Stallone could tap that once, let alone marry it, is beyond me.

Anyway, suffice it to say he manages to protect the witness, kill 32 more bad guys, and bait a meat hook with the main villain. Then he grabs his girl, punches out one of the liberal, tree huggin cops and rides off into the sunset on the bad guy's motorcycle. Oh yeah!

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
In a world of survival art is meaningless, 12 February 2008
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

What a brutal little film this is. We enter a desolate wasteland, the scorched remains of what once was the twentieth century, before "the cruel wars that followed", and track a band of "Juggers" - a sports team that roam the wastes, from filthy settlement to filthy settlement, challenging the population to raise a team of juggers and play 'the game!'

I love that the rules of 'jugging' are never explained, we simply observe, and learn. There seems to be few rules - it's a primitive, extremely violent version of American football, except the quarterback is also the running back and the offensive linesmen swing big sticks. The defensive linesman is a big dude swinging what sort of resembles a cat o'nine tails whip made from chains. Basically, the ball is a dog's skull and the object is to ram it onto a stick on the opposing side of the field. As there are no time pieces in this new world order, the game is timed by throwing stones at a metal gong. If the challenger can last 100 stones without the home side dog-skulling them, they win. Got all that? Good. Let's move on.

My favourite scene (although I do like that extreme violence) is when they enter the underground "Red City", and Hauer and Chen pass a man doing chalk art on the filthy pavement. I like how everyone just walks over his artwork, paying it no heed, and I also like that he doesn't object, he just keeps chalking. It's a great example of showing, rather than telling, the audience that in a world where survival is the priority, there is no room for art. No time to stop and admire beauty.

I really dig other parts of this movie, like the fact they make the oldest guy in their troupe lug a wardrobe full of their sh*t on his back across endless miles of desert. Nice. And the guys in the weird tank that stop them in the middle of the desert and basically take a ransom from them. We're not really told who these weird guys are, or why Rutger and his team bow down to them and fork over their hard earned winnings without a fight, or even a harsh word. Well, one guy spits on the ground in protest. I also like that when a member of their team is crippled with a broken leg, they just leave him there and walk off. Darwin at his most brutal. But this opens the way for Joan Chen to join the team. I also like that it's never explained why she wants to hook up with this band of violent men and trek off into the desert looking for a fight. She just felt like a change, I guess.

I also really like that there's neither a back story nor a bright future anywhere in sight. We know from a single title card at the start that these people don't remember how the world got f*cked up, and are so busy simply surviving they're not really thinking about a way to "fix" things. This is simply the world they exist in, and world where the game is everything and the epitome of social standing is to win "100 stones!" This brings me to one of my favourite bits of the movie, so typically Aussie, where Rutger helps the dude (big Australian guy) he's just pummelled to his feet, and the dude remarks, "Sh*t…I forgot you were better than me!" No hard feelings, mate. Love it.

That reminds me of another favourite bit, and indeed one of the best bad guy/good guy moments I've ever seen. It's where Rutger is walking off, after the final confrontation, to return to a life of endless jugging across the desert, living from meal to meal and sleep to sleep. The big Australian dude who got pummelled by Rutger asks the villainous ruler of the "Red City" why he's letting Rutger go. The bad guy simply muses that there's nothing more he could do to make Rutger's life any worse than it already is. What I love more is that Rutger knows it, and it doesn't bother him. He's not only resigned himself to this life, he's gonna enjoy it as well, dammit.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Bad example of the good old days of action movies, 11 February 2008
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Im not going to beat around the bush here. This is a BAD movie. Terrible. God-awful, even. But I can't help myself. For some sad reason I like this movie. I mean, for one thing it's got absolute pearlers of dialogue, like this, "If I had that guy's family problems, I'd have myself neutered!" There's the guilty pleasure I have watching Carl Weathers trying to be tough. I don't quite know why he's so bad at it, I mean, it's not like he's teeny tiny or rake-thin or has a squeaky voice – but every time he was supposed to be intimidating in this movie I just found myself giggling.

And then there's Vanity. Again, for some sad reason, I find her really alluring. Never mind she's a former crack-wh*re turned born again evangelical preacher, in this movie she's got a sexy little body and a smoky bedroom voice. Nice.

Another thing is, I always believe Craig T Nelson when he plays a sleaze. Check him out in Devil's Advocate. I can picture him sipping Maker's Mark bourbon while he jacks off to the latest Hustler Barely Legal issue. The guy just creeps me out.

And I must say I enjoyed seeing Biff from Back to the Future as the dumb cop. Priceless.

For all it's good points though, it really is very forgettable fare. Even now, having only watched it two days ago I'm struggling to remember the action scenes. I think it was really a misguided attempt to launch Carl Weathers into a leading man career of his own, after he did okay jobs in things like Predator, ie when his role was MUCH smaller. Sadly, when compared to other actioners of the time, like Commando, Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, it is a mediocre effort at best.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Anyone can watch this movie!, 31 January 2008
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Ratatouille begins in rural France, an idyllic little cottage nestled away in peaceful Nowhere. Here, Remy the rat (voiced by Patton Oswalt) and his clan lead a relatively trouble-free life, rummaging through an old lady's trash for their dinner and scuttling about in her roof at night. But Remy dreams of more. He has a penchant for food, as opposed to garbage, and idolises a chef he's seen on the TV in Granny's living room, Gusteau (Brad Garrett), and his 5-star restaurant. But Gusteau has died, leaving his business in the hands of uncertainty and a snide little chef named Skinner (brilliant voice work by Ian Holm). Skinner is in the process of selling out Gusteau's to hock microwave food items (Haggis Bites are just one of the "multicultural" delights on offer, along with Chopsocky Pockets…oh dear).

Remy's trouble free life is about to be shattered when he is caught rummaging in the old lady's spice rack late one night. Miffed, Grandma decides to approach the problem not with a rat trap, but with a good ol' fashioned shotgun. As she blasts away the roof caves in, revealing Remy's pals, who have to skitter away into the night lest they be blown to bits. Grabbing his favourite recipe book, wannabe-chef Remy busts out too, but gets separated from his clan during Granny's lunatic, shotgun-blasting pursuit.

Lost in the sewers, he decides to poke his head up, and discovers to his delight he's been lost under Paris, across the road from Gusteau's restaurant! Gusteau's has a new garbage boy, Linguini. Unbeknownst to Skinner and the boy is that Linguini is Gusteau's son. Linguini attempts to fix a soup he accidentally ruined by chucking in random stuff, stirring and hoping for the best. Enter Remy, who has watched in horror the whole time while Linguini "cooked". Remy quickly fixes the soup. Linguini sees him, but is too late to stop the soup going out..to a food critic! To everyone's surprise, it's great. Skinner gives an ultimatum, if Linguini can recreate the soup, he won't be fired for cooking without permission. But Remy is discovered, and Linguini is tasked with getting rid of the rodent, away from the restaurant. Near the canal, Linguini discovers Remy can understand him, and communicate back, so spares his life with the caveat that he help Linguini recreate the soup so he wont be fired. Soon enough they discover Remy can control Linguini like a puppet by pulling his hair ("whoah…that's strangely involuntary!") and the fun keeps rolling from there, but I won't spoil any more.

Ratatouille succeeds in never being preachy, it's message is simple and is never rammed home, like the message of Disney/Pixar predecessor Meet the Robinsons (I walked out of that one quietly muttering to myself like a mental patient…'keep moooooooving forward…keep mooooooving forward….'), and it's a good one: "Anyone can cook." Meaning of course, anyone can do anything they dream of doing, you just gotta get in there and give it a go! The atmosphere is magic…Paris is shown as a glittering jewel against a still night, and the film is imbued with very soft browns and greens, a touch of red, very ambient and beautiful. The hectic kitchen scenes are brilliant, and capture perfectly the organised chaos of a busy restaurant kitchen. The story cracks along at a pace that will keep the kids enthralled while remaining interesting enough to an adult audience to watch over and over.

The animation is sublime, in some places it looks real. Animators in this field keep outdoing each other. Let's hope that good stories like Ratatouille continue to be the motivation, not just the need to impress and dazzle. Impress and dazzle Ratatouille does, with a great little story as well.

Big Daddy (1999)
The spit trick..., 30 January 2008
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

OK, let's just clear something up here from the get-go...the spit trick that "Julian" does IS INDEED physically possible...were you guys ever kids? I didn't know it was possible NOT to know that! I'm not going to go into the physical technicalities of it (it's a little disgusting, talking about the varying consistency of saliva) but take it from a former gross kid grown into a gross adult, it's possible! I never touched the ground though...that kid is a master! How anyone can NOT find this movie funny is beyond me, but each to their own tastes. I watch it regularly, like a good song, over and over. And I laugh every time. Adam Sandler is a great "everyman", I know I can certainly relate to his desire to spend a lot of time asleep or on the couch! I think that's ten lines, I wont go into a review, other than to say this movie rocks...see it!

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Take it easy it is just a movie, 30 January 2008
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I take a bit of an exception to "trapper"'s comments that people from Australia wont find much to enjoy in this film. Not to be mean, but you don't know what you're talking about mate.

As an Australian (note, in case you've lived under a ROCK for the last 60 years, Australians fought in WWII as well, including my own grandfather) I feel indescribable gratitude towards those brave men and women who stood up for all of us. Without them, the nation of Australia would not exist today, because Australia would have been conquered by Japan, and would be a very different country today.

It doesn't take much internet surfing or reading (yes, i still actually go to the library) to find out that the incidents portrayed in this film did actually take place, just not all on the same mission and not all happened to the Belle herself. (FYI, the Belle's real last mission was not to Bremen, it was to a target in France, and the mission went without a hitch, text-book-perfect, not really something worthy of a movie...quite boring actually despite it's significance to the crew). Yes some stuff was made up...but all in all, Catherine Wyler (William Wyler's daughter) has done a fairly exceptional job of telling all the stories she wanted to tell. She said her father (or grandfather one or the other it's been a while) told her heaps of stories about heaps of bomber crews and she wanted to tell them all, but settled on a few very dramatic ones she thought would work well for this film, and they do.

Technically, give the film a break...they did a great job of making 6 real B17's look like 150. Without CGI this was a lot harder to do than it seems.

I give war films the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things like dialogue/realism etc simply because *drum roll* I WAS NOT THERE, therefore I don't know sh*t and so I don't try to pretend that I do. My grandfather never said much about his time in North Africa and Crete during WWII, except that I always got the impression he tried to REMEMBER his friends that were there with him, and to FORGET everything else, all the horrible things he saw and did. Things he HAD to see and HAD to do at the time. This film shows very well the camaraderie that my late grandfather held so dear.

But...by all means keep bashing this film...I don't mind its low rating because I have it on DVD so what anyone else thinks of it is kinda irrelevant to me, and the naysayer comments are oh so entertaining. Like the one (Robert J Maxwell) that raves about the dog in this film...man, I had to rack my brain to even remember the dog, but this reviewer seems to feel the dog has a pivotal role in the film and ruined his enjoyment of it...whoah dude...you need to calm down man! Repeat after me...IT'S...JUST...A...MOVIE.


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