Reviews written by registered user
|1 reviews in total|
Sometimes you stumble across something that changes you in such a deep
and profound way that you can never live your life the same way again.
Such an experience, for me, was the witnessing of the golden nugget of
cinema that was Shark Attack 3. It was so incredible that I'm having a
hard deciding if it was the best or worst film I've ever seen. Only
something this magnificent, this incredible, this mind-bogglingly
extraordinary could cover such a wide spectrum. I mean, they filmed it
in Bulgaria. Has anything ever happened in Bulgaria? I guess they sided
with the Germans in WWI, but that's about the extent of their impact on
the world. But not only is it filmed in Bulgaria, it claims to be
Mexico. Mexico with Bulgarian "actors" pretending to be Mexicans. But
yeah, Bulgaria, "Sharks in the Black Sea!" Of course, the main
character of the movie is not the unequivocally retarded Barrowman
dude, the Gene Hackman wannabe who says "Navy Way!", or that guy in the
museum who couldn't remember his (few) lines, it is the mysteriously
ambiguous shape-shifting shark. Ranging in size from an impressive few
yards to the size of a football field, this monstrous barking entity
has the ability to swallow anything it wants to, and it can even adjust
its body size to accommodate boats, people, jet skis, or rafts.
But that poor shark in the stock footage they probably dug out of the National Geographic archives has to be humiliated, I'm surprised PETA isn't all over them for emotional damages beyond description. Not to the victims, of course, but to the shark.
This movie is, out and out, the worst amalgamation of stupid dialog, pitiful acting, and bad, bad, bad decisions by the crew. It is the greatest thing you'll ever have the good fortune of seeing.