Reviews written by registered user
epeteet

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40 reviews in total 
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0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
very little redeeming value, 18 January 2012
3/10

As stated in the above summary, this Z-grade slasher dud has very little to offer but it's from Troma so what do you expect? The story starts when a transvestite checks into a rural hotel that specializes in servicing newlywed couples and tries to seduce the owner of the establishment. When the man realizes that he is kissing a cross dressing dude instead of a chick he offs the bottom boy. Of course the evil tranny comes back from the dead in zombie form to seek revenge. Notable characters in the movie include a funny drunk pastor, the smokin' hot wife of the hotel owner, and a weed smoking punk rock couple. The effects are extremely cheap, the zombie costume is pretty lame, and the kills are nothing to brag about. That being said there is some blood, a couple boobie scenes (yes the boobs are on females!) and a decapitation that was OK. Being a big fan of cheesy low budget horror myself i would have been content fast-forwarding to the one rather long shower scene that shows a killer rack because that's really the only part of the film that stood out. If bottom of the barrel violent horror garbage is your thing then i would recommend watching DOOM ASYLUM or one of Tim Ritter's films instead of this.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Perhaps the Greatest Samarai Movie Ever!, 9 December 2009
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I had been wanting to track this movie down for quite some time and when i finally scored a copy i must say i was far from disappointed. It's about a traveling samurai and his son. Every ninja in sight wants to kill these dudes so they get in tons of sword battles. That's about the extent of the plot. All you really need to know is that Shogun Assassin is a bloody masterpiece...and when i say bloody it's no exaggeration. There's beheadings, severed limbs and gallons and gallons of spurting blood. This is a very bizarre movie (aren't all foreign movies?) and that's what makes it so great; well that and all the excessive bloodshed of course. For example there's a very weird scene were the father rips this chicks clothes off and just when you think he's gonna rape her he, his son, and the woman all huddle up naked to keep warm. This allows his young son to cop a feel. Haha anyway it's a great flick for splatter fiends and ninja fans alike. Don't miss out!

El Topo (1970)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One Whacked Out Western!, 22 May 2009
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I went into this expecting it to be just another gritty spaghetti western and was hit with something way gnarlier.(it was made in Mexico so i guess it'd be a burrito western) For one thing it's way bloodier than most movies of it's time and being a big fan of grit and splatter this came as a real treat. The bloodshed, however, is not the most unusual element of this venture into bizzaro world. The plot is hard to explain because it totally changes half way through the movie. It also has some fantasy/religious/cult elements that are way out the norm for westerns. All I can say is that El Topo is the vision of a mad man. It's got lesbianism, emasculation, midget breasts, butt-rape, slavery, tons of deformed people, and even a little kid getting his head blown off. If you like westerns and wanna see one hell of a trippy movie i'd definitely recommend it but be forewarned that it does have some pretty graphic scenes

The Blob (1958)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One of the better horror flicks from the 50's, 13 February 2009
9/10

This is a pretty well known one so i won't get too deep into it. The basic story is about two teens who find out about a slimy alien blob of goo that arrives to earth via meteor. Human contact with this slime ball burns through flesh like acid. It also absorbs human bodies making it grow bigger. Nobody believes the teens (Steeve McQueen and his girlfriend) and when they finally do it seems that the blob can't be stopped. It's really well done for it's age and unlike a lot of other 50's flicks the pace is pretty fast. The story is very unique making it and a must see for any fan of old sci-fi and monster movies. If you can dig the gooey gore of 80s horror be sure to check out the remake from '88 as well.

Goliathon (1977)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Funny King Kong Rip Off, 19 January 2009
7/10

This is quite the movie. It's a total rip off of KING KONG only it's done Asian style like the old GODZILLA movies so you know it's gonna be super cheesy. Basically some dudes set out to capture this giant ape man and must take a dangerous mission through the jungle. They encounter lots of deadly wild animals along the way and a bunch of em get killed. There's actually a couple relatively good deaths. Eventually the main dude is on his own and finds a hot retarded chick who is good homies with the mighty Xing Xing Wang. Anyway despite monkey man helping homeboy out and the dude getting to hook up with the hot wild woman he and his "partners" end up doing what they set up to do and capture the monkey. Of course this pisses off Xing Xing Wang and tons of destruction follows. I don't usually bother with most PG rated movies but this one's pretty damn funny and it's got plenty of cheesy action. It's too bad we don't get to see the main chick naked. At least she's dressed pretty skimpy. So if you like GODZILLA style monster movies or have kids it's worth a look you'll definitely get some laughs out of it.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Much better than the fruity comic book movies of today!, 6 January 2009
8/10

It's no NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET but i definitely dig Wes Craven's movie take on the 70's comic book SWAMP THING. Sure it's a little slow at times and has a little more plot than i usually prefer but for a PG rated sci-fi movie it rocks! The setting provides a very believable swamp atmosphere, the creature effects are rad, and we even get to see some angry titties! I never woulda guessed that annoying "Billy" chick from CREEPSHOW could be so damn hot! Throw in some good action (which includes a mild dismemberment scene and a super gnarly sword duel between two monsters) and some killer mutation scenes and you ain't gonna catch me complaining! Given a faster pace and this would of easily receive a higher rating.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Pretty Mild But Still Worth A Watch, 6 January 2009
6/10

Usually I would avoid most anything (unless it's really old) with a PG rating; especially a horror movie. But i figured since it's a horror-comedy and the fact that most Troma movies from the 80's are pretty rad i'd give it a try. I'm glad i did, i mean there's no gore what so ever but there was a really cool looking monster. The monster lives in people's closets if you couldn't tell from the title. The beast can't seem to be stopped from killing people even from the military and there's the basic plot. Aside from the cool monster effects it also managed to provide some laughs. Oh and we do get a couple of brief nipple shots of a hottie with rather volumptuous breasts; but it's kind of a tease. If this monster movie parody was rated R it would definitely be a classic. Nothing too marvelous but it would be a nice way to introduce your kids to the pleasures of cheesy 80's horror without showing them anything too graphic.

0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Cult Masterpiece!, 14 December 2008
10/10

This is the ultimate cult classic! The plot takes place in the near future where the government keeps it's citizens pacified by providing them a deadly sport similar to the one in THE RUNNING MAN. The difference is that this sport is a deathrace. Four or fives driver race their flamboyant death cars across the country killing everyone they can along the way. Each death scores the driver points. Some of the death scenes are pretty graphic for '75 and it's got all the great elements you could wish for in a exploitation movie: blood, Nazis, nudity, explosions, etc. The pace is fast and we even get to see Sly Stallone punch a chick in the face! I can't recommend this one enough. Track it down immediately!

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Top Notch Werewolf Flick, 13 December 2008
8/10

This is a great Werewolf movie. The plot is basically about a news reporter chick who gets assaulted in a porno shop which causes her to black out and have weird visions. She's so tripped out by the incident that her psychiatrist sends her to a loony camp out in the boonies. Shortly after going to the camp a bunch of cool werewolf sh*t happens. That's all i'm gonna say about the plot. What i will say is that this movie has some killer special effects and gore. It's also got some really nice nudity! Major bonus! Sure it takes a long time to build up but once it does its well worth it. It also has a great atmosphere. I haven't seen the sequels yet but the first HOWLING is a great movie. The director went on to make TWILIGHT ZONE THE MOVIE and GREMLINS (two other great movies). Anyway if you dig werewolves this is a must see as well as American Werewolf In London.

4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Not a Total Waste of Time, 13 December 2008
6/10

Being a big fan of dated horror movies i found this low budget holiday horror to be quite entertaining. It starts off with a kid watching his mom getting (mildly) jiggy with ol Saint Nick which totally trips him out. 40 years later he's a total loser on a full on Christmas trip. He watches kids to see if they've been naughty or nice, makes a list, checks it twice, and goes totally crazy. Dressed as Santa he brings presents to nice kids and kills a bunch of people who aren't so nice. There's a couple rad kills but most of the movie a pretty tame. It's definitely not as good as SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT but it is pretty funny watchin homeboy flip his wig. It also can be a little boring at times but it's got a really cool (extremely cheesy) ending that i was definitely not expecting. All in all it's a decent piece of crud that lacks in violence. Definitely check out SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT before this one. You also might want to give the much more gruesome MANIC a look.


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