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Candy Stripers (2006)
An Alien parasite takes over Candy Stripers and Nurses in a Hospital increasing their sex drive (and cravings for sugar), then using the screwed males as cocooned hosts for their unborn slimy babies. It's up to a few high school friends to save the day, however, only the sweetest girl of the bunch who happens to have diabetes seems to know how to stop this erotic but deadly alien Invasion. Glossy Z-film that reminded me of Decoys minus silly humor. Not saying Candy Stripers is without goofy moments but sadly it ain't necessarily the better movie either. Not bad enough to dismiss, not good enough to praise. It won't hurt to rent and watch once - unless you can find better movies with a similar theme.
Terror at Tenkiller (1986)
First-Ever Wellness Slasher
Student Leslie escapes from her abusive boyfriend to spent her summer vacation in a cabin at Lake Tenkiller with her best friend Janna. Upon arrival Leslie is immediately drawn into the relaxing environment with a little help from Janna, who constantly reminds Leslie to take it easy. In between napping, resting and sleeping in late both girls find the time to flirt with mystery hunk Tor who appears to show interest in Leslie. When threatening phone calls interrupt the girls dreamy vacation things turn from sweet to sour: a killer is on the loose and soon enough the two Students are in mortal danger. Cheesy but charming mid-80s direct-to-video Z-grade slow burning slasher that is impossible to hate. Dumb but sympathetic characters, soothing Casio soundtrack, brief nudity and gore, one nightmare and one hell of an ending. Grab some popcorn and enjoy the ride, because Terror at Tenkiller will be the highlight of your bad movie night. I'll promise.
Honky Tonk Nights (1978)
Nashville this is not
I don't think that ^^ was a spoiler. What we have here is an ensemble of colorful characters bound to a filthy and run-down C&W night club/bar. Basically everyone is trying to make it, as in having sex or to get a whiff of success. There's the struggling blonde ex-stripper trying to impress audience with her singing voice rather than her hot assets. There is a bit of sub-plot about rivaling stunt men and guys cheating on their girlfriends. Between singing on the stage we get a slow-mo brawl and a mechanic screwing a slut. Low budget drama with shades of comedy and action that feels and smells like a poorly done Crown International imitation. Which it is. Kind of enjoyable with a few beers and a soft spot for bad country songs.
Mummy Maniac (2007)
Based on a murder case that took place in New York in October 2005, where a bouncer killed a young woman and wrapped her head in gauze. Mummy Maniac expands said case into a 80 minutes serial killer torture thriller. Some young, big and fat cop is controlled by his domineering mother who tells him what to do or not. Most of his time is spend on a roof top where he is on the lookout for new victims. Once chosen, they are "arrested" and then thrown into a truck and then hauled to some abandoned building/apartment. 'Maniac Cop' has a small dark room with a chair and a few tools hanging on the wall. Plus a mirror in which the reflection of his mother appears from time to time, watching his son killing women. The victims are usually questioned first ("What's your name?", "When was the last time you had sex?", "Do you like my tools?") then are slapped on the hand ("Ouch!") followed by pointing a pistol in their face. After pleading for their lives they usually get strangled. Once dead the head gets bandaged and then mutilated with an axe, saw, pick-axe, knife or drill. Cop disposes the body and then he's off to find his next victim.
Big Bad Wolf (2006)
Shape-Shifting cheese but lots of fun!
In the deepest jungles of Africa soldiers are being torn apart by an unseen foe. Heads roll and limbs fly! Seven years later we witness a group of friends getting ready to spend a weekend at a remote cabin in the mountains. What should have been a fun getaway turns into a howling night of terror. Bite me! Lance W. Dreesen's lycanthropical fable is quite amusing that doesn't take itself too seriously. The action is tight (when needed) and the gore supplies. Notes should also go to Richard Tyson for playing the sleazy and violent. One can easily see he had fun with his part, but he should definitely work on those one-liners. Rating this 8/10 because I had a good time watching.
The Loch Ness Horror (1981)
God Bless Loch Ness
If it wasn't for Loch Ness we would never see such corny delights about Nessie. Larry Buchanan's take on this Scottish legend is quite entertaining at times as movies about monsters made of plastic can be. The fake is hilarious, the fake Scottish accents are funny. The kill-scenes cracked me up. I also loved the fact that there were more American tourists and Nessie-hunters from Houston, Tx invading Loch Ness then actual locals living there. Still, this film never reaches the cheesy heights the classic trailer promises. Not a total loss though, makes a cool double feature along with THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER (1977).
Last House on Hell Street (2002)
Last Suck On Dull Street
Makes one wonder in what century this movie is suppose to take place as we see people wearing white blouses, white and weird-shaped dresses and bonnets ... a women gets killed by her husband because of their, um, crazy son? I'm guessing because I dozed off a minute or two. The murdered woman returns speaking directly into the camera narrating the entire movie. We see a young married couple holding hands skipping through fields and forests and sharing an apple for lunch. Later the woman is tied and tortured by the same guy. She escapes and kills him with an axe and yells ... something. We see a close-up of a birds nest with red pulsating meat inside which transforms into a man. Woman & man hold hands skipping through fields and forests. The End. Suck. Suck. Suck. Why must most Indie Horror suck? I mean, they get the gore right but the rest is dressed in artsy fartsy boredom. I'm surprised my brain did not explode but damn - talk about suck, dull and boring. Gets my vote for worst film I watched this year. Here are crimes LAST HOUSE ON HELL STREET committed: #10 BORING. Don't try to pass your film as art because HELLO! it's not. You are NOT David Lynch. But if you must insist to be "different" PLEASE make it somewhat enjoyable. #9 DUCKS. Symbolism for Married Bliss. Nice try. Since I don't believe in marriage footage of a sitting duck just annoyed me even more. #8 NATURE-FOOTAGE. Yes! do I ever love seeing footage of trees, branches and twigs! Mother nature is so exciting. #7 SOUNDS OF SILENCE. When people's lips move but there's no sound they A: have nothing important to say or B: the sound-editor screwed up or C: it was intentional. Which is even worse. #6 UPSIDE DOWN FOOTAGE. Just another lame attempt to pass as art. #5 REVERSAL FOOTAGE. See #6 #4 WHERE THE HOUSE HAS NO STREET. Not trying to nitpick but since this movie is called LAST HOUSE ON HELL STREET where's the street? #3 REVERSAL FOOTAGE ... AGAIN. We do get to see one scene three times even. What gives? Not a good scene either. #2 SCHMACK VIRGIN. No, I'm not cussing. That's the name of the lead actor. #1 JOHN SPECHT. Guilty as charged.
Not so bad ...
... and not so good either. I'm giving this 5/10 because it had good bad parts and bad bad parts. There is some obvious suck but some of the cheese works. The fact that most actors in this shot-on-video movie look nothing like actors, is a great bonus and gives one much opportunities to mock 'em. Of course the "acting" is stiff/mechanical/bad and some of the lines they say are just (unintentional) amusing. I did enjoy the mashed potatoes they used for puking and other effects though. All this add up for fun enjoyment but as I said before, there is also unfunny badness so rent/watch with caution.
Renegade Force (1998)
Well, this is what you get for fishing movies out of the bin. I didn't pay much for the DVD so I guess no real harm was done. I kind of had (high) hopes when I purchased this disc because the movie had Michael Rooker and Robert Patrick in it. I mean, how bad can it be with those two together in one movie? Sadly neither Michael Rooker or Robert Patrick could save this extremely dull and boring film. Watching this I felt like doing something useful, like, jump out of my bed and do a few sit-ups or something. Yep, that's how boring ROGUE FORCE was. On the plus side, ROGUE FORCE looks decent for a movie of this type and one can see that technically some effort went into it. However, it's lacking heart and soul and that's a serious cinematic crime and a big no-no. Final verdict: not worthy.
Blood Shack (1971)
This film is indeed awful and the cheese kind of stinks. Still, I find myself watching BLOOD SHACK/THE CHOOPER at least once a year. I'm no masochist who likes to punish himself with bad movies but yet I still find this lousy Ray Dennis Steckler wreck hard to resist. Must be Carolyn Brandt's kooky inner monologues or the ridiculous rodeo stock footage they added to stretch the movie. Whatever it is, it's worth making fun of because this movie offers plenty ... but bad cinema lovers beware - BLOOD SHACK/THE CHOOPER is not your typical so-bad-so-good movie. This one requires time and attention (check out the Joe Bob Briggs commentary on the Media Blasters DVD). Once it has grown on you it will be a lot easier to 'enjoy' the badness.