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Alone in the Dark (2005)
Most Hilarious Film I have EVER seen
Unintentionally. The movie is 'supposed' to be about (I think) an ancient artifact that turns into a bunch of monsters. Don't know, don't care. I'm probably wrong. I'm not even going to try to break down this 'plot' for anyone, because it would probably take a team of 10 MTI graduates to attempt to clear anything up, and i mean anything. Have you ever watched a film where every single scene is in complete severance from the rest? No Continiuty in a plot that wants that. I'm just going to line item what is absolutely HILARIOUS: (spoilers, if you really care) Dorff running around ever military scene with this "I haven't pooped in 3 days" look. He always just seems angry, but they never explain as to why the guy is angry. Then you Tara Reid, can you think of a more hilarious idea than to put scientist gear on her and pass that 'party girl past her prime'. Garbage. But fun. And then you have the lead, Christian Slater. Probably not a winning career movie, even though I must say I would be extremely confused as to what was going on as well.
I could keep going, but i'll spare you Just know that if you want to laugh at a movie that does NOTHING right, this is it. Best line, "Christian says: "Don't be insane" to this guy. Just the way he says it is like he just asked him for a cup of coffee. You'll Enjoy if you can just open your mind of the joy of bad, bad, unintentionally bad movies. They can be highly amusing.
80's action in pure form. This is in the die hard mold, but less structure or bad guys. I must say before hand that James Woods is my favorite actor. He is amazing. IN this film he delivers the best 1 liner I have ever heard in my entire life. Ever. It's ends the movie in a hurricane of laughter. Laughter in a good way. Laughing at 80's movies. This one may have been made in 90, but it still has the 'pure cop with chip on shoulder' guy. I would also recommend The Hard Way with Michael J Fox. That's also one of James Wood's best performances.
Back to Cop. Watch for the violence. Watch for the great 80's Dialogue. Watch for a plot that while have some serious issues, is still passable and forgivably based on the movies final line. That last line, which I will not discuss her MUST WATCH THIS. Is the best ending to ANY movie I have ever scene (ofcourse in the context of an 80's action/adventure/cop/type movie). Enjoy!
First Degree (1995)
Exactly the same as "Someone To Watch Over Me"
This movie is exactly the same as Ridley Scott's, "Someone To Watch Over Me", which is a classic. It stars Tom Berenger and Mimi Rogers and the bad guy from the Fugitive. It's a quality movie, with good direction and great acting. This movie is the polar opposite. It's the same plot, just minus any good acting and adding TV movie direction. I do have to say I like the interaction between Lowe and the woman. She's hot and their romance is believable on many levels. Unfortunately, that alone cannot save this carbon copy of the classic Ridley Scott film.
Usually crappy TV movies have some redeeming quality that makes them watchable at the very least. I think for me, this film's redeeming value is that Rob Lowe and the lead female have chemistry. That and I was able to watch and compare the plot to another quality film.
...And Then She Was Gone (1991)
Oh Yeah. awful
Classic. If you're into bad early 90's 'made for TV' movies. This one involves a child that vanishes. I had trouble paying attention (I have ADD) and combining attention defecit disorder with a bad early 90's TV movie makes for a rough situation.
It's awful. No two if ands it's or buts about it. But, if you laugh at horrible lines and a plot that any mildy intelligent person can pick apart within the first ten minutes, then this is for you. I have trouble giving a vote on this, because although being awful as it so obviously was, I was sickly drawn into watching it unfold. Like a book I've read 20 times, I knew every 'twist' and 'turn' involved. There weren't many to begin with, but a slow plot can sometimes be refreshing.
Cabin Fever (2002)
Not good, not un-entertaining.
This movie is kinda funny, kinda gross, kinda pointless and overall kinda entertaining. You have to be on some sort of herbal medication to actually sit through it though. I liked the gore, I liked the ending, I liked the hicks, and I laughed at some of the lines because they were SOOOO bad.
If you really want to see an entertaining movie, watch "Wrong Turn." Now that movie is real horror in some scenes, and hilarious in others. Highly entertaining. I kind of see this as a poor man's Wrong Turn, but adding a horrible flesh eating virus. You'll see. Don't go in with any sort of high expectations. This is nothing but a gory, dark comedy and some would say made in poor taste. Watchagonnado.
I Can Make You Love Me (1993)
As far as bad movies go, this one is a keeper
****Spoilers***As far as bad movies go, I loved this one. It's really bad, but bad in a good way. It's cheesy 90's crap. It's Brooke Sheilds getting her shoulder blown off. It's a slow build up to extreme violence. I did not realize it was a true story until afterwards, but I just knew something was going to happen. The stalker, he just starts stalking it up right away. Letters, threats, weird conversations, it got to the point where I just waited for the blow up. The death scene.
Ah, the death scenes. Yeah, it's a sad, sad, sad, horrible situation in real life, but seeing this guy blow away all the characters you just got to know, is pretty amusing. You can't take these movies seriously. But yeah, brooke, blood, stalking, graphic bullet holes, it's a winner.
Worst movie I've ever seen..........................ever.
Wow, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. 3.3? No, more like a 0. Seriously, I have watched literally hundreds of movies that are considered 'bad.' But this one is the worst. It's not even funny bad, it's just bad, really really bad. I'm vomiting just thinking about it.
These lines: "sonic bores blind folded" or, "I needed to make sure this ship survived, even if I didn't." Oh, there is the patented black guy, the bad guy in a suit, the old doctor, the 2 hot chicks, and the ugly one, the voiced over ship girl (T-Minus 10 minutes). Oh, and then there are the scenes where they talk to this girl in a floating orb, only none of the actors are even looking near the orb.
God I have a headache now. I have to watch Bad Santa to feel better. Yea, that's what i'm going to do.
See it for the Creepozoid BABY ATTACK!!!!
For what it is/what Creepazoids captures a time in cinema history. The time when robotic baby monsters, dry ice, apocalyptic times, needless gore and a few hot women created an 80's masterpiece. All be it, that when it ends, you are shocked. That the film only lasts 71 minutes. I enjoyed it. I am an 80's film fan, all types. But I especially like the ones like these, that make absolutely no point, there is no 'underlying meaning' to try to figure out. It's just what is it. I
Bottomline, if you're a fan of crap movies and consider them to be as entertaining as any Hollywood drama, then at least rent this movie. I just purchased it for $3 for my local video store. It's a keeper, simply for the fact that there are both monster babies and giants rats. period.
House of the Dead (2003)
So bad......it's really, really, really, bad
I won't go into to detail. The only thing i'll say is that I watched this film with a smile on my face. I enjoy watching bad movies, and this might just be #1. I'm serious. I've watched Troll 2, Maniac Cop 3, Wishmaster 2 etc. But this movie. Wow. Incoherent.....to the point where there are so many logical questions running through you head that you have to surrender and just watch. Enjoy! When watching, just keep asking yourself this: "who the hell would do that?"
Every character decision in this movie makes no logical sense. Blood, death, horror, mutilation, and tragedy is all glossed over. This movie can only be classified as a comedy. Nothing more.
Path of Destruction (2005)
If you love bad movies, then is takes the cake
This movie is hilariously bad. From the very beginning, you know you're in for a gut busting ride of bad script writing, acting, directing and gaping plot holes that boggle the mind. If you enjoy laughing at poorly made tripe, than this is your type of movie. If you want to watch a movie with a somewhat believable plot and some point, then you might want to rent something more mainstream.
I watched this with my brother last night at 1am on sci fi. We knew what we were getting into. From the absurd dialogue to sheer convenience of certain events, you will get your fair share of 'writing class no-no's'. Anyways, this movie, taken for what it's worth (production value, acting and sheer lunacy), can be tolerated and watched. Once only though. NO ONE has that much time.