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phantasmda

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22 reviews in total 
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Dead Sea (2014)
15 out of 24 people found the following review useful:
One of the worst films I've seen in a long time, 21 May 2014
1/10

Pro's: It ends.

Con's: It's boring, boring to the point of complete tedium.

The characters are the most, miserable, nasty and downright unlikable cast you will ever see. I literally wanted them ALL to die.

The effects, they're aren't any, a little bit of blood in the water and lump of rubber that jabs into a leg over and over as the camera shakes around all over the place, so you can't tell what you are looking at. You NEVER see the monster barring a quick flash of some kind of teeth in the last few minutes.

The plot, seriously, it actually does have a nice idea in there somewhere but the story just keeps jumping from one set of people in one location, to another set in another location, while trying to cleverly follow about 5 different story threads. It just becomes confusing and fails miserably. The actual monster plot takes up about 5 minutes of the whole film, the rest might just as well have been a dull family drama.

The camera work, sound and lighting in this film are dreadful. Shaky camera work, bad lighting and sound that at some points, is so low that you can't hear anything and then in other parts, it's loud and bellowing.

The artwork for the poster is misleading and the people named on the poster are only in it for a few minutes. James Duvall must have about 2 or 3 minutes of screen time, it's ridiculous.

All in all a really dull, boring and poorly made, horror (sniggers) film. Avoid!

1 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Ha ha ha, 5 April 2014
1/10

8 x 10 ratings and 2 x 9's, trust me and I can say this with massive confidence, they are votes from people related to the making of this pile of garbage film. The acting is like some of the worst I have ever seen (and 2 of them won awards lol) Think Troma type of acting, and you'll know what to expect. The dialogue is unreal, to think that grown adults wrote the dialogue for this film is frightening, people just say the most pointless and inappropriate things and act like complete retards most of the time, it's stupid. The camera and sound design are ridiculous, poor colour and picture quality and sound that goes up and down at will, in some scenes you can barely hear the people speak while in others their voices are bellowing out of your TV. The effects lol seriously, they have to be seen to be believed, there's a monster in the film that looks like a sock puppet on strings, it's hilarious and the music sounds like something your 6 year old would play on his toy Casio keyboard. Avoid this trash at all costs, this was a 6.8 last week as all the 9's and 10's were voted for in one go and now it's come down to under a 5 rating, trust me, it will drop even lower once the REAL Honest votes flood in. It's terrible even for its obvious tiny budget. AVOID!!!

43 out of 45 people found the following review useful:
Don't believe the score on here., 15 August 2013
1/10

22 votes and a 6.3 - Most of which I'm guessing are connected to the films production in some way. The acting is of the worst I have ever seen in a supposed horror film, the story is OK but is so poorly executed and boring that it's hard to stay interested in what's going on. I found myself pottering about and doing other things while it was playing because I was so utterly bored. The effects (What few there are), would make the Asylum blush in embarrassment.

This is a terrible, zero budget and completely boring film with absolutely no redeeming features. The acting, camera work, music, direction and SFX are bottom of the barrel stuff.

Avoid at all costs. 1/10

V/H/S/2 (2013)
3 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
A cracking horror gem, 11 June 2013
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Having really enjoyed the first V/H/S, I was eager to see what they could do with a 2nd entry. To be honest, if you didn't like the first one then the chances are you won't like this one either but I for one loved it. It improves over V/H/S in every way, it's got better production values, has less shaky camera work (one of most viewers main complaints about the first outing) it has better effects, more gore, more jumps and scares and is an absolute belter of a horror film.

As with the first film we are introduced by the wraparound segment, which is about 2 private investigators who are sent to look for a missing teenager. When they arrive at his house, there seems to be no one home but there are a group of TV screens and VHS video recorders surrounded by various tapes in his living room. The investigators decide to watch some of the tapes, and as with the first film, the rest of the movie is based around what disturbing things lurk on these tapes. And in between each tape we get to see the events in the teenagers house, with the investigators realising that maybe they are not alone.

We get to view 4 tapes in all, each one directed by a different horror genre director, the segments are as follows:

CLINICAL TRIALS: Directed by Adam Wingard (V/H/S, The ABC's of death): A man gets fitted with a bionic eye after a car accident and this story is told directly through his vision from this implant. As soon as he returns home, he starts to see an array of ghosts that seem to be hell bent on getting his attention. This is the weakest of the 4 stories but that doesn't mean it's bad, it's still quite creepy and nervy if feeling a little rushed. 6.5/10

A RIDE IN THE PARK: Directed by Greg Hale and Eduardo Sanchez (Blair witch project): This one is a zombie movie with a difference, a guy is on a bike ride through the woods with a camera attachment on his bike helmet. He comes across a screaming woman and jumps off of the bike to try to help. Problem is, she turns out to be a zombie and bites the chap on the bike. The rest of the story is told through the helmet camera and follows our main character, as he himself, changes into a zombie and then goes on the rampage to quench his thirst for blood. This one was awesome, it's a completely new take on the tired zombie genre and it really breathes new life into it. There's gore a plenty and a very unique take which give this segment a really good vibe. 9/10

SAFE HAVEN: Directed by Gareth Evans (The Raid): Now me personally, am not the biggest fan of subtitles, not because I'm lazy or ignorant but more to do with my not so pristine eyesight. So after the first few minutes of this segment I was huffing and puffing as most of the characters in this were speaking Indonesian. I had no idea of the surprise/treat I was in for. This is the longest segment about a documentary film crew, who get the chance to enter the sacred grounds of an Indonesian cult and interview their leader. Once inside however (without spoiling it) all hell breaks loose (literally) This segment completely blew me away, it was tense, shocking in places and gory as hell (no pun intended) I completely forgot that I was reading subtitles as I was completely engrossed in the shocking events unfolding on screen. Well worth watching the film for on its own. Brilliant horror gem 10/10

SLUMBER PARTY ALIEN ABDUCTION: Directed by Joe Eisener (Hobo with a shotgun): OK after the last segment this was always going to be a bit of a let down. It is about a group of obnoxious kids who like to play pranks on their older siblings. after a couple of pranks however, they suddenly become the targets of alien beings, who are hell bent on abducting them all. This segment did have its moments and is all filmed by a dog (yes, you heard me right, a dog) It is interesting enough and the alien beings are quite scary but the thing that let this one down for me was the ridiculously shaky camera work. at times I couldn't see what was happening and yet, I was still sufficiently engrossed in the events that were unfolding. Definitely the creepiest segment but it has the poorest camera work. 7/10

Overall: Definitely the best horror anthology film to come out in years. It's gory and gruesome, scary in parts, funny in others, has some great ideas and is a complete fun thrill ride. 9/10

8 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
Attack of the boring hoody zombies, 11 July 2012
1/10

I don't know what to say about this atrocity of a film. It's basically one guy in the midst of a zombie apocalypse who then stumbles into survivors. One just happens to be a born leader, another a nurse, another one a C.I.A agent, and one's a scientist yada yada yaa. We then get loads of dull boring dialogue and wouldn't you know it, The group are trimmed down just enough so that all of the survivors end up paired off with each other (Yawn) Add to this some very basic make up effects, poor acting and a pace that your average garden snail would leave in a cloud of dust and you have Extinction. One nice twist is that the zombies do mutate in this film and evolve, which I thought was a nice idea. However, when it's as poorly executed as this the nice idea is killed off. I mean, I can accept the fact that the zombies mutate into black faced devil type creatures but I can't for one minute buy the fact that their clothes evolve into jogging pants and hoodies at the same time. Dreadful film!

Sand Sharks (2011) (TV)
26 out of 36 people found the following review useful:
Hahahahahahahaha, 11 May 2012
1/10

Hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha (choke!) (gag) (wheeze) hahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ((Stops for a moment to wipe a tear from his eye)) Hahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha (gasp!) (chuckle) (gip!)

(((takes a few deep breaths to calm his hysterics)))

I've just finished watching this film and it's a hoot! There's really not much more I can say about this unbelievably awful film. The acting, the script (what there is of one) the props, the special (hahahaha) effects (they have to be seen to be believed, I honestly haven't laughed this much in years) everything is so bad it's hilarious. One line in the film is a parody from Jaws but instead of "smile you son of a bitch" so heroically belted out by the great Roy Scheider, this donk yells out "smile you SAND of a bitch" (No seriously, this really is in the film I ain't kidding) We're talking reaching the bottom of the barrel here, breaking through the bottom and digging down until you can't dig anymore and then pitching a pile of dynamite at the end just to go that few feet lower. This film is THAT bad. A 2.6 rating on here? Most of the votes pushing this up have got to be joke votes or the director and casts families, this deserves to be lower than a 1.0 for sure "One more time for the road...Hahahahahahahaha

4 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Hollywood take note, 7 May 2012
10/10

If this film had have been done on a budget of $10m I would have gladly given it a solid 6 or 7 out of 10 but for the $5000 it took to make, it deserves a full 10 out of 10 plus. How on earth do you produce a film as good as this for so little cash? There's plenty of scares, some decent gore, an absolutely brilliant looking killer, seriously, they don't come much creepier than this one and the gore effects are top notch. It doesn't look cheap either, the camera work is fairly competent and looks far in excess of its meagre budget. The only quibble I'd have is with acting, which isn't the best if I'm honest but hey, for $5000 this is superb. I'd like to see what this director can do with a real budget. It was far better than some of the big budget dross that Hollywood churns out these days.

19 out of 35 people found the following review useful:
Dire!!!, 15 April 2012
1/10

How this has a score of 5.0 on here is beyond a joke. The first 25 mins or so were quite good with an interesting premise but then it just went completely downhill. Everything just seemed completely pointless and is never really explained. And the ending was, well, I don't know what is was but it made no sense whatsoever. The acting, music and camera-work were competent enough but the whole film seemed like it had just been made up as they went along. If you're going to make a film, at least start by having a point to it, this one didn't. So if you are looking for something interesting or exciting then avoid this one like the plague. It left me feeling cheated and quite depressed.

3 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Prime example to never take IMDb's ratings seriously, 13 April 2012
1/10

I only tracked this down because of the ludicrously high ratings this film has on here. The reviews are all glowing and make the film sound great. The truth? It's a complete waste of time. The idea is different and would be pretty cool if the film itself wasn't so poor. It is literally a film crew following around a wannabe serial killer as he plans and commits his crimes, but instead of being unnerved and freaked out by his actions, the film crew seem completely at ease with proceedings. The acting is atrocious, the films crew are so completely annoying that it's hard to give them any credibility. The guy who plays Leslie Vernon is more like a Jim Carrey impersonator than a serious threat to the likes of Michael Myers, Freddie Kruger and Jason Voorhees. I have read countless reviews saying how witty and humorous this film is...WHERE? It is simply full of college type jokes and juvenile gags. I see this film being compared to Scream but that is an insult to Wes Craven. In retrospect, this film is a cheap, tacky, pale imitation of a typical slasher flick. It is dull, boring, unfunny, poorly acted, poorly scripted and a complete waste of over 90 minutes. What Robert England was doing in this is beyond me. Awful film.

7 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
This film should come with a health warning, 16 January 2012
1/10

((((Violently tries to yank the rating button into a minus))) GRRR

OMG! How could they? How dare they? Is it a crime to want to viciously murder a youth?

This has to be THE SINGLE WORST movie ever made, how do you turn a classic thing like Ace Ventura into this monstrosity of a film? The kid ((Blood boils just thinking about him)) Who in their right minds thought the kid could act? He needs putting down, who thought this eye gougingly terrible script held even one bit of mirth? Who even thought that this film was a good idea to start with?

I need to go see a shrink as watching this film has completely destroyed my faith in humanity, it has taken my will to live. Please heed my warning, if you see this film in the bargain bins at your local video store, buy every copy you can, take them outside, stamp them into tiny pieces and then burn the crumbs, it really is THAT bad :0(


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