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Pass Thru (2016)
No Seriously, WTF?????
I don't even know what I just sat through.
I watched this at a friends house, so the viewing didn't cost me a penny and yet I still feel like I've been ripped off somehow.
This really is the worst, most amateurish sack of monkey S H I T I've ever sat through.
There's no plot, or if there is one I couldn't find the f u c k i n g thing. The acting is DIRE and I mean that with every atom in my body.
The editing, sound, camera work etc etc blah blah waffle drone....
Seriously, just don't watch this movie, it'll give you a headache, I've no idea who Neal Breen is, but for f u c k s sake, someone take this guys movie licence away and burn the f u c k i n g thing and bury the ashes.
MINUS 5 billion stars (even though the lowest on here is a 1)
Little Mermaid (2016)
Could have made a better film using my smartphone
Funny how the few "glowing" reviews of this are from people who signed up a month ago and wrote ONE review saying how magical this is.
Trust me, it's awful, slow, depressing, poorly filmed, woefully acted, reeks of micro budget and it's just a painful watch.
It's not often I come across a film like this, that is so terrible, it makes you question how some people really are allowed to make movies. This really does feel like something that was put together for public access TV.
I'm guessing that given another month or so, the rating numbers on here will drop drastically once the honest ratings from genuine movie goers are totted up.
Real bottom of the barrel stuff with zero redeeming features I'm afraid.
Horizon: Zero Dawn (2017)
No where near as good as people are making out
OK let's get this out of the way first, Horizon Zero dawn is an insanely good looking game, the graphics and sound design are probably the best on the PS4 to date.
The open world is massive and there's lots of fun to be had here.
However, there is far more wrong with this game than some people are making out, controls that don't always work properly, I've found myself in the heat of battle several times and had to wait a second for my button press to translate to the screen. This might not sound like a lot but this is one of those games where timing is the key and every second counts. That seconds pause between you pressing the buttons and your character using a trap or potion or taking a swing at an enemy, is often the difference between you getting through a battle or being killed.
You have to light fires to save your game and quite a few times I've found myself putting in over an hours play, collecting and building my carry pouches etc, only to walk right into a herd of machines and get killed. It then re-starts you at your last save point, stripping you of all your collectables and upgrades. This wouldn't be a problem if you were allowed to save your game spontaneously like most games these days, but no, you have to find a camp fire to save, no matter how many hours work you've put in, and sometimes, these can be miles apart. This just does not work in an open world setting.
Enemies, now I'm all for a challenge but some of these groups of enemies come in large packs and take a hell of a lot to put down. You can barely walk in any direction for more than 10 or 20 seconds before walking into another group of enemies. And as soon as you kill them in one area, when you leave that area, they just re-spawn. They do this over and over and so you never really get a chance to explore anything, as soon as you start to look around or you want to stalk and hunt an animal for the materials to upgrade your carry pouches, you're thrown head first into yet another fight with the exact same enemies you've just killed 30 seconds ago. This can get really repetitive.
Water and swimming are a real chore in this game, if you find yourself having to swim for any reason, then prepare for a struggle, the controls are sluggish and even trying to climb out of water is a bind. You literally have allow your character to stop swimming and then jump just to get out, this can be tragic when you're being chased by robots that don't seem to suffer from this problem.
And don't even get me started on the invisible walls, they're awful. The game will force you to travel miles around in a complete circle rather than let you take the most logical route. Half of the invisible walls are not even there to keep you in the sandbox area, they're actually scattered around the wilderness to force you into making unnecessarily long winded trips to get where you need to go. It's infuriating at times.
Bugs, yes there are quite a few, most of them are minor but there are a few that literally break the game. In one mission, you are meant to follow someone into a set of ruins, but if you leave that area to stock up on a few supplies first or to take on another quest, once you get back there, the game glitches out and you can't get back into the ruins to complete the mission, this completely kills the game as it's one of the main quests. Your only option is start the game from scratch or wait for Guerrilla to bring out a patch to fix this so you can continue.
Even the story, missions and quests are getting rave reviews but I have no idea why. The story so far has been quite bland and uninteresting, the missions are the exact same you'll find in every other open world RPG, please help me, can you fetch me this, can you please help me defend that, can you fetch me some more of that, you get the general idea.
The game is getting a lot of praise because it doesn't hold your hand and lets you discover, well yes, it does do this and it can be a deep and rich experience, however, half the time you don't even know what things in your inventory are for, there's almost no explanation of anything to do with in game mechanics and things like modding your weapons with stats such as "handling" mean nothing. There's no explanation of what the handling stat is and so applying this to a slingshot or a ropecaster gives you, errm, I'm not entirely sure. I agree with games not holding your hand too much and making things too easy but come on, an explanation of what items, mods, game mechanics and upgrades are, is essential, need to know information.
Seriously, do not believe the 10 star reviews and people claiming this is the best game ever. It's a good game, don't get me wrong and there's plenty to like if you can get past the bugs and game play mechanics but there's a shed load wrong with it at the same time. Barring the awesome graphics and sound (which are stunning), there's really nothing new in terms of game play that you haven't seen before if you've played, Far Cry 4, Fallout 4 or Mass effect.
I'm hoping patches, as and when they're made available, will fix some of these issues but this really is the very last time I buy a game on launch day. They're just not worth the hassle.
Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Ruined by the female lead
This had all the hallmarks of a great live action fantasy epic. Brilliant visuals and great effects, a half decent story with some interesting characters, and of course, it's Disney. What could possibly go wrong?
2 words, Emma Watson.
I know Ms Watson has legions of fans who'll watch anything she is in just because of her Harry Potter connections but almost everything I see her in, she ruins. She has the acting range of a wooden block, her delivery is so stilted here, that it completely takes you out of the film and her facial expressions never seem to change. Seriously, she could have been wearing a mask in this and you wouldn't have been able to tell any difference, she just stares blankly and looks disinterested for the whole film. She's awful as Belle and her dialogue delivery is cringe inducing. I lost count of the amount of times I rolled my eyes when she tried to convey any emotion, it was embarrassing.
Now, I'm not trying to simply beat up Emma Watson because I dislike her, it isn't that at all, but when someone in a film is so bad they make the film almost impossible to enjoy, it really needs to be pointed out.
This could have been a great fantasy epic but I myself couldn't wait for it to end. Shame really, had they have cast an actress with a morsal of talent or acting skill, this could have been really good.
Stick to the original animated film, it's far better.
No doubt it will still make tons of cash though.
Who Killed Captain Alex? (2010)
Errrrm...... ....What the hell did I just watch?
Seriously, a mate of mine told me to try and find a copy of this, which was bloody hard enough in itself, and he apparently thought I'd enjoy it. It's hilarious by all accounts.
Errrm, no, it's really not!
I can't even believe this is on the IMDb, it's not a real film, it can't be. There's no plot or story, the blood effects, what few there are, look worse than Birdemic, no, seriously, they do. The sound and lighting are....Well, I have shot better looking and sounding footage on my mobile phone.
I have no idea how this came to be in production but it really does look like a group of African blokes, grabbed a cheap camera, a few toy guns and said, hey, lets play armies while I shoot footage. It's THAT poor.
Most of the way through, there's some rasta dude shouting over the film with.....Errm....I think they're supposed to be jokes of some kind, except, none of them are remotely funny. It's like one of those cheap, c/r/a/p/p/y rave music CD's, my mates would buy at the local night club in the early 90's, where you have some d/i/c/k/h/e/a/d MC shouting garbage like "come on party people, make some noise" over the music all the way through. Except, this is a thick accented African guy, shouting about murdering and eating people, or pointing out that the local wildlife are in fact, dinosaurs?
Seriously, I really have never watched anything this awful, dire and just downright amateurish.
The high ratings on here have either been faked or they're from people who are taking the p/i/s/s.
This ((cough cough)) film, and I use that term loosely, is probably the worst thing I have ever sat through.
Seriously avoid it, this makes The Room look Oscar worthy.
Oh, and Dale, watch your back mate, you told me to watch this so you'd better be in hiding.
On par with Creepshow 3 as the worst horror anthology ever made
Seriously, WTF did I just sit through? I was quite looking forward to this when I read about it coming out, I love horror anthology movies, even some of the less worthy ones tend to have some form of enjoyment, or a poorly executed but good idea in there.
But this, I don't know what to say, stories that have no meaning, no sense, no thrills or horror, almost zero gore, no suspense and worst of all, every single story is groundbreakingly boooooring. I don't know how it's possible to make something this dull without it being on purpose.
I kept at it because I thought "the next story will surely be better than the one I just watched" and yet each story was either equally as bad or worse than the one before it.
The acting ranges from competent to appalling and the entire film seems to have been shot with a light bulb over the camera, as even in the dark everything seems to be blindingly bright, you'll need sunglasses just to get through it.
And don't even get me started on the wraparound segments, weird, cheap looking stop motion animation, with an odd porcelain doll type thing opening doors to each segment. Really, really odd.
I can honestly say that Creepshow 3 is the only horror anthology I have ever seen, that I got absolutely zero enjoyment from.....Until I watched this and now I'm at a loss as to which one was worse.
4 women directors were given free reign over the material and the best they could come up with was this tripe, really gives female directors a bad rep.
There really is nothing to enjoy in this snoozefest, go re-watch V/H/S 2 or one of the first 2 Creepshow movies again instead and appreciate what a decent horror anthology should look like, you'll thank me for it later.
Good Tidings (2016)
Bad tidings (spoilers)
What an absolute pile of garbage this is.
Cheap, corny synth dance music that bellows out every time there's an action scene.
Some of the worst dialogue I've ever heard in a horror film, poor acting, one woman overacts so badly that it becomes a major distraction.
Characters that do some of the dumbest things you'll ever see in a movie.
There must be over 20 deaths in the film and you don't see any of them bar one at the end, all you get is close ups of someones face or a cheap cut away followed by a thump noise and then you see the supposed victim with a bit of blood on their face or a rubber accessory glued to their body.
People who are supposed to be dead, yet they are blatantly moving or breathing.
Fight scenes that are so badly choreographed that it feels like you are watching 2 kids fight over a lollypop.
Victims that are exactly that, seriously, not one character bar the main dude can fight, attack or defend themselves, they pretty much just lay down and say, "here you go, stick a knife in my chest (off camera of course), i don't mind"
There are so many scenes of the killers staring up close at the victims faces and then titling their heads back and forth and these scenes go on forever, they just heavy breathe and laugh like Mutley the dog for no reason, it really is uncomfortable (and not in a good way) to watch.
Editing that is ridiculously amateurish, the list of gripes is endless.
This is obviously a micro budget horror film made in or around Liverpool but it's just so poorly made, that all it makes you do is slap your forehead and roll your eyes every few minutes.
Yes the Santa outfits are pretty creepy and the idea is OK for a horror film, but that's about all i can say positive about what i just sat through.
Seriously, avoid this Christmas turkey at all costs, it won't even please the so bad it's good crowd because it isn't even laugh worthy, it's just an embarrassing and uncomfortable watch.
Oh and spoiler!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You never get to see the killers faces nor do you ever find out who they are or what their motivations are, no back story, no explanation where they even came from or why they choose to break into the place where the killing spree happens....It's one of those films where the killers are there for one reason, to bump off the cast. It's just a shame you never actually get to see any of the cast get killed.
One of the worst films ever made....And there's a sequel???
Seriously, the guy who made this film needs banning from ever touching a camera ever again. This is bad, not bad in a "so bad it's good" way, just plain bad.
The plot is like something you'd expect a 6 year old to write for a school project, the acting is so bad it's cringeworthy and the special effects...Wow! The special effects! These actually make the SyFy channel and The Asylum movies effects look Oscar worthy, I have seen better computer graphics on SNES games and that's being honest, God it even makes the likes of Flash and Flesh Gordon look like James Cameron's Avatar.
The only redeeming feature this film has and I mean ONLY, is the soundtrack which was actually kind of cool in a cheesy sci-fi kind of way. And the worst thing about this is, THERE'S A SEQUEL!!!! No way! HOW did these guys get funding to make a second film? I'm amazed. Safe to say i will not be making any waves to watch that one, I really don't want to have to spend another hour and a half watching anymore of this complete drivel 4.9 at the time of writing, trust me, most of these ratings are plants. The only film i can ever remember seeing that was on such a low par as this was Birdemic. Avoid!
Dead Sea (2014)
One of the worst films I've seen in a long time
Pro's: It ends.
Con's: It's boring, boring to the point of complete tedium.
The characters are the most, miserable, nasty and downright unlikable cast you will ever see. I literally wanted them ALL to die.
The effects, they're aren't any, a little bit of blood in the water and lump of rubber that jabs into a leg over and over as the camera shakes around all over the place, so you can't tell what you are looking at. You NEVER see the monster barring a quick flash of some kind of teeth in the last few minutes.
The plot, seriously, it actually does have a nice idea in there somewhere but the story just keeps jumping from one set of people in one location, to another set in another location, while trying to cleverly follow about 5 different story threads. It just becomes confusing and fails miserably. The actual monster plot takes up about 5 minutes of the whole film, the rest might just as well have been a dull family drama.
The camera work, sound and lighting in this film are dreadful. Shaky camera work, bad lighting and sound that at some points, is so low that you can't hear anything and then in other parts, it's loud and bellowing.
The artwork for the poster is misleading and the people named on the poster are only in it for a few minutes. James Duvall must have about 2 or 3 minutes of screen time, it's ridiculous.
All in all a really dull, boring and poorly made, horror (sniggers) film. Avoid!
Gallery of Fear (2012)
Ha ha ha
8 x 10 ratings and 2 x 9's, trust me and I can say this with massive confidence, they are votes from people related to the making of this pile of garbage film. The acting is like some of the worst I have ever seen (and 2 of them won awards lol) Think Troma type of acting, and you'll know what to expect. The dialogue is unreal, to think that grown adults wrote the dialogue for this film is frightening, people just say the most pointless and inappropriate things and act like complete retards most of the time, it's stupid. The camera and sound design are ridiculous, poor colour and picture quality and sound that goes up and down at will, in some scenes you can barely hear the people speak while in others their voices are bellowing out of your TV. The effects lol seriously, they have to be seen to be believed, there's a monster in the film that looks like a sock puppet on strings, it's hilarious and the music sounds like something your 6 year old would play on his toy Casio keyboard. Avoid this trash at all costs, this was a 6.8 last week as all the 9's and 10's were voted for in one go and now it's come down to under a 5 rating, trust me, it will drop even lower once the REAL Honest votes flood in. It's terrible even for its obvious tiny budget. AVOID!!!