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Time Lapse (2014)
Really, really, really......awful
Everything that's important to making a good movie is dreadful in this movie except....the premise.....which I immediately exclaimed to my wife "Hey, this looks like a Twilight Zone episode". The premise is a fun one and in the hands of a skillful director and scriptwriter, it would be a treat (a camera that takes pictures of the future). Unfortunately, the dialog is horribly stilted and unnatural, leading to terribly wooden performances by the actors. The sets were typically low budget, but frightfully uninspired and the cinematography was so mediocre that it must have been done by a photog student. Sadly, I must add that all of the above is not the Worst part about this narcolepsy trigger. The worst part is the pitiful excuse for an ending which gives the audience exactly no payoff for the agony they've just gone through. My wife started to turn it off a half dozen times, but I insisted we soldier through in the hopes of something uplifting or inspirational or fun or funny or anything good. But that just wasn't to be. In short, for each important movie criteria: poor, poor, poor and poor. If you'd like a fun romp with a similar premise, try Primer (2004), IMDb 7 with 55k votes.
Paper Man (2009)
Entire Movie Borders on.......Horrible
This film barely elevates itself out of the dust bin that it crawled out of. Whether Jeff Daniels' horrible, awkward and unfunny groping of Emma Stone or his pushing 10th graders into alcoholic stupors, the disgusting aspects of this film are tough to rise above. The horrible dialog - stilted and underutilized - is anything but funny and the comedic moments are completely squandered. What I find most flabbergasting is the complete lack of anything resembling plot closure or character's personal progress at the end of the movie. It just trails off into some kind of oblivion which is exactly where this movie belongs: oblivion. Having said all that, I will justify my 3 star rating by saying that the two leads prove they are worthy of being considered among the best of the best in Hollywood. Honorable mention goes to Lisa Kudrow who provides a yeoman's performance as an unlikable but decent wife.
Don't Blink (2014)
I, like many others, was sucked into viewing this film because of Mena Suvari (American Beauty) and because of Brian Austin Green (The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Derek Reese). Well, Mena didn't make it through half the movie, and Brian was just totally miscast. Given that the stars were terrible, the awfulness of the rest of the movie was unbearable. The camera work was well below film school 101, and the dialog, sheeze, was absolutely painful. I don't think it is a bad as "Manos: Hands of Fate" but it is close. I recently reviewed "The Scribbler" and found the dialog and acting equally bad to this movie, but at least The Scribbler had an interesting and different storyline. I would also like to close by saying many of the "logical" statements made by the actors in Don't Blink were completely idiotic and made absolutely no sense relative to the facts as presented in the movie itself. That in itself made me want to stop watching....but I did persevere to the bitter end in the hopes of a huge payoff, only to get just the opposite - one of the biggest goofball endings of all time.
The Scribbler (2014)
I've read the Graphic Novel and watched this movie and both are poorly done despite having great potential. The movie suffers mainly from sparse, unnatural dialog that is also excruciatingly uninteresting plus an almost total lack of a thematic audio track; worse still, much of the dialog is annoyingly echoey. As far as the acting goes, the main character never makes herself believable as a crazy person; Eliza Dushku, as much as I loved her as Faith in Buffy, was totally miscast as a no-nonsense medical professional in this movie; Gina Gershon was entirely underutilized. Overall, I'd like to see this movie picked up by a better production team and made into the great movie it could be. Its main strength was its presentation of the disassociative personality disorder of the main character and her descent into madness and sanity. As it stands right now, I'd recommend the Graphic Novel over the movie mainly because it will take a lot less of your time.
White Reindeer (2013)
I can't really add much more criticism than to say "me too" to the 1-star reviews already posted. That said, I'll go on to note that this movie squandered a heluva a good storyline. And, I'm assuming that the storyline is the sole reason for the positive critical reviews on rotten tomatoes. The story involves the tragedies that befall ordinary folk during celebratory seasons, and those stories are a fact of life. Sadly the debilitating depression brought on by the double whammy of a tragedy during Chrismastime isn't represented in this movie in a way that feels interesting or genuine. I kept wanting for something visceral to happen - but nothing ever does. Or at least she could have had realistic or colorful co-workers instead of the cardboard cutouts created here. I remember how the movie "Doubt" took a small thing and through amazing dialog had the audience on the edge of their seats. Well, the dialog is so sparse in uninteresting in this movie you'll be looking for a Serta Sleeper mattress.
Il futuro (2013)
Waste of time
I am an admirer of Rutger Hauer. So when I had a chance to see Il Futuro, I took it. Sadly, there is absolutely nothing here that would make me happy to have seen it. Hauer was made to look particularly bad since that was the role. But even worse was the terrible empty lines he was forced to say - like how to make a sandwich....yuuck. The lead actress Manuela Martelli was only OK as an actress, but, again perhaps the role itself was designed to be emotionless, flat and zombie like. The only even thinly possible thing to say that wasn't awful about the film was the actress' nude body was firm and fit. And know this, there was nothing even remotely erotic about it since the scenes were choreographed to be like Walking Dead episodes. I hate to say it but do Rutger Hauer a favor and don't put this vision of his performance in your head.
Just random Juvenile silliness - not a movie - not art
This is not a movie. It is a couple of kids with a handy cam filming each other saying random, silly things. I remember some kids in high school used to say things almost as silly, but not quite. I assume they were on some kind of brain addling drug to think saying "John Stamos" over and over would be hysterically entertaining to anyone. I also assume they've yet to come out of their stupor since, if they did, they would have immediately torched every copy and poured acid on the ashes. The art of this film is on a par with kindergartners' finger painting and it makes the movie "Manos, Hands of Fate" looks like "Inception", by comparison. So, in summary, I cannot say it deserves any stars because, like I say, it is not an actual movie, it's a couple of kindergartners with their parents handy cam (without permission). Truly unbearable unless you're the kids parents.
Gummi T (2012)
Not a good moral
This movie is a kids movie but does not have a good moral. It is a Danish language movie (English dub) and I am writing this from an American perspective, so I'll defer to Europeans for their take on it. But for Americans the moral will not be well thought of. The movie is about bullying and spends almost the entire time (about 80%) showing cruel images of a young boy, Ivan, being abused, which makes for a very uncomfortable 90 minutes. After a long process and very little respite, the movie ends on an abusive note. The moral of the story is that it is better to be abused by a bully than to be a bully. That will not sit well for many people. Also, the implication in the movie was that the adults (school authorities and shopkeepers) were all participants in the cruelty. As for the technical details of the animation, the movie is quite well done, and had the story been even a little bit different, (intervention by school authorities, for example) I would have enjoyed it. As it is, it seems to promote the hopelessness of the victim, and that is a view I'd rather not instill in children.
Dark Space (2013)
NO No no no no no no no
Just to be sure no one is mislead, Off World is a poorly done movie. The story is pretty ordinary: a group of college age people go on a spring break road trip in the distant future. They rent a space ship and it crashes (of course) (apparently somewhere in the woods around Denver) and they must fight aliens and Bobba Fett's in order to survive. The story was serviceable enough, but everything else was terrible. The dialog was horrific: I get more p**y there than most people get in a life time. Yes, that was a line delivered with absolutely no context or feeling...yechhhh. The entire script was nothing but sparse and unnatural sophomoric dialog. The acting was about as emotionless as I've ever see in a movie...all lines delivered like a 6th grader reading a book in front of class. And since it is a scifi movie I should mention that there are NO special effects or costumes worthy of putting into a modern day movie. I could go on, but I have already deep 6'ed this movie and don't want to think about it much more. Save yourself a trip to the trash bin and skip this movie.
Worse that the previous worse reviews would indicate
I give 1's to very few films...maybe a total of 3 out of a couple of thousand films watched. This movie is well deserving of a 1 and possibly worse. I'm not sure what I could subtract from the already appalling reviews that have accurately described this movie. But let me also warn you that the actors slurred their words (especially the chief villain) and the audio engineering was also horrible. Be forewarned that the sets, costumes, cinematography and special effects were all equally horrible. Finally, let me say the sequencing of the plot (storytelling) was well below amateurish. I watched diligently the first half of the movie (about 45 minutes) and then started fast forwarding through sections, hoping something worthwhile would present itself....to no avail. To the reviewer here who watched it twice looking for something good, you have my respect as a true devotee...and my condolences.