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Seinfeld: The Parking Garage (1991)
Lost and Micturition.
Single Favorite Line: (Kramer) "Jerry, are you aware that, adult diapers are a $600,000,000-a-year Industry?"
Notable Guest Stars:David Dunard (Security Guard), Adam Wylie (Kid / Brat)
Memorable Exchange: (all four looking for car) Elaine: "Well, I'm sure it's right around here" - Kramer: "Yeh, yeah, looks familiar --I remember the elevator..." - George: "There's elevators all OVER --everything looks the same!..We're like rats in some experiment!!" - Jerry: "There it is, it's over there!" (they all walk to where it isn't)
Key Topics: *Forgotten Parking Spots *Urination *Thrift *Unfriendliness *Scientology
Part I Didn't Like: The security guards seeming omniscience about when people are on the verge of losing control of their bladder.
Extra Nice Touch: Richards (Kramer) is carrying a real - and really heavy- air conditioner, throughout the episode, and it shows...adding to this weak episode his saving grace --the patented Kramer pratfalls.
4 of 10 - more dead than alive
Seinfeld: The Library (1991)
Single Favorite Line: (Lieutenant Bookman recalls the past) "Yeah, '71, that was my first year on the job..bad year for libraries - bad year for America...hippies burning there library cards, Abbie Hoffman telling everyone to steal books...I don't judge a man by the length of his hair, or the kind of music he listens to --ROCK WAS NEVER MY BAG!" (okay, not a "line", a soliloquy - but regardless, too good to pass up!)
Notable Guest Stars: Philip Baker Hall (as Lt. Bookman, NYPL w/ a badge!, and Ashley Gardener (as Marion the librarian)
Memorable Exchange: (with Jerry and Kramer leaning over the counter behind Marion at NYPL) J: "...This woman is completely ignoring me!" - K: "Look at her ..this is a lonely woman looking for companionship...a SPINSTER...maybe a VIRGIN!...maybe she got hurt, a long time ago..she was a schoolgirl, there was a boy, it didn't work out...so now she needs a little tenderness, she needs a little understanding --NEEDS a little Kramer!" - J: "..Then she'll need a shot of Penicillin."
Key Topics: *Overdue Books *Changed Appearances *Wedgies *Deceptive Memory *Henry Miller
Part I Didn't Like: I really wanted them to make more of Mr. Haymen, the former Phys-Ed-tormentor-cum-homeless-loon.
Extra Nice Touch: The editing and writing are in near-perfect harmony.
7 of 10 - One of the three best scripted by Larry Charles
In-Jokes Run Leashless
Single Favorite Line: (George, pumped up for movie night) "Let's go people, let's GO! - It's 'Prognosis Negative' time, whhawaggahaha!!"
Notable Guest Stars: Joseph Maher (as Gavin, the drunken, Palsied dog lover)
Memorable Exchange: (George & Elaine, at the coffee shop with nothing to talk about) George: "I like herbal tea...chamomile good...Lemon Lift..Almond Pleasure....." (.....Elaine squeezes the last drips from a tea bag to her cup....) - E: "Jerry like Morning Thunder." - G: "Jerry drinks Morning Thunder?" - E: (pleased with her revelation) "Yeah" - G: "-Morning Thunder has caffeine in it, Jerry doesn't drink caffeine." - E: "Jerry doesn't know Morning Thunder has caffeine in it !", etc.
Key Topics: *Bells Palsy *Bad Dogs *Bad Movies *Delicate Balances in Friendship *Bad Predictions
Part I Didn't Like: Although the voice of the dog barking was played by an actor, it sounded like a Casio keyboard effect, and barked too monotonously. Extra Nice Touch: The posters along the movie ques, are very clever parodies of modern movie types / subjects ( 'Prancer', 'The First Power', 'Sex Relations, Family Relations', and 'Eve, of Destruction' --look fast!)
6 of 10 - good one
A Trip to Some Stifleing Paradise
Single Favorite Line: (Elaine, in misery on the convertible sofa, after a 360o horizontal flip of extreme discomfort): "I'm sweetin' here...I'm in bed! SWEETING!"
Notable Guest Stars: Barney Martin (as Monty, the Indian-Pen-Giver), Liz Sheridan (as Helen Seinfeld), Sandy Baron (as Jack Seinfeld), Ann Guilbert (as Del Boca Vista neighbor, Evelyn), and Len Lesser (as uncle Leo)
Memorable Exchange: (at Kitchen Table, Pa Seinfeld gives directions to son for the Scuba Diving launch) Jack: "Stay on the 95 South, to Biscaine Blvd., then you make a left turn -put your blinker on immediately, there's an a-buuut-meant there. Then your going to merge over carefully, but stay on Biscaine --DON'T GET OFF BISCAINE" - Jerry: (nodding head)"Stay. On. Biscaine" - Helen: "Your going underwater?!" - Jerry: "Yes, generally, that is where scuba diving is done." - Helen: "What do you want to go under water for!--What's down there that's so special?" - Jerry: "Whats so special up here?"
Key Topics: *Florida Retirement Communities * Parents * Generosity (false) *Guilty Acquiescence *Heat
Part I Didn't Like: hard to find fault with this super-tight episode, but - What? No phone call to Kramer or George -- what were they up to ?
Extra Nice Touch: The challenge to make a very satisfying episode, sans Jason Alexander or Michael Richards, is met admirably, thanks to the wonderful volleys of dialogue, to do mostly with the petty politics of Condo Culture Retirees!
7 of 10 --nice, interesting change of tone and place
Pappy eh mash eh, eh?
Single Favorite Line: (George's girlfriend, Patrice, quoting Thomas Carlyle in the highest toned, high-flown manner imaginable) "Who so only belongs to his age, references only it's popinjays and mumbo jumbos"
Notable Guest Stars: Valerie Mahaffey (as Patrice), Siobhan Fallon (as Kramer's girlfriend / Elaine's roommate, Tina)
Memorable Exchange: (Elaine pops into Jerry's apartment excited...) E: "Kramer!" - K: "Wha-" - E: "-Do me a favor will ya' --if you insist on making pasta in my apartment, please don't put the pasta sauce on the pasta while it's in the strainer --all the little squares have hardened red sauce in them!..." (Jerry looks up, bemused) - E: "What's so funny?" - J: "It's funny" - E: "Huh? huh -it's a riot Alice!" - K (very confused): "When do YOU put the sauce on?" - E: "ANY OTHER TIME!" - K (thinking for a beat): "No, no -I like to strain the sauce" - E:..."And I could really live without the tribal music and make-out sessions in the living room.." - K: "Yeah..Tina LIKES the couch!"
Key Topics: *Pretension * IRS audits *Nakedness *Coffee Tables *Insanity *African Jungle Love
Part I Didn't Like: The falling on the homemade glass coffee table was a tad too predictable.
Very Nice Touch: Everything about Valerie Mahaffey's performance was spot-on beautiful.
7 of 10 --a keeper, showing the best traits of the program
Season 3 Kicks Off in high gear!
Single Favorite Line: (George, in a brilliant non-sequitur) "I don't even like to use urinals - I've always been a Stall Man"
Notable Guest Stars: Jeff Lester (as Raymond, the masseur), Ralph Bruneau (as the dentist)
Memorable Exchange: Raymond (giving George his massage): "How did you hurt this?" - George (growing increasingly uncomfortable and discombobulated): "I don't know." - R: "You don't know?" - G: "No." - R: "But you just told me-" - G: "-What?" - R: "The hamstring" - G: "-Korea" - R: "You hurt it in Korea?" - G:"What?" - R:"The hamstring" - G: "Korea" - R: "How" - G: "Hamstring" - R: "How did you hurt the hamstring?" - G: "H-h-h-ho-tel"
Key Topics: *Homosexuality *Massage *Missing Children *Dental Ethics *Sporting Men *Masturbation *Donut Dunking
Part I Didn't Like: Jerry's masseuse is irrationally scared he will snatch her little boy, merely because he mentions a missing kid case.
Extra Nice Touch: The classic tune ' Joltin' Joe DiMaggio', plays at end credits.
6 of 10 --holds up to multiple viewings.
Mystery Liner (1934)
Huh...what did I just watch?
One reviewer here made some sardonic remarks and referred to this being a "Grade C" Hollywood product. If thats so, I'd hate to see what "Grade D" looks like. Normally, I can find simple enjoyments in even the lowest budgeted films of this period. I like many of the early 'Thirties films from the cheapo studios, but this is one I have no idea who it could appeal to. Forget the premise, it's all nonsense.
Only if your curious what Zeffie "Mama Joad" Tilbury was up to at this early stage in her career, would I excuse you for watching this . Old stalwart of the silent era, Gustav von Seyffertitz, is the only one of the main characters, who doesn't completely make a fool of himself.
Most of the performers look like they're acting through a thick gelatinous liquid, with such painful back and forth gestures. It looks like the director was either shouting at them in several different languages, or had them drugged.
By the 52nd minute (it felt like 92nd) Mrs. Tilbury flops in her cabin with the exhausted remark: "I've never been so bored in my life". The films one irrefutable, unintentional laugh.
La moustache (2005)
Moustaches amères dans un Verre Vide
Everyone who writes so befuddled, about what a time-waster this film is, claims it was two hours they can't get back. For me, it felt like an hour. Objectively, it was an hour-&-a-half. Initial impressions... On the plus side : (1) Patrick Blossier's gorgeous photography, (2)Lindon & Devos's perfect embodiment of the Ordinary Couple, and, (3) a chance to see an author adapt his own novel in complete control. Downsides: (1) Philip Glass's standard, distractingly portentous score, (2) a protracted denouement that reeks of mystification-for-mystification's-sake, and.. -- as an aside -maybe this is my own fault- *for all the tea in France I couldn't recognize the novel I had read 8 year ago, in it's new cinematic form.*
Better to step on a live lizard than eat a dead snail, as my mother never said. If this review has helped anyone, I demand an explanation.