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Smells_Like_Cheese

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0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Fifty Shades of Grey, 22 February 2017

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Anastasia Steele is a college student who substitutes for her roommate to interview famous billionaire, Christian Grey. From the minute they meet, they are attracted to each other and start an interesting relationship. Christian is a dominant who would like Anastasia to be his submissive. While she's open to ideas, she's curious as to why Christian is so obsessed with the contract he sets up for their relationship and why he wants to hurt her. Staring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson based on the world wide best seller by Twilight fan fiction author E.L. James, this controversial book and movie definitely crashed the internet with opinions on wither this was just a silly story or actually harmful to society.

The thing I actually do respect this movie with is that they do seem like they genuinely tried to make something at least decent. Dakota and Jamie do seem like they're doing their best with what they've been given. Dakota tries to give Anastasia some life and gives her a little bit of a human trait vs. from what I've heard her character is like in the book. Jamie falls shorter and takes Christian as someone who takes himself way too seriously. Because the story is bad, I think that's why I cut them some slack. How actors could say some of these lines with a straight face, I could only imagine the blooper reel. The film is actually put together very well. It's shot well, edited well and given a decent musical score. Sam Taylor-Johnson went with a smooth style, giving the film a modern sleek look. I particularly appreciated the negotiation scene in the office. It looked beautiful and the lines are actually darkly humorous giving the audience a chance to breathe.

The sad part is, it's just a bad story. Nothing is consistent, Christian goes back and forth saying he's not a "flowers and candy kind of guy" but will buy Anastasia a computer and a car. He says he does not get emotionally involved, but meets her family and takes her to meet his family. Anastasia is told from minute one that he's not looking for a relationship, but she is constantly trying to get love out of him. She asks him to show her the worst and when he does she gets angry with him but then will confess her love for him. This relationship makes as much sense as trying to read a bill for health care, it's confusing and exhausting trying to figure it out.

So, would I recommend this one? Honestly, I think people really over reacted to it. There have always been erotic movies, there have always been bad movies and there have been erotic bad movies. I personally enjoy this as an unintentional comedy and like to quote it. To me, I don't see how you couldn't find it as funny as The Room or Birdemic, it's just a little more sleek and trendy to hate on it. If you're not into "so bad it's good" this is definitely not the movie for you. I don't think this movie is harming society, it's just a fantasy story that women and some men would get into because of the idea of it. No one takes this as a guide to BDSM 101 or as to the idea of what a healthy relationship is. If they do, they need some serious help.

Frozen (2010/I)
Frozen, 22 February 2017

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Three college students go skiing for the weekend. They want to go for one last ride before the night has ended, but through bad communication with the ski resort's employees, the lift is closed while they are still on the ride. Thinking at first it's a power outage, they soon realize there's something terribly wrong and they are stuck. The situation grows worse when they remember that it's also Sunday and the resort will not be open again until that Friday. Becoming a survival film now, they must figure a way to get through this dangerous situation.

A movie that primarily takes place in one spot is very tricky to pull off. The first thing you must do is to have a strong cast and I think they did a pretty good job with that. You have Emma Bell, Shawn Ashmore and Kevin Zegers. So there were no large names which shows the director wanted to focus on the story and make sure that the talent was strong. Emma plays the girlfriend, Parker, who is clearly the third wheel and invited herself for the weekend. It's a little sad as you can tell she genuinely cares for her boyfriend and is trying to be friends with his best friend. Shawn Ashmore plays the best friend, Joe, who is the typical college student who enjoys having a good time and has probably had a few relationships with no success. Kevin Zegers plays Dan, who is Parker's boyfriend and Joe's best friend, he's clearly torn in the middle. He and Parker have been together for almost a year, but he and Joe have been friends since they were children and has to play back and forth keeping the peace. Each actor is very good at reacting to how a young person with no real knowledge of survival, it's not easy and I've seen some comments from others who love to provide feedback on how they would survive. It's another when you are put into that situation and it is explained very well why certain methods wouldn't work. The script is actually pretty strong for a survival film and I followed it very well. Each character is fleshed out and aren't just meat for us to watch them die.

Adam Green is a very strong director when it comes to horror. All in all, this is a horror movie. It's a horrific situation and is a very tight film. At 93 minutes, it does not overstay it's welcome and keeps your interest. The dialog doesn't come off as corny but very natural and you really feel so bad for these young adults and hope that you would never find yourself in a similar situation. I read that this was not green screen, this was all on location and I really admire that they didn't take the safe route but were at mother nature's mercy. I think it added to the actor's reactions and even the story.

Honestly, there's nothing for me to really complain about. I think the only thing I found pointless, other than it was a little nod for the horror fans, was Kane Hodder's cameo. He plays a snow plow driver who drives under the lift, but he doesn't notice them and drives away. I assume that maybe it's just another moment to get frustrated with the three characters as they are trying everything they can to get down.

Overall, do I recommend this film? Absolutely. I want people to also give it a very fair chance and don't jump to the "well, I would do this..." conclusion. The cast and crew did work hard on this film and it shows. The film debuted at film festivals with rave reviews and audiences loving it, so it looked like it was going to get a wide release. But with no big names, I think it didn't get the strong wide release it deserved. It's becoming a bigger success with TV showings, DVD/Blu Ray sales and the digital media. Hopefully it will continue to grow and get the proper praise it deserves.

Room (2015/I)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Room, 22 February 2017
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A young mother with a son, Jack, lives in Room. It is literally that, a room with a bed, TV, sink, miniature stove, table, bathtub and a closet. They are seemingly a very loving little family with no other figure in their lives except for one person. This leads to questions which leads to further discovery of what is really going on with Room. I will leave this plot synopsis at that as I discovered this film without knowing nothing about the plot and was extremely grateful to see this uncovering what Room was.

Room is a movie that really surprised the world. Brie Larson took home the academy award for best actress in a leading role and rightfully so. Her performance is utterly breathtaking and a risk taker as you find out the situation she is in and admire that she has created this magical world for her son while she's in a deep depression and put through the ringer almost every night. The major shock is that her co-star Jacob Tremblay was not nominated as well as this is one of the best child performances I had ever seen on film. The interaction between the two is absolutely memorizing, giving the clear message of how love can heal a tragic situation. Jacob does not come off as too cute or too annoying, but as a normal child. He gets happy, gets scared and hides in his mother's arms, he gets angry and yells, gets frustrated and denies problems like a child would. Joan Allen gives a great performance as well as Brie's mother, conveying the love, confusion and frustration of how to handle something wonderful coming back into your life but under tragic circumstances. It truly is an actor's film and the casting director couldn't have had more spot on.

The direction is also very good, Lenny Abrahamson has this film almost 100% perfect. One of the things I really appreciated about Room is that it reminded me of what being a child is like. The first time we discover things and how your parents are your world. As you discover how large the world is, it feels like the knowledge is endless and you want to consume more and more. The scene where Jack sees the sky I will never forget and I couldn't stop crying that I had to pause the movie. So many things that we take for granted we see it through the eyes of a child and that's the best way to view things at times. Also through Brie's eyes as she comes back into the world after being gone and not feeling part of it as well. It shows truly how great the story was written and followed with a solid script.

The one flaw I found with the film, which is a nitpick, I would have had William H. Macy in it a little more. He plays Brie's father and does a very good job and the scene at the dinner table where he cannot even look at Jack and Brie just breaks down begging him to accept her son. He leaves and it's heartbreaking but also human and you can understand why as frustrating as you want him to stay and be there for his daughter. A small spoiler, Brie ends up in the hospital again, but he's not even mentioned. He seems like a loving father who genuinely wants his daughter in his life, wouldn't he be a least a mention as to why he's not there? It's a small nitpick, but a legit question.

Other than that, this is a terrific film and is my favorite of 2015. I highly recommend watching it without knowing too much about the plot as more is revealed, you get the true emotion the writer and director had intended you to connect with. It is a very emotional movie as well, I cried at least 3 times, so have a box of tissues ready.

3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
How Batman got his groove back, 22 July 2012
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Eight years later after Dent's death and Batman's retirement, Gotham City is in a state of peace. Under powers granted by the Dent Act, Commissioner Gordon has nearly eradicated violent and organized crime. However, he still feels guilty about the cover-up of Harvey Dent's crimes. He plans to admit to the conspiracy, but decides that the city is not ready to hear the truth, but his speech is stolen by terrorist leader Bane. Gordon is shot in the process, and he promotes patrol officer John Blake to detective, allowing Blake to report directly to him. As Batman has disappeared from Gotham City, so too has Bruce Wayne, locking himself inside Wayne Manor. Both Gordon and Blake implore Bruce to return as Batman. Bruce decides the time is right, but realizes that Bane may be his match and breaks Batman. Bruce needs to retrain and save Gotham from Bane who is planning on going out with a bang. With the help of a Robin Hood like friend, Selena Kyle, Bruce will show that justice can prevail.

The conclusion to the epic trilogy is complete now with The Dark Knight Rises. I don't think anyone could've expected anyone to save the Batman series the way Christopher Nolan did. Taking a darker and deeper look into the best super hero of all time, he created this whole world where it actually seemed possible for all this to happen. That there are people who could dress like bats to stop the bad guys and villains who dress up and almost destroy the world. Batman Begins was a very good movie, The Dark Knight is a masterpiece, but The Dark Knight Rises falls just a notch short of what I was expecting. The Dark Knight delivers in terrific performances, a great story and excellent cinematography. We have a great villain done right with Bane. Unfortunately with the nightmare that was Batman & Robin, Bane was made into a weird deaf mute which had nothing to do with the comics. Nolan didn't just write Bane well, but he made him very terrifying adding a cold demeanor with the slick intelligence of Hannibal Lector. But the one who steals the show is Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle(who is never mentioned as Catwoman), but her character is written so well and Anne pulls in a great performance, one of her best. I wanted to see more of her on the screen. Also Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who is becoming one of my favorite actors, pulls in a great performance and in a twist that I kept screaming with his character was pulled in very well in the end. I liked having this Howard Hughes affect with Bruce Wayne in the beginning, having a good continue from the end of the Dark Knight where he takes a nasty fall with Dent and was limping. It was good to be put back into place where we forget that Bruce is human, he will hurt. In this film, he's broke: financially, mentally and physically and this is all about how he comes back into his own groove as Batman completing his story.

While the film is very good, it falls short of being great. While I liked the subtext of what's going on with Wall Street and how Selina is like Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to help herself and others, it didn't really fit that well with the story with the stock market effect. Tom Hardy pulls in a terrific performance as Bane, but for some reason he's actually not that memorable. I think he lacks that pinch of charisma that Heath had to make the Joker one of the best movie villains of all time. Plus, I wasn't a big fan of his voice, about 40% of his dialog I couldn't understand because it was a bit muffled. Also I wasn't a fan of his voice in general, it didn't fit well with the power he had. Maybe it was because his face was covered, he couldn't get the performance that could've been Oscar worthy. Also the film does feel a bit dragged out, the first 2/3's of the film feels like more talk vs. action and not much Batman. I wish also that there was a feeling of fun, because the story is almost too dark at times. Batman could've had some more juicy dialog that was more replaced by Selina. I also didn't like that they had to make her a love interest in the end, Selina's character on her own was perfect and it feels like a last minute cliché that just gets thrown in for an applause. There are a few inconsistencies with the story that I don't want to give away, but the ending leaves a lot of questions.

But please, don't take the negative comments I have wrong, this is a very good film and worth seeing in the theater at the full ticket price. The effects are terrific and all the performances are magnificent and the world is just awesome to look at as Bane is just playing with it like his own sand box. The ending is one of the best I've seen and a great climax to a wonderful trilogy. That fight with Bane and Batman was too awesome and seeing Gotham fight back for their city was great. It's sad to see Nolan's era of Batman end, but good to know that there was a man who actually was able to bring it back to life.

8/10

0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Well, I guess I've learned a lot about the flying fish, 22 July 2012
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Funny to think, before Avatar, Titanic, True Lies, Terminator 2, Aliens, The Abyss, The Terminator, James Cameron was just trying to make it himself. After quitting being a truck driver, he was just the editor on Piranha 2 and somehow got shoved into the director's seat. I can see why he skims over this movie when in interviews people ask about what his life was like before The Terminator. It's fun to see what are the first works are of a huge Hollywood name. I did see this movie when I was a kid and even then I have to say that this was one of the silliest movies I had ever seen in my life. I mean, flying piranhas? I get it, they were trying to make the fish seem impossible to escape from at this point, under water or on land, you just couldn't get away from these monsters. But these monsters looked like something you could get at Spencer's Gifts for a Halloween party.

Off the coast of a Caribbean island, a young couple flee the hotel to have sex in the sea. But they swim into a sunken wreck which is also a piranha lair and they are both killed and eaten by the unseen piranha. The next day, a group of tourists are taking the diving courses provided by Anne Kimbrough, an employee of the Hotel Elysium. One of her divers swims into the wreck, which she has strictly forbidden to her divers. Leaving Tyler to take over and lead the others to the surface, she discovers almost immediately that her 'missing' student has swum into the wreck and been killed there when his badly chewed up body is found. With the help of her estranged husband, Steve, they must figure a way to stop these evil flying piranha.

Now one of the great things about this film I have to say is the first scene. This couple goes underwater to have sex, that is something I have to say I have never seen on the wackiness level for un-needed nudity. Other than that, I don't think there was anything that good about the film even on a camp level. But given the credit where it's due, you could really see talent behind James. As an editor, he did the best he could with what he had. It's like handing over a broken stick house and saying to fix it, he did the best he could, but just couldn't really save the film. But Lance Henriksen is the only actor in the film who actually puts a little effort into this movie and I could see why he made it above the other actors in this movie.

I don't know if I could recommend this film, it just depends on the mood you're in. If you're looking to see all of James Cameron's work or Lance Henrikson, I would say to go for it. But just a warning in advance, this is an over the top silly movie. Some moments work and some don't, there are some laughable scenes, but most of the film is oddly boring for a film about flying fish. Now I would watch a documentary about these flying fish if James made one today, either that or he should've added the flying piranha to his blockbuster film Titanic. I think he would've gotten the full 11 out of 11 Oscar wins if he added those. Anyways, just don't expect anything special out of this movie, just remember, there was a time before his submarine missions deep below the seas being one of the most powerful men in Hollywood he slept on a friend's couch just trying to make a name for himself.

2/10

Piranha (1978)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
As if great whites were not enough to keep us out of the water, now we got Piranhas!, 22 July 2012
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Back in the 70's, we had a series of great horror films: a little real life terror with Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a little bit of Hellish terror with The Exorcist and a little underwater terror with the first blockbuster called Jaws. Jaws was so huge that it spawned merchandise, several sequels and actually scarred people out of the water. I'm sure the one's who knew what sharks are really like were just rolling their eyes at the reaction Jaws got and I think that's where Roger Corman(a God amongst Hollywood with the protégés he brought up) got the idea for Piranha. Despite not being a direct spoof of Jaws, you can tell that he was just having fun with the new genre of undersea monsters. Having some goofy lead characters with what is actually one of the most harmless most scary looking fish in the sea, you got Piranha.

Two teenagers exploring at night come upon an apparently abandoned military installation. They take advantage of what appears to be a swimming pool to skinny dip. The teenagers are attacked by an unseen force and disappear under the water. A light activates in the main building and a silhouetted figure investigates the screams, but is too late to help. A determined but somewhat absent-minded insurance investigator, Maggie is dispatched to find the missing teenagers near Lost River Lake. She hires surly backwoods drunkard Paul Grogan to serve as her guide. They come upon the abandoned compound, which functioned as a fish hatchery prior to being militarized. They discover bizarre specimens in jars and indications of an occupant. Maggie locates the drainage switch for the outside pool and decides to empty it to search the bottom. The two find a skeleton in the filtration trap of the empty pool, and learn it was filled with salt water. They realize that the piranhas are heading for the town and they must stop the evil fish.

The film has this often campy and fun feeling to it. Having the silly characters, clichés, gore and nudity is honestly just a lot of fun. This is an over looked horror film I think, it's just a good time. I remember this movie as a kid, my parents were skimming around the channels on Christmas and for some reason this movie was playing. We always joked that it was our new Christmas movie. I think I'll keep that tradition alive, after all, what isn't more about Christmas than killer piranhas? The attack scene at the lake is very gruesome and cool to watch with plenty of prop arms, legs and heads being chewed up with that creepy piranha chomping sound. I have to admit, for a fish that doesn't really attack humans, this made me a little creeped out by piranhas.

Piranha is a good horror/comedy that works and should be given a chance. I'm not sure why it's over looked, but it's a fun movie. I do warn, it's campy and the effects are not that special. The acting isn't anything to brag about either. But this is a horror movie that calls out all the silly clichés. Maybe it was the people who were afraid of Jaws that took this film too much to heart that they were being goofed on with their reactions. Though I think it would be funny if they were actually terrified of this movie and had a new fish to fear. Anyways, Piranha is a fun horror movie and my new Christmas tradition in light of my family.

7/10

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Ironically, I think the actual ice age was shorter than this franchise, 22 July 2012
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

There is a reason I'm not in the stock market, I'm not sure why some movies continue to get sequels, I never figured they would try to turn Ice Age into a franchise of some sort. The first Ice Age was very cute, nothing special, but enjoyable to watch. The sequels are pretty decent over all, but I never found myself watching them twice. But I guess they were popular enough to spawn another sequel called Continental Drift. So in our quest for a movie weekend, my fiancé and I decided to give this movie a fair chance on it's opening weekend. Over all, it was pretty cute and had it's share of laughs. I do think this was a pick up from the last sequel, but again, it was a movie worthy of a straight to DVD release. The story is predictable and some of the actor's voices just don't work with the characters. However with some new additional characters that were actually pretty funny, I don't find myself unsatisfied with Continental Drift.

Scrat's hunt for acorns triggers the break-up of the Pangaea landmass into the continents as we know them today. In the meantime, Manny and his wife Ellie deal with their teenage daughter Peaches. Sid's family, appear to have been looking for him, but it is revealed that they only want to leave Sid's annoying Granny with him and leave him again. When Manny catches Peaches hanging with friends after he told her not to, Manny and Peaches have a falling out. Soon after, the breakup of the continent separates Manny from his family. Manny gets stuck on a floating ice raft with Sid, Diego and Granny. A large moving landmass drives Ellie, Peaches, and a herd of other animals towards a land bridge, where Manny had told them to go. Manny promises to come back to them, but may have some trouble getting back.

This was a crazed celebrity fest of voices: Nick Frost, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Wanda Sykes, Simon Pegg, Jennifer Lopez, Ray Romano, Seann William Scott, the list goes on. Makes you really wonder where the budgets for these films go when you got big names. A little advice to Hollywood when it comes to animated films: use the money budget towards the script and animation, not the voices. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I didn't respond too well to hearing Wanda's screeching voice for 80% of the film. Did it really make a difference to have Jennifer Lopez's voice in the movie? But given credit where it's due, I did like the new character/villain, Captain Gutt and his pirates. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost do add a lot of comedy to the movie, because of their natural chemistry, it just works. The animation is very nice, especially during the storm scenes.

Over all, I did like the movie, it wasn't a waste of time and I got a few laughs out of it. I think the heart of the film goes to Scrat, no matter how many times I see him chasing after those acorns, I don't think I could ever get sick of it. I also liked how the film took a little clever twist with telling the story of the Odyssey so the kids would not only have a good time, but to learn a great story of adventure. But it's still only worth the rental, at most a matinée. I think the kids will definitely get a kick out of it, but that's about it. I don't know if this will be the last Ice Age, but as long as Hollywood wants it's money and this movie makes number one at the box office, I think we'll probably have another one.

6/10

6 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Spidey's back!, 8 July 2012
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

10 years ago, I remember seeing the opening of the biggest film that year, Spider-Man. I'm not kidding, I remember everything about that opening. It was the first time I ever saw teenagers bring comic books to the movie doing comparison notes. I remember it being so crowded and crazy. But I also remember loving the movie and I still watch it today. So when I heard that they were rebooting the franchise, I was kind of curious why they were rebooting so soon. But after seeing the trailers, I still wanted to see the movie. I'm not a crazy comic book fan or anything, I just like super-hero movies. So this review is from the movie-goer, not the comic book advocate. I really did like The Amazing Spider-Man, this was a great pick up from Spider-Man 3. It was trying to touch the territory of being like Batman Begins, taking the character and story a little more seriously without the overage of cheesy one-liners and costumes. What worked well for this movie was the cast and story.

Young Peter Parker's dad, Richard, gathers up hidden documents, and Peter's parents take him to the home of his Aunt May and Uncle Ben, then mysteriously disappear. Years later, a teenage Peter attends high school, where he has caught the eye of Gwen Stacy. At home, Peter finds Richard's papers, and learns his father worked with fellow scientist Dr. Curt Connors at Oscorp. Faking his way into Oscorp as one of a group of high-school interns, Peter sneaks into a lab where a "biocable" is being created from genetically modified spiders, one of which bites him. On the subway ride home, he is shocked to find strange spider-like abilities manifesting. After studying Richard's papers, he visits the one-armed Connors at home, reveals he is Richard Parker's son, and gives Connors his father's "decay rate algorithm", the missing piece in Connors' experiments on regenerating limbs based on lizard DNA. Connors is being pressured by his superior, Dr. Ratha, to devise a cure for the dying, unseen head of Oscorp, Norman Osborn. He one night does the experiment forcing to him to become a giant lizard and wants to seek revenge on those who wronged him, but Peter with his new powers will try to stop him and save the city.

Did I need to see why Peter becomes Spider-Man again? Not really. Also for "nerds", our two leads Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are extremely good looking people. But I'll buy into it and just have fun. I liked the explanation given a little better than the first on why Peter feels the need to be Spider-Man. Also, does Dennis Leary always have to be the downer in almost all his movies? I mean his last lines in the film*Spoiler Alert!!*, he's dying in Peter's arms and tells Peter to leave Gwen alone, that's the finest girl he's ever going to get and he's going to listen to that?! I was telling my fiancé, if I were Peter, I would've hit Dennis before he died and said "oh, how sad you're dying, just go in peace" and play it off like it's sad or just screamed after he tells Peter not to see Gwen any more "Why won't you die?!". Poor Peter, go get yourself a hottie, Dennis's character was a jerk anyways. I digress; the only thing I have to say that was missing from this one compared to the first Spider-Man, it doesn't quite have Raimi's heart. There are a few flaws with the movie, but all the movies are flawed in one way or another. I think this was a fine addition to the franchise and highly recommend The Amazing Spider-Man, it was a lot of fun.

8/10

11 out of 56 people found the following review useful:
I could write 5 novels on the things wrong with this movie!, 8 July 2012
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

My God, I cannot believe I live in a world where these movies were created. Where do I start? So most of the users on IMDb know of this movie if you've seen Titanic: The Legend Goes On. It turns out that it was a sequel to this horrible movie! The ironic part is, you think nothing could top off the rapping dog on the Titanic, no this movie is much much worse. What could be worse than a rapping dog or Mexican mice? Let's just flat out deny that Titanic was a tragic disaster that killed hundreds of people. No, let's not just do that, in fact, let's make it that the ice berg wasn't just there that crashed into the ship. Let's make it about a couple of evil whalers who can somehow communicate with a gang of evil sharks, dressed like inmates in a prison no less, that peer pressure a puppy dog octopus into an iceberg throwing contest and makes him throw it at the Titanic so the evil whaler's plans will never be revealed….yeah, just as hard as it is reading that, I'm having a hard time typing that. This is for real everyone, this is just sad.

In modern-day New York City an old mouse named Conners tells his grandchildren the supposedly "true" story of the Titanic. In April 1912, Conners was a young sailor mouse on the Titanic's maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York. He is in charge of taking account for the many immigrant mice who are making the trip. Meanwhile, a rich aristocratic woman named Elizabeth and her family board the Titanic. Her father is a famous Duke and is very prominent in the whaling business. He and Elizabeth's stepmother have arranged for Elizabeth to marry Mr. Evarard Maltravers, a rich whaler. Unknown to the Duke, the marriage is actually a scheme concocted by his own stepwife and Maltravers to get certain whaling rights for themselves. Elizabeth is unhappy about the marriage. Elizabeth sees several gypsies dancing at the dock and happily watches them. A gypsy man named Don Juan is dancing with his dog Smiley. He notices Elizabeth and sends Smiley to see her. When Elizabeth takes off one of her gloves to pet Smiley, Smiley snatches it and takes it back to Juan. Juan looks at Elizabeth and the two instantly fall in love. The Titanic then sets off to sea from Southampton on her first, and only, voyage.

Yeah, so I don't know how else to even explain it's badness. The girl Elizabeth, who has one of the lowest plunging neck lines for 1912, goes crying on the deck of the ship and her tears get swept up in a magic moon beam that can help her communicate with all animals?! This is where it gets even weirder, now the dolphins don't just jump up and down to warn her of the evil plans of her fiancé, no they can fly. Also she has mice who are on her side as well. Her fiancé who is the evil whaler has a friggin' eye patch and mustache! Why not give him a cat to stroke to top it off?! So in the beginning of the film, Elizabeth tells her father angrily "I would rather die than marry that old disgusting man!" and he just plays it off with how she has to marry him for stature. Then cut to a scene later on after the mice and dolphins talk to her that they're on her side, she says "I have no intention of marrying that man", her father has a sudden change of heart and says "I want you happy", what the heck did she do differently!? Now history knows that there were not enough life boats and only women and children were allowed on, no, this one, there's room for everyone! Now let's not give the captain any dignity while sinking with this ship, no, let the octopus, who for some reason takes a deep breath before going under water, save the captain! Yeah, this was a whole big cover up and everyone on the Titanic survived and it sank only because of some "greedy evil men". Oh, man, who the heck made this?! Who the heck green lighted this?! I don't know, but what I do know is that I'm going to continue to cry for a few more hours.

1/10

Jack and Jill (2011/I)
6 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
God, Adam Sandler is so in love with himself! Why not just call the film Adam Sandler, Adam Sandler, Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler dresses and acts like an obnoxious troll?, 8 July 2012
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Think back to the 90's with Adam Sandler, he was a writer/performer on SNL and had several hit movies. Back in the day, his baby sounds and squished faces were not only cute but hilarious. Now, like all humans, he gets older, but mentally is stuck in the 90's where people found his movies very funny. Now, the strange thing is, Adam Sandler has proved a couple of times that he could be a good dramatic actor. I'm not sure why he hasn't moved on… probably because his best friends are desperate for money and he's got to keep his dumb movie company "Happy Madison" going, so naturally he writes a bad story with predictable jokes and for some reason he thinks he's so funny, so naturally the movie somehow gets green lighted and that leads us to Jack and Jill. I was warned several times that this movie was awful, but one of my friends wanted to see this movie and rented it. She begged me to watch it with her and told me that I should keep an open mind…fair enough, right? I was thinking I was too close minded and I should let go and just have a good laugh. So during the movie, my expression did not change, I just couldn't laugh at anything…I look over and my friend is laughing hysterically. Why am I not having the same reaction? I don't know, but I guess I'm one of the rare people that are seeing the down fall of society with Sandler's movies.

Jack, a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and two kids, Sofie and Gary. Jack is incredibly irritated about the Thanksgiving visit of his "identical" twin sister Jill. Following a series of problems from the airport to the house, Jack's patience is soon stretched increasingly thin. Jill's neediness and passive-aggressiveness is maddening to Jack, turning his normally tranquil life upside down. Jill says she has a list of things she wants to do before she leaves; she wants to be on a game show, go horseback riding, and do a studio tour. Meanwhile, Jack's client wants him to get Al Pacino to appear in a Dunkin Donuts commercial. Jill tries online dating, but doesn't get much of a response until Jack alters her profile, leading her to get over 100 responses. Jack feels bad so he takes her to the Lakers game where Al Pacino is supposed to be. He is there and he develops a crush on Jill as he gives her his phone number. Now the commercial is dependent on her taking a liking to Al Pacino.

One thing that I wonder: what the heck did Adam Sandler do to these celebrities who make a cameo in the film? Johnny Depp, one of the greatest actors of our generation makes a cameo. Shaq…well, I withdraw my question on that one. But Al Pacino, did Adam Sandler take a picture of the guy luring children into his gingerbread house or something? But given credit where it's due, Al seems to be the only one putting any effort into this movie. Adam Sandler's character of Jill is very close in the running for most obnoxious characters in cinema history. What I don't get is how in this universe that anyone can stand her? She's loud, racist, crude, ugly and just plain annoying, yet somehow people defend her and somehow 2 guys get a crush on her?! Plus I love how in every Sandler movie now that he writes, his character is: successful, "good-looking", has a gorgeous wife, smart, witty and everyone just admires him of course. This movie in itself is a big joke and I really tried to enjoy myself, but just have to go with the negative reviews on this film, it really is that bad. As for people like other users and my friend who found it funny, try watching other movies. I promise, there's a whole world of comedy out there that is much better than this.

1/10


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