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One of many rip-offs; Dick Rambone was more fun, 1 July 2015

Jack Hammer plays the Stallone clone in this forgotten junker, helmed with a pseudonym by Carter Stevens, who for some reason stopped using his original stage moniker with the coming of the '80s.

Opener has Hammer a lucky guy in a threesome, humping Carol Cross and newcomer Siobhan Hunter. There's even a theme song of sorts, and an SIA agent delivers verbal exposition while Hammer keeps hammering.

Our hero is sent back to the jungle to investigate a new form of torture, not concocted by Dick Cheney but rather by the Russians. Hammer's monotone, flat line readings stink, and Asia is impersonated by a nondescript forest setting.

George Payne is cast as the evil Russian, and after "Russian Fly" drug is administered Mai Lin guest stars as the femme fatale to go to work on Hammer. One funny gag has a "2 hours later" card inserted in the middle of an endless blow job, and Payne then joins in for troilism.

Dave Ruby shows up to yield yet another threesome, with Cross & Siobhan. Dumb patter makes fun of Stallone (mentioning "the Italian Stallion") and Carter includes hokey stop-motion for a money shot. When the girls want a muscular guy to service them, Ruby fetches Hammer, and supposedly these same two actresses are now playing different characters.

Running a decent gag into the ground, we're treated to inter-titles reading "4 hours later", "8 hours later" and "3 days later" during a sex scene. Stevens next utilizes an unusual split-screen effect to stylize a cum shot.. You can practically hear the wheels turnng in that great mind behind the camera.

Film devolves into sex-filler at this point, with Mai Lin in another threesome with Danielle, as "torture" of Rambone continues, and then there's more footage of Hunter, getting a d.p. Carter can't resist using the stop-motion and split-screen gimmicks over again.

Payne is angry that his female minions' torture techniques have failed, so the girls help Rambone to escape and he brings them back to America with him. Feature ends with a freeze-frame reprise of a cum shot, and promise of a sequel.

An early example of the long, steady cold spell that porn was to suffer with the onset of video production and distribution.

Unsatisfying Costello quickie, 1 July 2015

The all girl band of the title suggests SOME LIKE IT HOT, but at no time does Shaun Costello's 1-day wonder resemble the art of Billy Wilder. It's merely OK self-reflexive porn.

Opening of Shaun himself and buddy Alan Marlow running away has them established as porn actors, which of course they are. They go to a rock band audition to perform in drag, and the film establishes a pleasant enough fast pace with improvised dialogue the rule.

Shaun's frizzy blonde wig as Lola is amusing, and Marlow as Bubbles plays "I'm a Woman" by Maria Muldaur, playing guitar nicely. When their hair explodes, our phonies are unmasked, but band leader Terri Hall humps them anyway, with the patented 2 dicks in her mouth at once trick plus a d.p.

Self-referential they admit to having acted in THE LOVE BUS, an earlier real-life Costello movie. Ashley Monroe portrays a police sergeant hot on their tail, claiming they are notorious for their fisting exploits on screen.

A lame spoof of Don Kirshner's rock concert TV series (he's spoofed as "Don Cockner") has Terri's band performing on the boob tube, and the sergeant recognizes our heroes in drag.

Costello lifts considerable Chick Corea (and perhaps even some Keith Jarrett style solo piano) for his soundtrack, as background for guest star C.J. Laing to demonstrate her deep throat technique.

Finale has the band watching themselves on TV lip-syncing to Janet Joplin. An orgy breaks out with some whipping using a leather belt thrown in and Terri on top in St. George position manages to integrate dance moves with sex.

Pretty much a stillborn exploration of the material, this NYC troupe managed to fashion a passable time killer for porn addicts.

Dana declares: Take it or leave it, 1 July 2015

My personal jury is still out on porn actress turned highly personal director Dana Vespoli: is she the new Fassbinder or merely ego-tripping. Then again, RWF was among cinema's most accomplished ego-trippers so perhaps that holds the answer.

in her LESBIAN PUSSY WORSHIP, Dana tests the limits of her art, injecting herself into the feature in disturbing ways. It definitely turned me off, but I suspect her fan base will be turned on.

Only the fourth segment is truly controversial, but throughout Dana displays a ruthlessness not usually associated with the very popular Lesbian porn genre. I have witnessed a similar tendency in the work of Madison Young, also directing for the iIlly Films label, though both she and Vespoli hail from mainstream porn in their acting careers (having made videos for the doyenne of the genre, Nica Noelle).

Program is shot in a cinema verite style -hand-held first-person camera often with no second camera or obvious editing - sort of a house trademark of Filly Films regardless of who's directing. I vastly prefer the traditional cinematic approach relying on reverse shots and scenes broken up to aid pacing, and Dana is perfectly capable of going that route too, as evidenced in her innumerable assignments for Sweet Sinner.

Opening vignette has Dana on screen as a photographer snapping wide-open shots of Anikka Albrite's vagina. Sex that follows has Dana the dom, giving Albrite a workout but nothing to write home about.

Next she interviews Taylor Vixen, with idiotic pussy-centric questions eliciting equally dumb answers, e.g., Taylor: "I haven't had a bad pussy yet". Then Taylor humps Lyla Storm, with emphasis on a vibrator. Dana from behind the camera joins in the action.

Third segment features Presley Hart relaxing on a couch, and Dana stresses foot fetishism. Beisdes her voice-over, the auteur uses a glass dildo on Presley, using low angles to keep the pussy as center of attention on screen. Vespoli becomes directly involved in the sex action in a satisfying vignette.

Finale went way over the line for me, as Dana presents blonde newcomer Natasha Voya in bondage, tied by rope to a railing. In strictly clinical fashion, Vespoli personally works over the hapless girl, inserting a speculum in her vagina (and wishing out loud that she had a flashlight to see inside). She unties Voya, pushes her around and then humps her with a strap-on dildo.

After this violent session we hear a male voice (jarringly) from off-screen, presumably that of the video's exec producer Dion Giarusso. This cues an unexpected inclusion of material usually segregated into a "Making of" featurette, as we see not only the preparations for the scene (tying Voya to the railing in the first place) but a strange follow-up where Natasha reveals she's never had such a large object as the dildo inside her, and Vespoli apologizes profusely to the girl for her thoughtlessness. What's up with that? And since when (Phil Prince in the early '80s aside) is a gynecological speculum exam entertainment?

Fine start to new porn series, 1 July 2015

Adding to his repertoire for Girlfriends Films, B. Skow directs this interesting vignette-series: not the feature film format of his recent boy/girl work for the label (like SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY and VOILA) but short stories.

Most ambitious segment stars Penny Pax and Steven St. Croix, not in the expected father figure format (in real life he's 25 years older than her) but rather as equals in the love department. He's going away on business and the plot hook is that she gets fearful alone in their big house.

Penny's watching porn on TV (specifically Skow's DADDY'S GIRLS) when a masked intruder breaks in and starts to rape her. Scene is suspenseful and artfully directed in thriller mode, but under the grinning Schwarzenegger mask it is obvious the assailant is St. Croix, even before he reveals himself.

He admits it's a ploy to try and cure her of her fears, but it only leads to hot sex on the couch, including Pax's anal specialty. Segment ends with a corny but cute twist.

Bonnie Rotten predictaby is the video's most striking participant, with the camera poring lovingly over her oiled body displaying (in a great low-angle shot) her missile nose cone tits plus her unique set of tattoos. Her vignette is set in a garage where she's puttering with a motor. Tall, dark and handsome Karlo (billed on a first-name basis only) suddenly appears, refuses to speak, and humps her violently on a convenient bed & mattress, oddly enough set up in her garage (hey, it's porn, baby). She digs it, the rougher the better, is treated to anal sex and reciprocates with a patented squirt, and it seems to have all been a daydream.

Perhaps the most polished vignette has Logan Pierce and stunning Capri Cavanni as young lovers, opening with an S.O.L.I. romantic montage of strolling and petting, before they head to the bedroom for humping. During the preliminaries is the highlight of the sequence; Capril playing footsie with Logan's exposed cock. Tale takes a turn, not really resolved, of Logan becoming extremely domineering, ordering her around endlessly (in a kindly voice) while they have sex. She frequently objects but always follows orders, as he repetitively reminds her over and over "don't you love me and want to please me?".

This domination trope is so prevalent in storyline porn, whether the dom be a male or a lesbian, I suspect it has more than a subliminal placement in porn as catering to either role playing or simply traditional hierarchical relationships. In this particular case I really couldn't figure out its significance.

Remaining segment is a bit self-reflexive as cutie Kimber Day (still a flavor of the month candidate) is arousing in an extended solo in an empty mansion, masturbating with lingering gynecological close-ups, until boyfriend Billy Glide shows up after a lunch break on what is some sort of video or commercial or photo layout location shoot. The physical contrast of the two players is the dominant contrast here, though as with every segment of the show Skow is fixated on what might be termed Labia Worship -each femme player displaying swollen pussy lips as a victory for primary over secondary sexual characteristics (i.e., breasts).

Laws of Love (2014) (V)
Very well acted though bland porn romance, 1 July 2015

Fortunately the condoms have been eliminated from New Sensations' Romance series of features, but LAWS OF LOVE still misses being a really good porn film due to lack of guts. Its timidity is misplaced in a world where "artistic porn" has become an oxymoron.

Credits threw me: the one-shot pseudonym for writer is identified by production manager Jacky St. James as a male in her Behind the Scenes featurette voice-over, and she doesn't get a directing credit either, leaving that to collaborator (and usual d.p. when he isn't directing strictly gonzo shoots) Eddie Powell. It is a mystery (that certainly nobody on Earth except me cares about) whether Jacky did indeed write and direct this baby.

She does show up in a non-sex supporting role as a waitress in one key scene, typically uncredited. Punches were pulled both in the script and level of XXX content so as to create a film suitable not only for porn addicts but effective late night Pay Cable filler, in bowdlerized version.

Key reason to watch LAWS OF LOVE is a rare opportunity to see beautiful porn star Romi Rain in an acting assignment. She is terrific as Alexandra, ruthless young lawyer who's poised to become a partner in a law firm headed up by Mick Blue (surprisingly effective spitting out lines in English cast in a non-ethnic role as owner Christian Thompson). Rain reminded me here of what Sandra Bullock might present if she were gifted with huge breasts. Hopefully she will earn more acting roles in future, though it was interesting to note in the BTS that the filmmakers had to keep working on her suppressing her natural sexiness -hardly a fault but interfering with the character's arc.

Dramatic conflict and entire rom-com structure stems from her being brought in by Mick from the outside, leapfrogging over our hard-working lawyer hero Ryan McLane. Instant (and understandable) animosity between Ryan and Romi fuels the story and oh-so predictably leads to their eventual hook-up and happy ending.

The writing, whether disowned or not, is quite serviceable to the genre, though too many clichés keep the dialog from ever soaring. Supporting cast does an excellent job, with a series of three blondes serving as both figures of fun and hot chicks in bed. As the inevitable sidekick to the hero, Logan Pierce is fun though overplaying at times.

I appreciated Powell and company's standing up for content so that the piece plays like a real film, rather than adhering to today's generally accepted "only the sex matters" standard. Its main problem is a subtle one (acknowledged by both Jacky and the stars): gonzo sex is so prevalent on screen that ironically naturalism in bed scenes seems forced and artificial by comparison, even though it is the broadly played gonzo activities (and attendant porn-speak) that are really artificial. To put it another way, porn players are so used to the bad occupational habits of posing for the camera and exaggerating their moves and passion, that being natural is paradoxically an awkward limitation for them.

Worthless loop carrier, 1 July 2015

Yet another dubious compilation film from Ray Dennis Steckler under his Cindy Lou Sutters nom de film. This one is worse than usual.

Tired format has two Peeping Thomasinas: girls on roller skates in Venice, California who in reaction shots are purportedly looking in windows at sex acts, though all we see is a face behind a curtain. Most of the fake peeping is by a "Mona Miller"; film ends with her lesbian scene (presumably newly shot bit of footage) of her hooking up at last with second peeper, her friend Chrissie.

Title derives from two of the segments involving that antiquated porn trope of eating whipped cream off a woman's body; in this case bananas are added (plus a cucumber dildo in one stag loop). MOS with insipid femme narration, film is terminally boring with generic stag film sex as content.

As in other Steckler loop carriers, the narration includes extraneous racist remarks, left in the DVD reissue for historical accuracy. One segment has a pizza man being humped, with several voice-over references to "Dago" included.

Worst offense here is inclusion of Steckler regular Mike Ranger, in outtakes wearing his familiar arm cast, so that he is inserted primping at a mirror or merely staring with SEG on his face, as if he were present during the sex scenes. Steckler has made a virtual mini-genre out of the film technique, dating back to classic Russian Silent Cinema, where cutting back and forth to a reaction shot changes the entire context of intervening footage. At least a dozen of his fake- movies are entirely built around this principle.

Antoinette Maynard and Oriita de Chadwick are the most recognizable performers in the recycled loop footage, and an orgy at an elaborate dinner party looked to me like either an excerpt scene or loop I had seen in a German film, appropriated (pirated?) for this junker.

Lousy porn noir from Big Joe, 30 June 2015

Ras Kean, a familiar but lower-rung NYC porn thesp stars as a guy who's wife has gone missing. He works as an editor on porno films (introduced wearing his white gloves at the Moviola), working on some mixed-combo group sex footage, featuring Annie Sprinkle sucking loops star Red Baron's huge cock.

Jake Teague, looking young by wearing a wig, narrates a flashback of the last time he saw Ras's wife -played by Terri Hall. He reveals to Ras that his wife had been in jail. A mysterious Black guy is seen hanging around and later robs Jake in a flashback.

Ras drives past Downey's Steak House and accosts passers by, in search of info about his wife. This is poorly done guerrilla filmmaking out on the streets of NYC, with extras looking bewildered at the camera.

Back at the moviola we're treated to lots of sex filler, as we watch Annie in a mixed-combo lesbian scene with plenty of nipple fetishism. A phone call hooks Ras up with Black girl Arlene, who tells him she shared a drug habit with wife Terri. Arlene's black pimp turns out to be Red Baron, same guy from the mixed combo footage and who robbed Jake in flashback.

Ras contacts Annie for info, and she narrates a flashback wherein Terri was turning tricks for $35 a pop. In this flashback we also see an abusive john beating up Annie and humping her in the ass. This nasty scene is very well performed by Annie, catering to the viewer's sadistic streak (this is a Joe Davian film, after all).

Dissolve from frustrated Ras to a shot of the Daily Tribune newspaper headline that Jill Richmond (wife Terri) has been found in the East River, a suicide. This utterly downbeat ending is in keeping with the morbid content Davian customarily delivers.

Crummy title, crummy porn, 30 June 2015

Just like the rule of thumb that the prettier the box cover, the lousier the porn inside, one becomes wary of rip-off titles like DEBBIE DOES HAWAII. No-name effort won't remind anyone of that jail-bait hit.

Poor start has Debbie's parents sending her to Hawaii for school -lousy sound recording is a signal we're in trouble. Lousy closeup photography ruins a scene emphasizing foot fetishism, then airport transition footage to Univeristy of Hawaii, as the "Midnight Cowboy" theme plays pointlessly.

Students find out Debbie is a virgin so they plan to exploit the newbie, using her at a fraternity initiation. Meanwhile, she watches her roommate Jo make love to a guy, and masturbates.

The girls including Fanny go to a hospital to visit wounded veterans, and this nothing film yields a fairly memorable dark comedy sequence. A guy is covered completely with bandages, and Jo & Fanny pull out his black cock for a mixed combo blow job. (The actresses are quite amateurish, peering often at the camera for help.) They cruelly leave him before the guy can ejaculate, so Debbie plays good Samaritan and returns alone to the room to work very hard in 69 position until he cums, while an amplified heartbeat is used on the soundtrack for suspense.

A photogenic trip to the beach is followed by Jo & Fanny skinny dipping in a pond as ""Thus Sprach Zarathustra" plays pointlessly, and we have a brief lesbian scene.

At a party featuring many half-clad extras, a fraternity initiation is announced. Three guys are treated to a virgin -it's Debbie, getting raped by them. To make this suitably ritualistic she is tied to a cross on the floor. A black-hooded guy humps Debbie as part of an orgy.

Silly ending has a blonde girl blowing up a condom like a balloon after a blow job.

I suppose the locations and student hijinks were thought to be interesting, but this is simply mediocre porn.

Homecoming (1981)
Porn with big names but fairly routine, 30 June 2015

HOMECOMING is episodic porn, moderately interesting but ephemeral. Presence of some big names has kept it alive way past its due date, with several DVD versions extant.

Format resembles a loop carrier, as a hitchhiker tells in flashback various tales to the driver (hence the punning alternate title FAMILY TAILS).

My favorite vignette features loops star Connie Petersen on a water bed being humped by some big-dick guy as the "Star Wars" theme plays. Supposedly she's the narrator's sister.

The hitchhiker makes an appearance in the next segment, catching his family butler and maid humping. He then gets to hump the maid Marie with his big dick next.

John Holmes appears as the pool boy (man) and humps a girl out there - a big dick syndrome is emerging. Next Lisa de Leeuw shows up to hump our hero on a water bed. Back by the pool Holmes has a threesome with Connie and another girl.

The butler has a threesome involving Lisa by the pool, and there are plenty of money shots. Film ends logically with the hero arriving at home, and the driver not believing his stories.

This might have added up to something with an interesting flashback structure or some point to the proceedings, but apparently these anonymous filmmakers belong to the school that believes only the sex footage matters.

Not so hot soft porn gets E for effort, 30 June 2015

Most sci-fi porn is SF in name only - just a gimmick with few manifestations of the content genre fans enjoy. DR. DILDO'S SECRET gets some brownie points for actually trying to make good on its premise, but overall package fails.

Aussie porn stalwart Pete Dawson stars in the title role, a self-serving mad scientist who creates sexy women to hump. His best pal Ernie envies the doc's seeming "love 'em and leave 'em" behavior, having observed that he's constantly with beautiful women who are never seen afterward in public.

Ernie sneaks into the doc's home and finds his secret lab, with four beautiful nudes secured to a wall, seemingly dead. When Dr. Dildo arrives he sets Ernie straight -all it takes is some current, magic knobs on cheapo lab equipment and a couple of electrodes to reanimate the gals.

Ernie, played by soft-core icon Tommy Toole, gets some when the good doc creates a girl Linda Marie from scratch in a lengthy sequence that gives this movie its sci-fi bona fides. There's flashing lights, dials and junky instruments, cheapo special effects, model shots and even a tiny bit of animation, all executed on a non-existent budget.

The resulting well-built brunette is quite alluring, and the film pauses for a very arousing sequence of the two heroes elaborately soaping, washing, rinsing and drying her off before "use". I think BATTLESTAR GALACTICA would still be on the air if newly-minted Cylon women were given a similar treatment in that overly tame (and ultimately pretentious) series.

Of the film's sex scenes, including a slapstick orgy finale of five created women (including some beauties like Monica Gayle, Pete's wife Jan and future director Ann Perry) the best is an extraneous S.O.L.I. flashback sequence of the doc and busty Nora Wieternik. After romancing in the park, they have a hot bed scene.

This interlude only points up the shortcomings of an early sequence poolside with Ernie and pin-up great Roxanne Brewer. She looks amazing in a bikini, but all they do is shoot the breeze and Roxanne doesn't even remove her top. A waste of talent like that (they hired her to be in the film, after all) is unforgivable.


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