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Poor excuse for lesbian cinema
See my review of the companion video "Sisters Divided" which followed this clunker as part of a new jail-bait series from the folks bringing you endless nuru massage, step-mom seductions and other assorted retrograde porn. August Ames' presence lured me in, and I got the shaft, twice.
The five lengthy vignettes, plus a "bonus" quickie tossed in (named "The Fight" starring Cassie Laine opposite Sara Luvv in a filler segment) are poorly done, wasting plenty of femme talent. The whole thing is sloppy with names misspelled, back of the DVD description bearing little resemblance to the contents and even a heavy promo for a "first-time" lesbian (she's not) Aubrey Star whose footage was accidentally put on "Sisters Divided" instead of this compilation by mistake.
The title episode has beautiful Ames oddly cast as a nerd, with aggressive step-sister Janice Griffith pressuring her to open up, get down and live a little. Their acting is quite poor, especially that of Janice, and the fault (dear Brutus) is not in their stars but rather the filmmakers Bree Miller and "Stills by Alan" in insisting on no script, with the actresses forced to wing it.
Each segment, obviously cranked out for individual consumption on the website web young (dedicated to "the beauty of youth" which is porn-speak for porn about underage-looking girls) has a cryptic credit "a fantasy by Craven Mooorehead and Stills by Alan". Alan takes the director's credit while Craven only gets a camera operator designation so I don't know what this means.
Nothing fantastic happens in this video unfortunately. Eva Sedona and Jenna J. Ross hook up in a beautiful mansion, which turns out to be the famous location with its spiral staircase from Nica Noelle's classic "Immoral Proposal" for Sweet Sinner. As usual, Stills fails to exploit the mansion's beauty -the kids just go upstairs and hump, Jenna suffering through one of her least interesting (and that includes plenty of gonzo roles) assignments. The theme of their segment, repeated endlessly here, is basically that of "who needs boys?".
Carmen Callaway and Diana Lee have sex on a towel by a pool; Tysen Rich and Dakota Skye have an utterly generic tryst in another lavish mansion after Kota signs the other girl's high school yearbook; and unattractive Nikki Huntsman is teamed up with fake-tits Dillion Harper in a particularly pointless scene.
Book of Love (2011)
Surprisingly effective mini-romance
The animation specialists at Adult Source Media, known mainly for imported Japanese hentai releases, made a few Romantic features for the Couples market about five years back, and "Book of Love" is by far the best of them. Boasting a strong central performance by Kiara Diane, it won me over, though I was resisting (having disliked the other companion films) most of the way.
In one sense, and I will never be able to confirm this given the obscurity of this distributor and its proud-to-be-a-couple leaders Wendy & Jim Crawford, the film is a throwback to those dreaded paste-up projects dating back to innumerable grade Z movies made by Jerry Warren in the '50s and '60s. The concept, best lampooned and exploited in Woody Allen's debut "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" is to take a (preferably low-brow) foreign film, heavily edit it, dub it and add some Hollywood actors to create a brand-new film for American consumption. Perhaps the most successful such exercise ever attempted was adding a dash of Raymond Burr to turn the quality "Gojira" into the iconic hit "Godzilla".
I dredge up this history because structurally "Book of Love" bears a distinct resemblance to this approach, though only hinting at it - the paste-up is never explicit. Format has bored (but beautiful) housewife Kiara Diane taken for granted by her husband Ramon Nomar, to the extent that as he heads off for work he recites a laundry list of chores for wifey to attend to. This immediately put me in a feminist state of mind, and sure enough if one doesn't dwell on the requisite XXX content, the following film has a very remote resemblance to Chantal Akerman's classic "Jeanne Dielman", as Kiara rather listlessly putters around the house.
Before you accuse me of making an outrageous stretch, take note that Akerman directed a self-conscious erotic film "Je Tu Il Elle" near the beginning of her career.
Kiara spends her day lounging about, masturbating as she reads chapters from a female stroke book which I guess could pass for a Romance Novel. Each chapter is illustrated by live action, in which the rest of the cast pantomime highly erotic, sensual love scenes, mostly outdoors. That supporting cast that doesn't speak is made up entirely of European (and Eastern European at that) talent, hence my "paste-up" categorization - a relatively brief U.S. cover story, and the body of the film shot and cast in Europe, deftly integrated by the "book come to life" gimmick.
On paper this doesn't sound promising at all, but the Crawfords deliver (let's assume they directed the footage rather than just buying it as they do with their Japanese product) a series of four terrific vignettes. My favorite episode stars the diminutive but huge-nippled Czech actress Iwia, who earned a rave for me in "Wellness", one of several films she made for daring! Media. She takes on a guy with a huge dick here, and it is a classic segment.
All the women are beauties, setting up the climax where Ramon returns home and instead of having slaved away preparing a big party as he assigned her to do, Kiara gets all dolled up and seduces her husband for a satisfying bit of closure to end the movie. Kiara Diane is an unsung Chatsworth actress, and "Book of Love" is an unsung quality piece of eroticism from an unlikely source.
Different director, same Dorcel result
Marc Dorcel replaced British director Kendo with fellow countryman Gazzman for this latest in the "aging" women series, and I was surprised that the resulting film has the same key characteristics as previous entries with titles from 39 ans through 42 ans. Apparently Dorcel rules his empire like Howard Hughes, carefully monitoring the editing and even structuring of films regardless of their source.
So again we have a storyline film relegated to pantomime, with all dialog either not recorded or removed. This, unlike earlier Dorcel features in his 37 year porn career, has the efficacy of creating several narration tracks with no "original" language specified, making the video more universal and ultra-easy to dub. Bad news is that it makes the action unnecessarily remote, hurting the eroticism of the exercise.
In this case the big-bust British star Rebecca More, who did a fine job in a Dick Bush-directed talkie for Dorcel "The Billionaire's Daughter", is here rendered with a bland American-accented voice and uninteresting narration that carries the bare bones of a story. The resulting sex is hot and up to Dorcel standards, but the video's status as a feature is diluted to the point where many viewers will find it mere generic sex.
As with Kendo's half dozen entries in this series, the theme is infidelity, with not just Ms. More straying but everyone doing so. By the middle of the movie she's formed a sort of coffee klatch club of fellow housewives, which in this setting takes place in some countryside that could be rural England, France, Spain or even Eastern Europe, to consider the places where Dorcel and Gazzman make their movies. Like the absence of dialog (and nationality of language), this lack of specificity as to place is yet another drawback. Why not make a video "A Summer in Normandy", or "Autumn in Prague" or "Winter in Derbyshire" and take advantage of the locations?
While the men are all Continentals, the beautiful and delightfully top-heavy femme cast are a mixture of nationalities, all of them displaying energy, maturity and a bit of exotic. Satin Bloom, becoming a favorite of mine, was in Kendo's "39 ans" as well as Gazzman features dating back to his Young Harlots series, and is a stunning beauty. Also making a good impression is Martina Gold, a relative newcomer. I was glad to see a fresh cast as both MD and Gazzman tend to feature the same actresses over & over again.
A sloppiness that I'm finding all too common in DVDs points out here an issue between post-production and principal photography. In the narration, much is made of Rebecca making love to a horseman named Pablo (film revolves around the horsey set, with Rebecca's neglectful husband a big breeder), yet he is later referred to as Juan, because the actor's name is Juan Lucho.
There are no technical credits, even though Gazzman's photography and other matters are well-done,, and the DVD has none of the menu niceties of previous releases - it's just treated as assembly-line product.
Road Queen Exit 35 (2016)
Series ends with a whimper
The best thing about this cleverly-titled "Exit 35" final video in Girlfriends Films' venerable series is a 20-minute interview on the DVD with creator Dan O'Connell and titular star Doo-May.
They sentimentally stroll down memory lane recalling the 10-year saga just being completed and it is clear that the '51 Ford, heavily customized with Packard grill and other niceties, is the real star of the show. But it is Deauxma's retirement from mainstream porn (she's pulling a Monique Gabrielle style exit to go back to Texas and crank out homemade porn with her hubby) that puts a cork in it.
While the duo are sincere, there's an absence of truthiness in their recollections, as evidenced by the humorous giggling over long nights washing bed sheets, an unsubtle allusion to the gimmick that made the series a hit, endless squirting by big D and sometimes her co-stars. Violating the "what happens in Vegas..." rule, she even cops to having squirted on camera 28 times in succession under the fingering of Tanya Tate in an episode set in the city that never sleeps.
Problem with this 3-hour finale is that it is very poorly directed and acted, with hokey story content that is more groan-worthy than touching. I deduced that part of the problem is that O'Connell is wedded to the vignette format even in these ongoing soap operas - I caught a couple of volumes in his Lesbian PsychoDramas series where the segments were released out of sequence with the story, volume to subsequent volume, in very sloppy fashion.
That seems the case here with an uneven final package. Opening vignette has Valentina Nappi asking motel desk clerk Jenna Sativa (uncredited because she does not engage in XXX activity) for a recommendation, and she's sent to another motel/brothel to be fixed up with sexy prostitute Bree Daniels. Nappi's improvisation in English (not the Italian star's comfortable language) is terrible, and the boring scene goes around in circles until the two lesbians finally get it on.
There are other cameos from actresses in previous volumes like Cherie DeVille and dressed as a man, Tara Morgan, but the main story has pal Syren DeMer getting the awful news that her daughter Shyla (Jennings, another guest cameo) has 5th stage kidney disease with poor prospects (and no money) for a needed transplant.
With eyes firmly fixated on the cash register, O'Connell idiotically has Deauxma comforting Syren with a hot sex scene, not exactly fitting the situation but perhaps explained by the underlying "sex is everything" philosophy held by pornographers and the most rabid fans (short for fanatics) of the genre.
Sort of making good on a conversation featured back in Part 34, Mercedes Carrera guests (uncredited) in a quite lengthy role fixing up Scarlet Red with Veruca James at the brothel. This builds to what would seem to be a logical threesome, especially as both women suddenly display an odd nylon fetish, taking Mercedes' stockings off and putting them on Scarlet a couple of times - I didn't get the point of it, but then I'm not a fetishist and am mystified by fetish videos which seek to take something so tactile and make it a couch-potato spectator sport.
Yet at the crucial moment Mercedes excuses herself and leaves, denying herself any sexual satisfaction and losing that screen credit which perhaps I, as Mr. Traditionalist movie buff, still care deeply about. No, the Latina bombshell disappears and we're left with another generic lesbian sex scene.
The best sex of the show is saved for last, but suffers from what I mentioned earlier - it is inserted almost randomly in this feature and has no direct bearing of any sort on the rest of the movie. Jelena Jensen, coach of the Thornhill sports team, seduces young player Madi Meadows in a very hot scene, following on some early plot line in the series but placed as an anticlimax in this finale.
A very poorly done montage has everyone taking their turn screaming into the phone in a vain attempt to get a doctor sent to the remote brothel location, as poor Deuxma lies dying after selflessly donating a liver to save Shyla's life. The bathos of the final reel is excruciating, and the true climax of the series, when two of the girls gaze out the window earlier as Deauxma in pantomime sells the Road Queen's beloved Ford to (who else) O'Connell in a cameo, the auteur who found it and bought it for the series over a decade earlier. Poor editing and continuity has the dialogue and scene of the girls' reaction played over twice, from two takes, quite disconcerting.
Cathy's Diaries Volume 4 (2004)
Routine entry in Cathy Barry saga
Aimed strictly at die-hard fans (I admit to being one), this fourth volume of Cathy Barry's essential diary series satisfies in that the Brit Porn diva is at center stage throughout, humping her way into a nation's hearts.
The 5 segments are by the book: teaming up with a fellow nurse to service a patient; playing pretty much herself as a pole dancer teaching two aspirants the ropes for a lesbian 3-way; all dressed up formally in a hotel tryst with 2 guys, resulting in a d.p.; a threesome in a massage parlor featuring a sexy masseuse; and finally she's in a jacuzzi at a health spa with gal pals, climaxing in all 3 women masturbating side by side.
Just your standard daily requirement of bountiful Cathy doing what she does best, under the careful eye of hubby/amanuensis Phil.
Sex Cinema Sluts 1 (2013)
Embarrassing indoor version of the horrible "dogging" series
Don Roobles grossed me out with his "Dogging Mission" videos, preserving on film (or rather video) the peculiar British phenomenon of aberrant public blow jobs and hand jobs. (A fake Showtime documentary series showed this nonsense in an American variation cleaned up and virtually unrecognizable, as merely voyeuristic meet-ups to watch exhibitionist couples have sex in public.)
Not content with cranking out hundreds of "dogging" videos for web content over the past decade, Roobles extends his race to the gutter with an in-door variant here titled "Sex Cinema Sluts". The repetitive (the man deals in a mindset of strictly 10 to 15 minute vignettes, rigidly formatted with only the girls changing places) feature takes place at a British local sex shop where a little theater exists behind a creaky door (the door squeak for each segment is perhaps the most memorable feature of the entire project).
Each of the pro or semi-pro actresses Roobles has wrangled is subjected to a brief but inane interview by the great man himself, who then follows her into the darkened "cinema" where a random porn video is being projected. She then sucks off and helps to jerk off a half dozen or dozen patrons whose faces are mercifully kept hidden, all to result in as much spunk as possible covering her face and breasts. That's it.
NOTE to IMDb users: I typed "w*nk" spelled out instead of jerk off here and was notified that that is a forbidden word, hence the change. Just proves that Amazon ownership hasn't taken the British starch out of this website you're currently using.
Boiler-plate end credits indicate that Don brings along his Killergram team to crank out this junk, even though it doesn't seem as professional as their usual feature videos credited to DiSanto (who takes editing credit here, probably having Roobles' raw footage dumped on his desk to try and coax into a releasable product).
Of the five actresses subjected to this minor humiliation, there are two ringers, busty Aaliyah Ca Pelle, whose name has intrigued me for a while and deserves (and sometimes gets) better assignments, as in her featured role in fellow Killergram exec Anjali Kara's romantic feminist porn opus "What She Wants" shot for daring! media. An even more interesting case is Tiffany Naylor, impressive starring in a phony "amateur" exercise from JoyBear Films titled "Sexology Part 1". Both of them are veterans of Don's "dogging" videos, but Naylor seems to have entered a permanent "amateur limbo" wherein she keeps showing up in professional porn releases as an amateur - I wonder what constitutes the threshold to earn your official "pro" card?
Swingers 3 (2004)
Subpar Brit porn aimed at the fans of amateur humping
Amateurs in porn caught on, in my recollection, back in the '80s or '90s when some enterprising Adult Industry folk like Randy West (I'm thinking of his "Up and Cummers" series in particular) hit on the formula of cheap videos featuring newbie girls. Besides the obvious undertones of pederasty, the gimmick of "fresh meat" was a natural.
In England, Johnny Rebel (rn: John Mason) dons his bandanna and continues this nonsense with his slapdash videos which range from boring (this one I'm reviewing) to downright yucky (his foot fetish and pregnant ladies humping efforts).
This selection of seven all-sex vignettes runs over 3 hours, on the face of it value for money, except when one factors in that 3 times zero still equals zero. That's not a mathematical anomaly but rather the truth, son.
Even the inevitable BTS featurette on the DVD is elephantine: an additional 45 minutes of Johnny horsing around with his cast on the set, which is a home (or perhaps actual swingers' club?), re-dressed (cheaply and crudely) for its big close-up.
It doesn't help that Johnny has cast an unattractive lot of both women and men, something that surprised me in a curious way. Usually (at least recently) I am bombarded with box covers proclaiming "100% Amateur" on videos where the names of famous (to the fans, clearly not to the general public) porn actresses are proudly listed right near that Amateur boast. So Johnny's apparent truthfulness in visiting a local swingers' club to recruit his talent has its pros and cons -better had he lied and astounded us with beauties the likes of Michelle Thorne and Laura Michaels.
It's rather dreary, with no music, claustrophobic beds as sets, and strictly mechanical sex with an emphasis on threesomes. Would that there were any starlet discoveries here, and one interesting fact arises: these "real people" having sex make absolutely no emotional connection on screen, whereas professional porn actors, especially in story films, often show an emotional bond that is the height of eroticism.
I daresay that when others decide to investigate thoroughly the world of turn of this century Brit Porn they will find that Johnny Rebel's work in the field adds up to a fat goose egg.
Lesbian Triangles 5 (2007)
Lengthy but not very interesting
Fifth episode of this popular "infidelity" series exceeds the 3-hour mark, way too lengthy considering there are only four vignettes. Infusion of new blood in the casting also fails to enliven matters.
Opening segment pairs Deauxma with diminutive Lone Star, presumably cast to up the Texan component. IMDb has all of her credits attributed to Girlfriends Films, a most unusual movie career that for me only conjures memories of Howard Hughes & his starlets. I give LS credit for her eye- contact and her fingering not surprisingly causes the big D. to squirt a fountain of some liquid TBD.
Unusual structure has some relatively uninteresting story elements, and then the duo are humping again, this time Deauxma armed (not really the proper term) with a strap-on dildo to service LS. Shayna guest-stars in a non-sex role in this segment.
The Americana format of some Girlfriends videos, most notably their "Road Queen" series is injected into Vignette #3 where two "ugly" women hump. I'm not using that word in a pejorative or mean way, just descriptive in a genre where beauty, both facial and in terms of idealized bodies is of paramount importance. Having Capri and Zander Lin hook up is clearly designed to appeal to a fringe audience. Like Lone Star, Zander has only worked for the Girlfriends label.
Finale has a more explicit triangle than usual, as it's set in a private lesbian swingers club named Players Club in San Antonio, Texas, where uncredited blonde Erica is at the bar, and Zander is picked up by Lily Redd. (Erica gets a credited, feature role in Episode 6, listed in IMDb as her only career credit.)
Tall Redd is humped by Zander in a bedroom, and the desultory scene ends with a card reading "Continued in...Lesbian Triangles Volume 6". That next episode has pretty much the same cast held over (likely filmed at the same time) plus a very busty Bibette added.
Not much to my taste, especially with the emphasis on a butch lesbian (Zander) here who comes off as a cross between Shirley Stoler and Meat Loaf. To each his own.
Excellent mix of sci-fi and Victorian-style porn
Reviewing the career of Brad Armstrong, I am impressed with this earlier work, made before his budgets skyrocketed and his mantelpiece overflowed with industry award trophies (note how meaningless those accolades are: "Exile"'s only win is for "best packaging" - a typically dubious category).
Script postulates a dystopian future where most folk (the 99%) are exiled to toiling in a dingy world underground, sort of a Manichean distinction of the factory environment, shot in black & white (video has the highest percentage of b&w I've seen in a porn opus in memory) vs. above ground.
On the Earth's surface living it up are folks dressed in period garb and talking in a flowery fashion that suggests turn of the 20th Century, a real treat for fans of Victorian porn like myself. This odd, if arbitrary, juxtaposition adds to the show's "worlds apart" theme and indicates Brad's creativity.
Heroine Jill Kelly displays an ethereal beauty that her fans have long appreciated. She rebels and is named Juliette for a reason -her literal Romeo is played by Alec Metro, slaving away in Exile until they hook up and the story wends its tragic course.
Along the way Brad casts himself as the evil Director of Exile, who assigns himself as actor some mighty fine humping with the likes of Sydnee Steele and and Jill herself. His switching from color to black & white and back again is not always consistent, but that represents a minor flaw in an otherwise well-crafted yet hardly lavish production.
In non-sex roles erstwhile writer George Kaplan and the great Veronica Hart turn in good performances as Juliette's parents, while her brother played by Mickey G made for a nicely ambiguous sort-of bad guy (in context). Other stars like Raylene and Stephanie Swift contribute to the XXX content.
Achievement of "Exile" proves Brad didn't really need the elephantiasis of his overblown successes like "Underworld" and "Flashpoint X".
She's Gonna Squirt 5 (2014)
Not just wetness, but not all that interesting
It's useless to discuss "squirting" -it's like watching wrestling on TV -either you buy in to the ruse or ignore the entire mess. This well-cast Brazzers salute to Golden Showers is unimpressive, just a dose of wet sex for the fans.
Anissa Kate's specialty of anal sex helps facilitate her squirting, as her vagina is left open to emissions. Star Aleksa Nicole is the true expert, giving away the game with her fountains technique -hardly amenable to the "female secretion" theory of the liquid's source.
There's mostly regular sex on tap, not surprising given the nearly 4 hour running time, and a creampie thrown into the mix. Least famous actress here Luna Kitsuen displays a nice body and masturbates with a vibrator.