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Cvetat na hameleona (2012)
Extremely stupid. Sinfully pale. Shocking putrid. Beware!
I cannot understand for the life of me the positive reviews this stinker is having. As many (i.e. almost every single one) of the modern attempts of the so called "Bulgarian contemporary cinema", this is one of the most standing examples of putrid pretentiousness to the extreme. Whatever a stinker has you can name it: borrowing so many times from known movies; needless and utterly helpless "philosophy" conversations, completely pointless to the times described and even to the script (it needs to show us how smart the screenwriter really is) - in other words, no one except the sick mind of the screenwriter can and will speak like that; also completely unusual stultification of the communist times - giving in mind the screenwriter has lived in that times and apparently was able to benefit from all goods the "elite" then was able to - which ordinary people still call "hypocrisy". Moreover, the movie is a total mess - no composite ideas, just void mockery and parody for the sake of it. Useful for the brainless American audience who has never heard of the Communism apart from the Iron Curtain clichés, which is as good as the Soviet propaganda while ago.
Totally pointless and gruesome effort, avoid at all costs. The book also sucks big time.
One More Dream (2012)
No, it is NOT that good. Not a comedy at all. In fact, this is rubbish!
I am only writing this humble review to protect my fellow Bulgarians (who else would watch this junk), and may I add that I sincerely hope it won't be distributed elsewhere for it is a shame even for me, who's not taking part in the production.
Where to start. Uhm. Having seen this on one of our private TV channels, here's what comes to mind. This stinker is nothing more and nothing less than the last but not least try to imitate the modern bad American comedies. It does that with mediocre to awful direction, plus of course the worse possible casting & acting. As usual the so called actors mumbles under their noses and even I, being native Bulgarian, cannot hear at least half of what they are saying. There is no witty or even funny dialog and it is not one of the "so bad it is good" B-movies. It is Z-movie (beyond bad). There is no measure for the lack of qualities this movie possesses. As for the high rating - I guess they have as much as 126 people in the cast to give it an 8 rating - which is simply ridiculous.
In total - avoid this one like a plague. Do NOT watch, if you have any self-respect left.
The Sopranos (1999)
Sorry, 9.5 out of 10? Genial? Nah
I am so sorry to say but this disgusting piece of turds is the most overrated and hyped thing in the history of the American television. Come on, nine and one half out of ten? This is almost genial! Let Kurosava comes out of the other land to commit again harakiri looking at these series! Let me count out the low downs:
- First, the script. Almost all the episodes consist of violence which is put there just for the entertainment; the mob bosses are present as normal human being, there is absolutely no reality in none of the episodes with minor exceptions. All in all, this is inept remake of Good fellas + Scarface + The Godfather (may God forgive me for the blasphemy of putting this sh*t in line with these fine movies!)
I don't know why the common intelligence in the American audience has fallen so low to accept this turd as an entertainment and to praise it as if it is the totem of film making, the only thing ever created since God created Earth.
The sole idea of depicting criminals as good fellas and to glorify them as heroes is rotten from the bottom of it. Having wrong ideas of the whole cosa nostra is idiotic. Having them mystified and glorified is moronic.
Don't say you haven't been warned.
I would like to propose to IMDb to unmercifully deny Americans to comment foreign (to them) movies, especially when everything they have ever heard of a country which the movie is made in /times it describes was/is a cliché. You cannot comment something you don't understand and especially when you cannot possibly understand it in lifetime. Likewise you cannot comment Pythagorus theorem when you're not mathematician or Eifel Tower if you are not architect, you cannot criticize gem of comedy for being silly when you don't understand it in first place. You can, however, tell the others that its been silly TO YOU, just because YOU are used to toilet-drawn "humor", with silliness and stupidness you see in every modern American comedy which has gone its way from stardom in 50's to 80s to total drop down quality nowadays. _Shoe maker, do not watch above the shoes!_ And leave masterpieces like this one alone. If you're American, this is probably not your movie for the evening. Go grab the American Pie 10 instead.
How to make a (good) bad movie which is still trash
My on my, where to start with... First of all, I really truly madly deeply wanted to like this movie. It couldn't be otherwise because prior to the premiere there was such a big media invasion on all the TV and radio stations and Javor Gardev was flowing from water and gas pipes telling us how f.cking great this movie is. So I went and paid 5 euro for the ticket (this is about 1/20th of the minimal month salary here). Then I entered the cold and ugly, almost socialistic dirty theater and tuned myself for watching a masterpiece. Then I was blown away. But not with something great. Literally the first words shows how poor in soul the scriptwriter and the director were. It starts with showing feces, stupidity, foul language, genitals and unusual sex scenes like some B-movie from the 80's. The script is inevitably bad, even for a post soc Bulgarian movie, with plot holes larger than black hole in the Universe and wooden and totally meaningless lines filled with pretentious philosophical stereotypes. All the time I was getting into the impression I was watching someone's training work. Well, not really. There are so many snitches from well known movies and directors that I can't really count all of them. As if Gardev was getting into Tarantino's mind (but without having all the money) and was assembling a movie from the small pieces of all the movies he had been watching.
Some of them include:
- Main idea snatched from "Crank" (the main character is poisoned and ought to die in one night, so the whole action takes one night)
- Script snatched from "Snatch" (the run for the (black) diamond and other ideas)
- Slow motion and other moves from "Trainspotting"
- Scenes taken directly from "Pulp Fiction" (the torture scene with Bruce Willis at the basement)
- Scenes taken directly from "Sin City" (for example when Bruce Willis falls on the board)
- Script snatched from "Revolver" (the main character ought to die in several hours so he starts giving a sh*t about everything)
- Scenes snitched from the TV movie "Statskiy Sovetnik" (The State Counsellor) at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450158/ - the run in the women's bathroom and other scenes
Then it becomes even funnier. There are two scenes snitched directly from soc classic series here in Bulgaria (I am sure you have never heard of them, but count on my words, it was truly classic) - "Na vseki kilometar" (At each kilometer) at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0238439/, I used to notice two entirely copied scenes - the chasing in the Perlova River's channel, the tramway pioneer's sequence...
All in all, I must say that using a foul language coupled with totally unbelievable, grotesque and inane characters does NOT a great movie made. Besides, the actor's play was bad to mediocre, with the only two noticeable exceptions - the main character Moth and Djoko Rossich, who is well known cinema professional. This is something most new Bulgarian movies suffer with - no one of the good theatrical actors have any experience with cinema, and I am constantly under impression I am watching TV version of the theatrical play. The lead female character was past all belief bad. Having really good actresses here I can't really explain why non-professional was ever cast. Her eroticism was non-existent. Even the sex scene at the end was flat and empty. At the very predictable end I was empty. I know that the movie has to have some double or hidden meaning, but the people in the audience doesn't seem to have caught it. BTW, from about 50 people in the theater I was one of the dozen ones to watch the movie till the end. And that's saying something. This is soctrash movie with no value so I don't recommend anyone watching it.
Threat Matrix (2003)
One to avoid
Now we were chosen to be tortured with this disgusting piece of blatant American propaganda. It came no wonder for me that this is admired by most American viewers and hated by Europeans. This show is made for Americans - it is too stupid and full with hatred and clichés to be admitted elsewhere. Almost everyone involved must be return to school, acting is utterly predictable and bad, script is pile of garbage all round. operator work is ground zero etc. etc.
You have been warned. It doesn't even have "guilty pleasure" entertainment for those brainwashed iq=0 human beings.
I wish I could enter negative values, admins? Anyone?
The Office (2005)
Stupid, stupidest ... The Office (US)
Well you know, it's been 5th episode of the first season shown here from one of our national wide TV stations, but it is enough to make an opinion. Having already seen thanks to the Internet the British version (I mean the original one), which was funny indeed, I can honestly and wholeheartedly say that this American remake as most American remakes is the most inane, stupid and putrid show that I have ever seen since ELR. Most of all it is NOT BLOODY FUNNY, it is not funny at all, can not bring even a smile on my face, and I am not known as one who was born without sense of humor, you know. Almost everyone of the cast are empty and full of boredom, the situations are simply plain awful and not funny at all. Why this turkey has won Golden Globe is truly beyond me. Well, not really. It seems to me that the public taste in America has fallen so low that is beyond comprehension. Ah yes, and Golden Globe and Emmy awards are simply given to every show around in order for the better profit.
P.S. Now we're at Season 2, final episode and it's getting even worse! P.S.S. Thanks God, they have canceled it here after season 2 due to low raitngs.
Spin City (1996)
Juvenile, stupid jokes
Despite the fact there are funny moments here and there, the main problem with this show is (like all US recent productions) that this is strictly American oriented one. What does it mean? The jokes are juvenile, stupid and utterly predictable; mostly sex oriented, mostly homophobic and anti feminist oriented. There is nothing funnier than showing someone with his girlfriend implying they had sex with animals or someone saying he has been pig fender. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Nothing oriented for audience with more than 2 brain cells. I am sorry, this is not my piece of cake. 1/10 from me. More lines are needed. Nothing more to say except to keep these sitcoms for yourself, gentlemen.
CSI: Miami (2002)
What I dislike most of it is ...
That this show is simply a show, something that is meant to entertain and not to make you think. This is done American way - as simple as possible, as impossible as possible, as predictable as possible, as easy to swallow as possible. Do not and I repeat DO NOT confuse it with the original series. This is crap to anyone with more than 2 brain cells of use. The scriptwriters must've been recruited from a primary school - we cannot otherwise explain the lack of originality and the whole world of errors that emerge in every single episode. Clues that appears as soon as they're needed, always stupid suspects that A) are awaiting for the cops to come and arrest them; or/and B) leaving crucial evidence of a crime in the crime scene so the mighty Horatio (which is loathsome mockery with the Shakespeare's immortal Hamlet) can interfere. He is always right, he is carrying his head always climbed right so he can look more intelligent, he is carrying gun with intention to use it in every possible moment, the feelings of fear are unknown to him. There are no such things as corrupt cops and always and I mean really always the suspect is found and captured at the end with absolutely the right decision. The suspect always confess at the end, showing every possible remorse a suspect can give, leaving nothing to the judges to prove just because of the wonderful Horatio's job done. The evil is punished and the children may now go to bed. An ideal world, isn't it? The reality - there are plenty of wrong convicted persons serving time s in prison for crimes they do not commit. Showing ideal world does not help the society as whole for wrong hopes can do more harm than just showing crimes.
I wouldn't be so critical if this hadn't been taken itself so seriously.
Something to avoid. Stick to the original series, at least they do have more accomplished writers.
Rat Race (2001)
The mere irony of this indeed good slapstick is that ...
The director Jerry Zucker, the writer Andy Breckman and all Jewish and non Jewish producers, to name Zucker's family amongst them, really gives a rat... ass about feeding the Earth. Its good to believe in miracles and to think the world is good place. Unfortunately you just cannot, after you watch this funny and not thought provoking movie. It is like a dry bread - you eat it, but it is not tasty enough, even that it foods you. What else to be said. Given the opportunities of better director, this movie has had all chances to become a classic. Unfortunately it ain't, it is also not something that did better to anyone except producers bank accounts.