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slasherguyy

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68 reviews in total 
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14 out of 29 people found the following review useful:
Pilot episode review., 26 September 2011
6/10

I'm one of the few people who enjoyed the pilot episode of the show. I don't see the show lasting very long, but it could be a fun time-filler for a season or two if it plays its cards right. Granted it was cheesy and unrealistic at times, but I thought it was more than watchable for what it was.

Just don't expect QUALITY television. This ain't no Lost.

It's a show about three gorgeous ladies pretending to act smart and go chasing down bad guys. This isn't going to win any Emmy awards, but I think it's doing a fair job so far. It's more than watchable and doesn't deserve the bad rep it's getting. The acting is tolerable, the writing is alright, there's some decent action and some GREAT music. So far, Rachael Taylor is my personal favorite 'Angel'. Minka Kelly is sizzling and Annie Ilonzeh is doing a decent job considering it's her first major role.

People need to remember that a pilot episode or sometimes even the first couple of episodes of a show are never going to be the strongest. Give the actors, characters, writers and show itself a chance to grow. Maybe the cheesy dialog will be improved on by a better writer in a later episode? Maybe there will be some cool story lines in later episodes? Give it a few episodes before writing it off as complete garbage and then never tune in again if you have to. This is a little rule I have for all shows I watch ;)

I, for one, will be tuning in again. I'll give it a few episodes to see if it improves upon some of the issues in the pilot. So yeah, man the pitchforks, but I thought it was a decent start to what could be a decent series.

23 out of 31 people found the following review useful:
Entertaining 'torture' flick. Worthy of at least a viewing., 16 October 2010
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The Tortured tells the story of a young couple (Metcalfe and Christensen) whose life is torn apart when their young son is abducted and murdered by a pedophile (Moseley). Devastated and angry by his recent prison sentencing, the couple take matters into their own hands and kidnap their son's killer...

...and it ain't gonna end pretty.

It's not exactly the most original plot in world of horror films, but The Tortured does have a decent script, good performances, and some bloody good torture. Some of the methods of torture that our lead couple carry out are rather grizzly and will surely make a few people flinch.

I was impressed with the performances in the film. Erika Christensen is really impressive as the grieving mother (especially in the first half of the movie) and Jesse Metcalfe gives his best and most serious performance to date. Horror vet Bill Moseley is also good, but his role mainly consists of screaming, so his 'acting' is hard to critique here. He was really good when we saw him in his sadistic action near the beginning though.

If you aren't a fan of really short movies though, then this movie is one to miss. It's barely over 70 minutes long, so know what you are getting in for. It's a fast-paced film and has a very thin plot. I, personally, saw the runtime as a good thing. Surely a movie where two people torture a helpless man can only be entertaining for so long. It could have turned into a repetitive bore if it went on for any longer, especially when the script isn't very strong to begin with.

The twist was interesting, yet somewhat illogical and stupid. It contradicted common sense and came off as forced. But I was entertained overall. In the world of endless remakes, re-imaginings and 3-D movies, this might be seen as a breathe of fresh air to some people. It's unoriginal, but better than some of the crap in theaters. And it looked like it had a budget, so it shouldn't be written off as DTV trash immediately.

Overall, an entertaining and gory little flick. Only worth viewing if you are a fan of the torture sub-genre or films like 'Saw' or 'The Last House on the Left'. Looking for intelligent horror? Look elsewhere.

6/10.

45 out of 66 people found the following review useful:
Nothing more than a cheap SyFy channel 'sequel'., 17 October 2009
2/10

As a fan of the first two 'Wrong Turn' films, especially the first, 'Wrong Turn 3' is absolutely terrible and one of the worst sequels of the year. This film should have never have been a part of the series, as it feels nothing like a 'Wrong Turn' film. Well, apart from the presence of Three-Finger - but then again, he's barely in the film.

The script is awful and the whole prisoners aspect just didn't work for this film. All of the prisoners were unlikeable and stereotypical, with very little development. The lead girl was not lead girl material, and was either screaming, crying or standing in the background doing nothing. The dialog, especially in the opening scene, is so god-awful I wanted to hit mute. The acting ranges from horrific to bearable, with no memorable performances. Most of the actors are Brits playing Americans, and most of them keep slipping in and out of their accents.

There are no memorable horror sequences and absolutely no tension. Every character either steps into a trap, gets killed off-screen or is CGI'd with incredibly fake blood splatter. The film reeks of 'SyFy channel', which isn't surprising considering the director, Declan O'Brien, has an entire resume of SyFy productions and the same production services were used. Whether it's the cheesy 'TV movie' soundtrack playing constantly or the horrific CGI and green screen backdrops, it's really horrible to look at and makes 'WT2' look a blockbuster.

Where did it all go wrong? Wrong Turn 2 is one of the most well-received horror films of 2007 and one of the best DTV horror entries available. It received tons of praise from horror critics and fans, and I loved it. You'd think the series could only get better, but instead they give us this piece of sh-t? I know the trailer looked lame as hell, but I still wasn't expecting a terrible film.

The only worthy aspect of the film is the presence of Three-Finger and the fact the movie takes place on night, which was the main weak point of WT2. Everything else is a very low-budget SyFy channel flick merely posing as a sequel to what was once a great series. Prepare to be disappointed if you are a fan of the series.

2/10.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The worst 'Final Destination' so far., 5 October 2009
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Following the first three films, 'The Final Destination' tells the story of Nick O'Bannon (Bobby Campo), who saves himself and several others from a huge accident at a local racetrack, after having a premonition of the forthcoming event. Death doesn't stop there, as Nick and the lives he saved are put in jeopardy as Grim Reaper begins picking them off.

As a 'Final Destination' fan, I am severely disappointed with this film. What once was a suspenseful, well-written and creative horror series, has turned into a mainstream 3D gimmick with objects crushing people every ten minutes. Where was the horror and suspense in this film? Where were the creative death sequences and tense soundtrack? It seems as if the 3D got to the makers heads instead of making a worthwhile horror sequel for fans.

The only worthwhile performances came from Mykelti Williamson and Krista Allen, but both have disappointing roles in the film. The two leads, Campo and Shantel VanSanten, were awful, catalog models with a lack of emotion. Both had the charisma of a spoon, and weren't characters I was rooting for. Nobody else really leaves an impression either due to their lack of lines, screen time or character development, and most of the characters are unlikeable.

At only 75 minutes, the film is incredibly rushed from start to finish. The death scenes were lame, uncreative and nothing on the first three films. A bathtub full of water falling on someone? An off-screen pool kill? Someone being set on fire? They were all so bland, uncreative and had no suspense. The only worthwhile sequences were the car-wash sequence, some of the beauty salon sequence and the escalator sequence, which all end in lame ways.

A terrible script by Eric Bress (Final Destination 2, The Butterfly Effect) tops it off and mediocre directing from David Ellis, who worked as director on Final Destination 2. Where did it all go wrong? The fact that the writer and director involved in 'FD2' made this mess is shocking. Without a doubt the worst film in the series so far, and should be viewed as a parody of the first three films if anything. Terrible.

3/10.

14 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
One of the best slashers of 2009., 9 September 2009
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

'Sorority Row' is the best teen slasher flick since 90's hits 'Scream' and 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'. As a fan of the original 80's slasher (yes, this isn't a remake of I Know What You Did Last Summer!), I'm glad to say that this is one of the recent remakes that doesn't suck.

The film tells the story about a group of Sorority girls, including Briana 'Step Up 2' Evigan, who accidentally kill one of their sisters in a prank gone awry. The girls ultimately decide the only way out of the situation is to dump the body. Bad idea? Yes, because the girls are stalked by a culprit in a graduation gown and killed one-by-one. Fans of slashers, such as myself, should get a kick out of this one. It's just a fun movie that ticks all the right boxes.

The film was described as 'Mean Girls' meets 'Scream', and the description couldn't be any more spot on. Being a 90's kid, I was raised on 90's teen slashers, so it was great to take a blast to the past with Sorority Row. If like me you also enjoyed films such as 'Valentine' (2001) and other all-female slashers, then you should check this one out.

The film is full of funny one-liners (*cough* Leah Pipes) and violent, bloody death sequences. I loved the actors, and the screenplay was funny, sexy and scary. The killers' outfit was also cool and the 'modified tire-iron' was a great weapon of choice. Throw in some nudity, great tunes, cattiness and Carrie Fisher wielding a shotgun (yes, you read that correctly).

So, should you see Sorority Row or not? Well, if you are a horror fan who loathes most remakes and writes Sorority Row off as garbage before you see it - skip it. If you are a film snob - skip it. However, if you are a horror fan like me who can simply sit down for 100 minutes and watch a sexy cast be stalked and slaughtered by a menacing killer, then you should enjoy it!

'Sorority Row' is definitely one of the best remakes and horrors of 2009, and the surprisingly good reviews are spot on. It aimed to be a fun slasher and it succeeded. It's, in my opinion, the best teen slasher since 'Scream' and 'IKYWLDS' and I loved every minute of it. Full marks for being one of the most fun slashers I've seen in years!

10/10.

Stag Night (2008)
12 out of 18 people found the following review useful:
Quite good for what it is., 5 July 2009
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

'Stag Night' tells the story about a group of male friends on a bachelor party (aka Stag Night) who are thrown out of an NYC bar and on the way home on a night train in the NYC subway system. On the train, the male friends end up getting into a confrontation with a stripper and her female friend they met at the bar, forcing them to get off the train at the wrong stop. With no other train for hours, no cell service and strange noises lurking in the underground, our characters find themselves fighting for their lives against a group of feral characters living in the subway system.

I first heard about this movie a long time ago, and finally got the chance to see it. I have to say, that for a Direct-to-DVD horror flick - it's pretty good. It's very reminiscent to the 2004 British horror 'Creep', and whilst it might have some clichés and unlikeable characters, it definitely works as a whole. Vinessa Shaw (The Hills Have Eyes) and Kip Pardue (Thirteen) were the standout performances in the film, with a good supporting performance from funny guy Breckin Meyer. The other performances from Karl Geary, Sarah Barrand and Scott Adkins were also good.

Personally, at first, I thought that 'Stag Night' could have taken a page out of 'Creep's book in revealing our killer/s later on in the film, as I thought after the suspenseful opening chase sequence with a female victim - it would have been more suspenseful to reveal them later on in the film instead of 20 minutes in. But I actually started to like the reveal, and the fact that there were several killers and it turned into a 'feral human vs human' horror survival flick, instead of a direct copycat of Creep and keeping them as mysterious noises until a 'big reveal'. They had some good make-up, and delivered some brutal kills.

I loved the location of the NYC subway system, and it added to the atmosphere of the film and I think anyone trapped down there at night, let alone with a bunch of killers, would find the gritty subway systems and tunnels shown in this film as intimidating. The script from Peter Dowling (Flightplan) was pretty good and I think it showed he is a horror fan as I noticed several scenes similar to 'Wrong Turn', 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and of course 'Creep'. In this case, it was 'imitation as flattery' instead of cheap imitations/rip-offs you'll find in dozens of crappy DTV slasher movies.

Overall, 'Stag Night' was a pretty good low-budget horror flick, which delivered for what it was. It uses clichés well, has solid performances, some solid gore and a great location. The script was written well, and the direction was good - I'd like to see the writer/director do more horror. I also loved one characters very shocking death scene near the end, as it is something you will not expect to happen at all. Recommended to horror fans, and if you like flicks where characters are being tormented in an isolated location - you might enjoy this.

7/10.

4 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Good effort for a mid-budget slasher flick., 30 June 2009
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

'House of Fears' tells the story of two stepsisters (Sandra McCoy, Corri English) who, along with several friends, check out a local horror museum/attraction named 'The House of Fears' after a birthday celebration. What appears to be fun at first, turns into a night of survival when an ancient, deadly artifact begins making the friends darkest fears a reality as the friends find themselves desperately searching for the exit before it's too late.

I bought this on DVD over a month ago after anticipating its' release since 2007. I have to say, that for a mid-budget slasher flick - it's actually pretty good. It's not a masterpiece, but it's certainly nowhere near as bad as some of these low-budget, dull slasher rip-offs that litter the bargain bins and turn out to be horrible. The movie actually had a decent budget to work with, and the set pieces for the 'House of Fears' were really good.

The performances from the cast were all good, and they all had some decent characters to work with. Granted, they were a bit stereotypical - but I liked them. Sandra McCoy stole the show as the bitchy stepsister, whose character transcends as the film progresses, and I thought the amusing and cameo from the great Jared Padalecki was a nice touch to the flick.

The writing and script was also good, and the killer clowns and scarecrows were pretty freaky. The death scenes are also pretty creative, but could have been a bit better as a few of them seemed tame and almost off-screen, which was odd for a DVD cover quote to boast this movie as being very gory - when it actually isn't. I also thought that the choice of survivors was unpredictable, and I thought the movie was much better than the mediocre 'Dark Ride'.

Overall, a pretty good DTV slasher flick with good acting, a good script, some creative death sequences and some pretty cool killers. Would I say to buy it immediately like I did? No, I could have easily rented this first and purchased later on - so I recommend you rent this flick before you buy it, as it's not a movie that is a must-own straight away. But saying that, I wouldn't mind a sequel to this.

7/10

7 out of 16 people found the following review useful:
Just another poor rip-off of far superior films., 30 June 2009
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

'Albino Farm' tells the story of four friends traveling across country for a school assignment. After learning about a local myth about an 'Albino Farm', the friends detour and head to a local town in search of answers from the town's rather few residents. The friends soon discover that the 'Abino Farm' is real, and they might soon become part of the myth.

Yeah, the movie plot isn't exactly the most original thing in the world, but what is the most original thing nowadays? Unfortunately, Albino Farm just doesn't use the plot line well and from the first ten minutes, it's clear this is going to be another cliché, unimaginative, poorly-written slasher which will be lurking in the bargain bin along with fifty others of its' type. It's, in short, - garbage.

The amount of clichés counted within five minutes were ridiculous, and it rips off several slashers that we've had over the past few years - including 'House of Wax', 'Wrong Turn' and '2001 Maniacs'. It's not a crime to be imaginative - and that's one of the main reasons why this film sucks. The dialog was also cliché and pretty poorly written, and didn't really give us any character development or backgrounds about our leads. A poor script is another reason why this film sucks, and the direction wasn't anything to write home about either.

The acting was surprisingly decent, with Australian beauty Tammin Sursok trying her best with weak material and a stupid character who grows more annoying as the film progresses. I'm surprised the actors actually did what they could with their characters, as they were so stereotypical and bland that the actors could have done much worse jobs - so kudos to them. Chris Jericho fans might want to be warned - he plays a perverted hick who doesn't even have much of a role, so don't expect a large amount of screen time.

If you're looking for gore, suspense, chase sequences and creative deaths in this movie, then look elsewhere. Most of the characters end up dying within the last fifteen minutes of the film, and when they do die - it's unsatisfying, quick and uncreative. The killers in the film had some decent makeup effects, but they ultimately came across as poor imitations of the killers from 'Wrong Turn'. The finale and whole final act in the 'Albino Farm' was rushed, and the ending was lame and unbelievable.

I say, watch it for the scene where the grandma breast-feeds a baby in a church and mortifies two of the lead characters, and of course the scene where one of the female killers performs a striptease and begins rubbing her genital area whilst dancing and making noises. I'm not kidding. Overall, a very poor, low-budget slasher and you wanna know the scariest thing about it? They are making a sequel.

3/10.

Miss March (2009)
49 out of 92 people found the following review useful:
A poor script, awful leads and minimal laughs make 'Miss March' a definite miss!, 7 June 2009
4/10

'Miss March' tells the story of Eugene (Zach Cregger), who awakens from a coma after four years, to find the love of his life Cindi (Raquel Alessi) is now a sexy centerfold model and resides in the Playboy Mansion. He travels to Hollywood with best buddy Tucker (Trevor Moore) to win her back, after failing to take her virginity on Prom Night.

The negative reviews for this 'comedy' were actually right, because Miss March is nothing more than a poorly scripted attempt at a comedy with two juvenile leads, minimal laughs and a Straight-to-DVD vibe about it. Cregger was decent, but Moore was awful and completely unfunny with every line of dialog he spoke. Alessi is barely featured in the film (despite her being a key character to the plot), and most of the brief laughs are from side characters who are barely in the movie.

The only real laughs arrive in the last 20 minutes of the film, when the two leads finally arrive at the mansion. But even then, it's side characters such as two Russian lesbians and a rapper named 'Horsed*ck.MPEG' who provide the short-lived jokes, because the two leads (especially Moore) had no comedic charm to them. I wouldn't be fooled by the R-rating for this flick also - a few boob shots near the end hardly make this a 'raunchy' comedy.

Positives about the film? Well, Hugh Hefner was pretty decent in his cameo role, and Betsy Rue (My Bloody Valentine 3D) has twenty seconds of screen time, and gives a better performance than both leads in the whole 85 minutes. Raquel Alessi was also good, even though she didn't have much to do, and the side characters provided some quick laughs in some scenes of the flick, and the last twenty minutes were decent. Plus, Miss March did have potential, but the poor script sunk the movie.

Overall, the movie just feels like another low-budget comedy which will be in the bargain bin in no time. I'm not surprised it didn't last long in theaters, and I'm disappointed to say that the negative reviews for this were right. The last twenty minutes saved the movie from being awful, but it's really not worth it just for those twenty minutes.

4/10

Obsessed (2009)
3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
"I'm gonna wipe the floor wit' yo' skinny ass!", 6 June 2009
7/10

'Obsessed' tells the story about a successful LA-based businessman, Derek Charles (Idris Elba), who finds his relationship with wife Sharon (Beyonce Knowles) in jeopardy, when temp worker Lisa (Ali Larter) develops an unhealthy obsession with him and begins stalking him.

I've been anticipating the release of 'Obsessed', ever since I heard it was heading into production. I love psychotic thrillers, Ali Larter and I was interested to see how Beyonce was going to perform, considering this is her first in the genre. Obsessed entertained me start to finish, with solid performances from the leading cast and Ali Larter stealing the show. Solid supporting roles also, including Jerry O' Connell, a well-written script and character relationships and, of course, the epic cat fight at the end. Nearly ten minutes of hilarious quotes ("I'm gonna wipe the floor wit' yo' skinny ass!"), punches, kicks, rolling down staircases, head-butts and more between two women -- who wouldn't be entertained by that? Best cat fight since 'Kill Bill: Volume 2'.

Whilst the plot is certainly unoriginal, it still entertains...and I don't know about anyone else, but I watch movies to be entertained - regardless of whether they are original or not. I did like the fact that in Obsessed, they didn't need sex scenes to make Lisa obsessed with Derek, and they made Derek and Sharon a likable couple, and even Lisa was actually likable for a psycho b*tch. I also loved the modern take on the plot, including the great soundtrack during scene transitions, with tracks including Sam Sparro's 'Black & Gold' and Eve's 'American Boy'.

'Obsessed', at the end of the day, was destined to receive bad reviews because Beyonce's name is attached to the project, and it's a shame it's already underrated. It's not meant to be an Oscar-winner, but I thought it was a very fun psycho thriller and a nice addition to the genre. Watch the movie knowing what to expect, and you might just enjoy it.

8/10


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