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michaeldukey2000

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38 reviews in total 
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Giant From The Unknown= 7Ft. Conquistador From Big Bear Ca., 27 August 2012
6/10

Call me a big softy or a melon head but it's hard for me to not like the B-Movies of my youth that I watched eagerly on shows like Chiller Theater,Jeeper's Creepers and Strange Tales Of Science Fiction. This one played in heavy rotation with Attack Of The Fifty Foot Woman and The Amazing Colossal Man. Part of the reason why this had such a strong juvenile appeal is that many kids were studying the Spaniards in the new world in school and this sparked a wild romantic fancy. This was long before shows on the Discovery Channel and Nat Geo were around to dispel myths about murderous soldiers from another era. Another good reason is that director Richard Cunha knew how to stretch a budget and keep things moving and absurd and interesting enough to keep ten year olds glued to their seats. A geologist and a Archaelogist and his hot daughter go hunting in Devils Crag to find traces of El Giant Diablo a sadistic Conquistador of great size. Strange things have been happening in the area like cattle mutilation and a fatal beating of one of the town folk. Now this is weird because the first time we see the comatose giant rise out of the ground is during a lightening storm so either the electricity brought him back to life or he did the murders and then covered himself up with mud and leaves before taking a snooze but it just makes a film like this more fun. The Title monster never utters a word and makes scary faces underneath veteran Jack Pierces make up which was pretty scary in kids terms at the time. Not a film to analyze too much but to just relax and enjoy it's wacky glory.If you like films like Attack Of The Killer Shrews and The Brain From Planet Arous you'll like this one as well.

Haunted High (2012) (TV)
8 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Haunted Low...Very Low., 27 August 2012
2/10

Haunted High is an unremarkable exercise in hack work that got 2 stars only because of the all too brief "zombie frog" sequence. M.C. Gainey as a released spirit of a evil cult leader comes across as a poor man's Stacey Keach spouting off pre death puns so bad that Freddy Kreuger wouldn't touch them. The CGI isn't as bad as say Piranhaconda but it isn't any better than an old episode of Goosebumps either and Goosebumps is scarier. The bare bones plot of teens and teachers locked in school with demonic forces is purely a Chinese menu type of affair. Take one tired cliché from collum A and 3 bad scenarios from collum B. As for kills the majority of them take place off screen followed by a gush of blood on the nearby wall. Shawn C. Phillips is the most believable person in the cast so that says something right there. Danny Trejo is the stereotyped Hispanic love sick janitor but his good guy roles aren't nearly as convincing as his bad as roles and this is nowhere as entertaining as Machete. Rent that instead. The bottom line is as long as there are masochists that stay home on Saturday nights to watch this crapola and as long as there are sponsors willing to jump on board SyFy is gonna keep churning out the cinematic equivalent to Montezuma's Revenge.If you must watch it do what I did and fast forward through about half.

Not worth the DVD it's Printed on., 15 August 2012
1/10

This is Brad Sykes second film using the the then only affordable 3D camera lens for the home market. It was intended for use with a now outdated system that worked only on tube sets and were marketed at video stores with the movies for a ridiculous price. Now you can get all of the movies that the company put out as double features on Bluray 3D for less than ten dollars and they aren't even worth that. I'm pretty positive that any one reading this that can read and comprehend Film Making For Dummies can raise up 50 bucks(More if you give the actors lunch)and make a much better film that this. Hell, if you made a 60 minute film of fat hairy guys puking up fake vomit you would have a better film than this. So go get a 3D camera and make something better than this.

Evil Unleashed (2003) (V)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
So close you can almost touch it. So bad you almost smell it., 15 August 2012
2/10

Evil Unleashed:The Mummy is easily the best of the 3D features produced by Sterling(Boy,is that a joke)Entertainment but that's like saying Plan 9 From Outer Space was the most accomplished out of all of Ed Wood's films. If you're a 3D enthusiast and you're yearning for something outside of the family style and main stream titles offered on Bluray 3D this might be what you are looking for. Just make sure you have a few beers on hand to give it a boost.Produced a few years ago for the very small home video 3D market prior to the 3D TV sets. You had to view these with bulky glasses that gave a very strong flicker effect.The 3D itself was decent for a primitive form that was actually created by a lens that you could adapt on to any home camcorder. Inside the lens were crossed mirrors that split the image into overlapping pictures that were then put back together with a depth illusion by the glasses. This movie has been converted from those previous images into a much better 3D process that eliminates any ghosting or heavy flicker but you still have the cheesy movie to contend with. Most of the actors are there for eye candy because they certainly can't act and they appear to be killing time while waiting for their next porn assignment which in the case of the males actors is most likely gay porn. Probably the only reason they did a mummy story was because the prop and sets were available from another flick and they got a deal on them because believe me the other films in the series have practically no sets at all and are all shot in the woods with very few props. The story is pretty basic. A crazy professor resurrects an evil Egeyptian princess with the help of his moronic students. THe mummy appears as a nice looking woman,dances,gets naked and then turns into a cloth wrapped mummy and rips out the hearts of whomever she's dancing in front of.Repeat this formula until the last five minutes of the film when the mummy does a Kung Fu fight with older Egyptian gods on the side of good. The Kung Fu fight is pretty funny.This has been reissued as a double bill with an earlier film the Zombie Chronicles . In this the 3D is a lot less polished and the film is so bad it looks like it was made on a weekend by folks too poor to attend film school. The story if you can call it that is about a free lance journalist who picks up an obnoxious hitch hiker who begins to tell her retarded ghost stories about the woods they are in.The twist ending will be figured out by your six year old long before it's revealed. This film is merely product for the 3D market and exists for no other reason.OK. You've been warned.

Dorm of the Dead (2006) (V)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
I Took the Money And Ran, 27 June 2012

I know some of the people involved in this and they are all truly nice people and I was glad to do them the favor by appearing in a cameo role as The Doom Sayer at the beginning of the picture much like Criswell did at the opening of the Three Ed Wood Films he did. It was fun. I brought my own costume and improvised the opening in about five minutes. We shot another improv where I appear as a girls father and her horny date shows up and starts to talk about anal sex. It was stupid and sort of funny but SOme older woman who was there started to object in the middle of the scene so that was that. It didn't even appear as a special feature. The rest of the film well...It's pretty effin bad. Pretty much an excuse to show off some lovely young things and waste your time and money. If you care to rub one out to some very soft core erotica then be my guest just don't do it to my part. You have been warned. Dukey Flyswatter

Pánico (1966)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
All That's Missing Is The Crypt Keeper And A Bowl Of Guacamole., 15 June 2012

Man, I stumbled on to this off of a torrent out of the clear blue sky whilst searching for something else. Bam the description hit me square in the face like a brick burrito. A Mexican Horror Anthology? I had no knowledge of such a creature and had to do so just for the unique experience. It's not a really good film,partially because it's budget is too low and the stories are strechted out a little too long but it was thoroughly entertaining and the stories were a little off kilter. THe first episode has no dialogue except for a few lines at the very end. A young woman having hallucinations is being hunted by a witch with a sharp knife. THe 2nd story is about two friends escaping a fever ridden village after buryiing a loved one. The last tale is a comic one and is loosely based on Premature Burial.All in all a good B effort from a very quirky film. Duke

5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
RIse Of The Animals is Low Brow Tom Foolery, 1 June 2012
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've read a couple of the reviews here and anyone expecting a scary movie from a film where the DVD covers shows a Squirrel nibbling on an Eyeball and has a tagline along the lines of "Bambi DOesn't Want A F***ing Salad!" is far more inane than the accusations they hurl at the film makers. Rise Of The Animals is a fast paced ultra low budget spoof with intentionally bad special effects and some sophomoric jokes that come off better than most first time horror comedies. It draws it's inspirations from seventies "B" classics like Frogs and Day Of The Animals and bad CGI epics on The SYfY CHannel like Sharktopus and Mega Croc. In fact I can heartily say the rise of the animals is far more entertaining than either of those films even with it's home made bad video game CGI. There's not much of a plot. A virginal Pizza Delivery guy stumbles upon an all girl sleep over where a girl from Canada whom he has had the hots for is staying and after a night of premature eruptus first time sex he wakes up to find the hot chick gone and the world gone crazy with violent cutesie critters. There isn't anything realistic or serious in the film and unlike many horror comedies it doesn't try too hard. It just gets as stupid as it wants to and goes on to the next scene. To it's credit it's nicely filmed,paced,scored and edited reminding me a lot of John Landis's first effort called Schlock. This was made by teens and folks in their 20's for under ten grand so knock back a couple of cold ones and have some fun and take it under consideration that the 7 I gave this pertains to it's genre only. I wouldn't grade it on the same scale I would Chinatown or Toy Story 3.

4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Nothing To Raise The Dead About, 17 April 2010

Ghost Stories is a reasonably entertaining ultra low budget series that was shot on tape and aired late at night in syndication. I'm usually pretty savvy on such things but it escaped my radar without so much as a blip and being infirmed in 1997 I had a lot of TV time on my hands. Other than the dead on narration of your unseen host Rip Torn the tales of specters and precognition are presented by no name thespians whose performances range from adequate to ridiculously bad. I'm now on disc 3 of the 5 disc series of 44 episodes so it's not so bad as to be disinteresting but it's certainly not Twilight Zone or One Step Beyond. All the stories are pretty straight forward no cutting up like Tales From The Crypt or Monsters and they usually contain some vague morality like the guy whose conscious leaves his body to betray him to the police or the writer who cheats on his wife with a ghost to get his passion back. For the few bucks I paid for it on Amazon I'm satisfied just don't go for it expecting House On Haunted Hill (Either Version).

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
You think this is Boring? Ha!, 24 March 2010
5/10

So Glad I finally caught this on the DVD double bill with Creation Of The Humanoids . I saw the trailer for this at a grindhouse in the seventies after the release of Star Wars. Obviously some cheap distributor dusted it off the shelf and reissued it with a Star Wars like title to pair up with another sci-fi. I remember the audience howling at the preview especially when the astronuts start hacking up the a.liens which are nothing more than plastic tubes filled with strawberry Jello. Ever since I've been trying to find it. As Space operas go it's not the best and it's not the worst. It's certainly a time capsule of everything sixties .AnTonio Marghetti seemed to be the go to guy for these psychedelic mash ups of James Bond and George Jetson starting in 1960 with Space Men and ending in the early seventies(I think) with The SNow Devils AKA The Blue Devils. My favorite in the series is Wild Wild Planet with it's four armed assassins and biosphere of blood. Most of these would grace the late night air waves when the insomniacs and users of contraband were up and wanting something different. If you like em cheap and Campy you could do worse, As for really boring cinema try The Dead Talk,The Incredible Petrified World, Treasure Of El Cortez, Or That Man From Harlem.

Privilege (1967)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
George Orwell Meets Sgt. Pepper, 5 October 2008
8/10

As first features go this is dynamite and a great piece of cinema history representing commercial flops that refuse to die and slowly gain staunch cult popularity. Fortunately The Sundance Channel has picked this up and hopefully it's reputation will grow. It's really the first feature about the ugly side of the music business and with a thinking mans vile of sci-fi brew tinged with British black humor it's point is probably easier to convey than it was back then since we have seen so many media manufactured teen stars selling everything from, happy meals and fashions to virginity. Patti Smith covered the melody to the song Set Me Free on her Easter album but she changed most of the words to make it seem more contemporary. It's pure horror show gold. If you're looking for action look elsewhere but if you want the closest thing to the Anti version of Hard Days Night dive in. Control the little people.


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