Reviews written by registered user
The Yeti

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78 reviews in total 
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3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Original and surreal, 12 August 2004

Come on, you can't really say this movie is lame. It has an original story and a surreal atmosphere for a start that give the movie an unsettling feel.

The story goes like this: 3 wannabe burglars break into an isolated villa and kill the occupants. The 2 elderly occupants are really sadistic killers and have quite a shock in store for the burglars. The old man with his collection of clocks turn back time and soon the burglars are running for their lives.

The acting isn't quite up to scratch and there is a cruel scene involving a cat that in my opinion makes the lead teens truly unlikeable.

Apart from that then you can look forward to a great setting and location. (The villa is lovely but appears dark and unsettling as soon as night falls.) Also on show is Fulci style gore. A maid is literally gutted when the elderly folks find out about her snooping around. You can give a hand to the poor teen thats just had hers stabbed! And, about a dozen shotgun blasts end up hitting everyone. I couldn't believe this was made for cable!

The movie doesn't intend to be amazing, yet the surreal story and the twisted ending notches it up considerably. Just give it a watch. You may be pleasantly surprised. 3 out of 5.

116 out of 132 people found the following review useful:
One of the most Underrated movies ever!, 30 June 2004

I speak out on behalf of all fans of the TMNT!

This is not a bad movie!

You might say it has no storyline but I say it's kept simplistic for all the comic book fans. You don't want to confuse people with a massive complex tale. No one argues with 'Enter the Dragon' having a bad storyline!

The characters in this movie are wonderfully set up. Right from the start we see that Raphael has issues. This anger forces him to distance himself and in the process we feel his fury. We immerse ourselves in the character and see how deep he can go. From woefully staring into New York from a rooftop or letting out a frenzy upon the gang that has literally knocked April to the ground we are getting to know the character inside and out. This is the hero of the movie. As for the comedic cheek of Casey Jones or the light-hearted double wisecracks of Michaelangelo and Donatello, I'd love to see the reason behind this movie having "no character study" as some people might say.

The action scenes are set up within the constraints of a normal fun movie with great camera angles just dying to be put on an advert or poster.

The turtle effects by the Jim Henson creature shop don't disappoint even though Splinter looks like he walked straight off the set of 'Labyrinth'. The turtles are so good you shouldn't care anyway. The animatronics are fab and the voice characterisation is well chosen.

As for the main blessing, Steve Barron has chosen a dark tone for his movie. The original comic book would have been made proud by this attempt at making the movie more adult than people could believe. The crime-filled backdrops of New York make a great battleground, and the whole mythological element that all crime is ruled by a master ninja adds to the drama. The soundtrack couldn't be better for the beginning.

This is a fantastic movie and horribly underrated. With so many great elements this goes down as one of the all time great fantasy adventures. 10 out of 10 and a cowabunga to boot!

The Slayer (1982)
1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Unpredictable. But in a bad way., 15 January 2004

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I bought this on DVD in its 'uncut' form. It starts off quite promising with an okay nightmare sequence and some intrigue. The soundtrack is also good considering how low budget this is. The story sees a woman having recurring nightmares of being chased by a monster on an island. Soon she realises it's a premonition rather than a dream. The murders are carried out well. Trapdoor, Boat oar, Giant fishing rod, pitchfork. These are well edited and intensely shot so I suggest you should get the uncut version if any. The films downfall is the acting and the lack of likeable characters. I wanted these people to die. Not a very good sign. When you finally get to see 'The Slayer' it's quite impressive. Well made up and horrific. The ending however is bull****. It does make sense if you listen to the dialogue in the movie but it doesn't suit the style of the movie. We've just been waiting for this monster to show up and when it makes its appearance we cut to some little girl's bedroom realising it was a dream.

3.0 out of 10.

Good murders, music and make-up. Everything else is fodder.

Suspiria (1977)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Compelling and makes no sense! "Possible Spoilers", 5 November 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

After hearing various rumours of this movie being a true horror classic and Dario Argento's best, I decided to buy it and take a look. It is a great piece of work from the Italian Master but if you watch closely you will realise it makes no sense. But, the bizarre music, the wild settings, the impossible bit where a killer bursts through a window when there is nothing to hold on to! It is utterly compelling and an unforgettable experience. Jessica Harper plays Susy, a girl who wants to enter a ballet school and realises it is a coven of witches and demons. The gore is bright pink but the killings are suspenseful. It is not a giallo like Argento's other early work but it hints of a possible detective story told instead by the main character and her friends. The camera angles like the pigeons eye view and the presence of someone or something watching Susy and her friend in the swimming pool. It is overall one of Argento's best. I don't like it as much as 'Deep Red' but people will argue over which is the best. I give this 7 out of 10.

4 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Nicely atmospherical horror anthology., 3 November 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Since all of the stories have their ups and downs I will review them each on their own. Five men are trapped in a basement with a table and chairs. They proceed to tell them stories from their nightmares that seem to real to be just a nightmare. Include Major Spoilers!

{Story 1} It involves a man (Daniel Massey) trying to hunt down his sister (Played by Anna Massey) as she is the beneficiary of her fathers will. After tracking her down, Daniel Massey kills her and enters a restaurant. He was told they were closing but they are indeed open, for a gang of vampires. If you are clever enough to find the uncut version, it includes Daniel Massey getting a drinks pump stuffed into his neck and the vampires proceed to pour blood from his neck squirting it out as he spasms. Very good direction with a spooky atmosphere and an engrossing story.

{Story 2} It sees Arthur Gritchit (Played very splendidly by Terry-Thomas) and his new wife Eleanor settling down into their home. All is good until Arthur starts getting angry at the fact that Eleanor keeps changing the house around and not putting things back in the right places. 'Everything in its place and a place for everything. That Eleanor, is the value of neatness.' Arthur says. Eleanor then tries to tidy the house up really fast before Arthur gets home. Only a few things to put away until everything gets out of hand. Arthur gets home while Eleanor has just knocked over a box of nails to put a painting on the wall with. Arthur then starts ranting 'Can't you do ANYTHING neatly!' Eleanor in a rage bashes his head with a hammer. We then see a tidy house and Arthurs body parts that have been assorted in different jars. Eleanor cackles crazily. A great performance by both characters with Terry-Thomas adding humor every chance he gets. A fitting ending and a story that never gets boring. I could write the story's script from memory I've seen it that many times!

{Story 3} Curt Jergens plays a magician who spots a woman in India chanting a rope. The trick is spectacular as Jergens can't spot how shes doing it. He offers to buy the rope but the woman refuses as it is a very special rope. Jergens pays her to do the trick at his hotel room with his wife. When the woman goes to the hotel, Jergens and his wife stab her to death. When Jergens chants the rope his wife climbs it to show off. She then looks up at the ceiling and lets out a piercing scream. She disappears and blood appears on the ceiling. The rope then comes down and starts lashing Jergens as we see it has a mind of its own. It hangs Jergens and everyone can see him hanging from his hotel window. A good if predictable story that has a great performance by Jergens and good classic revenge by a stolen item. The only flaw is we don't know what the rope did to his wife.

{Story 4} Michael Craig is a man who fakes his own death by being buried alive, expecting to be dug up later in an insurance scam. The man who should dig him up doesn't come to dig him up as he keeps the money for himself. Two college students want to dig up a corpse to use in a science project and they dig up Craigs grave. He gets up and screams in a mad rage. The two students run for it and end up causing Michael Craigs friends death as his car crashes. The grave digger who went with the two boys however has smashed Craigs head in with the spade. Another predictable story with a good ending. Craig looks rather bored in his performance yet manages to pull it off. The head bashing sequence is good and the comedy routine from the college boys is a nice touch.

{Story 5} Tom Baker is an artist. He has been forced to live in the carribean because his paintings were'nt selling. They were actually getting lots of money at galleries and it turns out Bakers auctioneers were lying. Baker sees a voodoo priest for a revenge spell. Baker then has the ability to paint a picture of a living thing and destroy the painting. Thus, this will happen to the real life person. He paints all three auctioneers and rips the first mans hands from the painting. After an accident, the mans hands are cut off. After he paints the second auctioneer he pokes out the eyes. In real life, the mans wife throws acid at his face so he'll never see again. The third auctioneer gets to see his painting as Baker shows it to him. He paints a red hole in his head and the man shoots himself in the head. Baker though, has painted himself and as he runs from the scene of the crime some workmen from the top room spill some water. Baker is hit by a truck and the truck runs over his face. We then cut back to Bakers painting and see that the water has ruined the painting. It has worn away Bakers face. A very clever twist with some great acting from Tom Baker and a cameo from Denholm Elliott. It is probably the best story apart from the second story.

The whole movie is put together with class acting and great atmosphere. You will be engrossed and thoroughly spooked by the stories. One of the best anthology movies of all time. 8.5 out of 10.

Great bloody movie!, 2 November 2002

I saw this as a double bill with the abysmal 'Valentine'. Avoid that one at all costs! This one though is the predecessor. Made in 1981 (A good year for independent slashers) it gets away with a good story, good atmosphere and plenty of gore! The story is that 5 miners went to work and were abandoned by 2 colleagues who snuck off to a valentines ball. The 5 miners weren't warned about the methane levels so they lit a match and the whole place collapsed. Rescue workers dug their way in to find a miner named Harry Warden crazy and he had to resort to cannibalism to stay alive. After the 2 colleagues are murdered by Warden he warns never to hold a valentines ball again. 20 years later they decide to hold a ball again. Oh oh! The movie delivers the killings from the start with ample amounts of blood and gore. The killings are very creative and some include a man having his face put in a boiling hot dog saucepan, a woman being put in a washing machine and a man getting nail gunned at the head! The plot and story is different and the killer is very scary and imposing wearing full mining gear including gas mask and pickaxe. All of the characters are rednecks, which ups the fun level! Some of the cast went on to do better things. Neil Affleck (Not related to Ben) went on to direct episodes of 'The Simpsons' and Keith Knight who played Hollis went on to be a voice artist. This and some good set pieces make this a very good example of 80's slasher. 7 out of 10.

The Ghoul (1975)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Very ghoulish fun!, 1 November 2002

Those of you who love a good mystery should love this movie. After a party for the rich, 2 couples at the party decide to race to lands end in Cornwall. Soon one of the cars breaks down, one is off the road and they are in trouble. One of the women goes into a mansion to ask for help and it's clear that she's unwelcome. Peter Cushing plays Dr Lawrence who hides a dark secret in the attic. Cushing is quite dull in his role but he comes back at the end. John Hurt is completely miscast as the grumpy and perverted gardener. He actually plays the role very well and it's fun to see him do something interesting. He also invented a great new slap. He raises his hand and brings it down to chop the persons face with his fingers. I tried it and it's very painful! It shall be referred to as 'The ghoul slap'. As for the movie, the rest of the cast is on good form and Ian McCulloch stars in a pre 'Zombi 2' role. Still, he tries to take on the ghoul at the end and fails miserably. The atmosphere is superb with marshes and fog although the movie does run at a slow pace. Killings are the usual with stabbing's and shootings although some scenes have great special fx for gore. Particularly Ian McCulloch's demise. It is well worth a watch although it is very dodgy and quite slow. 5.5 out of 10.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
A blessing for Wes Craven., 31 October 2002

'Nightmare on Elm Street', 'The hills have eyes', they are all horror movies directed by some would say the king of horror. This man is Wes Craven. He dreams by night, writes his nightmares on paper, and finally makes movies out of them. I don't know if he dreamed up 'Deadly Blessing' but it sure as hell gave me nightmares! When I saw this aged 10, it frightened me to death. Not just because of the horror, but because of the hittite people in the movie and their God fearing ways. According to Sharon Stone 'They make the amish look like swingers!' The story involves Maren jensen who goes to stay with her boyfriend John on a farm. A family of locals next door are fearing a devil called the incubus. While John is asleep he hears his tractors motor running. He goes to investigate only to find someone or something has painted 'Incubus' on the wall. The tractor then runs him over squishing his face. Soon, more murders occur and more people go missing. Who or what is it? Is it Will Gluntz (Played by Michael Berryman)? Isaiah Smicht (Played well by Ernest Borgnine)? Or is it something more sinister? The movie can get credit for being very scary and thoroughly suspenseful. Wes Craven directs with strange sounds and prowlers eye view. It is dark and we are always focused on the characters. The best scenes are the spider scene, the barn scene and if you can see it, the extended ending. Normally it ends with Maren Jensen saying goodbye to her friends and waving them off. In the extended ending she goes back inside her house and at a very jumpy moment, a scary and very realistic looking incubus rises from the ground and drags Maren Jensen to hell screaming. According to the writers, the ending would be spoiling the movie. I just thought it was great. The barn scene is also great. Sharon Stone gets locked in a barn by an unknown figure and she tries to find a way out. Its dark and full of cobwebs. Something is in the barn with her waiting to strike. The camera just focuses on Sharon Stone and the cobweb details. It makes Stone seem vulnerable and exposed to the killer. It's all masterful stuff and I'm sure Craven fans will love it. As for the enjoyment factor, I wouldn't recommend it to the very religious and people with a short attention span will get bored quickly. It isn't very gory either. I say watch it though! 8 out of 10.

Needed to be scary., 31 October 2002

I was expecting this to get remade soon after 'House on Haunted Hill' came out again. I was right so I bought my ticket and watched the movie with my buds. I was truly disappointed. It does have a few good points, The special fx are good and the house is interesting. The house was something new and it was indeed a step in the right direction. It is made of glass and you can see right through it. Plus, Shannon Elizabeth is staying there and she is fond of the bath. Don't get your hopes up though! She is really boring in the movie and she looks rather bored herself. She is miscast as Tony Shalhoubs innocent daughter and Rah Digga and the annoying ten year old kid are truly awful in their acting roles. I hate it when they add annoying kids into movies to increase the number of kids going to see it. If it's rated 'R' or '15' then why bother. Oh yeah, there is a kid in the original but it still angers me. The ghosts themselves are good and are creative. The only ones that seem to be murderous though are the Juggernaut, the Hammer, the Jackal and the Torn Prince. This results in few deaths and some CG gore which is bad. Apart from these bad points, F. Murray Abraham, Matthew Lillard, Tony Shalhoub and Embeth Davitz are all suitable for their roles. There is one good death and the house was a nice change although it was very ridiculous. I rate it 4.5 out of 10 but I recommend 'House on Haunted Hill' a lot more.

Madman (1981)
2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Booooring! Also good., 27 October 2002

It's your typical 80's horror setting. A summer camp surrounded by an inferno of woodland. A bunch of teenagers listen to the story of Madman Marz, a farmer who got drunk and killed his wife and kids. When the villagers found him, they hung him only to go back and realise his body was gone. Legend has it that if you call his name, he'll come for you. It's a good story isn't it. It's also true and soon the madman starts killing the teens in gory ways. See the uncut version. Bad news about the movie is the characters are boring and the movie for the first 45 minutes is boring! Apart from the story that is. Madman Marz looks creepy and imposing when you can't see him but when you see him at the end he just looks like a cross between WWF wrestler Hillbilly Jim and Santa Claus! It has enough gore and suspense to keep you engrossed but without the characters being likeable, it ruins it a bit. Max is the only likeable character and he goes down town for most of the movie! But, for another classic slasher flick I give it 5 out of 10.

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