Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Kart Racer (2003)
I don't know what's sadder...
I don't know what's sadder, the fact that this movie exists, or the fact that people are complaining that its not realistic.
Racing movies are all the same, it doesn't matter what happens in the first 80 minutes, because the hero will just pull ahead at the last minute anyways. And the way they glamourized this sport was hilarious. I mean, this is the same crap people are racing at theme parks and carnivals, and they expect us to believe that it would draw crowds like that? Hey I know, let's make a movie about how some underdog unicyclist has to reconnect with his father and then perceiver to win the Unicycle Cup. At the last second he'll put it all on the line, pull ahead, and win it all.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
Well, mark off yet another franchise ruined. This movie was disturbing, but not in the horror movie sense. No, it was disturbing because of how similar it felt to House of the Dead, quite possibly the lowest grade zombie movie made in the last 10 years. The really sad part is, House of the Dead had more horror in it than Resident Evil 2 did! This movie was practically gore-less, no doubt to keep the ratings low to attract the cash kiddies.
Like HOTD, Resident Evil 2 feels like the director ran around Toronto with the cast, going "ok, a grave yard, this will be a cool place to film". It felt scriptless, like it was made up on the spot. While some may thing that this would lend a little spontonaity to what might otherwise be a formulaic movie, they'd be wrong. All the lack of direction added was a boat load of cheap one-liners, bad dialogue, and the worst attempts at European accents I've ever heard. It felt like the director simply came up with ideas on the spot; anything he thought was cool he'd add it, regardless of it not fitting at all. "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Alice drove a motorcycle through the stain glass window to get into the church!". This sort of stuff isn't mindless entertainment, I'm a big fan of mindless, but this was just idiotic.
The whole movie plays out like a music video, with fast edits, and machine gun cuts. HOTD also pulled this trick numerous times. Both films even share a similar flashback sequence where they show all the previous events in the film strobing to the drum beat in the background music.
All in all, I think this movie REALLY lost the scope of the first film. The first Resident Evil, like the game, was a "survival horror". It featured people trapped inside an enclosed space with deadly zombies and mutants. In RE2, the whole scope is broadened too far, making it feel more like Escape From New York rather than a survival horror.
Doctor Snuggles (1979)
classic, inspirational fun
Back when I was younger my parents borrowed an old Beta tape from my uncle which contained several episodes of Dr Snuggles. To this day that tape still resides somewhere in their house, along with the Beta VCR to play it. I used to watch that tape endlessly and could probably recite what happens in nearly every episode that was on there shot by shot.
The show was inspiring and creative, with a real sense of adventure and wacky invention-based problem solving. The characters were all funny, but somehow quite believable. Likewise, the inventions, although impossible (a robot made of soup cans for instance), still made sense in the context of the show.
I remember wanting to be an inventor when I was younger and this show really had me hooked on the concept. These days, while I'm not an inventor of rocket ships and soup can robots, I'd like to think that the creative direction my life has taken is, in part, due to growing up with Dr Snuggles.
Foolproof is foolproof!
This movie was outstanding! Clever, funny, exciting, and Canadian. I'm quite proud to see this film on the big screen. I'm even more proud of the fact that the film makers decided to base the story in Toronto. Too often has Toronto doubled for other cities in films, it was refreshing to see the "T dot O" being its good old self.
Until I saw this movie, Ocean's 11 (the remake, not the boring original) was hands-down favourite heist movie. In my opinion, FoolProof is practically dead even with Ocean's 11 on sheer cleverness. I don't want to spoil anything, but suffice it to say that the plot surrounding the heist and the "thieves by mistake" is brilliant, twisting, and...foolproof!
The characters were expertly played, with Ryan Reynolds really shining in his performance. He came across as smart, quirky, and of course very funny. His comic timing blended very well with the tense heist drama.
The great part about FoolProof is that, unlike Ocean's 11, it didn't try to hype itself up with some veteran all-star cast to try and sell more tickets. Ryan Reynolds has significant star power, but I'm not sure if the fratboy fans who say Van Wilder will warm up to this much more dynamic role. Only time will tell I suppose. Either way, if you're a Canadian, support your film industry and check out this stellar movie!
Men in Black II (2002)
I like the MIB cartoon a lot better
This movie was way too over the top. All the mystique that the MIB agency had in the first was lost in this one. I mean, there was a Burger King in their central terminal thing, come on! The only part that seemed to maintain the quirky mystique from the first film was the beat boxing post office workers, that was truly clever. Frank the dog, however, was irritating and unfunny; seeing a dog in a suit singing I Will Survive doesn't make me laugh! Normally, I'm a big fan of special effects, but not in this case. The effects were plentiful and all horribly done. Jonny Knoxville's character looked especially bad with the neck moving in the most unnatural way possible. The subway scene *could* have been good, but that too was ruined by bad special effects. I just gave up once the cars and spaceships started flying everywhere, but I'll bet all the kiddies got a kick out of the PS2 controller Wil Smith used to fly the car.
I wish the writers had looked to the MIB cartoon. That cartoon had better plots, better acting, and better effects than MIB 2 did! It didn't try to turn quirky dead-pan into goofy "Fresh Prince" one liners like this film did!
Fahrenheit 451 meets The Matrix
This movie was truly a hidden gem. Although the plot is not entirely original (it reminds me of Fahrenheit 451 a great deal), it is a good one and ties in well with the settings, characters, and action sequences. The sets and backgrounds were beautifully bleak, monolithic and stunning. Finally, the action sequences, these are absolutely some of the best gun fights I've seen in any movie. Considering this is a straight-to-video release, the production is incredibly well done and makes use of every penny they had in the budget.
I didn't laugh
Sure, this movie is intended to be stupid, but I seem to have missed all the so called "jokes" that were in this movie. Exactly why do the select few Pauly fans actually find him funny? Bio-Dome, Jury Duty, In the Army Now, Son In Law, etc. None of them seem to contain any real comedy. More like just some quirky guy who giggles a lot doing some "totally outrageous" goofy stunts. To me it's as if some kid purposly falls off a skateboard and faceplants into a curb expecting to get some laughs for his effort. Sorry Pauly, your "faceplants" aren't making me laugh.
I went in to XXX knowing full well it would be a brainless action movie. I knew in advance that the movie was mostly just a vehicle to display some over the top "X-TREME" sports (Vin battles evil on the skateboard ramp). But even with these cautiously low expectations I was still very disappointed. The action scenes, for the most part, were pretty exciting. The problem was all the bits in-between. They plodded along at a snail's pace with no conceivable direction whatsoever. For instance, characters who were introduced in the beginning disappear, only now they're evil and promptly get shot minutes later. Predictable T&A and shots of expensive cars are thrown in for the male viewers, while scenes with Vin walking around in saggy underwear is thrown in for the girls. All they needed to do was toss in a few scenes featuring a computer generated robot and every teen on the planet would have gone to see it.
As far as dialog goes, imagine a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger movie fused with a James Bond film. Why, you'd have True Lies then, wouldn't you? But where True Lies worked with the humour of the unlikeliness of Arnold being a secret agent, XXX falls flat. While Vin seems to be capable of rattling off his lines in a convincing tone, the one-liners were out of place and poorly written. The dialog was wooden and often very redundant. What one character explained in an earlier scene is then re-explained by another character.
Finally, the action, the real reason anyone goes to see a movie like this. Bad acting, poor script, no problems right? as long as we see lots of explosions we're happy. For the most part this holds true in XXX, the stunts are pretty exciting. However, almost everyone who has seen the film would agree that the stunts he performs are so over the top they'd be impossible to execute. What I found annoying about the action sequences is how they seemed to find a way to tie in the extreme sports aspect into everything. For example, if XXX needed to jump a fence then he suddenly discovers a dirt bike. If he needs to disable a radio tower on a mountain why it do it by snowboarding infront of a giant avalanche. If he needs to escape a sniper then a lunch try will easily double as a skateboard with which to rail slide down 5 flights of stairs. This guy is incapable of escaping a situation normally; he couldn't just run away, he'd have to rollerblade away or something.
Probably the best character in the whole movie was XXX's equivalent to James Bond's Q. This guy's snappy upbeat delivery as he showed off the gadgets really made the whole gadget segments a lot more enjoyable.
So to conclude, this movie was a major letdown. I went in with low expectations but this movie was too boring and unoriginal to even meet those.
The credits listed TWO continuity coordinators!
I never knew stock footage of monkeys and birds could be so funny! Every other shot in this film features some exotic animal frolicking in slow motion. The zombies were great too, some looked disinterested, others looked like they were break dancing, a true collage of talent in that department. Fortunately, the highly skilled (read: ridiculously disorganized) janitors, er, SWAT team are there to thwart this relentless menace. But how do you kill the undead? Shoot it in the head of course. How do *they* kill the undead? They don't for the most part, instead they shoot them everywhere *EXCEPT* the head. Naturally, when the zombies don't die they ponder their situation for what seems like hours as the zombies approach. And can these people ever travel! On a single tank of gas they somehow get from Italy, to a remote jungle, to the planes of Africa, to a sea shore (with a convenient boat). I don't know how this film got away with such massive gaps in continuity considering there were TWO continuity coordinators listed in the credits!
Probably the best part about the whole movie is the DVD box. "eye popping gore, jaw dropping dialog, and the terrifying use of unnecessary stock footage". The box didn't take it seriously, and neither should you. Rent it, buy it, do whatever you have to do to see this movie, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...with laughter.
Five out of Five turkeys for this one!
The Last Castle (2001)
decent once you get past the layers of patriotic over dramatization
This movie borrowed a lot from movies like Shawshank Redemption. At times I even expected to hear Morgan Freeman begin to narrate "Andy was a quiet man...". Still, at its core, this movie was decent and worth watching.
Unfortunately, most of the story gets buried under heaps of irritating American patriotic dramatization. Saluting, drumming dog tags, praising the flag, singing war songs; after a while it gets very annoying. Just about everything Robert Redford's character says winds up with him giving some long winded speech about what it is to be a soldier. And are American soldiers truly that obsessed about their flag?
Anyways, the plan that the prisoners hatch is fun to watch unfold even if some of the elements seem a bit far fetched. It truly was the high point of the movie and was worth sitting though all the military politics to get there. To be honest, this movie seems as though it started out as a cool prison breakout-style movie but heaps of "go USA" sentimentality tacked to cash in on the latest "war" the US is currently fighting. I'm sure a lot of "non-Americans" like myself were groaning at all the cliches.
To conclude, the movie *was* worth watching, the acting is legitimate, the plot, although not original, was well executed, and despite all efforts of the producers to practically smother us in American patriotism, this movie was not only bearable, it was rather entertaining.