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dschmeding

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175 reviews in total 
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Seed 2 (2014)
11 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Germany - Zero points, 2 August 2014
1/10

The first Seed Movie by Uwe Boll was already pretty bad but compared to this waste of resources even Seed 1 seems like pure genius. Everything about this movie looks like a student project. The opening scene introduces us to bad acting, bad writing and timing and starts the movie with a calculated provocative scene that immediately falls flat on its face.

After that you are basically treated to half an hour of boredom, incredibly bad acting from the female leads and dialog and a "plot" that is so blatantly ripped off a hundred other movies and re-invented in the most annoying way possible that I really wonder if many make it more than 20 minutes into this "movie". So you have a van full of bad acting chicks driving through the desert, picking up hitchhikers, meeting a bored police woman acting even worse than everyone else... and then they die. Sometimes it looks like they wanted to go for a "Hills have eyes" style... but after all its just shots of the desert and a guy in a mask killing chicks.

The camera work is mediocre (still the best about the movie), the sound mixing is off with several characters far too hard to understand, the choice of music is bad, the editing is uneven and forced, the storytelling and dialog are childish (must have been written on a bus ride or something) and even the only thing that could make this a little watchable looks cheap and unrealistic.... the FX. Usually German horror movies suck at almost everything but deliver some decent FX. Seed delivers absolutely NOTHING.

Avoid at any cost.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
I can't believe they are doing a remake of this mess, 24 May 2014
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This has been the biggest waste of time for me in a long while. I can't remember when I have last seen such a bad movie as "Hidden in the woods". The editing and story telling is atrocious. Scenes are drawn out, then cut in a way so you can't even follow the paper thin plot. Characters are doing things that are completely random and unbelievable or utterly over the top all the time, the girls are constantly screaming which just gets annoying after a while.

OK, this is supposed to be an exploitation movie but not even the violence keeps this mess afloat. There is a lot of rape and incest but that is delivered in such a ridiculous way that it often borders on the laughable. Basic premise is that a sick father who is working for drug dealers is living in the woods, killing his wife, raping his daughters which results in one of them having a disfigured son that is raised as an animal. All this is told in a boring and disjointed fashion that buries all the shock value. Suddenly the father goes amok (like many things that happen in this movie just for no conceivable reason), ends in jail and his drug dealer friends try to get their stash, chasing the girls. Then there is some more rape (seriously... there is not one male character in this movie that is not a pervert or rapist), sudden cannibalism just for the fun of it, lame drawn out shoot-outs and a revenge ending with a lot of blood and a short twist which once again suffers from childish editing and story telling. The end of this movie leaves you with the impression that the director must be as mentally retarded as the incest mutant son that keeps mumbling, stumbling and looking at the camera throughout this snooze fest.

If you are into horror movies nothing here will shock you. I was bored and often staring at the random happenings on screen in total disbelief. Don't fall for the reviewers who talk of the good special effects. They are basically just showing rapes and pouring buckets of blood on some people. There is a chainsaw killing scene at the beginning that exemplifies which is basically close up of a chainsaw and faces sprayed with red liquid, inter-cut in such fashion that you wonder if the movie got stuck in a time loop. Looks like a fun movie project by school kids and definitely not like a serious film. So don't be mislead by the cinematography which is in comparison to everything else in this movie close to divine (*irony*).

The people who are doing a U.S. remake of this waste of resources should be slapped for their utter ignorance and incompetence.

Discopathe (2013)
8 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Horror Trash with a 70ies flair - Comedy?, 1 May 2014
3/10

Now that was a disappointment. The whole plot of this movie is rather ridiculous. From the opening you know this is a low budget production because the acting and dialog are really bad. its often hard to know if this movie is meant serious or funny. I expected the latter because a psycho killer and 70ies disco victims sound like a fun ride. As soon as they used flashbacks to explain the childhood trauma of the guy I was out because that just must be the dumbest thing i have ever seen. The cops remind me of the Beastie Boys "Sabotage" Music Video... fake haircuts, mustaches and acting all over the place. After all this is a really trashy tribute to old horror movies, kind of a funny homage that fails to deliver the fun which just leaves some gory kills. And for todays standard these just don't keep the movie afloat. Editing is often atrocious and really... there is just too little disco in this movie. When I hear a totally misplaced Wilhelm's scream at the end of the movie I know this was supposed to be funny but either i did not get it or the movie makers failed to deliver. Either way... don't waste your time.

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Fresh Meats Night Out, 4 March 2014
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Now this is some strange movie. It already had me reeled in with the strange intro and straightforward title sequence that only shows aerial footage of houses and streets. The paper thin plot unfolds pretty fast with a bunch of teens on a night out starting out in a restaurant and then quickly descending into chaos after the drunk party girl first gets two guys angry at a filling station that start a car chase with the 4 teens. Not even 10 minutes into the movie and they are in deep sh*t already... the 2 guys seem pretty aggravated and you are prepared for the worst when the whole thing turns around in a sudden twist just to get the 4 teens involved with some even weirder nutters. Now that is basically what the movie goes on like... its a continuous roller coaster ride on a downward spiral into utter madness. "Butcher Boys" has a strange brooding atmosphere with sudden explosive outburst of violence and plays heavily on horror clichés with endless chases through dark alleys and derelict buildings. The thugs chasing the teens are a strange mix of 60ies leather jacket Italian rockers and supernatural demons... has a strong "Sometimes they come back" feeling.

After some pretty drawn out chases the movie turns into a bizarre Texas Chainsaw Massacre direction when the girls are abducted into a underground society that just gets weirder and weirder... weird doctors, chained monster, a girl with Stockholm syndrome, cannibal orgies and plans to breed a monster baby...it just gets weirder and weirder and there is never a way out and always a more terrifying monster behind the exit door.

Seems like your typical horror fare and borrows from the classics. But what makes "Butcher Boys" special is that it includes a lot of humorous elements that could be taken as normal horror stupidity. But honestly... scenes like when the girl is locked in a dark room, then finds a blowtorch to light the darkness and look around and then with the blowtorch finds dynamite or several ridiculously drawn out scenes hiding in lockers or sneaking around a sleeping fat guy are obviously making fun of the genre. When a girl is crawling under the floorboards with every now and then creepy hands grabbing for her it has the feeling of an annoying "tunnel of horror" ride. But while many horror movies use these elements seriously it just has to be satire here... if anything the scene with the girl hiding in front of a TV shop with a TV playing uplifting music and flower videos should prove that this is a pitch black comedy. There are so many tongue-in-cheek jokes and when psychos in drag are running around and starting a giant shootout with machine guns and bazookas its just WTF on heavy rotation.

I found the movie strangely fascinating since it mixed the humor with a dense horror movie atmosphere in a rather untypical way that kept the movie entertaining up until the end that was just about as dumb as way too many other movies.

Like someone else said.... get your buddies and some beers and have fun. Its sure an entertaining ride but there are some elements that are thrown in (considering the title they should be important I guess) but just end up on the sidelines with all the crazy stuff happening. So don't even expect a proper plot!

13 out of 25 people found the following review useful:
What the hell?, 7 September 2013
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It comes as no surprise that this is a cheap sequel to the successful remake. But this is not merely a disgusting regurgitation of a remade cliché that has long gone stale ... this is on all accounts a bad movie, if you can even call it a movie.

While the first part was well done, well acted and had a logical story arch that culminated in some pretty gut wrenching scenes this one has none of that. There is no story arch... the whole thing is utterly ridiculous. Girl goes to photo shoot, does not want to undress for nude pictures and gets raped, abducted to Romania, gang raped and buried alive.

60% of the movie is the dehumanization of the female lead and still I could not care less about her.... 60minutes of rape and boredom, just so she can crash into the Romanian gutters an be freed magically, find a bible and read the words "Vengeance is mine". Yes, it really treats the viewer like an idiot. It goes on equally dumb. Basically you get 60 Minutes of rape, 20 minutes of pseudo drama and 20 minutes of revenge. That is all this thing has to offer... just the same formula with a "new" script that is so devoid of meaning it makes most parts of the film boring and annoying as hell. That is not just because of the bad writing and dialogs if there are any. The acting of the female lead is atrocious. The constant screaming and overacting often makes you want so turn this thing off. But not only is the acting bad and unbelievable on so many levels... the whole editing and use of music is incredibly trashy and collides heavily with the dramatic tone the film takes in the last 30 minutes.

Characters are presented in the cheapest good/bad guy style and introduced just to be killed off or rot on the sidelines of the story. By rotting I don't even mean the revenge on one unlucky guy who is cut and left to die of his fecal smeared infected wounds. I mean characters like the priest, the police detective and the evil woman. You couldn't care less about any of them, they are really just literally standing around while the lead actress stumbles through her revenges and they are ignored since the script writer had too short of an attention span to realize this giant plot hole.

Oh, the kills... One little piggy is smeared with poo, the next little piggy is drowned in poo and the next is.... I don't even know what that electrifying was supposed to be. Even the kill and torture scenes are annoying, badly lit and they don't just smell of poo and sewers, they smell of utter desperation. Someone tried desperately to give the reviewers and audience something to talk about. But if feces and electrocution are the only thing you have up your sleeve.... you stink!

Don't even think this movie tries to have a meaningful or climatic ending. The whole thing is so random a monkey could have written it. This must be one of the worst told hollow stories I have ever seen. This is the exploitation of exploitation. There is not one redeeming element that I could mention in a positive way. Stay away from this... so these copy+paste remake types don't get to make another such mess of a movie.

V/H/S (2012)
15 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
You got to be kidding me, 8 August 2012
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I wonder when this FoundFootage hype ever wears off. There is really not many gems among all these shaky cam documentary horror style films (all i can thing of are Poughkeepsie Tapes and Lake Mungo which were heavily story driven).

V/H/S is no exception to the rule here. First... don't fall for the cheap promotion about people getting sick in cinema. If they did they did because of the annoying camera shake, not because of how creepy or sick this movie is. For a horror movie in 2012 this is laughable, both on the scares and the gore level.

Honestly... the idea to make a FoundFootage anthology has to be one of the most idiotic ever. So you got a genre that seriously lacks storytelling already and then induce it with the additional cheesiness and storytelling laziness of anthology movies... this had to end badly.

What you get is some episode pieces bound into a surrounding "plot" about some burglars out to steal some VHS tapes and watching them in a dark house with a dead guy in a chair.

The episodes are barely worth mentioning. The first is about some guys out to party with a chick they pick up while one of them films secretly with a camera in his glasses and the whole thing goes boom when the chick turns out to be some kind of demon. This is the best in my opinion and it doesn't deliver much more than what I summed up. The gore is minimal, some of the effects are laughable even with the bad quality, dark picture and shaky cam covering most of it.

One episode stands out for it using a skype video-chat and trying to tell a little story with a twist but although the actress is pretty convincing the twist just doesn't cover it. I can't find if its Adam Wingards part but it reminds of the basic premise of "horrible way to die".

The last segment has some decent effects with a haunted house feel but honestly it feels like a ghost train in an amusement park with hands coming out of the walls and some boo scares.

I don't get how these kind of movies always manage to generate such a buzz. Blair Witch Project was kind of new but this thing wore off years ago. Stop making such cheap cheese and make movies with a storyline, not with idiotic boo-scares and saving money on a camera guy.

Project X (2012)
I am not sure if I did not get the movie or most people on IMDb did not get it, 1 August 2012
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I went into this movie with the expectations of a guilty pleasure teenage party romp. Its kind of what I got but this movie is so over the top I was kind of irritated in the middle, more irritated in the end and utterly irritated when reading what people think of "Project X" on IMDb.

Whatever you think about Project X... its a movie that conquers new ground, it breaks taboos constantly and doesn't seem to give a s**t. Its a fun movie in its uncompromising way ... but it leaves a strange taste in your mouth.

The premise is simple... three horny high school kids not to popular at school try to use the birthday party of one of them to raise their popularity at school by making it BIG. So they invite many people, buy booze and drugs and hope to score big time... but like in those Facebook stories things get out of hand and hundreds of horny drunk high school kids show up. Now that is pretty standard stuff but the director just stacks one ludicrous thing on the next. They raise the bar so many times you lose hope they ever find an end to it. All that is filmed in "found footage" style by a guy who no one really knows or cares for, who is barely shown or heard in the movie but who seems to be a focal point, especially because the movie ends pretty much on him.

The strange taste in my mouth was not really caused by the massive amounts of drugs, booze, tits, puke and pee shown in the movie but by the way ALL characters behave. EVERY character in this movie is an egotistical douche-bag. People constantly treat others disrespectful or use them for their own fun or game. The three main characters get treated like s**t and they treat others and each other just the same. There is one scene where they are high on ecstasy (after a ridiculous scene where pills are falling on the ground and dozens of kids just taking them without knowing what it is... the whole ecstasy/drug dealer plot line is so full of holes and unbelievable it really feels a little forced... just like the choice and editing of the music). It feels like they have an epiphany about how badly they treat each other... but they just keep on making fun of each other and being a-holes. And thats what the whole movie does... it just goes on and on, there is no resolution. Whatever happens, it just goes on. In it to win it, nothing else.

You get animal abuse, kids constantly bullying each other and neighbors or clerks in stores, jocks bullying nerds, parents calling their son a loser, friends calling their friends fat pigs, midgets locked in ovens, kids tazering and beating up adults cowardly, exploiting the law, constant lying and manipulating, shaving drunk persons and even peeing on them, filming couples having sex for hidden cam youtube videos... the whole thing feels kind of dystopian at times.

Now there seem to be two ways people react to this movie... "Aaah, this is the best and most radical party movie ever" or "This is a despicable display of teen assholism and irresponsible to downplay that kind of behavior". I might be over-analyzing but to me this is a biting satire and critique of our times.

My clues?

EVERY person, and i mean EVERY person in this movie is an unlikable egotistical and ignorant douche-bag. The birthday kid comes across as a victim at times but the way he reacts and desperately thirsts for attention is as despicable as his friend who talks him into it all and the people showing up and destroying everything. There are no likable characters in this movie. I was really irritated about that and the casual presentation of all this behavior until the movie pulled full throttle in the last montage where kids are shown as drugged out pale zombies, shouting for someone to jump off a roof, exploding bottles in full rooms and in a an ultimate scene peeing on a drunk guy puking in a toilet and having a guy explode and runs around burning. Seriously... the last montage was more of a modern Techno-Video version of Pasolinis Salo than a fun party movie.

OK, maybe i over-analyze... but look closely in the end. Look at the repercussions, look at how they get out of it with money, lawyers, lying and bending the law (all written on screen). Look at how a father seeing his son as a loser respects him simply for making hundreds of idiots show up to a party that could ruin his whole life. Look at the kid who films the whole thing who turns out to be an outcast no one cares for who eerily looks like the Columbine shooters and lives alone with his parents missing and the police inspecting their disappearance. Look at how everybody thirsts for attention and hurting others is a fine vehicle to get there including how the school treats the three losers after the party, how the girl forgives birthday-boy. All just because 1000 people showed up to a party... it eerily fits with the fat loser guy regularly referencing his facebook friends. This is a giant inferiority complex in progress.

Its funny how in this case some seem unable to even see the utter ignorance this movie is made up of while others are simply appalled by it and ignore the statements in the end.Many reactions to it are damn scary. The depiction of social interaction in this movie is more dystopian than anything that Ayn Rand could ever make up.

7 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Sonny Laguna should make porn, 29 April 2012
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

"Blood runs cold" is the epitome of meaninglessness. Basically you get a low budget slasher, kind of the twice lobotomized brother of the lame "Fritt Vilt" movies. The killer has a pick Axe and lives under a house in a snow-scape where some kids end up being picked off one by one. Best things first... I thought the killer looked quite effectively creepy and considering the budget they managed to make the movie not look too bad at first sight and even managed some decent gore scenes. But this movie lacks where budget is no excuse. Half of the movie has close to no dialog and just dumb people stumbling through empty rooms and doing things that are totally irrelevant for the "plot". The movie just ends suddenly after a bunch of unbelievably dumb scenes of which most is shamelessly stolen from other horror movies and reproduced in a cheap low budget way. Many scenes of closeups seem repetitive, the blood looks orange like in a bad 70ies movie, the acting is bad, the snow looks fake and the plot is as close to non-existent as in a porn movie.

Considering that the directors name is Sonny Laguna he is already halfway to a porn director, so why not go all the way? Anybody who rates this movie above average must have had his brain frozen due to excessive SlushPuppy indulgence.

Cassadaga (2011)
9 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
Well played, Mr. DiBlasi, 21 April 2012
7/10

"Dread", Anthony DiBlasi's first movie is among my favorites, so I was quite thrilled seeing his second movie being ready. I was a little bummed when seeing it basically is a restless ghost story but hats of to the writing. They really made this word by incorporating several Slasher and Giallo influences (pretty obvious from the Italian influenced poster artwork) and writing a stone solid script.

"Cassadaga" deals with a deaf girl who loses her beloved little sister in a car crash and heads of for an off-time in a psychic community (the title-giving Cassadaga) to clear her head. After a séance gone wrong she is haunted by visions of a ghost-zombie-girl who won't leave her alone before she clears the story of her death. So up to here this is some really worn out story material but the girls deafness is incorporated in a pretty creative way and the lead character works perfect. Also the story of the nice guy falling for he after she gives his daughter painting lessons is kind of different with him being torn between a girl seeing ghosts and having regular breakdowns and fighting to keep custody for his daughter. Now when the killer is introduced it gets pretty messy since "Gepetto" is obsessed with puppets and tries to build human marionettes by severing limbs and reattaching them to the living dolls in a pretty bizarre way.

The movie manages to serve you some disturbing imagery, staying close to the basic ghost story and yet throwing you curve balls from the beginning on and mixing things up in a puzzling thriller-type of way that keeps you guessing all the time. With all that "Cassadaga" manages to be a creative and kind of different ghost movie that will also satisfy the gore hounds. The whole movie has a pretty romantic feel with the girls relationships to her sister and the nice guy and I think they went a little heavy on the music which along with some wooden acting was the weakest point in the movie and often came across rather cheesy. But besides these flaws its still a really solid movie and among the few better horror movies of last year.

Like in "Dread" DiBlasi manages to tell interesting and different stories with a strong focus on the story telling and right amount of sledgehammer to the head. I'll definitely be looking out for his future movies.

Kalevet (2010)
6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Life is full of misunderstandings.... and everybody dies!, 6 April 2012
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie was praised from its festival premieres and I was looking forward to a different horror movie with comedy elements. Man, was I disappointed.

I give "Rabies" one thing... and that is that it sure is different. I guess it tries to be exactly that because the movie has nothing but one basic idea. Take horror movie clichés and turn them upside down. Kind of like "Tucker&Dale vs. evil" but minus the comedy.

There is a killer here but he never manages to kill anyone. Instead everyone else in this damned forest ends up killing themselves or each other by accident and misunderstandings. Now that would make for a funny roller-coaster plot but "Rabies" goes for a strange slow pacing with barely any jokes, light moments or suspense. The atmosphere is rather dark and there is little gore which is another plus for "Rabies" because its not much but its done professional and without CG.

Basically you got 4 guys and 4 girls stumbling through a forest that inexplicably is laced with land mines and a killer who instead of killing takes a 70minute nap. When 2 cops appear to help it goes downward because one of them has serious issues and sets off a downward spiral which has only one survivor... Hint: Its not a girl like in all the french horror movies.

I have not laughed once until the end. You basically get one dialog with a family arriving on a wrong turn. And that has quite some laughs to end the movie on plus the survivor which you could expect in a movie that turns the expectable upside down. But I had to suffer through 80 minutes of boredom that was only eased by 1 landmine, 1 creative gore scene and basic setup of the film

"Rabies" is a really strange movie that had so much going for it... its a shame they didn't really know where they were going in the end. In the middle of the movie i was close to pressing the stop button because nothing was happening.


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