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2527 reviews in total 
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boobs and yoyos, 9 August 2014

Jay and Mike have their first VCR repair job in 15 years, so they choose to milk it for all it's worth or at least into Mr. Plinkett, the lovable psychopath/star of his scathing AMAZING dissection of the supremely awful Star Wars prequels, catches on. First up for review is the Nicolas Cage starring Drive Angry and The Adjustment Bureau. (word of warning the spoil Drive Angry, if you care)

I found both reviews fairly spot-on, although I personally felt that Drive Angry is a guilty pleasure. I do agree about the other film being meh. The ending of this episode was amusing and a nice call-back to the aforementioned Plinkett review as well.

Puppet Master II (1990) (V)
still holding a Torch for the franchise, 20 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Tunneler, Jester, Blade, Pinhead & Leech Woman are back to kill some more paranormal investigator types, this time once again under the thrall of the original Puppet Master, Toulon, after the puppets resurrect him, however zombie Toulon is a bit of a nut-case. However, he also made Torch, one of the more interesting puppets, in this outing. So it's all good.

I found myself enjoying this film despite of major continuity eras. In some respects it may seem like a bit of a rehash of the previous film, but it moves at a quicker pace and features some pretty cool kills. All in all, it's on par with the first film.

Eye Candy: Men get Charlie Spradling topless. The ladies get to ogle Collin Bernsen's posterior

Puppetmaster (1989) (V)
put Full Moon on the map for good reason, 19 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Half a century after puppet master Andre Toulon kills himself in a hotel rather than the prospect of his serum that gives life to inanimate objects falls into the hands of evil Nazis, a group of physics are invited to the aforementioned hotel where they're victimized by animate puppets.

This is the film that put Full Moon on the map and for good reason. it had a fair amount of suspense, the puppets were are interesting (my favorite being Tunneler, which I've since procured a replica of, but i digress) and i found it to be a fun little cheapie horror film. One of the main gripes that i've heard about it throughout the years is that it's needlessly slow which i didn't find to be the case that badly, even though it does plod at times.

Eye Candy: Kathryn O'Reilly provides the T&A quotient

squeezing blood from a stone, 19 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Radu is inexplicably back after being extremely sunburned at the conclusion of the third film. Of course, the unwritten law of Full Moon is to keep chugging out sequels whether they're warranted or not (see also latter day Puppet Master films, Demonic Toys Vs. Whomever, Killjoy, etc...) But I digress. Radu is back and he continues his search for Michelle who's still in the country after a badly timed car crash.

As far as mindless cash grabs go, this film isn't the worst in Full Moon's history, but it IS the worst Subspecies film by a wide margin and in my mind taints the memory of the original trilogy (and to an extant the offshoot that was "Vampire Journals") Eye Candy: an extra is topless

Lust for un-life, 19 July 2014

Continuing directly after the major cliffhanger of the previous film (well after a short recap of the aforementioned movie at least) Subspecies 3 jumps right back into the thick of it. With Rebecca trying to save her beloved sister/recent vampire Michelle from evil vampire Radu and his witch of a mother.

While there are parts of the film that I really enjoyed, this third film as a whole is a bit too padded and i believe that it would've been better served (artistically if not financially) by trimming it down and combining the footage left with part 2 to make a much better film. As it is, the film was OK, it just could've been such better.

Eye Candy: Elvira Deatcu gets briefly topless and Melanie Shatner provides T&A

a fun half of a movie, 19 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The evil Radu returns with a vengeance after his subspecies minions help put him back together. After taking care of his brother, the dastardly One finds that Michelle, his brother's love interest/newly turned vampire (also newly Denice Duff, replacing Laura Tate who lijkely balked at doing the nudity) has run off with the precious Bloodstone.

This one being filmed back-to-back with part 3 should clue you in that you shouldn't expect any real semblance of an ending to part 2. So if you're not fully prepared to set aside around 3 hours to watch both together, you'll likely be disappointed by a fairly large cliff-hanger.

That gripe aside, I enjoyed Subspecies 2 as much, if not more, than the first. It has more action and meat to the story.

Eye Candy: Denice Duff provides a full-frontal

Subspecies (1991)
thankfully not sub-par, 19 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Three nubile, young scholars, Michelle, Mara, and Lillian, plan to study folklore, not knowing that a bitter power struggle between two vampiric siblings (the evil Radu and half-mortal Stephan) will soon engulf their ,as to this point quite benign, world.

Another memorable Full Moon picture tat reminds me of how good the legendary studio used to be. I'll take Subspecies over either Anne Rice brooding queen vamps OR the more recent sparkly idiots any day of the week. The only gripe i have with the film aside from a decidedly leisurely pace, is not enough of the awesome Angus 'Tall Man' Scrimm as the doomed patriarch

Eye Candy: Michelle McBride and Inna Movila both get topless

it's no Carlito's Way, 15 July 2014

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Travis (Richard Hatch of Battlestar Galactica fame) returns to his parents' home after four years, little realizing that the neighborhood has gone to pot since. So after a few easily foreseen tragedies, Travis finally gets around to taking a stand against the Latino gangs.

This truly is an awful movie. The setup takes nearly 45 minutes. That's a heck of a long time to stick with a movie this badly acted before the action starts. And when the 'retribution' DOES come, it's in lengthy 'montage' form (which granted is a tad humorous) Sadly, this film falls quite short of 'so bad it's good' cinema. I only recommend the episode of Red Letter Media's "Best Of The Worst" episode that this film is featured in, as they show the only conceivably worthwhile parts of the movie, thus saving you from all the tedium of watching it all for yourself.

Demonic Toys (1992) (V)
not as good as Puppet Master, but still watchable, 11 July 2014

After a newly pregnant cop (Tracy Scoggins, who would later star in Babylon 5) follows the criminals who killed her partner/lover into a toy warehouse, she finds herself trapped along with said criminals, as well as security guard and random pizza boy, along with the titular demonic toys and their evil owner.

Not as memorably classic as Full Moon's earlier Puppet Master films nor as plain outright fun as Trancers, Demonic Toys is pretty watchable in it's own right. Although I enjoyed it quite a bit more when I first saw it as a teen. Followed, like all Full Moon franchises, by way too many sequels Eye Candy: Kristine Rose gets topless

thou shalt not waste your time, 9 July 2014

Mentally ill Robert escapes from the institution in order to spend time with his nine year-old niece, whom he sees as protecting her from his diabolical evil Uncle George (good ol' Darren #2 himself, Dick Sargent) and her equally conniving mother.

That aforementioned plot may very well have had potential if only anything even remotely interesting happened in the film, which is sadly not the case. The acting by most of the cast is simply atrocious and the character motivations are perplexing to say the least. Even the fleeting joy of finding James Avery (Future Uncle Phil to the Fresh Prince) in a minor part at the beginning of the movie isn't nearly enough to recommend this film to anyone.

My Grade: D-

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