Ray3100 Reviews

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)

Even the dog is boring.

[5/10 · 23 August 2023]

This movie eliminates the familiar. Mina, Van Helsing, Harker, Renfield. Not even mentioned. Instead we are treated to the Demeter and it's ill fated final voyage. Based on just one chapter in from the book, and not even a full chapter. The movie explores the horror that the crew felt in facing evil in it's purest form.

That familiar aspect of Dracula is also eliminated. This is not a sophisticated man of high society. He's not charming. He doesn't wear fancy clothes. He doesn't ooze sex appeal. He's a monster, nothing else. It's a refreshing take on a legend that has almost become cliche.

Unfortunately, a good idea is often spoiled by details and this movie is no exception. The characters are undeveloped and shallow. As a result, you don't care about them. They are seen by the viewer exactly the same way Dracula sees them. As food, not people.

I'm guessing that's why they added a child and a woman to the cast. To get an emotional response out of the audience. But, there is no reason to care about them either. Even the dog is boring. You know things are bad when a movie kills a dog and no one cares.

I applaud the fresh approach, I just wish the execution had been better.

National Treasure: Edge of History (2022–2023)

It's a fun little watch.

[7/10 · 27 March 2023]

It's not the best show ever made, but it's hardly the worst. It's just a fun show that doesn't take itself too seriously. The story was padded a bit, probably only needed 7 or 8 episodes. But the characters are engaging and you do care about them. Catherine Zeta-Jones is always a pleasure to watch. The big bad was not a surprise reveal nor was he a good villain. Really didn't need him at all.

My biggest complaint was the show trying to convince me that Lady Gaga would be the music of choice at a $500 a plate political fundraiser.

It's not a groundbreaking show. It won't win any awards, nor does it deserve any, but if you just want to chill out in front of the tv for any afternoon, this will work very well for that.

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

This is what Christmas movies are all about.

[7/10 · 17 December 2022]

David Huddleston is the best Santa ever on the big screen. John Lithgow is a fantastic villain. Dudly Moore is a fine elf. And Mrs. Claus is perfectly cast. The child actors leave a lot to be desired, but I guess they are cute enough to be in a Christmas movie.

Henry Mancini brings his wonderful talents to the music score and the set design is exactly what you imagine Santa's workshop would look like.

In an entertainment world that is obsessed with trying to find the next gritty and dark hit, sometimes it's nice to just enjoy a simple family film that makes you smile.

And this last sentence is only here to meet the character limit.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Wrong villain

[6/10 · 23 September 2022]

Christian Bale's Gorr.is a villain of gravitas. Thor has zero gravitas. The resulting movie is very disjointed in tone. Is it funny and irreverent? Is it dark and brooding? The movie tries to be both and instead doesn't really become neither. And instead of resolving that conflict in tone, they try to have a bit of sentimentality and emotion add in as well, but that just makes it look like a melodramatic soap opera.

Of course putting Christian Bale in a super hero movie will remind everyone of Batman so let's go there. Place Christian Bales' Batman in the1960s tv show. Or Adam West's Batman fighting Danny Devito's Penguin.

Individually, they work, but they don't go together.

The Outfit (2022)

Slow burn

[9/10 · 25 June 2022]

Anyone that has ever smoked meat knows that you do it slowly to get the best flavor. That's why this movie is. Slowly smoked over low heat. At first it starts out so slow that you worry you might have started watching a documentary on sewing. But when the movie ends, you realize that you have just seen one of the best ever.

Mark Rylance should get nominated for a bunch of awards next year.

About halfway through you will realize that there is more to him than at first appears, but you will never guess the reveal at the end.

Holmes & Watson (2018)

I think Will Ferrell lost a bet

[2/10 · 16 May 2022]

And the conditions of that bet were that he was required to make an entire movie without one single funny joke in it. I had heard bad things about this movie, but I'm a big fan of both Ferrel and Riley, so I thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were saying. But I was wrong.

Santa Buddies (2009 Video)

For overworked parents.

[4/10 · 25 November 2021]

This is the kind of movie you put on to keep your kids entertained and out of your hair for a couple hours. And of course it has puppies. But it's not anything great.

Deck the Halls (2006)

Talent wasted

[2/10 · 25 November 2021]

It's just horrible when good actors are in bad movies. This happens way too often in Hollywood. Hire people Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito and don't bother hiring a good scriptwriter.

There are only two redeeming qualities in this movie and they are at the end.

1. When the idiot fathers apologize to their families, the acting abilities of the stars make you feel the sentiment despite the stupidity of the entire movie preceding it.

2. When Kristen Chenoweth sings O Holy Night. Never mind that particular Christmas song was totally out of place in this movie. Her voice will send chills down your spine.

Other than that, don't waste your time with this Christmas non-classic.

Major League: Back to the Minors (1998)

Not great, but not bad.

[5/10 · 6 December 2020]

Just a fun little movie that you can watch when you feel like just spacing out in front of the tv.

How It Ends (2018)

Unrealistic start, clinched middle, lousy ending.

[3/10 · 27 November 2020]

It's starts with the unrealistic idea that some guy is going to have dinner with his girlfriend's parents without his girlfriend being there. Things go downhill after that.

An unknown incident, but possibly an earthquake takes place in California and Chicago has a power outage (ok the outage was more widespread but people in Chicago didn't know that) and the entire country turns into a Mad Max movie within just a couple hours? Really?

Then there is the whole campfire argument about what might have happened. There was a lot of anger there over a theory that could neither be proven or disproven. Do people really overreact like that?

And has been mentioned by many others, the lack of a satisfying ending just made the whole thing feel like a waste of time.

The Titan (2018)

Motion sensor lights.

[1/10 · 27 November 2020]

The year is 2048 and they act like motion sensor lights are a big deal. That's really all you need to know about the quality of this pointless movie.

Tomb Raider (2018)

I like the original better.

[4/10 · 26 August 2020]

No, not the one with Angelina Jolie. I'm talking about Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, with this movie rips off.

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Will Ferrell delivers again

[8/10 · 29 June 2020]

Funny, weird, and a bit sentimental. A pair of losers that you can't help but cheer for. I do think Pierce Brosnan could have used more screen time.

Too Hot to Handle (2020– )

I was too lazy to find the remote.

[1/10 · 23 April 2020]

That was the only excuse I have for watching this horrible show about people that are probably responsible for spreading most of the STDs in the world. Maybe I'm being too harsh and they really did experience some personal growth, if so, good for them. But on-screen these are the shallowest people that can be found who still know how to tie their shoes.

Once Upon a Time in London (2019)

What a mess

[1/10 · 22 April 2020]

You know that feeling when you come into a movie late and only see the last 2/3rds of it and you never really can figure out what is going on? Well, that's what this is like right for the start. And it never gets better. Just one screen jump after another without context, without explanation. It was like watching a collection of gangster bloopers on YouTube.

Tiger King (2020–2021)

This will make you happy because...

[9/10 · 30 March 2020]

No matter how much of a mess you may have made out of your life, there is no possible way you could be as bad as everyone in this show. It's hard to believe this is a documentary. There are actually real people out there that are like this. Insanity and stupidity are a dangerous combination.

Playing with Fire (I) (2019)

If you don't expect much, you will probably still be disappointed

[2/10 · 18 February 2020]

Confirmed bachelor gets saddled with bratty orphans, falls in love with a feisty girl, mix on high for 30 seconds and bam: Instant happy family.

This has been done a 100 time before. I'll just reference one here for comparission purposes. The Apple Dumpling Gang.

That movie made wonderful use of the comedic talents of Don Knotts and Tim Conway. Playing With Fire is criminally negligent in how they used, or rather didn't use Keegan-Michael Key and John Leguizamo.

The jokes weren't funny, the plot was too predictable, and they cute kids weren't very cute.

Birds of Prey (2020)

Funny, sexy, and psycho.

[7/10 · 13 February 2020]

Have you ever watched a game where the team that won didn't play very well but they won due to one player being outstanding and pretty much just putting his teammates on his back and carrying them to victory?

That's what this movie is like. Everything is pretty average.

Except for Margo Robbie. She was fantastic. She saves the movie. She's worth the price of admission.

Uncut Gems (2019)

Sandler Good, Movie Bad.

[6/10 · 2 February 2020]

It was all over the place with barely a plot. As though the directors were hoping the frenzied pace would keep you from noticing that there is a whole lot of nothing.

Adam Sandler did very well considering how little he had to work with. You feel bad for him despite the fact that his problems are all of his own making.

Everyone says "'fuck" a lot. I guess that's easier than writing dialogue

Countdown (III) (2019)

Doesn't make sense

[3/10 · 24 January 2020]

The app predicts the moment you will die and there isn't anything you can do about it. But for some reason, the demon that created the app keeps trying to kill people before their time.

It's just really bad.

Frozen II (2019)

Family Game Night.

[5/10 · 21 January 2020]

There is a scene where Elsa, Anna, Olaf, and Sven are playing charades. That's the best part of this meandering, pointless, movie. But the animation was good.

1917 (2019)

Deserves to win every Oscar it's been nominated for.

[10/10 · 17 January 2020]

And them some. Shame that George MacKay didn't get a Best Actor nomination.

I was absolutely stunned by the turn of events in the middle of the movie. I just didn't expect what happened after the plane crash.

The Witcher (2019– )

Time jumps without warning.

[7/10 · 1 January 2020]

That's the big thing you need to know about this show. Until you realize that it's showing things from different time periods, it gets really confusing. And since we are dealing with magical beings, they don't age. So it can be a bit disconcerting for someone who looks 22 to say they have been serving in the kings court for 30 years.

But it's got lots of swordplay, blood, and violence so it's pretty good if you like fantasy.

6 Underground (2019)

Gotta love Michael Bay

[8/10 · 18 December 2019]

If you love car chases, shoot-outs, and high body counts, then this is the movie for you. And it just so happens that I do love those things, so I guess this is the movie for me. How can you not love a movie that pretty much kills off the entire population of Italy in the first ten minutes? Plus, the script is funny and Ryan Reynolds is great.

The I-Land (2019)

Infinite Monkey Theory

[2/10 · 18 December 2019]

There is a theory that if you place a thousand monkeys in a room with typewriters and give them an infinite amount of time, they would eventually type out the entire works of William Shakespeare.

For The I-Land? Two monkeys, five minutes.