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78 reviews in total 
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5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
A fun throwback, 15 December 2001

Ahhh, this movie is in every way completely ridiculuous. The Actors seemed to have a good time, and so did I. It's very reminiscent of the better low-budget 80's stuff, with cheesy acting, cheesy dialog, and cheesy humor. But I love that kind of stuff. And clocking in at about 1 hour and 12 mins., it's very fast-paced. I noticed that the male characters were incredibly stupid, while most of the females were pretty smart. I thought this was hilarious and made the film kind of a parody of the aforementioned 80's flicks. If you like stuff like "Night of the Demons" or maybe "Return of the Living Dead," "The Convent" is in the same spirit. You get to see lots of goofy stuff, but the monsters are pretty cool, and sort of serious, and it's got a pretty good bloodflow. And Adrienne Barbeau is a blast as the vet demon killer. My only complaint is that the ending seems a bit rushed, and poorly edited. But Mr. Mendez is one to watch.

Enjoyable, 7 December 2001

Gotta say I liked it. It's got a fast-paced plot and some good action scenes. found it very entertaining, but as is the case with all movies it is definitely flawed, which will ruin the fun for some people.

The flick seems to fluctuate from crowd-pleaser to serious meditation on the horrors of war. some of it was just pure excitement, but the really serious scenes (especially those involving Hackman's dialog) seemed distracting and out of place.

There's also a chuckle provoking scene where Wilson narrowly escapes the baddies only to remove his disguise just a few feet away from the enemy Serbs.

Also, how did all that armor make it's way up the hill without Wilson hearing it?

That said, it was still a good time, and I really like Owen Wilson. Sure he's pretty much the same guy in most of his films, but I find his persona likeable. And the scenes with the missiles pursuing the fighter plane are knockout stuff, the definite highpoint...

But I won't even mention the song at the end......

Versus (2000/II)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
This is how to do it, 7 December 2001

Hilarious, dark humor with a dash of Peter Jackson punctuates this non stop action fest. It's a simple idea taken to ridiculuos extremes, but sometimes that's the best kind of film. Earns extra points for parodying "The Matrix," without resorting to the old bullet-time kung fu jokes. I laughed my a$$ off for about 10 minutes at that part.

If you don't mind gross outs, and you like HK style kung-fu, gunfights and swordplay, along with a little touch of Fulci, you'll love this.

It's a very special film, bound to be a big hit among a very special (demented) group of people.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
brutal, 7 December 2001

Sure, the soundtrack borrows from Goblin, the ending is pretty nonsensical, and there ain't much plot, but it's definitely one of the best slashers I've seen. There's a lot of good camera work, plus some of the goriest, most brutal kill scenes ever. The eyeball bit makes me squirm every time. The film takes a turn for the worse at the end when a supernatural element is introduced, but I just laugh.

Gorehounds will appreciate the bloody kills, but this is purely an exercise in style over substance. Enjoyable cult movie if you're in the right frame of mind...

The Item (1999)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
what is wrong with you people?, 28 November 2001

a 6 average? Ridiculuos. I saw a preview for this movie, and admittedly it looked interesting. i did notice it was shot on video, but it looked like it had some blood and monsters, demons, whatever. So i checked the good ole IMDB, and saw a fairly high rating, so holding my breath I gave it a shot. What did I get: The usual boring amateurish crapp representative of every SOV production. It's trash folks, plain and simple. I will admit some of the acting was decent (the hispanic woman was pretty good, and deserves better opportunities), but this is a piece of junk apparently lauded only by a bunch of independent film fan boy geeks, willing to praise anything not financed by a studio. Nothing happens in this movie and it feels like a cheesy soap opera for the most part, and no, what I thought were monsters in the preview were nowhere in the film.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
reaaaaallllll bad...., 24 October 2001

OK, I'm the guy who counts "Rock N' Roll Nightmare" amongst my fave films of all time. I laughed my a$$ off at "The Coroner," and "New Year's Evil." I've seen just about everything there is in the bad-horror genre. This is a horrible, completely unfunny movie. It's gory, I guess, but aside from the gorgeous Barbara Niven (I'm amazed-she's been in other stuff!)and some sleazy stuff, it's a total waste--however it's a heck of a lot better than "Psycho Cop 1!"

Scream (1996)
A curse in disguise..., 4 July 2001

Don't get me wrong, I love this movie. It wasn't particularly scary, except for a few good "jump" scenes, but it was a fun, humorous, bloody rollercoaster ride. I thought the cast was entirely likable with great characters, and I think Mr. Craven did a great job of directing (I like lots of his stuff). It was great to see Fonzie's cameo, too. This is an enjoyable film, but a true horror fan like myself was first delighted by this movie's success, then appalled by what actually became of horror's "Ressurrection." The floodgates are still open, and the crap keeps flowing through. A bunch of young, hip, teen-soap stars and a guy in a mask with a knife do not a good movie make....unless the script contains even an ounce of the wit, style, or energy that this one has....Horror fans get together, don't allow anymore "Urban Legends" (scarily enough part 3 is in the works) and there sorry ilk to make money....The first is always best and this one is it....

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Piece of S%^%, 4 July 2001

Garbage. Honestly I don't know if this had any redeeming features. Hmmmmm....I think it was a short movie, but I'm not sure. Somebody tried to give two talentless, unsympathetic gimps hip, trendy, Tarantino-esque dialogue, but failed miserably. The hitman is utterly ridiculous in every sense. The acting stinks, the characters stink, the script stinks. I guess I kinda like the title though...

Ring (1998)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
I was afraid of the dark last night...., 4 July 2001

Yep, I like this one a lot, and I think it lived up to the hype. I'm a huge horror fan and I've seen everything: Cheezy monsterfests, 80's slashers, Italian potboilers, giallos, gorefests, and finally psychological creepouts. The latter best describes "Ring." It has the ability to get under your skin without spilling a single drop of blood, slowly building to a really, REALLY creepy climactic scene....You have to understand that it's no "Scream" or "Urban Legend." This is no in-jokey, Kids of the WB starring lump of pop-bubblegum. It's a refreshingly serious, somber, well, "ghost story" in the vein of, yes, "The Sixth Sense." If you didn't like that film, skip "Ring." You certainly won't like it, go rent something with Josh Jackson or James Van Der Beek....and if you don't want to read subtitles, go watch "Dude, Where's My Car?" But if you want to see a film that may very well make you leave the lights on, you can't lose with this one!

A small step in the right direction, 4 July 2001

Really just a b-movie, it's not too bad. Though it stars lots of pretty-boys, and WB kids, the film is dark, and actually pretty bloody. It's no classic, but I really thought the middle of nowhere setting was pretty effective, and I want to see more straight forward horror movies. I don't know if I'd watch it again, but I thought it pretty good, I thought the actors did a pretty good job, and I loved how Kerr Smith's character apparently worked for Troma, with all their posters on the walls!

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