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A movie was made
This movie. It exists. Actors are in it. It was filmed. For those who want to go see a movie, this one is available. It has Vin Diesel in it. There are special-effects monsters. A guy gets his head cut off and it falls in a box. Presumably, anyone who wanted there to be a plot was fired. Also presumably anyone who said the movie is an exact copy of Riddick one and did not need to be made was also fired. After this movie was made, everyone who was in it made mental preparations to sheepishly say on future talk shows that this was the biggest turkey they were ever associated with. A truly terrible film in every respect. Note to H.R. Giger: yes, you can sue them for it.
Mary Tyler Moore (1970)
The only possible competition is Seinfeld
The measure of greatness of a sitcom is how well it holds up over time. The Mary Tyler Moore show holds up, at least among people of my generation, who saw it when it was happening. Spot on funny, but with a gentle soul to it, it never devolved to mean-spiritedness or insult humor. Mary was great as the titular character, trying to get by as a professional woman at the time of the ERA and lots of agitation for women's rights in general. Although there are many reasons that this show has survived, I would actually argue that there is one specific reason - the Lou Grant character, as Mary's gruff, manly boss at the TV studio is beyond funny, starting from his famous line in the first episode about Mary being "spunky." If there has ever been a TV sitcom character with better comic timing or just more scenes which are drop-dead funny, I haven't seen it.
Star Trek (1966)
Why it endures
I remember a TV retrospective (I think it was in the 90s) of the Beatles where David Lee Roth (former "Van Halen" lead singer) was asked why the Beatles were the best rock band of all time. Instead of directly answering the question, he named several Beatles song titles and after doing so, broke the 4th wall and said to directly the audience "As I said those titles, every one of you were thinking of the lyrics for each of those songs, weren't you?" It was true, I knew the lyrics to each of the songs he mentioned and as he said the names, I was thinking of those lyrics. There's no other band that I could have done that for, and that was his point: the Beatles were the best because they penetrated the human mind so deeply that we remember everything they did without trying to remember. Same with Trek. I could describe every episode if you told me the name and nothing else.
Everything you feared, but you will still enjoy
This must be the most ridiculous premise for a movie ever. As a huge Civil War buff and Abraham Lincoln fan, I am offended by the trivialization of this great man and so will you be. The whole thing is just so absurd it is hard to imagine how drunk the Hollywood executive must have been who greenlighted this project at the pitch meeting. But after you have seen Abe kill his first vampire ninja-style with a silver tipped log-choppin' axe you won't care about any of that!!! This movie is so over-the-top ridiculously entertaining that you will forget your whole life while you watch it! Great special effects, scary-evil-looking vampires, a completely well-done story with a good twist at the end and a really good Lincoln-lookin' actor make this a very entertaining turn-your-brain-off-er. Mary Todd is doin' 360s in her grave while you'll be getting' more popcorn! Gory, but in a cartoonish way. Plus it's got Rufus Sewell!
The Ice Pirates (1984)
Great camp fun, sometimes hilarious
Anyone who doesn't like this movie is taking it and perhaps themselves too seriously. It's a low budget, camp movie which is full of jokes, puns, and occasionally, some kickass action. Sci-fi effects are acceptably done. Robert Urich is great fun as a Sinbad-type ice smuggler who crosses swords with a typical evil galactic empire. Mary Crosby is sexy and funny as the princess he kidnaps and (who'da thunk) falls for. Michael D. Roberts is hilarious as the #2 man and there's even Bruce Vilanch, plus Angelica Houston in her debut role as a badass member of Urich's crew. There's even kind of a good heavy metal rock song in the middle (at the princess' ball).
The Tree of Life (2011)
Things that suck should sue this movie
...to defend their reputation. If you want to commit suicide and are too cowardly to do anything painful, I suggest you watch this movie, you will die of boredom. Get a pillow as you will fall asleep in 10 minutes. Get a second pillow as your first pillow will also fall asleep. I don't know what it's about since I did not make it past the first 9 minutes (this is why I'm alive, I stopped it before I died from boredom, you have been warned!!!). It did remind me of 2001 a Space Odyssey, but only if 2001 a Space Odyssey was a slow, boring, painfully bad movie made by the guy who made Tree of Life instead of Stanley Kubrick. Roger Ebert wishes he had a million thumbs to point downward (and a jaw, so he could drop it at how bad this movie is).
Imagine the Godzilla story from the perspective of some individual fleeing Japanese citizen who has a digicam. He doesn't know everything that's going on, but a monster is attacking Tokyo and he is trying to get out of town with his buddies, only to be thwarted by the monster, or the army when it's fighting the monster. He's filming it Blair Witch style, you are enjoying it, then suddenly it all ends and nothing is explained. I GET it - this is how it might really happen should a GZ type monster attack. But as movie entertainment - sucked. The only reason I give it a 2 instead of a 1 is that up until the end I was enjoying it.
Captain Sindbad (1963)
I saw it as a child and have been looking for it ever since
I give it the rating I would have given it when I was like 10 years old (about 35 years ago) when I saw this movie. At the time, there were three scenes that really scared the bejeezis out of me, and yet were utterly cool: 1) traveling towards the tower of the evil wizard, the troop encounters a pool or pond of some kind which has a pit in the center of it, into which the water flows and drags people with it; 2) when they get to the bad guy's tower there is a guardian, a giant hand that blocks the entrance inside the tower to the bad guy's chamber that attempts to crush or squeeze Sindbad in its grip. The coolest moment in this particular scene is after Sindbad tries to get past the hand and fails, it wags its finger at him in the classic "tsk tsk" gesture; 3) I forget where this scene occurs, but a special power of the bad guy is that he has magically removed his heart from his chest and placed it in the tower with the hand. At one point in the movie Sindbad actually stabs him through the chest with his sword and the bad guy just laughs because he can't be killed. The whole point of the movie is, if I remember it correctly after all this time, for Sindbad to travel to the tower, where the heart is stored, guarded by the giant hand, so that he can destroy it and kill the bad guy. I used to be a Dungeon Master (that's the term used to describe the game manager in Dungeons and Dragons if you don't know the game) and once used the hand in a game (including finger wag!) because I thought it was so cool. I think I would buy this if I could find it just to see how much my original memory of it is accurate and to see what my opinion now would be.