Reviews written by
cwdfwtx

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124 reviews in total 
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Resident Evil Clone with a totally unbelievable plot., 28 July 2003

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie is simply a British version of Resident Evil. It borrows from RE shamelessly.

Spoilers. A virus is released turning people into murderous zombies-(just like resident evil). A man awakens in a hospital naked and disoriented 28 days later and the hospital is empty as is the outside city.(At the end of resident evil a woman awakens in a hospital naked and disoriented to discover the hospital is empty as is the city outside).Soldiers and a spooky old mansion -(exactly like Resident Evil).

The plot is one big hole ,The movie opens showing monkeys being experimented on ,quite disturbing ,tv's with scenes of physical violence and death being shown to them without choice. Enter some animal rights activists who kidnap a scientist who tells them not to release the monkeys as they are infected with a virus called RAGE. We are made to believe that the scientist thinks this is a good way to study why people go insane and kill by injecting a drug causing similar behavior in monkeys. The kidnapped scientist says to find the cure we must do this first(Do what,create a virus making everyone serial killers?and seeing if you can reverse its effects?=Evidently they want us to believe that if they can cure these monkeys it will work on stopping people from becoming muderous and violent.Pure bullsh**.It makes no sense , its like clockwork orange in reverse,In that movie they force malcolm mcdowell to watch violence , rape and listen to music while giving him drugs that force him to get violently ill should he do those things or listen to that music.like shock therapy. Its all unbelievable and pure crap. It just doesnt wash and I found it totally unbelievable. A waste of 2 hrs.Best you wait for a better movie to come along.Im sorry I wasted money on it as I thought it might be good. 0 stars out of 4.

Average Ho Hum Indiana Jones Wannabe, 26 July 2003
5/10

The problem with Tomb Raider is like with all video game to movie films. Its geared towards teenagers and there is no plot.The main thing here is to show angelina jolie in a bikini or smirking. she is a beautiful lady but this movie is nothing more than a commercial for playstation. alot of action which is bland ,put me to sleep. the ending is disappointing and very abrupt. better to wait and see the matrix sequel or lord of the rings. tomb raider is avg at best.

0 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Who's that non-actress?, 22 July 2003

Typical Madonna mess.Madonna just is not nor ever will she be even a mediocre actress.Cher was a great singer turned actress but Madonna is horrible. However ,I actually did laugh at the end of the movie to 2 scenes,Madonna dancing in a tutu to classical violinists(This was the real Madonna,stupid ,tacky and it was funny,she didnt have to act out something she probably has done in real life) and the 2 cops who end up having feelings for each other and grabbing each other in their car while the bad guys get grossed out having to watch them. I did not pay to see this movie ,i saw it on cable by the way.

Besides that ,this movie goes nowhere and Madonna comes off more like a whining bitch than an actress. I have always liked Madonna as a person and musician but as an actress,no way. Her movie career is pretty bad , Shanghai Surprise,Desperately Seeking Susan,Dick Tracy et all. Whos that Girl ? More like Why is that girl trying to be an actress when she cant act ?

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
SAVE FERRIS, 21 July 2003

this movie was so cool. reminded me of my high school days of scamming classes. of course i never had as much fun as ferris but i tried. i think most kids wanted to be ferris in the 80's he was cool ,had a cute babe for a girlfriend, drove a hot sportscar(he scammed his friend to drive his dads 1969 smokin ferrari).he sang in a parade and even in the end his sister started to like him. what more could you ask for .. ferris rocks.

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
texas, 21 July 2003
10/10

This is a fantasy movie for kids based on the Boggy Creek Legend although I don't know why they called it Return to Boggy Creek as if it's a sequel.This movie has nothing to do with the documentary and its fantasy kiddie fare. Dawn Wells stars as the mother of 3 children who get lost in the swamp around Boggy Creek with 2 other men and the monster comes to their aid. Yes it's very silly and the plot is corny but this kind of movie is perfect for the 8-12 y/o group which it targeted. It's harmless G-rated kiddie fare and at least you don't have to worry about leaving your kids alone while they watch it. Strictly for the 8-12 y/o set ,older kids will get bored and think it lame.

0 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
ROWAN ATKINSON IS UGLY AND SUCKS!, 21 July 2003
1/10

Rowan Atkinson is so ugly and so bad an actor. How did this guy get to make a movie? Save your money for something better. If your in a muliplex i suggest scamming over to another movie at least that way you wont get bored and fall asleep. This James Bond spoof is so bad ,it is the British version of Austin Powers and just as awful. Both movies try to use silly stupidity as a base for laughs.Might make a 5 y/o laugh but other than that should be canned and have every copy burned. This years RAZZIE award goes to Rowan Atkinson for worst actor in a comedy and Johhny English for worst movie and for ugliest actor with big ears ,ROWAN BUTT UGLY ATKINSON!!!..

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Lame Scooby Doo Ripoff, 17 July 2003

.Only thing I did like about this cartoon was the theme song- it was catchy but other than that it was a shameless ripoff of Scooby Doo(Kids solving mysteries with the help of a sidekick- in this case a ghost and a cat instead of a dog and even a Shaggy like character(Skip) is involved.

The Plot: 2 guys and a Girl get caught in a storm and end up taking shelter in a spooky old house. One of the guys notices an old clock set to the wrong time ,when he sets it to midnight a ghost and his cat emerge.(Daws Butler who provided the voice of the phantom basically copies Snagglepuss's voice and its really bad).

The ghosts are from the revolutionary war time period and end up going along with the kids solving mysteries much like the Scooby Doo gang. Only lasted one season for obvious reasons,this had already been done alot better with Scooby Doo and we Sat morning cartoon brats were wise to it and preferred Scooby over this mess.

3 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Poor Christopher Lee, 17 July 2003

i havent watched a police academy movie in years . I thought Police Academy 1 and 2 were funny but after that it should have been put to rest. You can only work this kinda movie for laughs so much. Poor Christopher Lee-What on earth is he doing in this bomb? And to top it off there is a scene where Commandant Lasard(Gaynes)greets Commandant Rakov(Lee)and instead of kissing him on both cheeks as is the custom he kisses Rakov(Lee)full on the mouth.Not that I mind seeing Mr Lee get kissed as I still think he is one of the sexiest men in Hollywood,that scene is major YUCK.That kinda sums this movie up,Glad to see Mr Lee get back in the swing 8 yrs later with Star Wars Ep2 and hopefully hell be back in Ep3.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
An amusing movie with a twist, 15 July 2003
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie is not as bad as most think it is .Still a fun movie although 16 yrs old ,it has some funny moments and is mild enough for kids.I thought it better than House and is played strictly for laughs Poss spoilers. I enjoyed seeing this movie back in 1987 while living in San Diego. I too thought it a sequel to House but it turned out to be its own story totally unrelated to the original House movie. Most people like I did thought it might be a horror/gore thing but it was rated pg so i kinda knew it wasnt going to be. The premise was creepy enough with them digging up the great-great grandfather and having him come alive and grab Jesse by the throat as if to kill him. After Charlie tries to save him , they both get thrown in the grave and the zombie is revealed to be Jesse's great-great grandfather Gramps.There the movie takes a completely different direction and alot of people in the audience got up and left ,apparently disappointed at this twist.I admit I was too but I stayed and watched and it turned out to be quite funny with Charlie trying to teach gramps to drive ,party and some of the lines by Gramps were hilarious. I liked Arye Gross as Jessie and Jonathan Stark as Charlie and esp Royal Dano as Gramps(he is a total hoot and his eyes are so sad) but what I couldnt stand was that jerk Bill Maher as a feminine stuck up twit record producer, who to me is an ass in real life too,Amy Yasbeck as a total flake playing Charlie's gal and Lar Park Lincoln as Jesse's girlfriend,she was a whining bitch ,I would have dumped all 3 of them in the trash bin. John Ratzenberger of Cheers fame also plays an electrician/adventurer who just happens to discover an aztec temple in the wall(some other dimension)-his part was typical shtick Cliff Clavin and it was funny. They must like Cheers in these movies as another Cheers Alumni(George Wendt was in the original house).

The movie basically centers around an ancient crystal skull that grants everlasting life to whoever possesses it . Jesse's great-great grandfather needs it to restore himself to normal again. Hijinks ensue with Jesse and his friend Charlie trying to keep evil creatures from taking the skull.Amusing scenes at a Halloween party ,in the prehistoric past ,in an aztec temple and with a pterodactyl baby bird add to the fun. The climax has Gramps old enemy from the past(Slim) return to life. Seems they were partners 100 or so yrs ago in the Old West and had a falling out,so now Slim wants the skull for himself and also wants to kill everyone else. Now Jesse must rescue his friends,get the skull back from Slim and save Gramps life(for without the skull he will die for good). The end is good with a spooky chase and gunfight between Slim and Jesse. Sadly Jesse cannot save Gramps who was shot by Slim and dies.Evidently there was a limit to the skulls power and Gramps realizes that hed done all he could do in this world and it was time to move on to the next life. His scene with Jesse was very sad as they both said they loved each other and how neat it was for Gramps to meet his great-great grandson.His eyes are so sad when he dies. Slim gets his just rewards in the end too, blasted in the head by Jesse and also by the local sheriff who has come to investigate a disturbance. The house catches fire and Jesse and the others escape through a door to the past. He buries Gramps and sets the skull on the grave marker somewhere in the desert and rides off with his friends to a new life in the past. This to me left the door open for a possible sequel with Jesse and his friends maybe trying to get back to the future and maybe running into Gramps in the past and a whole new adventure but it never happened and on a sad note ,Royal Dano(Gramps) passed away. I give it 7 out of 10. See you at the movies

House (1986)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
interesting premise falls flat, 15 July 2003

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

May contain spoilers. Interesting premise starts with an old lady who hangs herself in a spooky old house. That was scary to me the first time I saw it. After that it dissolves into a silly B rated horror movie played for laughs. William Katt as a novelist whos divorced and lost his son yrs ago moves into his dead grandmothers house(lady who hung herself at the beginning). He has an annoying neighbor played by George Wendt and also another Cheers regular John Ratzenberger playing some kind of explorer who has experience in other dimensions. They simply are reprising their Cheers roles and act the same way. Its like Cliff and Norm in a haunted house.Other goofy stuff with a fat witch,a skeletal vietnam vet and a closet monster add to the silly hijinks.

Simply kid stuff similar to a Don Knotts or Tim Conway movie. Busy but still stupid.


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